Making Sense of Feelings

A Word About Feelings

When I teach students about feelings, I do not use the words good and bad to describe them.  All feelings are OK.  However, I do teach that some feelings are comfortable and we usually like to have them, such as happiness, excitement, curious and calm.  Other feelings are uncomfortable, and we usually don't like them to hang around too long, such as anger, sadness and worry.  We all need to learn that it is normal and expected to have all kinds of feelings.  In society, we get a lot of messages about how to be happier; there are books on it, documentaries on it and "experts" who claim they can tell you how to be happier in 5 easy steps!  We all need to remember that all of us have good reasons sometimes to be sad, mad, worried and even depressed.  What I hope to teach is that we need to acknowlege those uncomfortable feelings, figure out where they are coming from, what is feeding them, and then do the work of making some hard changes.  We may need help to do that.  Our students will experience all these feelings, and instead of trying to take away the uncomfortable ones, we can teach students how to feel them but not fear them.  Coping with uncomfortable feelings is a skill that can and should be taught.  Easier said than done because it is often our first instinct to rescue someone, especially a child, having uncomfortable feelings.  We should be there for our young students, but as they grow, we can model and teach them that they have some power and control to manage their big feelings too.

Watch this video with your child/children to start making friends with ALL your feelings: Coping Skills for Kids 

EXCELLENT: Watch Adam Grant's Advice for Raising Resilient Kids to hear strategies that we can all do more!

Feelings and Empathy

An important factor in learning about feelings, is empathy.  The best way to teach empathy, is to build your child's, and your own, awareness of others and what's going on around them.  By being aware of others' experiences, we can identify their emotions, their struggles and their joys.  We can't create connections without awareness and empathy.  

Listen to this TED talk to hear more: How Do You Teach Empathy 

 Feelings in your Brain and your Body

When you have an emotion (or feeling), your brain has thoughts and your body has sensations, or physical feelings.

In District 105, we use a curriculum called, The Zones of Regulation®, created by Leah Kuypers of Think Social Publishing, Inc®.  This program uses a specific color system to connect emotions, physical cues in the body and cognitive and behavioral strategies for regulating those feelings/emotions.  For more information, please click on the link below:

Creating A ZONES Check-In at Home® - Create a system for everyone to identify and share their emotions at home.

 Your Mindset

How you see and think about the world around you, can affect how you act and respond to situations and challenges.

It is OK to feel mad, sad, worried and overwhelmed - all those uncomfortable feelings.  However, if we let those feelings take over, they will limit our ability to cope, problem solve and keep friends.  Doing things that are hard or new can make us uncomfortable, but if we decide we can be uncomfortable and still do what we need to do, then we are using a GROWTH mindset, and we will see good results!  

Click here to watch a short video on Growth Mindset 

It is important however, to remember that practicing can make us better, but that doesn't mean we will be the best.  WE DON'T NEED TO BE THE BEST TO BE HAPPY.  For kids in school, they are often being asked to do hard things that they also aren't necessarily interested in.  We need to help kids remember, that just because it is hard, that doesn't mean you can't do it.  Remember, you don't have to be the best!  For students, that means they just need to do what is expected of them, with help when needed, and not give up.  As adults, we need to praise children for their efforts, and not for the good grade, the trophy or the prize. Once we are out of school, we get to make more choices about what we do, what we practice or how we spend our time - so it becomes easier.   

Check out this 5 minute video on growth mindset: Developing a Growth Mindset

or watch this cartoon short about the power of a growth mindset: Soar!