Meanest Teacher

The Meanest Teacher in the World by Fred Sour

On the first day of school, a peculiar new teacher appeared in the fourth grade at Jacksonville Elementary in Jacksonville, Oregon. He was dressed in a white, pinstriped lab coat from his goggles to his silly shoes. This bizarre teacher's nose stuck way out on his plain face, and his chin pointed at the floor like a witch's chin. His green hair hung limply down, and it looked greasy. The teacher's spindly arms and legs were so skinny that he looked like a live walking stick. He was, in fact, the ugliest teacher the students had ever beheld. This homely, repulsive teacher's name was Mr. Nomad.

When the fourth-grade class took a look at this teacher, they all groaned in utter despair. "How are we going to look at that ugly, disgusting visage all year without throwing up?" asked Alex in a quiet voice.

"Well, I'll bet he's mean, too," Apollo whispered back. "He looks remorseless." 

Mr. Nomad, the new teacher, stared at the two boys with an evil look and said in a rasping voice, "Be quiet, you nasty boys!"

"You're horrible and boorish, too," he continued maliciously.

The bell rang, and the students left the classroom with alacrity. "What are we going to do?" asked Ashley, a girl in the hapless class.

"We're going to change him," proffered Ava, another girl.

"How?" queried everyone.

"Wait!" suggested Blain. "Let's bide our time for a few days. Maybe things will get better?"

The next day, all the students arrived in class early and waited apprehensively for their teacher.

When the teacher arrived in the classroom, he glared malevolently at his 31 students. He singled out each student, called him or her by name, and said something rude to each one. "Brooks, Daphne, Cohen, sit up straight like mannerly children," he said.

"You two over there, Ej and Ezekiel, didn't your mothers ever tell you not to let your mouths hang agape?" he continued.

The nasty, ugly teacher continued to rail at the class. "Hailey, Hudson, and Indy, who did your hair today? A blender?"

"I see three lazy students," he denounced. "I bet they never do their homework. Yes, that's you, Miles, Iris, and Will!"

Mr. Nomad's eyes dared anyone to move. He pointed his finger at Lila, a timid girl, and frowned evilly. "Lilith, Lucy, Mayrany and you were giggling inanely in the hall this morning," he said meanly.

"What's wrong with that?" blurted out Isaiah and Jackson together.

"You two and your three big-mouthed friends Malcolm, McKinley, and Mia, need to learn better manners!" the teacher screeched. The five students cringed in their seats, trying to be invisible.

The teacher continued to attack every member of the poor, beleaguered class. He told Nash, Nastassia, Penelope, and Rose that they gossiped too much. He bellowed at Sage and Teddy about their casual, relaxed outfits. Then the ruthless teacher growled at Alex, Apollo, and Ashley, "Go to the board!" When they didn't move quickly enough and shuffled their feet, he yelled even more.

The day continued to be miserable. They all couldn't wait to get home to gripe to their parents. None of the children's parents, however, were sympathetic. They told their children that this teacher had a good reputation and that they would learn a lot. The children became desperate.

One day after school, they held a secret meeting in the rank, dingy basement of the school. They discussed the problem for a long time, but did not find a solution. Finally, Ava, a very shrewd student, suggested that the class become as mean as the teacher.

"Well, maybe that will change him," said Blain, not normally a vindictive person. "We can get even."

"Okay, let's try it," agreed the rest of the class. "Let's give the old clown a taste of his own medicine!"

The next day the children eagerly arrived at school ready to try out their plan. Brooks began the day by rudely speaking out the second Mr. Nomad strutted in the door. "I see you're wearing a moon suit again today," he said bravely. "I think it's not subdued enough for a teacher."

The teacher glared at the offending student and sent him to stand in a corner for the rest of the day.

After the reading textbook came out, the teacher hovered over his students to make sure that they didn't cheat. Daphne spoke up with a tremor in her voice. "It isn't polite to hang over people when they're working, you goat!"

The teacher blasted Daphne with a booming voice and immediately sent her to the principal's office.

The rest of the day continued about the same - students spoke up to complain, and the teacher chastened them. All in all, he called twenty parents, sent five kids to the principal's office, and filled every corner of his room with a pupil.

The desperate, brave students continued their onslaught for a few more days, leaving them miserable at school and grounded at home. They met again in the rank basement of the school to try a new strategy. This time Hailey, another capable student, came up with a brilliant idea that might effect a change in Mr. Nomad. "Let's kill Mr. Nomad with kindness," she suggested. "Maybe he will respond in kind."

"Naaaaah," said everybody at once, "he'll be fiendish right back in our faces because he was born mean!"

"No, he won't," argued Cohen. "I read somewhere that if you are always kind to an unmerciful person then they might change."

"It's worth an attempt," said EJ. "Does anyone have a better solution before we go any further?"

"No, our other solution only made the old boar meaner. It didn't work so well," sighed Ezekiel.

"It didn't work, except that we all got to say something nasty back to him," added Hudson.

"Yes, I'd say it backfired since he is nastier and more malevolent than ever," said Indy.

"We have to dislodge from our minds all mean thoughts," said Hailey, the pupil who came up with the "kindness" idea.

The students went home trying to think only the most amiable thoughts about Mr. Nomad. They dreamed about all the nice things they could try on their poor, misguided teacher. They banished all angry thoughts about him from their minds.

The next day, all the students arrived at school with smiles and gorgeous flowers in their hands. Before the bell rang, they put flowers on Mr. Nomad's desk, sat in their seats, and began to work. "Good morning, Mr. Nomad," they chorused as the teacher came into the room.

When Mr. Nomad gruffly asked for homework, everyone, even Iris and Isaiah, was prepared.

The rest of the day he was his usual noxious self, but the students acted as if they wore halos. They called him "Sir," and they were so quiet that they could hear the birds trilling outside. Whenever he yawped at someone, that person sweetly smiled and thanked him for his comment.

At lunch, Lila and Lucy gave Mr. Nomad a pretty lunch bag that was filled with delectable goodies. Mr. Nomad took the lunch suspiciously, but he did not eat it. He was anxious that the students tried to poison him.

After lunch, the class solemnly escorted their teacher back to the classroom.

At the end of the day, each child bowed and tip-toed up to give him a buss on his feet.

The devious children kept all this up for three whole weeks.

After one week, the teacher let McKinley and Nastassia sit in the amphitheater whenever they pleased. 

Next, Mr. Nomad actually thanked the children for their daily flowers and chocolates.

By the end of the second week, he cracked a smile - just for a second. All the students gave him a beatific smile.

One day when he was ill, each student wrote him a good-humored letter. The children blithely planned more nice things they could do. "My friend Jackson and I will clean his desk for him," said Lilith merrily.

"My friend Mayrany and I are going to greet him tomorrow morning," offered Malcolm, "and will give him a hug."

"My two friends and I will ask him to sit with us at lunch," said Mia magnanimously. "I bet Miles, Nash, and Penelope will try to steal him from us!"

The next day the teacher was better. He was the same person, except that he looked different. He still wore outmoded clothes, but his nose seemed not so pointed. He oddly hugged anything in sight. "Wow, we've really changed him!" thought all the children simultaneously. They indisputably had.

From that day on, Mr. Nomad was the most congenial teacher at Jacksonville. "My classmates and I have the best teacher ever," mused Rose several months later.

All the students did well in school that year; they learned a lot and beamed a lot at their teacher. Mr. Nomad, the teacher whom everyone had detested, had become the teacher everyone wanted to griddy with. He joined his class for lunch every day, gave them each a free iPhone, and made their lessons droll instead of boring.

At the end of the year, everyone cried and sniveled; they would miss their favorite teacher, Mr. Nomad.

Mr. Nomad, too, wept and caterwauled on the last day of school, and he begged the children to subscribe to his YouTube channel. "This is the best class I've ever had!" he wailed as he was carried out of the room by Sage, Teddy, and Will.

   When the students returned to school after summer, they stared at their new teacher Mr. Rossi with dismay, as they had heard he was the meanest teacher in the world.