Ask Blair!
Ask Blair is an advice column run by a GPHS student under the alias of Blair. Its purpose is to provide advice to students in search of it. Keep in mind that your responses will most likely be in the next issue of The Scroll.
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To our scroll readers
To our scroll readers
This year we launched the advice column Ask Blair! Everything is 100% anonymous, including my own identity. Though I go by Blair for the purpose of the column, I wouldn’t be surprised if many of you know me outside of The Scroll. I’m a student at GPHS, just like all of you. My goal for the column is to reach out to you guys and do what I can to help you during your times of trouble. Don’t be afraid to send in questions for next month’s issue, and I look forward to writing for you guys in the months to come. Scroll to the bottom to enter your own questions for Blair.
*Editor's Note: The Scroll's Ask Blair! Column is to solely provide advice, care, and support to students in need. We want to hear from you, and we understand that some of the topics that will be discussed will be emotional and sometimes distressing, but this advice column is not meant to be used as an alternative to any sort of professional therapy or counseling.
Thank you ❤
Ask Blair! - March issue question & advice responses
Ask Blair! - March issue question & advice responses
*Quick Note: Huge apology to everyone who sent in questions during our March issue! I know a lot of these issues were time sensitive, so I hope these can still help you in some way. Thank you for your patience!
*Quick Note: Huge apology to everyone who sent in questions during our March issue! I know a lot of these issues were time sensitive, so I hope these can still help you in some way. Thank you for your patience!
"What are fun things to do during the Coronavirus break?"
Ah, the question everyone seems to be asking these days. Don’t worry, my friend, I’ve got your back! I’d recommend doing something creative! Write something, draw a picture, learn a song, anything! Use the free time to strengthen your creative brain! It doesn’t have to be good, just have fun and pour your heart into it. If that’s not what you’re interested in, try some Internet trends! The rest of the world is stuck in the same dilemma as we are, and lots of people have tried to solve the boredom problem in fun, interesting ways. Make dalgona coffee (it’s stronger than it looks, go heavy on the milk and sweetener), learn a TikTok dance (or a K-Pop dance; they’re easier than they look), make a DIY mask, or experiment with a new makeup look. Also, remember your friends are bored, too. Don’t be shy to talk to people you haven’t spoken to in a while, or video chat the people you miss the most. We’re in this together!
"What do I do if I think someone likes me that I don't like back?"
This is definitely a tough position to be in, and I totally feel you, but the most important thing to remember is that you are your own person and you live for yourself, not anyone else. Don’t be afraid to say no if they ask you out. Of course, let them down easy, but you don’t have to feel obligated to do anything if you’re not interested. I’d recommend saying something along the lines of, “I’m flattered, but I don’t think that would work out,” or “That’s really sweet, but I just don’t like you that way.” If it’s a friend, you may want to let them know that you still want to hang out as buddies, but nothing more. If it’s not someone you’re necessarily close to, you don’t have to shut them out completely, but if you’re uncomfortable being friends, don’t go out of your way to talk to them. Remember, they’re probably more nervous to talk to you than you are to them, so if you don’t initiate anything beyond that, I doubt they will try to force anything. If they’re really stubborn and try to ask you out or flatter you after you turn them down, stop letting them down easy and just tell them no. You don’t have to be rude, exactly, but make it clear you’re not interested. Most importantly, don’t feel bad! It’s your life, and you live it for yourself. Above all else, just be honest! Even if they don't ask you out, if they make you uncomfortable, say something! I wish you luck, my friend. I hope everything turns out well for you. :)
"Hi Blair. First semester was going great for me, but I find over time it's really hard to keep that motivation. Now, come second semester, I find myself losing motivation to keep up with all my school work. Any advice for how I can keep motivated?"
Man, of every question I’ve ever received, this is the one I relate to the most. I swear, I could’ve ghost-written this. I’ve been struggling with this myself, and with the new distance learning system in place, it can be difficult to adjust if you were already having a hard time to begin with. The best thing you can do is ask for help. I’m in a lot of group chats for classes I’m taking, where we talk about upcoming assignments and ask questions to other students rather than going directly to a teacher. This kind of support will make you more confident in your understanding of assignments and such, and will make work a lot easier, so I’d definitely recommend getting touch with classmates! Another thing that motivates me is supplies! When I do work on paper or take notes, I use brightly-colored pens and highlighters and color code things. I’ve been told that this is a “girly” thing, but I know a lot of guys who do it, too, and they all say it helps keep you engaged and focused. When the work is aesthetically pleasing, you’ll feel a lot more motivated to see the end result, and working becomes a lot more satisfying. I totally get where you’re coming from, and the most important thing to remember is to take care of yourself. As the school year goes on, especially if you’re taking a lot of advanced or AP classes, it can be hard to put the same energy into anything that you did at the beginning, so remember to get enough sleep and take breaks as you work to stretch, rest your eyes, and have a snack. Even if you’re at home all day, get dressed, brush your teeth, wash your face, and do whatever you usually do in the morning, and you’ll feel more focused and awake throughout the day. I hope this helps and wish you luck!
"I lost my best friends in an argument, and now I feel extremely alone. I've tried making other friends, but it seems hopeless, I still want the others back. What should I do?"
I’m really sorry. I totally get how you’re feeling. Of course, I don’t have all the details of the incident, but I hope I can help you with what I know. Since it was an argument, then I guarantee your friends felt hurt by something you did or said, and the first step is to identify what this was. Even if you think you did nothing wrong, put yourself in their shoes. Could you have overstepped a boundary, or inadvertently hurt their feelings? Give them some time to cool off (assuming this happened recently), and then be the bigger person and apologize. Even if you don’t feel really sorry, I promise you that telling them that is only going to spark another disagreement, so your best bet is to let your guard down, and maybe even give up a little bit of your pride. You have to show them that you want nothing more than to earn their trust back. If you feel it’s necessary, find a way to make it up to them. Once you’ve apologized and you have their attention, now is the time to explain your side of the story. Don’t victimize yourself, but try to make them understand why you did whatever it was that you did, and if they feel you are truly, sincerely apologetic, they may even apologize to you for anything they may have done wrong. On another note, you have to also understand that, even if it’s the longest relationship you’ve ever had, that doesn’t mean it will last forever. If things don’t work out, repeatedly pursuing them when they’ve made it clear they’re not interested in rekindling your friendship will only make things worse. Maybe, in time, you will come back to each other naturally, but if nothing works, you may have to just put the relationship to rest until it comes back together on its own. It’s perfectly healthy for long-time friends to grow apart, and while I know you said you’ve had a hard time making other friends, don’t shy away from new opportunities as you see them. If you weren’t meant to last the test of time, then it may be better to move on than to force something to work. There will always be someone out there that you’re meant to find, I promise, and even if you feel helpless now, things will look up! Whichever path you choose to take, I wish you nothing but the best!
"I really like my best friend, but they are in a relationship. The relationship that they are in is really toxic. It's a very complicated situation and I don't know what to do."
I’m stuck in a very similar situation right now, and I one hundred percent get where you’re coming from! The best thing to do is to be there for your friend. Don’t make them choose between you and their significant other unless you absolutely have to. If they’re in this toxic relationship, there’s a chance they feel there is no way out, or maybe they don’t realize they’re in a toxic relationship yet, and losing you will only make it worse for them. If you know it’s toxic and they’re refusing to leave someone, you need to get it into their head that this person is bad news. I know, you’re probably thinking, “I’ve tried that!” Try some more. If they try to push you away, hold on to them. Don’t let them lose you. Tell them exactly how you feel, every day, every time you talk to them, until they get it into their head. Be harsh if you have to. Get all their friends to pitch in. Tell them you love them and want only the best for them, but that you won’t just let it rest like this. If you really love your friend, you’ll stop at nothing to help them. Be the person to comfort them when they get hurt, but remind them that this won’t stop until they dump whoever it is. I’m afraid there’s not much else you can do beyond that. At the end of the day, they’re still their own person, and there’s a chance they may listen to their S/O over you, and you have to understand that it’s not your fault if it doesn’t work out. Do everything you can, but if nothing works, don’t blame yourself. Just don’t give up on them! Be there no matter what when they need you until they realize who is really on their side. Good luck, and I hope your friend gets the help she needs!
"What do I do if I have 2 girlfriends that don't know about each other? I like them both and don't want to hurt either one and I treat them both equally the same and I really love them both. Please help. I just don't want to hurt anybody."
Here’s the hard part about this situation: I hate to break it to you, but the most important thing to understand is that you got yourself into this mess, and it’s your job to get yourself out. I know you think loving both of them makes this okay, but cheating is never okay, ever. I will give you whatever advice I can, but I need to preface this by saying that you’re the one in the wrong, and if things don’t work out in your favor, don’t blame the girls. Now, let’s see about helping the situation. BE, and I cannot stress this enough, HONEST. Your best bet is to tell them separately, but you need to tell them. It’s unfair to keep this from them. Be sincere. Tell them you’re sorry and you love them, but don’t be upset with them if they don’t forgive you. DO NOT VICTIMIZE YOURSELF. You are not the victim, they are. Don’t try to make them pity you. That’s just manipulative. If both of your girlfriends are on board, maybe polyamory or an open/non-exclusive relationship is the answer, and that’s a totally viable option, but the chances of both girls being interested in something like that is slim. It’s also very unlikely they will both forgive you, and even if they do, they most likely won’t want you seeing another girl at the same time. If anything between you and either girl is to continue, you will most likely have to choose, and you need to prepare yourself for that. You also need to prepare yourself for neither of them forgiving you, because that’s incredibly likely. They will probably be mad, but if you give them time to cool down, they might give you another chance, but again, you will most likely have to choose between them if this happens. Don’t chase after them; let them decide for themselves if they want to forgive you. Give them space and time. Don’t push them or force them to make up their mind immediately, and again, don’t be too upset with them if they don’t want to forgive you. Put their happiness before your own. I know you don’t want to hurt them, but they will most likely be hurt no matter what you do, and you’re the only person at fault with that. Good luck, and (pardon my cheesiness) may the odds be ever in your favor.
"How can you become a peer tutor?"
Right now is a pretty difficult time to be doing something like that, so your best bet is to wait until next year before you do anything. When the time comes, try talking to your counselor. As a member of The Scroll, I happen to know Mrs. Tyrrell is looking for some English tutors for her freshman, so you could also go directly to her if that’s something you would be interested in. Good luck! :)
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