The First Year

Parents and family members are often unsure about how to appropriately support their first-year college students. Until now, many parents were expected to make many decisions for their students. Now, parents should want to encourage their college students to solve academic and social issues independently. There may be occasions when parents feel their students are not doing enough or are not informed enough about campus resources. In the following section, we help you anticipate what to expect from your first-year student, explain major milestones of the first academic year, and outline how you may best support them in the first weeks of college.

Above all, always encourage your student to find answers on their own. If the issue is not resolved, please encourage them to go to the Center for University Advising, Room 101 Memorial Hall. Advising deans are great guides for new students. Finally, if you have questions or concerns, call the Dean of Students Office, Parent and Family Programs, at 516-463-4698 or visit us in Room 240 Mack Student Center.

Welcome Day

The day your residential student moves into their residence hall or your commuting student checks in for Welcome Week may be an emotional day, and all the frustrations may be magnified by a true milestone in your lives: Your student is leaving home and starting a new and important stage of life.

To make the separation a little easier, schedule some time to reminisce during the last days of summer: you may, for example, look through old photo albums with your student and celebrate their childhood. Tell them how proud you are of their accomplishments.

Remember there are two common student reactions on Welcome Day, and both are about the stress of the day, not about you. It is common to see students acting rudely or picking fights with their family members. This is their way of asserting new independence, starting the separation process, and acting out their anxieties. Or, students might cry, tell parents that they hate it here, and act clingy. In both cases, try to be patient, know that it will pass (usually by the end of that first evening), and stay strong for your student.

Avoid prolonged, sentimental farewells in front of roommates or fellow students. Say: “I love you. I am proud of you. You are going to be fine.” And know that you will be fine, too.

Let your student make the first phone call or send the first text. If you and your student have already agreed on the frequency of communication, the wait will be easier.

Welcome Day is the beginning of Welcome Week, a great program running through Labor Day weekend that helps students acclimate to campus. Commuting and residential students are encouraged to attend all Welcome Week events.

First Weeks

“When the going gets tough, the tough call home” (Savage, 2020). Once the initial excitement is over and the academic workload is apparent, families usually hear from their students, and even then, only if they have complaints about food, roommates, homework, instructors, or advisors. Families worry because they are usually not aware of the many happy moments their students enjoy. In most cases, your students are calling you because they need sympathy; life is harder than

before, and they need reassurance. The first question you must ask yourself is: Is this just a bad day or is it something more serious? First, listen. And then listen some more. Just by allowing them to talk and vent their frustrations, you are helping. Don’t try to solve their problems. Ask questions and express trust: “I see that this is a big problem for you. Who at Hofstra can help you?” “Have you seen your advising dean or departmental advisor and asked for help?” “I trust you can sort this out.” By finding answers themselves, students will gain confidence that they can make it on their own.

Students may sometimes misuse the flexible nature of the college curriculum. Some professors do not take attendance, so students stop attending classes. This is a big mistake. Remind your student that attendance is the first and necessary step in learning. Professors usually do not cover only what is in the textbook; they elaborate, analyze, probe, and ask for students’ input. Listening and participating in a lecture or lab are essential. Professors are always available to students for advice and mentoring. Students should schedule an office visit with each of their professors one on one early in each semester. That way, professors get to know their students, and students have a better idea if they are on the right track to successfully completing the course. Also, remind your student to visit their advising dean in the Center for University Advising before each registration period every semester.

Socially, this is an exciting and sometimes disappointing time in students’ lives. Students are faced with so many opportunities and so little time. On the other hand, some students freeze when they have to decide which group, club, or activity to join, and become withdrawn. Listen to hear if your student is overwhelmed to the point that it interferes with their normal functioning. Hofstra’s Center for Academic Excellence and Student Counseling Services are wonderful resources that can help with organizing time and making the best personal choices. Say to your student: “I see that you are still trying to figure things out. That is fine. You can always rethink your choices.”

Midsemester

Even in these days of easy electronic communication, residential students love getting mail and packages from their family. Also, students love visits from family members, but when they are announced and not too frequent. The ideal time to visit is Hofstra Fall Festival: Alumni, Student, and Family Weekend, when parents can participate in campus events with their students (hofstra.edu/fw).

Commuting Students

Commuting students sometimes have a difficult time finding their place on campus. For residential students, the physical move to campus represents a tangible rite of passage, an important milestone. Commuting students may somehow feel that going to college does not feel that important or different from high school. Families can help by granting their students greater flexibility in household responsibilities, reflecting their students’ new emerging adult status. In addition, please make a big deal out of your student attending New Student Orientation and the Welcome Week program. During those programs, commuting students will find friends and get to know what activities they can join once the semester starts. It is proven that commuting students who are involved in campus life have a higher rate of academic success than those who are not involved. Also, parents of commuting students are strongly encouraged to participate in Parent and Family Orientation; Welcome Day; Hofstra Fall Festival: Alumni, Student, and Family Weekend; and other events on campus. Your participation allows you to show by example that college is very important. Also encourage your commuting student to visit the Office of Commuting Student Services and Community Outreach located in Room 221 Mack Student Center. Visit hofstra.edu/commuting. It is a great resource center that organizes many fun events specifically for commuting students.

Home for the Holidays

Families are often surprised by the change in their students when they come home for the midsemester break, Thanksgiving, or long weekends. The first year is a time of change and growth for students, a time when they experiment, a time when they try to find their identity and place in this world. Often, they come home in clothes of a completely different style than before, or with new habits. They may declare, for example, that they have stopped eating meat and will not, under any circumstances, eat the Thanksgiving turkey and even the stuffing if it is made with animal products. Keep in mind that these changes may not be permanent. Your student is trying on different identities to eventually settle on the best fit.

Also, this may be the time when you hear about “strange” courses your students are taking. You ask yourself: “Why are they learning about hip-hop?” “What relevance could this anthropology course have for their career?” Hofstra’s rigorous liberal arts education exposes students to a wide range of subjects and fields. The aim in all courses, though, is to teach students a most important lesson: how to think and write critically. These skills, along with many others that students will gain through our broad curriculum, are invaluable in any career, since today’s workforce must be flexible and able to adapt.

You may also hear that, for example, your student, who had been planning to pursue a medical career since childhood, suddenly discovered the joys and intellectual challenges of art history and may not want to be a pre-med student any longer. Even though you have told all your relatives about your budding doctor, you must let your student make that important decision about their major. You may again ask your student questions: “What is it that attracts you to this field?” “Do you know what career opportunities exist in this field?” “Have you consulted with the Center for Career Design and Development for a career assessment session to help you decide on your major?”

A major does not automatically determine a future career. Always support your student in finding out more information about a field, but please allow them to freely express their doubts in front of you and make their own decisions.

Times You Might Worry

By the fourth week of school, your student should be talking about coursework, academic challenges, and new friends. Both commuting and residential students should be making connections on campus. If your student continues to talk exclusively about friends from home, or if the conversation is only about the social life on campus, it is time for a talk about educational goals again. Ask your student about their academic plans: Have they seen their academic advisor? Are they attending classes? Also, repeat those questions at the beginning of the spring semester. Please urge them to visit the Center for University Advising in Room 101 Memorial Hall or call 516-463-6770. The earlier problems are noticed, the easier it is to correct them.

If you see a dramatic change in your student’s mood for a prolonged period of time, please encourage them to visit Student Counseling Services. Located in Hofstra’s Wellness and Campus Living Center on North Campus, Student Counseling Services may be reached at 516-463-2273. The experienced staff is there to help students who are having difficulty managing emotional, behavioral, and/or academic goals. The counselors maintain strict confidentiality but will always accept a parent call with your input.

If you suspect any emergency related to a medical, psychological, or safety situation, please call (or ask your student to call) Public Safety at 516-463-6789. In addition, let P Parent and Family Programs in the Dean of Students Office know if there is a situation at home that might affect your student. If we know of an illness, death, divorce, or crisis, we can offer your student additional support. However, be sure to tell your student that you called us. When we are on the same team and don’t hide anything, students are more open to our help.

If you are not sure whether to worry, contact the Dean of Students Office at 516-463-4698 or email parents@hofstra.edu, and we will help you sort it out.

Adjustment for Parents

This may be the first time you and your student have lived apart. It is all right to feel anxious and disoriented. Allow yourself time to adjust. Adjusting to the “empty nest” may be difficult, especially in the first week or two, even if you still have other children at home. Feeling a sense of loss is natural. Don’t let needless worry take over. You may not believe it in the beginning, but it will get better. This is a great opportunity for you to grow and change along with your student. You may find yourself with extra time to spend with your partner, travel, or participate in activities long-planned but put aside. Celebrate your new freedom and your student’s independence. In time, you will learn how to relate to your student in a different way, still be involved positively in their life, and know when their calls warrant your action. If you would like to read more about transition, look for these books:

Froh, Jeffrey, & Bono, Giacomo. 2014. Making Grateful Kids: The Science of Building Character. Templeton Press.

Hazard, Laurie L., & Carter, Stephanie K. 2016. Your Freshman is Off to College: A Month-by-Month Guide to the First Year. CreateSpace Independent Publishing.

Hefferman, Lisa, & Harrington, Mary Dell. 2019. Grown and Flown, How to Support Your Teen, Stay Close as a Family, and Raise Independent Adults. Flatiron Books.

Kami, Gilmour. 2017. Release My Grip: Hope for a Parent’s Heart as Kids Leave the Nest and Learn to Fly. Group Publishing, Inc.

Morris, Marcia. 2018. The Campus Cure: A Parent’s Guide to Mental Health and Wellness for College Students. Rowman & Littlefield.

Petree, Chelsea et al. 2022. College Ready 2022: Expert Advice for Parents to Simplify the College Transition. Wise Action.

Savage, Marjorie. 2020. You’re on Your Own (But I’m Here If You Need Me): Mentoring Your Child During the College Years. Fireside.

During your student’s time at Hofstra, get involved in campus life by visiting, attending various seminars or lectures, volunteering at events, and/or writing articles for our parent blog. To learn about events, services, and deadlines, subscribe to our monthly e-newsletter, Family Link, at hofstra.edu/familylink. You, parents and families, are also members of the Hofstra Pride!

First-Year Tips for Parents

Be an anchor.

Listen to your student carefully and with an open mind.
Try to curb your anxieties. Don’t give advice when your worries take over.
Ask open-ended questions. Discuss important topics such as alcohol and drug abuse as well as how to prevent sexual violence. Bringing up current events may help facilitate these important discussions.
Keep conversations positive and avoid small arguments.
Encourage your student to speak with faculty and staff; we are here to help..
Share stories from home and news from your family; don’t just interrogate your student.
Keep in touch; email, write, and send care packages.
Visit, but not too often. Announce your visits.
Keep your student informed of major changes at home.
You know your student best. Make a move when you feel something is truly amiss. Call Parent and Family Programs at 516-463-4698.

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