Blogs
Green Flags for Therapists
Heather Rafanello, MSW, LCSW @GrowingMindsetTherapy
You feel connected to them
I often use the analogy of the student, teacher relationship, or athlete and coach. Relationships thrive when two people are able to connect, and work well together. Just because a relationship isn’t cohesive doesn’t mean that either party is ‘bad’ or flawed, it just means that the two are different. It’s important that clients feel some level of connection with their therapist in order to build trust, and create a safe space for healing. It’s okay if you don’t like everything about your therapist, but safety and connection can be important.
They are not judgmental or critical
As a therapist, it is our job to be non-judgmental, and to help our clients show themselves that same compassion and grace. It is not our place to tell you what you should do, or should have done, and it’s certainly not appropriate to place any criticism. We are trained to tease out our personal feelings and show up in this space as baggage free as possible.
They’re honest about their areas of expertise
Some therapists practice as general practitioners, while others work with a niche group of clients, or have specializations or certifications. It’s important that your therapist is honest about their areas of expertise. We too are human, and can’t know everything there is to know about absolutely everything. If I have been working with a client for some time, and they present a goal or challenge that is out of my scope of knowledge, I am honest with them about my ability to support their needs.
They keep you accountable
Sometimes things arise in therapy that we don’t want to hear, this can be especially true in couples therapy, and family therapy. One of the things that I find the most challenging is telling people what they don’t want to hear. I’ve learned in my years as a therapist that while the human side of me doesn’t want to upset anyone, it doesn’t do me or my clients any justice to dance around potential issues or concerns. Sometimes I might have to tell you things that you don’t want to hear, but I certainly do my best to do so in a gentle, and non confrontational manner.
They focus on impact, not nitty gritty details
When clients come to therapy, they are often doing some level of story telling, providing details about recent situations or triggers. As a therapist, it is my job to support my clients to dig down to the roots of the problem. More often than not, if we can learn to pull these pesky weeds out from the root, we can avoid similar problems in the future. For example, if I am getting angry, and complaining to my partner about their tendency to not take out the trash, or clean up after themselves I’m actually missing the opportunity to communicate my deeper feelings, which might include feeling slighted, not feeling heard, or respected. These deeper feelings are important for us to understand, and communicate.
They establish + communicate boundaries
Many clients come to therapy for support in setting and maintaining boundaries. Therapists wear many hats, including teachers, and role models. One way that we can support our clients in doing their own healing is to model and clearly communicate the boundaries that exist in our therapeutic relationship. Clients should be clear about their responsibilities in therapy, and therapists should clearly provide information to clients on what is and is not appropriate in this relationship, how to handle various situations, and what to expect from treatment.
They validate your feelings
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Emotions are called feelings, because we have to feel them. As a therapist, I promise to always tell you the hard truths, but I also promise to validate your emotions. Our feelings are simply teachers, here to highlight or make us aware of something. One of my favorite things about being a therapist is helping people to learn and connect more with their feelings. Emotions can be uncomfortable, but over time I’ve learned that they’re my little buddies, protectors, and pals.
What are some other green flags for therapists? We’d love to hear what you think, you can tag us on social @GrowingMindsetTherapy
DISCLAIMER: This article is not intended to treat, or diagnose and medical conditions, nor is it a replacement for mental health or medical treatment. If you or someone you know is in need of clinical support, our team is able to provide therapy services to those in NJ and FL. Contact us to learn more. If you or someone you know is in need of immediate support please contact emergency services. U.S. Mental health crisis line: dial 988 ; medical emergency dial 911