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Why Feeling Grief is Healthy & Important

Heather Rafanello, MSW, LCSW @GrowingMindsetTherapy 

Grief is an inevitable part of our human experience, it’s our natural response to loss. It’s our body’s way of saying “hey, that thing you lost, it mattered, and we cared deeply about it.” Whether we’re grieving the death of a loved one, the loss of a career, the end of a friendship, or our hopes and expectations, it’s something that we all face from time to time. 

The thing with grief, is that we often stop ourselves from experiencing it by jumping into a secondary emotional state. This means that instead of feeling our grief, we instead tend to be self-critical, or judge ourselves for being ‘too dramatic’ or ‘overly sensitive.’ 

Grief stirs up uncomfortable and icky physical feelings for many including sadness, anxiety, fear, and more. Although these emotions cause us discomfort, and even distress, I’m here to tell you that it’s important that we feel our way through them. Feeling our way through grief allows us to release the emotional energy that is connected to the loss that we are experiencing. The more we care, the more we care. What I mean by that is the bigger our love is, or the higher our hopes were, the more intensely we might experience the ‘negative’ emotions. 

The truth is, everyone’s experience with grief will look different, and that’s absolutely okay. There are so many factors that impact our grief: the suddenness, the level of impact, emotional proximity, and more. 

Grief might look like: 

• Anger

• Irritability

• Difficulty concentrating

• Indifference, numbness, or apathy

• Increased fatigue, or inability to sleep

• Changes in appetite

• Loss of interest 

• Sense of loneliness

• Intense sadness or crying spells

There is no timeline for grief, it will likely ebb and flow. Sometimes we have a tendency to judge ourselves harshly for re experiencing grief after a period of time. Grief can be triggered by memories, anniversaries, seasons of life, and more. It’s important to have compassion for ourselves when this happens, and try to reframe our perception of grief. Rather than being judgemental, or critical, try to remember that your grief is a reminder of how much you care. 

Our team is available to help you work through your grief. People are often told ‘time heals all wounds’ and while that might be true in some instances, time actually won’t heal us, but it will distance us from the event, therefore lessening the intensity of our emotions. Here are some ways that we recommend you can practice intentional and healthy grieving: 

• Keep a journal

• Surround yourself with support (reminder, not everyone who loves us can support us in the ways that we need it)

• Talk about your grief with loved ones, support groups, or professional counselors

• Set aside some alone time each day, give yourself what you need

• Join a support group

• Check in with yourself, and provide yourself with what you need (gentle movement, take a bath, read a good book, spend time in nature, etc.)

• Pay attention to you sleeping and eating habits 

• Acknowledge and celebrate your victories

• Try and practice gratitude, when it feels authentic

Active grieving requires balance in various areas, including: time spent dealing with grief, time surrounded with loved ones, time seeking support, time managing and returning to everyday life. 

In short, healthy grieving might take place in the following steps, although as previously mentioned, each person’s experience and timeline will look different:

1. Acceptance that the loss is real and final (oof, this is a tough one!)

2. Acknowledge the wide range of emotions that are stirred up from the loss

3. Releasing, saying goodbye, or seeking closure from the loss

4. Adjusting to life after the loss: ‘the new normal’

Grief is a natural emotion, and while loss is an unfortunate part of our experience, it is inevitable. Work to approach your grief with love and care, practice self-compassion, seek support, and always keep growing.

DISCLAIMER: This article is not intended to treat, or diagnose and medical conditions, nor is it a replacement for mental health or medical treatment. If you or someone you know is in need of clinical support, our team is able to provide therapy services to those in NJ and FL. Contact us to learn more. If you or someone you know is in need of immediate support please contact emergency services. U.S. Mental health crisis line: dial 988 ; medical emergency dial 911

Sources: 

https://www.washington.edu/counseling/resources-for-students/healthy-grieving/

https://www.everydayhealth.com/emotional-health/grief/healthy-grieving/