When a child is angry, disrespectful and hurtful with words or actions, they are hurting inside. Even as adults, when we are hurting we can easily lash out with unkind words. The question then becomes how can we address this behaviour while at the same time hold their hurt with compassion.

When our child lashes out with angry words and actions, we can be easily triggered and think they do not respect us, leaving us to react to instill authority. Our child knows they cannot overtake this parental authority and this often results in them shutting down and distancing the attachment from us. 

When we meet our child with compassion, the words we speak lets them know that we understand their needs to express their feelings. They also can be made to feel safe when we hold boundaries and still allow them to feel their feelings without hurting anyone with words or actions. Such boundaries can be you saying, "I hear you, and those words hurt, I will help you find another way to say why you're hurting, why you're angry." Or, "I will not let you hit or hurt anyone. It is important to me to know what is hurting your heart."

Compassionate words you can use:
1. You are safe with me.
2. It's okay for you to feel angry.
3. My love for you doesn't change even when you're angry.
4. I am here for you.
5. I am listening and I want to know how you feel.