What is a pronoun?

A pronoun is a word that can take the place of a noun in a sentence. Pronouns are used when talking about someone in the third person, and can also be used to replace a person's name in a sentence.

Examples of how to use several different pronouns can be found in the table below. However, these are not the only pronouns that exist!

Some people may choose to use multiple pronouns to refer to themselves (e.g., 'he/him' and 'they/them). In this case, you can use either set of pronouns to refer to this person.

What should I do if I don't know what pronouns someone uses?

Sometimes a person will introduce themselves to you and tell you what pronouns they use. However, there are instances where this will not always be able to take place (e.g., talking about a person who you know of but have not been introduced to). If a person has not told you what pronouns they use, the only way you can know what pronouns they use is to ask them.

Never assume what pronouns a person may use. A person's appearance and/or name does not indicate the pronouns they use.

If you are unsure of what pronouns someone uses, you can refer to them in one of two ways before you are able to ask them what pronouns they use.

1. Use "they/them" pronouns. Until you are able to ask this person what their pronouns are, use "they/them" pronouns to refer to them. This ensures that they are being refered to in a gender neutral way until they are able to clarify what pronouns they use.

2. Use their name. Until you are able to ask this person what their pronouns are, use their name to refer to them.

Once the opportunity to ask someone what pronouns they use arises, you should then ask them.

How do I ask someone what pronouns they use?

It is perfectly acceptable to simply ask someone what pronouns they use! However, there are also other ways to encourage someone to share their pronouns with you.

One way you can invite someone to share their pronouns with you is by sharing your own pronouns with them:

"Hey! My name is Jules, and I use She and They pronouns. How would you like me to refer to you?"

Introducing yourself in this way will create an opening for this person to then share their own pronouns with you. It also helps create a sense of normalcy around sharing your pronouns in a more public space!

What should I do if I accidentally refer to someone with an incorrect pronoun?

The best thing you can do if you refer to someone with an incorrect pronoun is to quickly correct yourself, apologize, and then move on:

"He is such a wonderful artist. Oh, I'm sorry, I meant they are such a wonderful artist. The drawing of my cat they did is hanging up on my wall, actually!"

Do not make excuses for why you may have made this mistake or apologize excessively. This makes the situation about you, and may make the person you are speaking to or referring to feel as though they need to comfort you. In order to demonstrate that you respect and are supportive of the person who you used an incorrect pronoun for, just correct yourself and move on.

What should I do if someone else refers to someone with an incorrect pronoun?

If the person who is being referred to is present when someone else refers to them with an incorrect pronoun, allow them to correct the other person if they choose to do so. You should not correct the other person in this scenario unless the person who was misgendered has asked you to help them. There could be a chance that the person who was misgendered is not out to the person who misgendered them, and you may accidentally out them if you try to correct the person who used the incorrect pronouns.

If the person who is being referred to is NOT present when someone else refers to them with an incorrect pronoun and you know that they have shared their pronouns in all areas of their life, you can simply respond to them using the correct pronouns.

Someone else: "She's so smart, I'm so glad she has that class with me."

You: "Yeah, he really helped me out last semester when we would study together. I don't think I could have done it without his help."

Oftentimes this is enough to remind someone what pronouns they should be using for the person they are talking about. However, if someone continues to use the incorrect pronouns for someone, you can use the same technique listed above and then gently correct them.

Someone else: "She's so smart, I'm so glad she has that class with me."

You: "Yeah, he really helped me out last semester when we would study together. I don't think I could have done it without his help. Also, just so you know, Jessie uses he/him pronouns."

Works Cited:

"Pronouns: A How-To". The Diversity Center of Northeast Ohio. https://www.diversitycenterneo.org/about-us/pronouns/.