Blogs

Emotional Regulation & Inner Child Healing

Heather Rafanello, MSW, LCSW @GrowingMindsetTherapy

Emotional regulation is a state of homeostasis. In this state, people are feeling calm, at peace, connected to their environment. Emotional dysregulation occurs when a trigger (internal, or external) emotionally activates us leading to a wide range of intense emotions. In this state, we’re feeling imbalanced. 

There are 2 types of Emotional Dysregulation

• hyper-arousal: fight or flight

• hypo-arousal: freeze or fawn

What does emotional dysregulation look like?

• Being hyper-aroused can look like: 

  • Anxiety

  • Overwhelmed

  • Feeling chaotic

  • Emotional outburst

  • Anger

  • Rigidness

  • Impulsivity 

  • and more

• Hypo-arousal looks like: 

  • Dissociation

  • Shutting down

  • Memory loss

  • Autopilot

  • Lack of emotions

  • and more

As a mental health professional, my belief is that inner child healing, nervous system regulation, emotional regulation, these are all different ways to describe similar work. Your nervous system is a fierce protector, and while it might be a well-intended function of our body, it lacks the ability to truly know whether or not we are in danger. 

Emotional dysregulation is sympathetic nervous system arousal. In order to regulate our emotions, we want to do things that soothe our nervous system, or our scared, emotional inner child if you will. 

To learn how to regulate your nervous system, it helps to understand the things that trigger dysregulation, but more than that it’s important to understand what dysregulation looks and feels like for you on an individual level. What are the clues, or things that happen when you’re feeling emotionally activated, emotionally dysregulated, or triggered?

Next, you can reflect on how these emotions impact your energy. For example, emotions such as excitement, anxiety, anger, often increase our energy, they truly are activators. Emotions such as sadness, boredom, etc. are often heavy, or energetically draining. 

Last, considering all of the above, reflect on ways that you can practice more soothing behaviors during these times of activation or dysregulation. In these moments, I encourage my clients to simply focus on regulating their nervous system, calming their inner child, and in doing that you’ll be able to help your body return to a place of homeostasis, where your problem solving skills will return, your logic and rational thought will return. 

There’s so much that you can learn from reflecting on your triggers, and learning to honor and navigate your emotions. Working with a mental health therapist can help you learn to regulate your nervous system and practice self-soothing. Our team is here to help you learn ways to coach and ground yourself during life’s rainstorms. 

If you’re interested in learning more, contact us for a therapy appointment. We also have a powerful workbook on Emotional Regulation tools that we’re happy to send to you, just email us!

DISCLAIMER: This article is not intended to treat, or diagnose and medical conditions, nor is it a replacement for mental health or medical treatment. If you or someone you know is in need of clinical support, our team is able to provide therapy services to those in NJ and FL. Contact us to learn more. If you or someone you know is in need of immediate support please contact emergency services. U.S. Mental health crisis line: dial 988 ; medical emergency dial 911