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Social Comparison - It’s a trap!
Heather Rafanello MSW, LCSW @GrowingMindsetTherapy
Chances are that at some point in your life you’ve compared yourself to someone else. The chances of this are even higher if you have any form of social media. By the way, in no means is this article here to convince you to get rid of your social media, because it’s a powerful tool that has allowed people to reconnect or stay connected to one another, access services + support, build relationships, + so much more (when used properly). Heck, a lot of my business marketing takes place on social media, and who hasn’t checked out a restaurant's food pics before making a res?
As helpful as this tool can be, it should also come with a disclaimer for the impact that it can have on one’s mental health. As much as social media can fuel connection, it can also drive feelings of isolation, comparison, and disconnection too.
Humans are innately social creatures, from the moment of birth we require connection for survival, while our caregivers also look to their communities for social and emotional support ultimately creating a chain of connection (and that’s only the beginning). These connections foster growth, provide outlets for support + encouragement, and allow people to learn from one another.
Learning is a critical part of life, we are constantly learning so much from one another. Teachers, role models, and peers are all people that we can compare ourselves to as a way to measure success, or lack thereof. Comparison, from an evolutionary perspective, is actually a critically important part of the human experience allowing us to measure success, and areas for growth. It’s an efficient tool that allows us to see what has been done before, and to determine whether or not it’s worth mimicking that behavior. Additionally, comparison can serve as a motivating factor: ‘they have something that I want, so “I’m going to work for it.’
The challenge with comparison, social media, and so many other things is when it becomes imbalanced. We are spending more and more time on social media, where people tend to post their best selves, their accomplishments, and fun things which often sparks comparison, and then our negative self-talk. “Wow, look at their beautiful vacation. I wish I could afford that.” or “Wow, look at that influencer's body, mine looks nothing like that.” “Look how happy they are in their relationship, they do the coolest things, while we lay here on the couch.”
If this resonates with you, you’re not alone. Here are some tips to try to combat your negative self-talk:
Ground yourself in reality: Create an affirmation or statement to remind yourself that social media is not reality. “People post the good, but they don’t post the bad.” “Reels are not real.” or something of the sort.
Ask yourself if these thoughts are based on fact or feeling: Are your emotions and insecurities distorting your reality? Or do you aspire to have what someone else has?
Decode your negative self-talk: Is your inner voice trying to motivate you? Sometimes our thoughts come across harsh, but maybe there’s a hidden message in there. For example, “He’s always on the go, I’m just too lazy.” might be translated to “I admire his sense of adventure, I should incorporate more adventure into my life.”
Set boundaries: Limit your social media use for a while. Follow people who have a similar lifestyle to you, or post about things that you admire and can achieve.
Compare yourself to everyone, not just someone: I know this sounds silly, but hear me out. If you’re constantly comparing yourself to a few people, maybe try to ‘zoom out’ and broaden your scope. These one or two people don’t represent the larger population, so seeing a variety of people’s content might help ground you.
Seek out similarities: Try to intentionally pay attention to the similarities that you might have with this person. Perhaps similar things motivate you, or maybe you share similar values. Try to balance out the differences with some similarities, even if they feel small.
Remember, it’s not helpful to be too hard on yourself, this comparison is a natural human experience + it’s function is to motivate us. If nothing else, notice it + try to decode it.
Ready to take the next step, and start unlearning these negative thought patterns? Our team is available + ready to support you!
DISCLAIMER: This article is not intended to treat, or diagnose and medical conditions, nor is it a replacement for mental health or medical treatment. If you or someone you know is in need of clinical support, our team is able to provide therapy services to those in NJ and FL. Contact us to learn more. If you or someone you know is in need of immediate support please contact emergency services. U.S. Mental health crisis line: dial 988 ; medical emergency dial 911