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Deepening Relationships during the season of Love
Heather Rafanello, MSW, LCSW @GrowingMindsetTherapy
Humans were created to be social beings, so it’s essential to have a support system and community of some kind. The truth is that it’s not always the number of connections, but the quality of those relationships that matters. What does it really mean to connect, or deepen relationships? Great Q, let’s discuss more!
Deepening a relationship requires several steps, but it ultimately starts with communication, and respect. There can be no deep connection without mutual agreement and commitment.
Deepening relationships takes time. Think of this as a marathon, pacing is important. Here are some tips, in no particular order, for deepening a connection:
Commit: Understand the level of commitment this relationship requires, and make sure that each person feels comfortable making. It’s imperative that both parties are honest with their level of commitment to ensure mutual respect and balance.
Balance does not actually mean a 50/50 split. Balance can be a sliding scale, and is best as a fluid system that flows as a person’s needs to change (which can be day to day).
Be real: show up as yourself. Embrace the beautiful soul that you have, and be your real true self. This requires bravery, vulnerability, and courage but it unlocks authentic connections.
Listen to others: In order to actually form a connection, people need to feel heard and understood. Connecting on an emotional level requires listening, but deeper than that it’s about truly hearing the feelings that another person is expressing. Active listening further requires communicating understanding and taking action towards a resolution.
Show up for yourself first: think of a champagne tower, people cannot pour into another's cup if theirs is not already full or overflowing. Understand or be aware of boundaries, stress, and burnout because these will significantly impact a person’s ability to show up for others. People think that boundaries are selfish walls that a person puts up to create distance, but the reality is that boundaries allow for healthy and fulfilling relationships. While it can be an uncomfortable discussion, talking openly about boundaries can be really impactful, you’re not the only one who has needs so establishing them in any relationship can be truly helpful.
Face challenges together: Collaborate, lean on one another, work together. Hold onto the fact that you two (whether life partners, colleagues, siblings, friends, etc.) are a team. *This also requires trust, which might be a prerequisite step for this one.
Apologize: Part of this collaboration requires taking responsibility when appropriate. This is hard for so many, but to ensure a balanced relationship, it’s essential to know when and how to apologize. Unpopular opinion but “I’m sorry you feel that way” is not an apology. A person can be responsible for parts of a situation without having to accept blame. Blame is an outwardly pointed response, often leading to feelings of guilt and shame, while responsibility allows a person to acknowledge their part in a situation and work to move forward.
Focus on the present moment: This is referred to as relational mindfulness, which is intentionally sharing a space with another person, and being aware of the moments being shared. This also includes pausing before reacting, recognizing when big emotions are surfacing, and being thoughtful in your reaction. Being mindful allows people to share experiences together and really share time and space. These intentional actions make it almost impossible to not foster a deeper connection.
A final tip, share when you’re thinking about someone - a quick message or call takes just a few moments but can make a world of difference. Deepening connections is a multifaceted process, so take it one step at a time. Lean on your teammate, whoever they are. Have honest conversations - often doing something uncomfortable in the present moment allows for tremendous growth in the future.
Be you. Love you. Show up.
DISCLAIMER: This article is not intended to treat, or diagnose and medical conditions, nor is it a replacement for mental health or medical treatment. If you or someone you know is in need of clinical support, our team is able to provide therapy services to those in NJ and FL. Contact us to learn more. If you or someone you know is in need of immediate support please contact emergency services. U.S. Mental health crisis line: dial 988 ; medical emergency dial 911