I Think of You Always 

Cat: my mom i hate her

Mushrooms: my mother and her mispronounced words and goofy dances in her bright pink fluffy

robe saying mushroom mushroom

A pencil skirt and matching blazer: when she slapped me on the face at 12 years old

A mall – standing by her bedside listening to her say she does not want me, she is not mine

Halloween pajamas - my brother and i cowering in a hallway watching her say she hates us,

leaving never wanting to come back

Baby socks, stealing the socks from my brothers feet as he is being breastfed, trying to bargain

for some attention

Red lipstick the lipstick my mother continues to wear despite years of my father loathing it never

mauve, never pink, bright red - she is not stubborn

Whispers - my mother almost screaming when she thought i could not hear that i was insane that

i was ruining her life

A doctor's office: every time she neglected any pain i was in for her imaginary illnesses

Blankets watching some stupid movie with my mother laughing, content, mocking the subpar

actors

Red gel toenails and slippers my mommy saying she hates me, she wishes i were dead, that i am

the worst thing to have ever happened to her

Red suede ankle skirts my mother watching me be thrown against a wall by the man she married,

without saying anything

Silver cars my mother spilling milk and leaving leftovers making the car always smell a rancid

kind of sweetness

Seat Warmers: my mom and i driving back from a day of skiing, i am wearing a maroon

crewneck that was once hers, the car is warm, snow falls outside, i am sitting in the front seat for

the first time

Cats my mommy i love her i am so sad for her i miss her i want her

Mushrooms i am alone