Once upon a time, in a bold attempt to revolutionize the concept of animal exhibits, a local entrepreneur named Greg decided to combine two vastly different worlds: petting zoos and bulk shopping. He called it “Saiga’s Costco Safari,” and it was destined to be the most memorable petting zoo experience ever… though not for the reasons Greg had imagined.

The zoo was located smack in the middle of a Costco in a suburban shopping center. Greg had always believed that animals and the smell of industrial-sized bags of chips were a natural pairing. The idea was simple: visitors would pay an entrance fee, walk through aisles of discounted toilet paper, frozen pizzas, and oversized jars of pickles, only to find one majestic creature—the Saiga Antelope—grazing in the center of the store.

Day One: The Grand Opening

Opening day was met with much fanfare. Greg had big plans to make the experience "interactive." Children could pet the Saiga (after all, it was only one animal), and adults could enjoy the unusual juxtaposition of animal and retail. But things quickly went awry.

The Saiga, a small, endangered species native to the Eurasian steppes, was understandably confused. It had spent its life grazing on vast open plains, not wandering between pallets of discounted paper towels. To make matters worse, the creature’s distinctively large, bulbous nose—which is usually used to filter out dust and moisture in the wild—became a magnet for the aroma of processed meats and rotisserie chicken. The Saiga was not amused.

The animal refused to leave its designated pen, a cage made from stacked Costco shopping carts, and instead spent its time pacing restlessly between the tire display and the ketchup aisle, ignoring the eager children pressing their faces against the cart bars.

Day Two: Customer Confusion

By the second day, the novelty had already worn off. Shoppers who came for the usual bargains were instead confronted by the sight of a lone antelope wandering aimlessly between pallets of bulk laundry detergent. Some customers mistook the Saiga for an exotic decoration or part of some odd promotional stunt. “Is that a new type of bighorn sheep?” one confused shopper asked. Others were simply perplexed.

“Are we supposed to pet it, or… buy a 72-pack of paper towels?” another asked, visibly uncertain.

The petting zoo’s integration with Costco's business model was increasingly problematic. The animal’s needs (like space, calm, and proper vegetation) were not exactly compatible with an environment designed to handle crowds, food courts, and endless checkout lines. Some shoppers tried to approach the Saiga, but it would nervously retreat to the farthest corner of its cart-pen, adding to the tension.

Day Three: The Incident with the Rotisserie Chicken

On the third day of operations, disaster struck. A Costco employee, assigned the task of “feeding” the Saiga, mistakenly gave it a rotisserie chicken drumstick from the hot food section. The Saiga, unused to such food, sniffed it once before tossing it aside in disgust. It then decided to make a break for freedom. With a mighty charge, the Saiga knocked over a display of folding tables and sent a mountain of chicken nuggets tumbling to the floor, causing a chaotic scene.

Shoppers screamed and ducked for cover as the animal barreled down an aisle, knocking over cans of beans and narrowly missing an elderly couple with a cart full of bulk wine.

Day Four: The Great Escape

The Saiga, now a local legend, had had enough of Costco. It made its grand escape, darting out through the exit door as a crowd of curious onlookers and confused employees chased after it. It sprinted across the parking lot, narrowly avoiding a parked RV, and disappeared into a nearby strip mall parking lot, never to be seen again.

In a final twist of irony, Greg, in an attempt to salvage the failing zoo, decided to replace the Saiga with a new attraction: a herd of alpacas. However, due to an unfortunate mix-up in animal delivery, the alpacas never arrived—only a shipment of 500 inflatable flamingos. The sad, deflated birds were promptly shoved into the petting area, where they flopped lifelessly under the fluorescent lights.

Conclusion: The Legacy of “Saiga’s Costco Safari”

“Saiga’s Costco Safari” lasted exactly four days before it was shuttered by local authorities for the safety of the animal and the public. Greg learned a hard lesson: it’s never a good idea to combine bulk shopping with endangered wildlife. And, for reasons that remain unclear, the Saiga was never seen again.

As for the failed petting zoo, it remains an obscure footnote in the annals of local history—along with the brief, tragic existence of a Saiga Antelope, lost among the aisles of Costco.

The moral of the story? Some things should never be combined. Like bulk shopping and petting zoos. And, probably, Saiga Antelopes and rotisserie chicken.

What does this have to do with a zoo? I dont know