Nurture in East Lothian - Schools - 5. All behaviour is communication

5. All behaviour is communication

All behaviour is communication

What is this behaviour telling me?
Connect and Redirect
Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity and Empathy
Regulate, Relate, then Reason

What is this behaviour telling me?

All behaviour is communication is a key message within our schools. We should not forget this and should apply it to everyone in our school community - staff and parents included. When presented with a clear behavioural response we should take a step back, depersonalise it and ask ‘What is this telling me?' Confusion and concern are to be expected and can subsequently lead to anxiety and related behaviours. We need to recognise this and talk about it.

Connect and Redirect

Re-establishing relationships and routines may be tricky. When children and young people express big emotions we need to listen first, and then repeat back how they are feeling using empathetic non-verbal communication. This will help them to feel heard and become calmer. Once calm you can then redirect them to reflect and problem solve - 'Connect and Redirect' (Siegel & Bryson, 2012). You can support children and young people to express these feelings in different ways. This notion is further extended by the PACE framework below.

Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity, Empathy

We all communicate something through our behaviour during every moment in every day, even if we are not aware of it. Dan Hughes' PACE (2012) gives us a framework to think about how we interact and communicate with children and young people.

Playfulness

Use humour and jokes to deflect, de-escalate and redirect situations. Funny repetitive games at the start of each session can help to regulate the group and create a sense of predictability.

Body language: cheeky grin! wide open mouth! sitting forward in surprise!

Verbal language: "hey!", "gotcha!", giggling, varying tone of voice

Acceptance

Be non-judgemental, accept people from where they are at. Again, naming what you see can help. ‘I can see you are looking worried’, ‘It must be hard not being at home today’.

Body language: arms open, feet firmly on the floor, taking a step back with surrender arms

Verbal language: "help me to understand...", "I've just realised...", "let me see if I have this right..."

Curiosity

Don’t assume! Ask when you are not sure and if they seem unsure you could ‘wonder aloud’ and see if this elicits a response/ thought, ‘I think you are feeling a bit scared?’

Body language: arms open, feet firmly on the floor (not crossed), leaning in, a gaze that really shows listening

Verbal language: "I'm wondering...", "what if...", "you don't think...?", "I can see that..."

Empathy

Different from sympathy. Do not say that you know how they feel. Step into the child or young person’s shoes. Ask them what is going on. Let them share their thoughts, feelings and experiences. Be there for them.

Body language: interested and alert posture, tears in eyes (if authentic), face expressive of emotion mirroring young person's experience.

Verbal language: "I imagine that was..", "no wonder...", "I never realised..."

Regulate, Relate, then Reason

When people have experienced trauma, bereavement, loss and change they require opportunities and support to help them regulate. Bruce Perry’s Regulate, Relate then, Reason sequence suggests you need to firstly activate the lower part of the brain with relevant activities e.g. rhythmic exercises, breathing, music. When the child or young person feels safer and more able to relate to others we can then think about learning (reasoning).

Hand breathing (Karen Treisman)

This video from Karen Treisman introduces a brief breathing exercise called 'hand breathing'. Have a go!

Brainstem Calmers (Beacon House)

This link from Beacon House provides a range of ideas to help calm children from high-anxiety states through rhythmic, repetitive activities

References and further information:

Bomber, L. M. (2020). Know me to teach me: differentiated discipline for those recovering from adverse childhood experiences. London: Worth Publishing.

Hughes, D. A. & Baylin, J. (2012). Brain-based parenting: the neuroscience of caregiving for health attachment. London: Norton.

Siegel, D. J. & Bryson, T. P. (2012). The whole-brain child: 12 proven strategies to nurture your child's developing mind. London: Robinson.

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