General Admission:

• Adults (18+):
  $9.99 – Includes 5 minutes of Saiga observation time and unlimited access to the nearby bulk cereal aisle.
  (Warning: Saiga may be more interested in aisle displays than you.)

• Children (Ages 3-12):
  $4.99 – Includes one pat on the head for the Saiga (if the animal is feeling social).
  (Kids under 5 may not get within 10 feet of the Saiga due to its profound disinterest in them.)

• Seniors (65+):
  $6.99 – Includes one free sample of Costco's famous rotisserie chicken (but please don't feed it to the Saiga).

Premium Experience:

• VIP (Very Important Petter):
  $29.99 – Get front-row access to the Saiga's personal space in the cart pen. Enjoy a selfie opportunity with the Saiga if it’s within a 10-foot radius. Also includes one free "I Survived Saiga's Costco Safari" keychain.
  (Warning: The Saiga might bolt at any moment, and you'll never be reimbursed.)

• "Caffeine & Costco" Combo (Ages 18+):
  $14.99 – Includes admission to the zoo and a large iced coffee from the Costco food court. Enjoy caffeine-fueled observations while standing next to the Saiga's pen as it paces between the tire section and the pickle aisle.
  (Saiga does not interact with caffeinated humans, so don't be disappointed.)

Family Packs:

• Family of Four (2 Adults + 2 Kids):
  $29.99 – Includes a brief family portrait with inflatable flamingos (pending availability) and a $5 coupon for Costco's pizza.
  (Note: No Saiga included in family portraits unless the animal chooses to make a brief cameo.)

• Family of Eight (2 Adults + 6 Kids):
  $49.99 – Includes access to the Saiga’s personal 10-foot radius and 2 free bags of bulk pretzels.
  (If you lose a child in the bulk section, it’s your responsibility to find them. The Saiga will not help.)

Special Deals:

• "I’m Here for the Rotisserie Chicken" Discount:
  $5 off your admission when you buy a full rotisserie chicken from the Costco food court.
  (The Saiga will not be impressed, but you’ll get a 10% chance to witness it eating a vegetable from the produce section. Maybe.)

• "I’ve Seen the Saiga Escape" Package:
  Free! – If you’re lucky enough to witness the Saiga make a daring escape, you’ll get free admission to the next zoo visit. (You’ll also be given a coupon for a free 2-liter of soda, which may help you forget the trauma.)

Other Charges:

• Emergency Saiga Chase Fee:
  $15 – If the Saiga decides to dash out of the store, we may need to bring in a team of Costco employees (and maybe a few concerned customers) to help recapture it.
  (Charge applies to anyone who might be involved in the pursuit.)

• “I Just Want to Pet Something” Animal Swap Fee:
  $8.99 – If the Saiga is not available for petting, visitors may choose to interact with inflatable flamingos instead.
  (Note: Flamingos do not respond to petting, but they do look cute.)

Final Warning:

No refunds. No guarantees that the Saiga will even be in the store. No promises that it will interact with you at all. But hey, you’re getting a very unique experience, so really, it’s a deal!