GETTING STARTED

“Connection!” Game: Today, we are going to play a game to figure out some ways we are alike and some ways we are different. The game is called Connection! and this is how it works. I will choose a topic, like favorite foods, and you will all have the chance to tell me YOUR favorite food. I’ll begin, and when I say my favorite food "tacos," if you like tacos too, raise both hands in the air and say, “Connection!”

If you do not like that food, you do not say, “Yuck!” or “NO WAY, I don’t like that!” You simply keep your hands in your lap and wait for the next person to share their favorite food. Maybe you’ll connect with them!

At the end of the game ask students the following:

• What were some foods we all agreed on?

• Is there anyone who liked all of the foods mentioned?

Most of us probably had at least one time where we did not like the favorite food of someone else, and that is completely fine! It’s important to know that we may agree on many things and that can be fun, but it is also okay to have things that only you like!

Many things make us the same, and many things make us different, so sometimes we may disagree about something. Even when we disagree, though, we can still respect the other person. Thank you to all who demonstrated this today when you sat quietly, even if someone else said a food that you do not like. Today, we will begin talking about disagreements and how we can still get along with each other even when we do disagree.

DISCUSSION

Explain that you will be introducing what conflict is and ways to resolve it.

Define Conflict. Conflict is a disagreement or an argument between two or more people or between groups of people. Everyone experiences conflict throughout their lives because we are different people with different ideas. When we experience conflict, we may feel angry, embarrassed, sad, or nervous. Since conflict may make us feel bad, it is important that we learn ways to recognize and resolve conflicts we may experience.

Raise your hand if you think you’ve ever experienced conflict before.

Recognizing Conflict. You may recognize conflict when someone has done something that upsets you like your friend taking the ball you planned to play with on the playground. If this has happened to you, you may have felt like you wanted the ball instead and didn’t want your friend to get to play with it.

It is important to consider how our friend would feel in this case. They would probably feel the same way as you- that they want to play with the ball instead. This disagreement with your friend may make you both feel angry or sad. Fortunately, there are ways to resolve this conflict where both you and your friend can be happy together!

What is something you could do to in this situation so both you and your friend are happy?

Allow time for a few responses.

Some things you could do is take turns with the ball, let your friend play with the ball while you do something else, play with the ball together, or decide that you will play with the ball tomorrow instead.

Continue by reading the scenarios and ask students to identify whether or not this is a conflict.

Sanford Harmony Scenario Cards (Click to access the link.)

For Conflict 1 and 2: Yes, this is a conflict. How can we tell?

We know it is a conflict because the two people in the picture are not feeling the same way right now and are disagreeing about what they want to happen. This conflict, like other conflicts can have a solution. We can find a way for both people to be happy. What are some ways we could do this? Allow for a few responses. Add the following as an example of a non-conflict:

• Sherie and her cousin are taking turns on a new video game. She plays for 15 minutes and then so does he.

For Non-Conflict: This is not a conflict. Sherie and her cousin are both happy because they are able to both play the game. Doing things like sharing and taking turns can help us keep some conflicts from ever happening. Raise your hand if you ever share or take turns with someone! We will talk more about ways to prevent and resolve conflict next time!

WRAP IT UP

• What is the first thing you do when you’re having a problem with someone else?

• Why is it important for people to share their feelings?

Everyone’s feelings and ideas are important; it helps us figure out the problem and think of different solutions or ways we can work things out.

GETTING STARTED

We spoke during our last lesson about how conflict makes us feel, and it is not good. When we feel sad, angry, or embarrassed, we can take action to feel better. One thing we can do is called “3 Things.” Let’s do it together.

Close your eyes and take a slow, deep breath in and hold it for three seconds, and then let it out slowly. Let’s do this two more times. Now, since our eyes are closed, we cannot see anything. We can still hear though. Think about what you can hear right now. You hear my voice, and what else? Do not share it out loud, this is just for us to think in our minds. Try to find three things you can hear. If you cannot find three, that is okay. Just focus on what you CAN hear. Think for a moment about what you feel. Try to make sure you keep taking slow, deep breaths as you do this. You can feel your shirt on your shoulders. Maybe you can feel the floor with your feet. Maybe you can feel your hair tickle your ear. Find three things you can feel. Now let’s think of what we can smell. Let’s all think for a moment about anything we can smell. Can you smell food in your house? Flowers? Your dog? Try to find three things you can smell.

Now, you can open your eyes. This is something you can do if you are feeling upset about something. If you are in a classroom, you can do this more quickly by finding only one thing you hear, feel, and smell instead of three. Thank you for taking this time to relax with me. We are now ready for our lesson!

DISCUSSION

Review important concepts from Lesson 1.

Reading and Discussion: Go to Sanford Harmony’s Grade 1-2, 4.2 Solving Problems exercise “The Ball Situation.” This short story covers students identifying and resolving a conflict on the playground. Be sure to read and discuss the before, during, and after reading questions.

Ask: What does it mean to compromise?

GUIDED PRACTICE

Class Pizza: Let’s pretend we are going to get a huge pizza to share together, but we have to agree on the toppings.

If every one of us just wants pepperoni and cheese pizza, is there a conflict?

Thumbs up if you think yes, thumbs down if you think no.

If this was the case, there would not be a conflict because we all agree.

If half of us want sausage and half of us want pepperoni, is there a conflict?

Thumbs up for yes and down for no.

What may be a possible solution?

Allow for responses.

We could order a pizza with one half pepperoni and the other sausage. What are some other ideas?

WRAP IT UP

Because we are all special, we have different thoughts and ideas. Sometimes these differences cause us to disagree or argue, and we call this conflict. Other people’s thoughts, ideas, and feelings are as important as our own. It is important that we know conflict when we see it, and that we work to end it because conflict makes people feel bad.

Brain Breaks, Breathing, Mindfulness Activities

Balancing on one foot: Ask each student to stand and balance on one foot. As they are balancing, ask them to focus on one particular thing straight ahead of them. Ask them to really study what they are looking at in detail. Pay attention to your breathing, breathing deep and slow each time and holding for three seconds before breathing out. How long do you think you could stand on one foot? Let’s try the other and do the same thing.

Watch Cosmic Kids Be the Pond (5:35) on YouTube for a calming visual mindfulness exercise.

Listen to Mindfulness Song for Kids (3:02) on YouTube for a calming auditory mindfulness exercise.

Classroom Resources

Five Strategies to Help Kids Resolve Conflict

Conflict resolution skills play an important role in healthy relationship development, such as friendships. A child who doesn’t know how to verbalize their feelings, manage their emotions, or handle conflict may struggle to develop and maintain friendships. This article provides five strategies to help kids resolve conflict with their peers.

Teaching Children to Resolve Conflict Respectfully

Childhood conflict is an opportunity to instill positive, respectful ways to resolving disagreements at a young age. Key strategies for this include teaching children to identify and control their emotions as well as interpret the emotions of others. This article provides tips for a consistent approach for adults who are teaching these crucial social skills to children.

Teach Kids Conflict Resolution Skills

This step-by-step outline for teaching children conflict resolutions skills is created and used by an elementary school counselor. The outline builds on basic skills, such as understanding feelings. This article also provides ideas for extended learning including hands-on activities relating to these social skills.

Ten Tactics for Dealing with Tantrums in the Classroom

Conflicts in the classroom sometimes result in a tantrum, but your actions as an educator can make a significant difference in the outcome. This article give ten tactics to utilize before, during, and after a tantrum in your class.

Forty-Nine Phrases to Calm an Anxious Child

Conflicts often result in anxiety in a child. These simple phrases can be used by adults to help children identify and manage anxious feelings.

GETTING STARTED

Use breathing, mindfulness or brain break activities to empower children to increase resilience, focus, and calmness as you get started with the lesson.

Ear and Nose Switch

We are going to do a little exercise today to get our bodies and brains ready to learn! Let’s do this following:

1. Stand up.

2. Take your right hand and grab your left ear. Keep your right arm close to your body.

3. Now take your left hand and touch your nose.

4. Uncross your arms and move your left hand to your right ear and your right hand to your nose.

5. Switch back and forth as fast as you can.

For a short video demonstration on this exercise, go to Ear and Nose Switch.

DISCUSSION

Explain that you will be introducing what conflict is and ways to resolve it.

Define Conflict. Conflict is a disagreement or an argument between two or more people or between groups of people. Everyone experiences conflict throughout their lives because we are different people with different ideas.

Ask students the following questions:

When we experience conflict, what are some feelings we may experience?

Are any of these feelings good?

It is important that we learn ways to recognize and resolve conflicts we may experience so we can get along happily with each other. You will continue to use conflict resolution skills into adulthood, including with your family, friends, and coworkers.

Recognizing Conflict. Without using names, give me some examples of disagreements or conflicts you’ve experienced.

Allow for a few responses. And then proceed with the following questions:

• When this conflict happened, were you upset?

• Was the other person upset?

• Were you able to find a solution? If you didn’t find a solution, what was the end result?

• Does anyone else have a suggestion for a solution to this unresolved conflict?

Fortunately, there are ways to resolve conflicts so that those involved can get along and move on. Sometimes, experiencing conflict can even bring us closer to others. We will talk more about ways to resolve conflict in Lesson 2.

Since we are all different, we often react to conflict in different ways. Knowing how we handle conflict and how to work with others who handle it differently is the first step to finding solutions! This is the focus of our lesson today.

Show students the Animals of Conflict worksheet from Sanford Harmony-Grades 5-6-Lesson 4.1.

There are three different approaches to conflict that we will cover today. The first is the Conflict Avoider, represented by the turtle. If a turtle sees something that scares it, the turtle may hide in its shell. Similar to the turtle, a Conflict Avoider may hide from or avoid conflicts. Review the other characteristics of a Conflict Avoider.

The second approach to conflict is the Solution Finder, represented by the owl. People often use owls as symbols for wisdom and thoughtfulness. A solution finder tries to think of ways to solve the problem while considering the thoughts and feelings of everyone. Review the other characteristics of a Solution Finder.

The third approach to conflict is the Conflict Controller, represented by the shark. We sometimes think of sharks as being forceful. A Conflict Controller may take control of the situation to try to win. Review the other characteristics of a Conflict Controller.

Practice recognizing different approaches to conflict by reviewing some examples and comparing these behaviors to our Animals of Conflict sheet.

Example 1: Makiya is looking for the Family iPad and realizes that her sister, Hannah, is using it. Makiya runs up to Hannah, takes the iPad from her, and yells, “You are ALWAYS using this when I want to use it!”

Which characteristics did Makiya show? Which conflict approach did Makiya use?

Example 2: Jason is looking for his jacket to go to recess. He sees a similar one hanging up, and he realizes that Tim is wearing his. Jason decides to just wear the one hanging up and let Tim wear his on the playground.

Which characteristics did Jason show? Which conflict approach did Jason use?

Example 3: Melissa is having a sleepover with some friends. Two of her friends want to watch a movie, and the other two want to play a game. Melissa suggests they play a game while her mom makes some snacks, and then they can watch the movie while they eat the snacks after the game. Everyone agrees that sounds like a good plan.

Which characteristics did Melissa show? Which conflict approach did Melissa use?

WRAP IT UP

Today we discussed conflict and the different styles that people may use in response to conflict. Knowing this can help us to learn more about strategies of communication during conflict.

If you are planning to use Lesson 2, we’ll learn more about our own conflict styles and will discuss which style may be the best to use to solve conflicts.

GETTING STARTED

Use breathing, mindfulness or brain break activities to empower children to increase resilience, focus, and calmness as you get started with the lesson.

3 Things

We know that when we all experience conflict, we may also experience feelings such as anger or sadness. These are not good feelings, so it’s important that we try to take action to feel better. One thing we can do to calm down is the “3 Things” exercise.

Let’s try it together now. Close your eyes and take a slow, deep breath in and hold it for three seconds, and then let it out slowly. Let’s do this two more times. Now, since our eyes are closed, we cannot see anything. We can still hear though. Think about what you can hear right now. You hear my voice, and what else? Do not share it out loud, this is just for us to think in our minds. Try to find three things you can hear. If you cannot find three, that is okay. Just focus on what you CAN hear.

Think for a moment about what you feel. Try to make sure you keep taking slow, deep breaths as you do this. You can feel your shirt on your shoulders. Maybe you can feel the floor with your feet. Maybe you can feel your hair tickle your ear. Find three things you can feel.

Now let’s think of what we can smell. Can you smell food? Flowers? Perfume? Try to find three things you can smell. Now, you can open your eyes.

This is something you can do if you are ever feeling upset about something.

You may do this more quickly by finding only one thing you hear, feel, and smell instead of three. Thank students for taking this time to relax and practice calming down.

DISCUSSION

Prior to this lesson, review and be sure to have the link pulled up on another tab on your browser so the reading story is ready to go when you share your screen with students.

Conflict Style Questionnaire: We will now discover our own conflict styles. I will give you all 10 minutes to complete your worksheet. There are no right or wrong answers, and we will not share our answers with each other. This is simply for us to know how we personally usually respond to conflict so that we can recognize the best strategies for us moving forward.

Examining Different Conflict Styles: Now that you have an idea of which conflict style you have, we are going to examine how these different styles may result in different outcomes. The following examples are from Sanford Harmony’s Name That Conflict Style activity.

Example 1: Joanne comes up with a great idea for a group project. When the teacher approaches the group, Chris quickly announces Joanne’s idea but acts like it is his own. There is a conflict here, so let’s find a solution. What is the goal? One goal is that Joanne needs to confront Chris about him claiming her ideas as his own. How might Joanne handle this conflict is her style is Conflict Avoider? Solution Finder? Conflict Controller? Which style do you think is Joanne’s best option for finding a solution to the conflict?

Example 2: Simon’s class is taking a Science test and the teacher steps out of the room for a minute. During this time, Felix asks Simon for one of the answers. There is a conflict here, so let’s find a solution. What is the goal here? One goal is that Simon tells Felix he’s not going to help him on his test. How might Simon handle this conflict if his style is Conflict Avoider? Solution Finder? Conflict Controller? Which style do you think is Simon’s best option for finding a solution to the conflict?

Solution Finder: Sometimes it may seem easier to walk away from a conflict or to get angry about the conflict. These options may make us feel like we can stop the conflict quickly. However, when we react this way it often leaves us, and possibly others, feeling bad.

When we try the Owl style of approaching conflict, one where we work together to find a solution is that is most fair and respectful, we are more likely to be happy. No matter what your natural style of approaching conflict is, we can all learn to work together to learn to recognize, address, and resolve conflicts in respectful ways.

GUIDED PRACTICE

Class Pizza

Use the Class Pizza activity to continue practicing effective ways to resolve conflicts.

Let’s pretend we are going to get a huge pizza to share together, but we have to agree on the toppings.

If every one of us just wants pepperoni and cheese pizza, is there a conflict?

Thumbs up if you think yes, thumbs down if you think no.

If this was the case, there would not be a conflict because we all agree.

But what if half of us want sausage and half of us want pepperoni, is there a conflict?

Thumbs up for yes and down for no.

If someone avoids this conflict, then they may be left with pizza they do not like.

If they try to control the conflict to win what they wants, then others may be left with pizza they do not like.

Can we find a possible solution? Allow for responses.

We could order a pizza with one half pepperoni and the other sausage.

What are some other ideas? What if we all want different toppings?

EXTENDING THE LESSON

Read “A Tale of Two Beasts” by Fiona Roberton: Who was the “beast” in this story? How do we know? Did the girl and the animal feel the same way about the girl taking it home? Why do you think so?

You can also watch a recording of the story here.

Read “I Wish I Were a Butterfly” by James Howe. Discuss differing perspectives. What is the perspective of the cricket? What about the butterfly? Could they learn from each other and be happier if they shared their perspectives with each other?

You can also watch a recording of the story here.

WRAP IT UP

Review.

We are all unique and have different ideas, feelings, and opinions. This is a good thing! Sometimes these differences cause us to disagree or argue, and we call this conflict. Other people’s thoughts, ideas, and feelings are as important as our own.

It is important that we know conflict when we see it, and that we work to end it because conflict makes people feel bad. We will have to work through conflict our entire lives. For this reason, it is important that we learn to recognize it, stop avoiding it, and react to it in a respectful way.

Brain Breaks, Breathing, Mindfulness Activities

Yoga Poses

• “I am wise.”

Owl Pose: Drop your knees to the ground and come down to rest upright on your heels. Then pretend to be a wise owl perched on a tree. Twist your upper body one way and then the other.

• “I am kind.”

Tree Pose: Stand on one leg, bend your knee, place the sole of your foot on the opposite inner thigh, and balance. Sway like a tree. Think of trees being kind by offering shade, creating oxygen, and providing homes to animals.

• “I am brave.”

Chair Pose: Stand tall with your feet hip-width apart, bend your knees, and keep a straight spine. Hold your hands out in front of you, pretending to grasp ski poles as you fly down a ski run like a brave and fearless skier.

Watch Peace Out Guided Relaxation for Kids: Balloon (6:22) on YouTube for a guided breathing exercise.

Five Strategies to Help Kids Resolve Conflict

Conflict resolution skills play an important role in healthy relationship development, such as friendships. A child who doesn’t know how to verbalize their feelings, manage their emotions, or handle conflict may struggle to develop and maintain friendships. This article provides five strategies to help kids resolve conflict with their peers.

Teaching Children to Resolve Conflict Respectfully

Childhood conflict is an opportunity to instill positive, respectful ways to resolving disagreements at a young age. Key strategies for this include teaching children to identify and control their emotions as well as interpret the emotions of others. This article provides tips for a consistent approach for adults who are teaching these crucial social skills to children.

Teach Kids Conflict Resolution Skills

This step-by-step outline for teaching children conflict resolutions skills is created and used by an elementary school counselor. The outline builds on basic skills, such as understanding feelings. This article also provides ideas for extended learning including hands-on activities relating to these social skills.

Ten Tactics for Dealing with Tantrums in the Classroom

Conflicts in the classroom sometimes result in a tantrum, but your actions as an educator can make a significant difference in the outcome. This article give ten tactics to utilize before, during, and after a tantrum in your class.

Forty-Nine Phrases to Calm an Anxious Child

Conflicts often result in anxiety in a child. These simple phrases can be used by adults to help children identify and manage anxious feelings.