Meanest Teacher

The Meanest Teacher in the World by Fred Sour

On the first day of school, a peculiar new teacher appeared in the fourth grade at Lone Pine in Medford, Oregon. He was dressed in a white, pinstriped lab coat from his goggles to his silly shoes, and he was very ugly. This bizarre teacher's nose stuck way out on his plain face, and his chin pointed at the floor like a witch's chin. His green hair hung limply down to his hunched shoulders, and it looked greasy. The teacher's spindly arms and legs were so skinny that he looked like a live walking stick. He was, in fact, the ugliest teacher the students had ever beheld. This homely, repulsive teacher's name was Mr. Nomad. 

When the fourth-grade class at Lone Pine in Medford, Oregon took a look at this teacher, they all groaned in utter despair.

"How are we going to look at that ugly, disgusting visage all year without throwing up?" asked Alex in a quiet voice.

"Well, I'll bet he's mean, too," Bodhi whispered back. "He looks remorseless."

Mr. Nomad, the new teacher, stared at the two boys with an evil look and said in a rasping voice, "Be quiet, you nasty boys! You're horrible and boorish, too," he continued maliciously.

The bell rang, and the students left the classroom with alacrity.

"What are we going to do?" asked Aleeyah, a girl in the hapless class.

"We're going to change him," proffered Siena, another girl.

"How?" queried everyone.

"Wait!" suggested Chase. "Let's bide our time for a few days. Maybe things will get better?"

The next day, all the students arrived in class early, took their seats, and waited apprehensively for their teacher. When the teacher arrived in the classroom, he glared malevolently at his 25 students. He singled out each student, called him or her by name, and said something rude to each one. 

"Easton, Cadence, Camila, sit up straight like mannerly children," he said. "You two over there, Cat and Emily, didn't your mothers ever tell you not to let your mouths hang agape?" he continued.

The nasty, ugly teacher continued to rail at the class. "Gabby, Jaxon, and Julian, who did your hair today? A blender? I see three students over there who don't look ready to work," he denounced. "I bet they never do their homework. Yes, that's you, Kam, Kinley, and Justin!"

Mr. Nomad sat down at his desk and his eyes dared anyone to move. He pointed his finger at Macy, a timid girl, and frowned evilly. "Sadie, Sawyer, Sequoia and you were giggling inanely in the hall this morning," he said meanly.

"What's wrong with that?" blurted out Ken and Luca together.

"You two and your three big-mouthed friends Miles, Abby, and Taryn, need to learn better manners!" the teacher screeched.

The five students cringed in their seats, trying to be invisible.

The teacher continued to attack every member of the poor, beleaguered class. He told Aleeyah, Alex, Abby, and Cadence that they gossiped too much. He bellowed at Bodhi and Chase to inform them that they were young men and should wear suits to school instead of sweats and t-shirts. Then the ruthless teacher growled at Camila, Cat, and Easton, "Go to the board!" When they didn't move quickly enough for him and shuffled their feet, he yelled even more.

The day continued to be miserable. The teacher shrieked. The kids cringed. They all couldn't wait to get home to gripe to their parents. None of the children's parents, however, were sympathetic. They told their children that this teacher had a good reputation and that they would learn a lot. The children became desperate.

One day after school, they held a secret meeting in the rank, dingy basement of the school. They discussed the problem for a long time, but did not find a solution. Finally, Emily, a very shrewd student, suggested that the class become as mean as the teacher.

"Well, maybe that will change him," said Gabby, not normally a vindictive person. "We can get even."

"Okay, let's try it," agreed the rest of the class with sneers on their faces. "Let's give the old clown a taste of his own medicine!"

The next day the children eagerly arrived at school ready to try out their plan. Jaxon began the day by rudely speaking out the second Mr. Nomad strutted in the door."I see you're wearing a moon suit again today," he said bravely. "I think it's not subdued enough for a teacher, and it's distracting." The teacher glared at the offending student and sent him to stand in a corner for the rest of the day.

After the Amplify reading textbook had been passed out, the teacher hovered over his students to make sure that they didn't cheat. Emily spoke up with a tremor in her voice. "It isn't polite to hang over people when they're working, you goat!" The teacher blasted Emily with a booming voice and immediately sent her to the principal's office.

The rest of the day continued about the same - students spoke up to complain, and the teacher chastened them. All in all, he called twenty parents that day, sent five kids to the principal's office, and filled every corner of his room with a pupil.

The desperate, brave students continued their onslaught for a few more days, leaving them miserable at school and grounded at home. They met again in the rank basement of the school to try a new strategy. This time Gabby, another capable student, came up with a brilliant idea that might effect a change in Mr. Nomad. "Let's kill Mr. Nomad with kindness," she suggested. "Maybe he will respond in kind."

"Naaaaah," said everybody at once, "he'll be fiendish right back in our faces because he was born mean!"

"No, he won't," argued Easton. "I read somewhere that if you are always kind to an unmerciful person like our teacher, that person might change."

"It's worth an attempt," said Jaxon. "Does anyone have a better solution before we go any further?"

"No, our other solution only made the old boar meaner. It didn't work so well," sighed Julian.

"It didn't work, except that we all got to say something nasty back to him," added Justin.

"Yes, I'd say it backfired since he is nastier and more malevolent than ever," said Kam.

"We have to dislodge from our minds all mean thoughts about him," said Gabby, the pupil who had come up with the "kindness" idea.

The students went home trying to think only the most amiable thoughts about Mr. Nomad. They dreamed about all the nice things they could try on their poor, misguided teacher. They banished all angry thoughts about him from their minds.

The next day all the students arrived at school with smiles and gorgeous flowers in their hands. Before the bell rang, they put flowers on Mr. Nomad's desk, sat in their seats, propped up their Amplify textbooks, and began to work. "Good morning, Mr. Nomad," they chorused as the teacher came into the room.

When Mr. Nomad gruffly asked for homework, everyone, even Ken and Kinley, was prepared.

The rest of the day he was his usual noxious self, but the students acted as if they wore halos. They called him "Sir," and they were so quiet that they could hear the birds trilling outside. Whenever he yawped at someone, that person smiled very sweetly and thanked him for his comment.

At lunch, Macy and Ssadie gave Mr. Nomad a pretty lunch bag that was decorated with flowers and filled with delectable goodies. Mr. Nomad took the lunch suspiciously, but he did not eat it. The students, who were anxious to see if their teacher had liked the lunch, waited for Mr. Nomad outside the teachers' lunchroom. 

After lunch, they solemnly and silently escorted their teacher back to the classroom. When the bell rang at the end of the day, each child stayed to bow to the teacher and tip-toed up to give him a buss on his feet. The devious children kept all this up for three whole weeks.

After one week, the teacher let Sawyer and Sequoia sit in the amphitheater whenever they pleased. Next, Mr. Nomad actually thanked the children for their daily flowers and chocolates.

By the end of the second week, he cracked a smile - just for a second. All the students gave him a beatific smile.

One day when he was ill, each student wrote him a good-humored letter telling him how he or she missed him.

The children blithely planned more nice things they could do.

"My friend Luca and I will clean his desk for him," said Miles merrily.

"My friend Tarynand I are going to greet him at the front of the school tomorrow morning," offered Siena, "and will give him a hug."

"My two friends and I will ask him to sit with us at lunch," said Ana magnanimously. "I bet Aleeyah, Alex, and Abby will try to steal him from us!"

The next day the teacher was better. He was the same person, except that he looked different. He still wore outmoded clothes, but his nose seemed not so pointed. His smile was radiant, and he hugged anything in sight.

"Wow, we've really changed him!" thought all the children simultaneously. They indisputably had.

From that day on, Mr. Nomad was the most congenial teacher at Lone Pine. "My classmates and I have the best teacher ever," mused Bodhi several months later.

All the students did well in school that year; they learned a lot and beamed a lot at their teacher. Mr. Nomad, the teacher whom everyone had detested, had become the teacher everyone wanted to griddy with.

He joined his class for lunch every day, gave them each a free iPhone, and made their lessons droll instead of boring.

At the end of the year, everyone cried and sniveled; they would miss their favorite teacher, Mr. Nomad.

Mr. Nomad, too, wept and caterwauled on the last day of school, and he begged the children to subscribe to his YouTube channel. "This is the best class I've ever had!" he wailed as he was carried out of the room by some of his students - Cat, Chase, Emily, Gabby, Jaxon.

When the students returned to school after summer, they stared at their new teacher, Mr. Rossi, with dismay, as they had heard he was the meanest teacher in the world.