4. Language is a vital means of communication
Language is a vital means of communication
Help children and young people put their feelings into words
Give them ways of asking for help
Help them to manage their emotions
Think carefully about your own words and actions
Language of listening
Ways of helping you to have difficult conversations with children and young people
Talking with children and young people about war and acts of terrorism
Help children and young people put their feelings into words
Encourage children and young people to tune in to their thoughts and feelings. Teach them the vocabulary of emotion. Support them to match the way they are feeling with the related vocabulary e.g. emotion boards / displays. Invite them to discuss situations that have led to specific behaviours, and support them to label these emotions. Reflecting on how other people react or feel in different situations (externalising) can help learners think about their own feelings. For younger learners, Inside Out is a great example of emotional literacy. For older learners, superhero films can be just as powerful. Choose films, clips, books and stories that are engaging and age appropriate. Support them to think about the characters' journeys, struggles and conflicts, strengths and weaknesses, their unrealised potential...do they have experiences that relate to these characters?
'Name it to Tame it'
Supporting children and young people to name their emotions is called 'Name it to Tame It' (Siegel & Bryson, 2012).
Wondering aloud
When a child or young person is unable to put into words what they are thinking or feeling, you can employ the technique of ‘Wondering Aloud’ (Bomber, 2011) which is a type of emotional scaffolding ‘ which involves noticing how the young person might be feeling and describing it out loud e.g. "I was thinking that you are looking confused by all the new faces and I am wondering if this is making you feel worried?"
Wondering aloud in this way is modelling language that young people can use to explain their thoughts and feelings.
Give them ways of asking for help
Provide children and young people with different ways of accessing support with emotions e.g. a social story, a card they can show to an adult when they need a break, a coded word that can be agreed upon in advance, or pastoral support.
Social Stories
A social story is a short description of a particular situation, event or activity, and includes specific information about what to expect in that situation and why.
Social Stories supports the safe and meaningful exchange of information between parents, professionals, and people with autism of all ages.
Social stories can support the person with the predictability or desirability of a social situation, to support positive encouragement and reduce anxiety.
For further information about social stories please visit the websites below:
What Is A Social Story? - Carol Gray - Social Stories (carolgraysocialstories.com)
Social stories and comic strip conversations (autism.org.uk)
Help them to manage their emotions
Hope and optimism can create behavioural shifts when groups are responding to threat and challenge (Cooperrider & Stavros, 2008). Talk about previous difficulties and challenges that have been overcome, individually and collectively. Discuss what helped and how it was tackled. Talk about the strengths there are within the community. However…remember not all children and young people want to talk. They may prefer to express and process through doing, sharing and playing. Offer creative and experiential ways for them to express themselves e.g. art, music and drama.
Think carefully about your own words and actions
Many children and young people experience worry and anxiety. We need to provide reassurance and safety through explicit messages that will help them to be held in mind, much as you would do with a younger child e.g. ‘I’ve missed all our jokes.’, ’I thought about you when I saw …. on TV’. Think carefully about your words and actions.
Watch this video of Karen Treisman reminding us that 'every interaction can be an intervention'.
How to talk about care experience
How we talk about care experience matters. The video below shows a group of care experienced young people explaining how the language used by the people around them makes them feel.
summary-table.pdfSome useful prompts for language that should be used when talking about care experience. To read the full report please click on this link: Each and Every Child: How to Talk about Care Experience in Scotland Report
Language of listening
Listening to, and making sense of what is heard from children and families should be embedded into all practices and processes that engage with children and families to ensure their voices are heard and they are involved in every decision that affects them.
Listening is one of the fundamental parts of The Promise 21-24 Plan which states
"Organisations that have responsibilities towards care experienced children and families, and those on the edge of care will be able to demonstrate that they are embedding what they have heard from children and families into the work that they are doing to keep the promise."
Documents to gather the views of children and young people as part of the GIRFEC planning process can be found here.
Ways of helping you to have difficult conversations with children and young people
There are ways to talk to children and young people about something that is upsetting to talk about, without having to explicitly talk about it.
The Beacon House document provides some simple and safe questions that can help children and young people talk with the adults around them about upsetting things. This can help children and young people by providing a space for them to talk about the thing they are upset about in a safe, curious and non-shaming way.
Image or information courtesy of Beacon House Therapeutic Services & Trauma Team | 2021 | www.beaconhouse.org.uk
Simple-safe-questions.pdfTalking with children and young people about war and acts of terrorism
With news of the war in Ukraine dominating headlines, many children and young people will have been exposed to information about the conflict.
Some strategies for talking to children and young people about War:
Keep calm. Check in with yourself first, because when you are anxious children notice this. So take time to calm down before trying to talk to them if needed.
Talk to children. It might be difficult to talk to children about things that might frighten them. But not talking about something can make children even more scared.
Answer questions. Answer their questions in language they will understand and information that is appropriate for their age. You don't need to have all the answers, tell the child you will let them know when you know.
Create a safe environment. Children need to feel safe and secure.
Reassure them. Tell them you understand how they are feeling and reassure them that they are safe.
Help children to express themselves. If they are unable to talk about their thoughts, they can express this through play or other creative means.
References and further information:
Barnardo's - Talking to Children about War How to talk to Children about War (barnardos.ie)
Bomber, L. M. (2011). What about me? inclusive strategies to support pupils with attachment difficulties make it through the school day. London: Worth Publishing.
Cooperrider, D.L. & Stavros, J.M. (2008). Appreciative enquiry handbook: for leaders of change. London: Barrett-Koehler Publishers.
Siegel, D. J. & Bryson, T. P. (2012). The whole-brain child: 12 proven strategies to nurture your child's developing mind. London: Robinson.