Words Neither Merriam Nor Webster Expected to Add

Can old words describe unprecedented experiences? Quarantine has changed everything, including our vocabulary. Here are just a few of the new words evolving our language to meet the situation.

Inshoeciant: Adjective. Free from concern that you can find only one shoe because you are not going anywhere anyway. Example: Though the pewter-colored glitter boots were Gabrielle’s favorite, she was inshoeciant knowing she would not be needing them for several months.

Informal: Adjective. Dressing up, but not going out. Example: Tired of the Adidas zip-front, Alfred chose informal wear and put on a Gucci tie to watch “NCIS: Los Angeles.”

Halferdashery: Noun. The practice of dressing from only the waist up. Example:After months of Zoom meetings, Walter developed a flair for halferdashery.

Pantemic: Noun. Wearing the same pants more than three days in a row. Example:Carmen appreciated that a pantemic could save her a lot of money on Gain Flings.

Chronillogical: Adjective. Any activity that is a waste of time. Example: With so much time on her hands, alphabetizing recipes no longer seemed chronillogical.

Timentia: Noun. Not knowing where the day went. Example: Had Marjorie not experienced timentia, she would have had the potatoes in the oven thirty minutes ago.

Memorandumb: Noun. The inability to remember anything. Example: Jean wondered if her memorandumb was a result of wine or boredom.

Calendreary: Noun. A calendar with no appointments. Example: Anita stared at her calendreary remembering she once penned activities in those little boxes.

Eloosadate: Noun. When all your plans are cancelled. Example: Anita’s calendreary was a reminder that her life had fallen victim to eloosadate. 

Souptopia: Noun. Finding a can of Progresso Vegetable Barley soup that you didn’t know you had. Example: Michael shuffled cans of chic peas and sliced beets until he spotted the blue can in the back and experienced sheer souptopia.

Antecampbellum: Noun. A feeling of dread when the only food in the house is canned soup. Example: Michael sunk into a deep antecampellum when he realized the only thing left in the cabinet was a can of Cream of Celery.

Grouptopia: Noun. Having several virtual meetings scheduled in one morning. Example: Under the spell of grouptopia, Emil changed his sweater three times, once for each Zoom session.

Bazoomed: Verb. When a participant is admitted to a zoom meeting before he/she is prepared. Example: Noticing the stain on her blouse, Mallory switched tops but was bazoomed when Sheryl Ann from accounting and Mr. Hoffstein suddenly appeared in the Brady Bunch boxes populating her screen.

Routinetinetinetine: Adjective. A repetitive repeating of a repeating action over and over again. Example: Erin was happy on recycling day because it made Thursday different than the other days that were just routinetinetinetine.

Oopsydaysie: Verb. Mistaking one day for another. Example: Erin oopsydaysied and forgot to put out the recycling on Thursday.

Booksquirm: Noun. Anxiety resulting from knowing the only activity you can do is read. Example: Thirty days into quarantine, Joe reached for a book, but booksquirm set in, and he decided to count his silverware instead.

Carnoodling: Verb. The act of snuggling into the driver’s seat pretending you have somewhere to go. Often done in a driveway. Example: While carnoodling in her Hyundai, Annie longed for the days when she had errands to run and didn’t have to escape her husband and children.

Bleachbum: Noun. Shopper who hoards cleaning products. Example: Colleen paid her $134 grocery bill with coins as an act of revenge on the bleachbum behind her with 29 canisters of Clorox wipes.

Cvessentials: Noun. Everything from hair color to Cadbury bars. Example:Grateful for her bi-weekly escape to buy cvessentials, Janice took her time folding the sixteen-inch receipt to fit neatly in her wallet.

Snews:  Noun. Media reports containing the same content being broadcast across all stations several times a day. Example: Marjorie knew she was a victim of the snews when her husband began to look like Andrew Cuomo.

Cooptopia: Noun. A rare condition afflicting those who are happy to be quarantined. Example: Now retired with kids grown, the thought of a calm, quiet quarantine put Fred into a state of cooptopia.

Flash Issue 8