In earlier times it was “easy” to tell who was what, a boy or a girl, and vice versa. But in more recent times- especially in the past 20 years, the lines have blurred for some, yet ironically become more clear to others. Unlike the media sometimes leads us to believe, this isn’t an ‘Us vs Them’ situation where we have to act with hostility towards new ideas, nor do we have to ridicule others for how they choose to identify.  While it might have been easier to identify a person’s gender before, you must remember that just because things have gotten more complex (as is the nature of the world), it does not mean that the concepts of kindness, acceptance, and respect have become more complicated. 

Gender is a spectrum. 

So, as I write this, sitting pensively at 3 am on an early Monday morning just before dawn, trying to explain to a wide variety of readers, some well-versed in gender issues and some not, how gender and our view of it has changed beyond basic labeling, I wonder how best to simplify a topic that some find so confounding. So, let's start from the beginning, and trace the rainbow back to its origin. America in the 1970s was a world in which hard and firm boundaries were placed upon gender, and gender roles. Whichever biological sex was listed on an individual’s birth certificate was also their gender. Period.  Today’s America is more open-minded and more accommodating toward people’s individual differences, allowing for freedom of expression. If an individual does not find themself fitting that hard struck gender- label assigned with sex at birth, they can change it to match however they feel on the inside. Some people question: Why? Why is it that some just don’t identify with the sex and gender with which they were born? Similarly, why do they feel the need to change genders if they’re still going to be the same person  anyway?

Well, firstly, people change their gender identity so that they feel at home inside their own skin.  Once they’ve changed their gender, they’re not the same person they were; they have transcended their invisible bindings, and fully accepted themselves as they are, instead of who they thought they should be.  From birth, for the sake of simplicity people are assigned two things: names and genders based on biological sex, and they have no control over them because a baby cannot choose these things for itself. As people grow older though, they start gaining more independence and can choose things for themselves. As individuals, we are making hundreds of choices every day. We choose our own clothes, our haircuts, our friends, our snacks, our favorite bands and colors. Some people chose to go by nicknames rather than their given name, and how did they figure these things out? They experimented and found what they liked and then stuck to it because it felt genuine.  Of course, styles evolve over the years, and so do people, adapting and modifying to make themselves happier and more comfortable versions of themselves..And so, people exploring their gender are doing the same exact thing, exploring beyond the bounds established at birth to find what they like and prefer, but it's even deeper than trying on different styles of jeans. At times, people feel a general uncomfortability in their own bodies; their bodies don’t look like how they’d prefer. Maybe the body does not have the flatness and the hard edges of a naturally born (cisgender) male, or it doesn’t have the soft feminine features of a (cisgender) female. This goes beyond feeling unattractive; this is gender dysphoria. A lot of transgender folks suffer from this condition, at best, a general discomfort of their own bodies, and at worst an overwhelming disgust about how their body looks because it forces them to be seen as a foreigner.  Sometimes, all people need is to be recognized on the outside as the person, and gender, they feel like on the inside.

Additionally, many people suffer from gender dysmorphia in secret. They may feel tremendous discomfort when others use the wrong pronouns, or even when people use their birth name instead of the new name they have christened themselves with. Some people suffer in silence because they have not yet “come out” as transgender, non-binary, or gender fluid, so their new identity is also secret. Others suffer because some people adamantly refuse to recognize the new identity.  This combined with the traditional idea that there are only two genders leads a lot of trans people to resign themselves to hiding or accepting rather than telling or correcting others about their identity. They don't feel safe, and when a majority of places are not trans-friendly, one cannot blame them.

Amsterdam High School is a diverse community.  You may be wondering how you can help make everyone feel comfortable and welcome. Here are some easy pointers to help you become a true ally:

1. Discretion Not Exposure: If you are wondering if someone is trans or exploring their gender, it’s always best to ask discreetly and not near large crowds. If you are curious, always try and find out in a small and quiet space, and if someone is uncomfortable with answering, that’s perfectly okay! Remember, they don't owe you an answer nor an explanation.

2. Create a Safe Space: If a person asks to be called a specific name or set of pronouns, try and use them! Don't worry if you slip up and use their old name and pronouns, they won't get upset as long as you put in an effort. Also, and this is a biggie, try not to be insulting if you get a pronoun incorrect and are reminded. (ex: “HE, she, they, IT…pfffft! How can I be expected to get them all right!?!?”)

3. Listen: This is the most important thing you can do, just be open to listening. It’s okay to be confused or unsure, but as long as you genuinely want to improve upon your understanding, it's alright. Most trans folk would appreciate you asking questions to be able to accommodate them rather than you assuming things at random! 

These three simple tips can go a long way.  Remember, you don’t have to understand to act respectfully, or to be a nice person. Gender as we know it is a lot more diverse than it was years ago, but as a species and society we improve and evolve, so don’t be afraid of trans women or men or folk when you meet them. They’re people just like you!