I feel so lucky to be your Profe.
Being a college student comes with many challenges. Some of you are the first in your family to go to college. Some of you are immigrants or children of immigrants and see school as your way to have a "better life" or achieve the so-called "American Dream." Some of you have stories of teachers or counselors in your past who did not believe in you and/or made it tough for you to believe in yourself. Some of you have family members who see reading and writing as hobbies and will not understand the time you will need to spend reading and writing for your courses. Some of you may not have a space of your own in which you can focus on your schoolwork. And some of you may have other responsibilities beyond school--like part-time or even full-time jobs, or the responsibility to care for one or more of your loved ones. And the list of challenges can go on and on...
My history with education is complicated. As I shared with you in class, I was born and raised in Mexico. For those first 12 years of my life, I loved school. I always had a love for books, even if I didn't have many. I always loved to write--in fact, I would write poems or stories on the few blank pages of my uncles' old notebooks. I got good grades and I was often recognized as an outstanding student growing up. And then in the middle of 6th grade, it was time to reunite with my mother, who had come to the United States six years earlier for "a better life" for us. I left my childhood home on my 12th birthday. And then school became a place that made me feel lonely and gave me headaches from all the English I couldn't understand. It took a while before I felt differently in that space, but unfortunately, it wouldn't be the last time I felt alone or stupid in a classroom.
I know I may not share the educational experiences of every single one of you, but I want to be honest and tell you that I have struggled in the many years I've been a student--all the way to my PhD. There were so many times I was underestimated or judged. Many times where I myself could not believe I could do it. But at UCSD, it was many of my students who always gave me the push I needed to keep going. They were the ones who helped me believe in myself.
I tell you this because I think there will be times in the semester when things will get challenging for you, and I want you to know that I'm here. When a class reading challenges you or you cannot make yourself start a writing assignment, I will be here to help get you unstuck. If there is a time you do not believe in yourself, come to see me and I will do my best to remind you of your greatness. If you are having challenges beyond my course and you need support, let me help you or connect you to someone who can. I SO WANT YOU TO SUCCEED. THAT IS AT THE CORE OF MY JOB. So please, ask for help when you need it, and I'll do my best to support you.
I started this message by telling you I am lucky to be your Profe. And seriously, it's true. Being your profe brings me joy and helps give my life meaning. It makes me grow as a person, partner, mother, scholar, friend and colleague in ways that continue to surprise me. My job at MiraCosta gives my family the stability I never could have dreamed for myself growing up. I wish for you, that in your future, you are as lucky as I am. That you find a career or a path that gives you joy and that helps you provide for yourself and your loved ones. And I truly believe that being a part of PUENTE can be the start of that.
Pursuing a doctorate degree is no joke. Few people embark on this pursuit and even fewer achieve it. You might learn this semester about the U.S. Latina/o/x + Chicana/o/x Pipelines. When you begin with 100 Chicanx students in an elementary school, a little over half graduate high school. About 10 of those initial 100, will earn a Bachelor's degree. Of those 10, 3 will get a graduate degree. When you begin with 100 students, the chances of a doctoral degree do not even measure up to a full person--only .2 or 1 in 500 elementary school students will earn that doctoral degree. While I am proud to have been that 1 in 500, I became a professor, and especially a professor in the PUENTE program to change those numbers altogether.
When I knew that I would graduate, when I knew it was no longer a dream (an irony because my dissertation is a critique of the ideology of the American Dream), I sat in a JoAnn's parking lot and wrote this poem on my phone:
I write about dreams
For years now
Dreams of mi gente
Sueños también míos
And I feel so close to the end of
This dream
Of making it a reality
I can feel the weight off my back lifting
Of the anchor on my chest that used to
sink to my stomach
Disappearing
Making me light
ligerita
Como cuando era escuincla
And now I dream of other things
Of my own classroom
Of no longer being a student
But still learning
Of being la maestra
De muchas y muchos como yo
Tal vez éste sea un día optimista
Tal vez mañana me sienta diferente
But for now
I am light
And dreaming.
- Written on April 30, 2015
Con respeto y cariño,
Doctora y Profe Violeta Sánchez
Vista, CA