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Remember to Click on the D105 SEL link on my Home Page to see a list of social-emotional wellness activities for all grade levels
ZONES of Regulation®
ZONES of Regulation®
In District 105, we use a curriculum called, The Zones of Regulation®, created by Leah Kuypers of Think Social Publishing, Inc®. This program uses a specific color system to teach and make connections between our emotions, physical cues in the body and cognitive and behavioral strategies for regulating those feelings/emotions. For more information, please click on the link below:
Coping with Change
Coping with Change
Some changes we can plan for, but some are unexpected.
Some changes we can plan for, but some are unexpected.
Try this video for great ideas on coping! Coping With Change
Below is an adapted article by Carolyn Posey, LMFT, Charis Counseling Center
Contrary to what we might think; change is difficult. If I want to change, there is some stress, but if that change is forced on someone, it is even more difficult. The more areas of change that are occurring in one’s life, the greater the impact. For example: If someone loses their job, has to leave their friends and move to a new unknown place, the factors would be cumulative. These undesired changes will affect that person emotionally, adding more impact. However, if someone just got engaged, received a promotion at work, and just found out that a long-awaited pregnancy had taken place, then change is welcomed. This change will still need to be managed; but, with a different mentality.
The fact is that we cannot control most of the environmental factors that occur in our life. Sometimes, thinking we can control everything takes a toll on us emotionally. We might blame ourselves for some of these changes and this will also add more damage. Some believe age can impact our resistance to change, but no matter how old we are, change can bring lots of emotions, some welcome and some unwelcome.
Control:
Control:
It is important to realize that we CANNOT control certain aspects of our life. Focus on what you can control, get the facts and ignore rumors and gossip about a situation. Taking action, any positive action, will increase your sense of control and your mood. Even small actions can have a big impact on your mental health. For example, with our current pandemic situation, it has been helpful for some people to make masks, engage in helping or charitable acts for others, and doing other things that keep them healthy. Those are things within their control and helps them feel powerful during this time of perceived powerlessness.
Mentally this puts us in a place where we can organize our changes. That does not mean that we deny their impact.
Grief:
Grief:
We need to grieve the losses that we cannot change. Grieving means that we acknowledge that we have experienced a loss and state those losses. We give ourselves permission to be angry about those aspects but then eventually we need to accept them and tap into our resources to gain the strength to cope with these losses. Gaining a sense of acceptance does not mean that the issue is settled. One might need to do this several times.
To those issues that we can change we need to try to access our mental energies to develop a plan to change them. Do we need help to make this plan? Be sure to reach out to other people that can encourage us to find solutions. Handling change by oneself is more difficult. Sometimes our pride gets in the way of inviting others to help us with this journey.
A Little Kindness:
A Little Kindness:
We need to be graceful with ourselves. Be sure to set aside sufficient time to adjust to all the activities that are required to make the change. Be sure to acknowledge any emotions and deal with them appropriately. These emotions are part of the journey. They need to be accepted as well.
The word ‘crisis’ in Chinese means either danger or opportunity. We need to do all we can to see it as an opportunity. This is a choice. As difficult changes are occurring we need to have a talk with ourselves about our fears. Fear of change and its unknown aspects can block our view of the possibilities that await us if we stay focused on what we can change. Be sure to “treat” yourself along the way. Make a plan to stay in contact with friends and family. Connect with the new location if this is part of the change. Try to form connections in the next location. One step at a time, living one day at a time.
(Adapted by Gail Weiland, LCSW, not affiliated with, reviewed by or endorsed by Carolyn Posey of the Charis Counseling Center)Kids Coping Skills
Kids Coping Skills
Video for Parents on Raising Resilient Kids
Coping skills are the thoughts, behaviors and actions we take to help us manage strong emotions in an expected way relative to where we are and who we are with. All emotions are ok, but as we get older, we are expected to express our emotions in ways that are socially acceptable and safe for the setting we are in. For example, it may be acceptable for a 5 year old to initially scream when his tower falls apart, but it is not considered as acceptable for a 5th grader to scream when their project falls apart. They can still have the same feelings, but the expectations for managing those feelings increases as we age.
We all need to respect individual differences in how others learn to manage and express emotions because this skill, like any other, takes time and improves at different rates in each individual.
For children, coping begins with recognizing, understanding and labeling emotions. How do they learn this?
By observing and being aware of what is happening around them and to others. Awareness of others' emotions and actions can help them build empathy and learn acceptable ways of showing emotions. We are all role models, so be aware that children can also learn unacceptable ways of showing emotions as well.
Direct teaching: We can teach, model and practice with children how to recognize emotions and what to do about them. Use pictures or talk about the emotions of the characters in their stories. When reading or watching T.V., point out character traits, behaviors and actions that are clues to how they feel. Ask your child what they think the character should do.
Open communication about emotions and safe ways to manage them will help children learn about their own emotions and learn the skills to cope. Listen to them and validate their feelings, even if you wouldn't feel the same. Engage them in thinking of how to help themselves feel better. Children are more likely to use a coping skill if they came up with it (eating a box of oreos is not a good coping skill!)
Don't rescue children from uncomfortable feelings! Children who are not allowed to feel bad, sad or upset will not learn the skills to deal with them. If we too quickly brush their feeling away, or tell them not to be upset, they learn to be mistrustful of their own emotions. Better to have them identify it and then take care of their feelings/needs. This takes time and practice. In calm moments, remind your child that there will be times when they are not happy about a situation, and times that they can't get what they want, but that they will still be ok and you care about them.
Related Links:
Related Links:
Tina Payne Bryson, PhD-Connecting With Your Child in Difficult Times
Helping Kids with Self Regulation - article by Child Mind Institute
Coping Skills For Kids - Excellent Examples - Ideas for anxiety, anger, stress and COVID-19
Image by Kelly Miller, Verywellfamily.com
All About Anxiety-for Kids and Adults:
(by Gail Weiland, LCSW) - All About Anxiety-for Kids and Adults:
Anxiety and stress are closely related, resulting in similar symptoms and responding to similar treatments. However, anxiety can be present even in the absence of any trigger or stressor. Anxiety can be like a backpack that you carry with you all the time. Sometimes, it is lighter and you don't seem bothered by it. Other times, it feels so heavy, slowing you down, making you tired, making you sweat, ache and stopping you from doing what you need to do.
The Goal:
The goal with anxiety is not to get rid of it...that is not possible. Anxiety is a normal and even healthy feeling. It is created when a part of the brain, the amygdala, becomes very active. The amygdala's job is to protect us and when it becomes active, it causes an increase in hormones, adrenaline and oxygen flow to the muscles. However, the amygdala can become OVER-active, and cause those same physical responses when we are not really in danger.
Coping with the Anxiety:
Coping with the Anxiety:
These feelings can be uncomfortable but they are not dangerous. It is important to learn how to be uncomfortable, and still do what we need to do (within reason of course!). Managing anxiety, or any uncomfortable emotion, takes practice. Unfortunately, the best way to learn to manage them, is to experience it! Little by little, do things that make you anxious, push you out of your comfort zone, and you will be able to strengthen your mind and body. You will still carry the backpack, but it will feel lighter more of the time. Instead of thinking of it as a problem, think of that backpack as your amygdala in your brain, there to protect you, full of tools like energy and strength if you need them. But you are the boss of that backpack! Your brain will remember and keep track of times you were anxious, but succeeded in accomplishing something anyway. You will build RESILIENCE!
It's Not Easy:
Getting used to feeling anxious, and lightening that backpack on your back takes time, practice and support from those around you. It is not easy, and you may need help from a professional. If you find that you are unable to engage in activities you once enjoyed, you are having physical symptoms related to the anxiety, or other parts of your life are significantly impacted such as school, work, socializing with others, then talk to a trusted professional such as a doctor/pediatrician, therapist/counselor/social worker or religious counsel and seek support.
Fight, Flight or Freeze - A Guide to Anxiety for Kids (click on image to see video)
Grief:
Grief:
Buddy's Place Grief Support Programs through Pillars - Click link to get to registration form at bottom of page. Services are FREE!
Buddy's Place Grief Support Programs through Pillars - Click link to get to registration form at bottom of page. Services are FREE!
Upcoming Monthly Gatherings
Buddy's Place offers a monthly family support group that meets on the 2nd Monday of every month. All groups meet from 6:15pm - 7:30pm. The dates for the upcoming Monthly Gatherings are:
· Monday, June 10
· Monday, July 8 - Annual Picnic
· Monday, August 12
· Monday, September 9
Fall 2024 8 Week Session
The next 8 Week Session will begin in September with exact dates to be determined. Registration will open on Thursday, August 1st.
Families can register for the Buddy's Place program (8 Week Session and/or Monthly Gatherings) by submitting the program registration form. Click HERE for the website and scroll to the bottom to click on the Registration Form
From ChildMind Institute:
Whether the loss is a grandparent, a parent, a classmate or even a beloved family pet, the grieving process can be difficult and every child will grieve in his own way. Parents, caregivers and educators wondering how they can help will find many answers to their questions in the following guide, which has been assembled with advice from several experts in the area of child and adolescent grief. You will find tips broken down into a range of ages and experiences, and information about what to say, who should say it, what to look out for and how to help.
We all cope with death and grief differently. If you have several children, you may find that they express how they are feeling in surprisingly divergent ways. This can come down to personality as well as developmental age.
It is a fact that children grieve differently from adults. Young children may not even understand what death means, or that people who have died won’t be coming back. They may worry they have done something to cause the death. On the other hand, they might not seem too concerned about it, or even go from crying one moment to wanting to play the next. It is also normal for a child to feel angry at the person who has died (or someone else entirely). As children get older they may begin to understand more, but will still need help from their parents and other caregivers on how to process and cope with loss.
Knowing what to say and how to support children during this time isn’t easy. It is likely that you, too, are grieving and trying to deal with your own emotions. While you can’t protect children from loss and the pain it may cause, you can play a major role in helping them feel secure and cope in the healthiest way possible.
What to Say and How to Say It:
The words you choose will vary depending upon the child’s age and developmental stage, but experts agree that no matter what the age of the child there are certain guidelines you should stick to.
Follow their lead. The kinds of questions and concerns that children have can be very different from those of adults. Giving children too much information can overwhelm them. It is better to let them ask questions and then answer in the best (and most developmentally appropriate) way you can. Don’t be surprised if young children are mostly concerned about themselves. That is simply how young children are.
Encourage children to express their feelings. Do not try to “protect” or “shelter” children by attempting to hide your own sadness. They will invariably know that something is wrong, but will be left feeling alone and confused. Hiding your own grief can also make children feel like the sadness they may be feeling is bad. However, try not to let children see you at your most upset moments, as they may begin to worry about you or feel insecure.
Don’t use euphemisms. Avoid phrases like “passed away,” “gone,” “we lost him.” Kids tend to be very literal, and this kind of fuzzy language leaves them anxious, scared and often confused. Or conversely, it may lead them to believe the deceased will come back and that death is not permanent.
Maintain normal routines as much as possible. Grief takes time but children benefit from the security of regular routines and knowing that life goes on.
Memorialize the person who died. Remembering is part of grieving and part of healing. This can be as simple as sharing memories of the person who died or bringing up the name of the person who died so that your child knows it’s not taboo to talk about and remember that person. It is important to keep photos around, too.
What to Expect With Kids Ages 4-7
Kids this age may still see death as reversible. They may draw inaccurate conclusions that they caused the death — something called “magical thinking.” They tend to ask a lot of concrete questions: “How did he die?” “What will happen to him now?”
Possible expressions of grief: Nightmares, regression to earlier behaviors, changes in sleeping and eating, violent play, attempting to take on the role of the person who died.
How you can help: Encourage expression of the child’s feelings through physical outlets as well as symbolic play (drawing and stories) and talking about the person who died.
What to Expect With Kids Ages 7-13
At this age kids’ thinking has matured and they are more logical. They may still want to see death as something that is reversible, but they are beginning to understand that it is final.
School-age children tend to ask specific questions and have a desire for detail. They may also be concerned for how others are responding to the death. They want to know what the “right” way to respond is, and are beginning to have the ability to mourn and to understand and recognize mourning in others.
Despite their more logical thinking they may become overly fearful of sickness and injury because they don’t quite understand the mechanisms by which people die. Kids can also get fixated on why someone died, especially if it violates their logical principles of right and wrong. Under both of these circumstances try to help children develop an explanation for the death that makes sense to them. When they get older they can begin to understand the loss in a more sophisticated way.
Possible expressions of grief: Regression, school problems, withdrawal from friends, acting out, changes in eating and sleeping habits, overwhelming concerns over their own body, thoughts about their own death.
How you can help: Encourage the expression of feelings no matter what they are. Explain options and allow for choices around funerals and memorial services. Be present, but allow alone time, too. Encourage physical outlets. Don’t avoid talking about the death or answering questions.
See complete article HERE -with more on when to seek professional help and taking care of yourself
Websites on Grief:
Websites on Grief:
Good Grief Resources -very comprehensive
Helping Students on the Spectrum with Grief
Online Activities for Coping:
Online Activities for Coping:
Online Game - Defeat Stress! - OK for kids! Name your stress and then chose silly ways to destroy it! Game ends with a coping skills tip, such as taking deep breaths or getting exercise.
Positive Quotes Bloom - click on a blooming flower to read an inspirational, positive thought that might just help you change the way you see things! -Best for ages 10 - adult.
Make A Wish - Simple activity where you type out a wish, then send it off into the night sky. Then a positive quote comes up to give you a boost! Parents can help younger children send off their wishes, and older kids can do this independently.
Books, Links & Resources On Many Issues:
Books, Links & Resources On Many Issues:
(links are underlined)
September is suicide awareness month. Here is a handout from Mindwise Innovations
American Psychological Association - Website. Scroll down main page to find more resources, including resources to identify and curb children's anxiety.
How To Turn Stress Into a Good Thing - Article about how stress has a bad reputation, but that doesn't mean you can't become friends, by SHAMASH ALIDINA, 2015
Books on Grief (click link)
What Do You Do With a Problem - Read aloud video with Mrs. Weiland
Live Author Reading - A Little Spot of Anxiety by Diane Alber
What to Do When You Worry Too Much, - by Dawn Huebner, 2005
Wilma Jean the Worry Machine, - by Julia Cook 2011
Pilar's Worries Hardcover – by Victoria M. Sanchez (Author), Jess Golden (Illustrator), 2018
Don't Feed the Worry Bug, - by Andi Green, 2011
Neuroscience On How Music Calms the Mind - Article explains how music can lead to stress reduction.
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