Meeting Safety

There have been times when a member in a crisis has joined a meeting with worrisome chaos in the background. Sometimes the greatest priority is the immediate safety of the member. Especially with virtual meetings, we may have no idea where to send help, even if we could. Muting the chaos denies that member the support they need. An alternative is to use a breakout room.

The “Breakout rooms” button is in the toolbar at the bottom of the screen or in the MORE section, though it is only visible to the meeting host.

Meeting hosts should be able to open a breakout room and assign three members to that room - the member in crisis and two members willing to help. These members will each need to accept the invitation to join the breakout room. Once in the breakout room, the supporting members can listen or chat as the member in crisis needs. The supporting members can provide a non-judgmental view of the situation and help the in-crisis member decide which action best promotes personal safety - to stay or leave their location. We don’t judge or tell anyone whether to take action, but we can share our own experience.There is always the option that the member in crisis can ask the supporting members to call the authorities. However, members in crisis may not be ready to make a change.

There is a great section in the Nar-Anon Fourth Step Workbook called “Personal Safety Questions”. We can read through those questions with the member who is in crisis, increasing their awareness. Awareness, after all, is the first of the three A’s - awareness, acceptance, and action.

Another relevant reading is “Beware,” on the first page of the Progress Not Perfection Journal. That reading reminds us about the importance of personal safety for ourselves and for our families.

In summary: a breakout room can provide a place to listen and maybe talk. Reading literature can help us realize we are not alone, find safety, and contemplate change. Support can then be offered.

Scenario

A member is actively participating in a virtual Nar-Anon meeting when their addicted loved one enters the space, yelling and badgering them, disrupting the meeting. This script equips the host with steps to manage the situation while maintaining a safe, supportive environment.

Objectives

• Ensure the safety and emotional well-being of all members.

• Maintain meeting structure and adherence to Nar-Anon principles.

• Respond with empathy, neutrality, and firmness.

• Minimize disruption while supporting the affected member.

• Educating a host on the tools of a virtual platform to manage disruptions.

Script for Handling the Disruption

Step 1: Immediate Response 

• Action: If the yelling is audible, gently interrupt the meeting.

  • Example: “Excuse me, I’m going to pause for a moment to address a disruption.”

• Mute the Affected Member: Use the platform’s mute function to reduce noise if the member hasn’t muted themselves.

• Stay Calm: Speak in a neutral and soothing tone

• Private Message (if possible): Send a private chat to the affected member:

  • Example: “I’m here to support you. If you need to step away or mute, please do. Let me know how I can help.”

Step 2: Address the Group

• Reassure the Group: Acknowledge the disruption briefly to maintain transparency and safety.

  • Example: “Thank you for your patience. We’ve had a brief interruption, and I’m addressing it to keep our meeting safe and focused. Let’s take a moment to center ourselves.”

• Optional Grounding Exercise: If the group seems unsettled, lead a brief moment of silence or read a Nar-Anon opening statement to refocus.

  • Example: “Let’s take a deep breath together and read our Serenity Prayer to reconnect.”

Step 3: Support the Affected Member

• Check In Privately (if feasible): Use the platform’s private chat if accessible or create a breakout room (if available) to check on the member without exposing them to the group.

  • Example: “Are you okay? Do you need to step away, or would you like to stay muted for now? We’re here for you.”

• Offer Resources: Remind them of Nar-Anon’s support options (e.g., sponsor, helpline) if they need to process the incident later.

  • Example: “If you’d like to talk more after the meeting, you can reach out to your sponsor or our group’s contact list.”

• Respect Their Choice: Allow the member to decide whether to stay, mute, or leave the meeting.

Step 4: Manage the Disruptor (if they access the meeting)

• If the Addicted Loved One Joins the Virtual Platform:

  • Identify: Confirm they are not a Nar-Anon member (Nar-Anon is for families/friends, not addicts).

  • Remove (if necessary): Use the platform’s “remove participant” feature if they refuse to leave after a warning.

    • Example (via chat or audio): “This meeting is for Nar-Anon members only. Please respect our space, or I’ll need to remove you.”

  • Secure the Meeting: Enable a waiting room or lock the meeting to prevent re-entry.

• If the Disruption is Offline (in the member’s physical space):

  • Encourage the member to mute or step away temporarily.

  • Avoid engaging with the disruptor directly, as Nar-Anon focuses on supporting families, not intervening with addicts.

Step 5: Resume the Meeting

• Transition Smoothly: Return to the meeting agenda without dwelling on the incident.

  • Example: “Thank you all for your understanding. Let’s continue with our sharing. Who would like to go next?”

• Monitor Group Dynamics: Watch for signs of discomfort among members and address them subtly (e.g., reinforce confidentiality).

Step 6: Follow-Up

• After the Meeting:

  • Reach out to the affected member privately (via email or phone, if they’ve shared contact info) to offer support.

    • Example: “I just wanted to check in after today’s meeting. Please know you’re not alone, and we’re here to support you.”

  • Debrief with co-hosts or group leaders to discuss the incident and improve future responses.

• Self-Care for the Host: Reflect on the experience with a sponsor or trusted Nar-Anon member to process any emotional impact.

Key Principles

• Empathy: Show compassion for the member’s experience without judgment.

• Safety: Prioritize a safe, confidential space for all members.

• Boundaries: Uphold Nar-Anon’s focus on supporting families, not confronting addicts.

Additional Tips

• Practice Scenarios: Role-play disruptions during host training to build confidence.

• Co-Host Support: Assign a co-host to manage technical controls (e.g., muting, removing participants) while the primary host addresses the group.

• Emergency Protocol: If the member appears unsafe (e.g., threats of harm), encourage them to contact local authorities or a crisis hotline after the meeting, but do not intervene directly.

Sample literature from other fellowships we can review while working on this project:

Safety Card for A.A. Groups

Support website hosted by Netflix: wannatalkaboutit.com