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Thoughts on Healing and Finding the Right Therapist

Healing from hurt or trauma is never done in a straight line. Some people want you to believe that healing is all peace and light, but in my experience, it's not that way for everyone and that is okay. 

There are infinite ways to experience healing. For some it is mostly peace and light and then for others there is rough terrain for a while until a clearing appears. Trying to heal from deep wounds of toxic behaviors, abusive relationships, and past traumas is a difficult journey. Healing is unpredictable and thus a scary step to take.

It makes sense that people would rather maintain their current unhappy and unhealthy patterns because at least it's predictable. There's safety in predictability for yourself and others around you. People enjoy your presence more when they have a sense of "knowing" what you bring to the table. When you break that cycle, you change, relationships change, your whole world changes. And that is scary.

Therapy can help provide you with the support of someone who is always on your side, rooting for you, supporting you, and providing insight that you might not be able to see on your own.  The relationship you build with your therapist should be one where you feel safe, unjudged, open, and secure to explore your thoughts, feelings, attitudes, and behaviors.

There is no one path  that works for everyone, so it is important to find a therapist who will fit you best. Finding a provider who has experience in treating your problems or seeking out a specific approach to therapy (like psychodynamic, EMDR, or cognitive behavioral) can be important but also keep in mind that feeling comfortable is equally as important. So here are a few tips when looking for a therapist for the first time:

1.  If you are using insurance, filter out which providers who are in-network or find out if you have out-of-network benefits.

2. Look for a therapist who has experience with your specific areas of growth.

3. Narrow it down to characteristics you are looking for like age, gender identity, race, etc.

4. Be flexible. Just because a therapist isn't exactly what you were looking for doesn't mean it won't be a good fit.

5. If one therapist doesn't work out, don't be afraid to look for another one. Therapists are not one size fits all and that's okay. It's most important that you feel comfortable with your therapist because that's when growing can happen.