As parents, we all want to believe that we provide a safe space for our teens—where they can share their thoughts, emotions, and struggles freely. We tell them, “You can talk to me about anything,” but often, the reality is different. Many teens we speak with in counselling share a common story: despite their parents' good intentions, they feel unable to truly open up at home. This feeling of being unheard or misunderstood often leads to emotional isolation, even within the family.

Teens often express that when they do try to share their feelings, they’re met with responses like, “Don’t cry, it won’t help” or “Just toughen up.” These messages unintentionally convey that their feelings are invalid or burdensome. As a result, they retreat to their rooms, suppressing their emotions, hiding their tears, and carrying their anxieties alone.

Here’s a poem that reflects what many teens wish they could express to their parents:

The Safe Space

"You can tell me anything," they say,
but feelings are for the weak.
"Crying doesn’t solve your problems," they say,
so I learn to never speak.

I retreat to my room, where silence reigns,
but inside, I’m screaming, deep.
My pillow catches every tear I hide,
so they won’t hear me weep.

I’ve learned to lock my heart away,
to smile when I feel small.
Because if I show them how I break,
they’ll say it’s nothing at all.

But my body trembles, shaking here,
in the space they say is safe.
How can I be at peace with them
when they can’t sit with my ache?

All I want is to bring my big feelings home,
to be heard, to feel less alone.
Not for quick-fix solutions or problem-solving words,
but for someone to just listen, when life hurts.

So, dear parents, let your children be,
don’t rush to make things right.
Sit with them in their darkest hours,
and hold them through the night.

The teens we meet at our Learners Wellbeing and Care Centre don’t need instant solutions or a push to feel better. What they long for is a space where they can be vulnerable, where their big feelings are met with understanding rather than dismissal. As parents, it’s important to become comfortable sitting with your child’s emotions, no matter how uncomfortable they may seem.

Instead of rushing to solve or dismiss their pain, consider these simple yet powerful steps:

1. Listen without judgment – Let them speak without interrupting or correcting their emotions.

2. Validate their feelings – Even if the emotions seem overwhelming or disproportionate, acknowledge them as real.

3. Be present – Sometimes, just being there with a comforting presence is enough.

4. Offer support, not solutions – Unless they specifically ask for advice, resist the urge to fix things right away.

Creating a truly safe space means embracing the messiness of emotions. It’s not about making everything better in an instant, but about making sure your teen feels seen, heard, and supported—just as they are.