My Definitive Ranking of Romantic Tropes

"I've written. And rewritten. Deconstructed. Reconstructed. Experimented with different voices. Changed the style. Changed myself. Forgotten the language. Relearned the language. Have I been here before? Gone down this path before?"

— Alan Wake, Control, "Hotline: On Writing the Manuscript"

Every type of art has building blocks; we use paths that have already been forged by many others before us in hopes that we can find a hidden passageway no one has seen. One could argue the deviations from stories already told are all that is left to innovate–there have been multiple different versions that all use the same ideas about love and society. This is how tropes in modern media help writers and storytellers to navigate their own stories; while tropes can be consistent across all genres, the romance genre has particularly divisive tropes. I have always found romantic tropes to illustrate the human perception of love and relationships–my first understanding of a crush came in the form of Hannah Montana and Jake Ryan’s “Enemies to Lovers” story arc. Romantic tropes are important, especially when they help children understand the dynamics of relationships, romance, and love. 

While there are countless romantic tropes used in modern romances, dramas, and comedies, I have chosen to rank the few that I find to be particularly integral to the current understanding of relationship dynamics and love as a whole. This list is subject to many, many of my personal biases, but I believe that I have made a few good cases. Without further ado, here is my Definitive Ranking of Romantic Tropes, worst to the best. 

6. The Ugly Duckling

The fairy tale written by Hans Christian Andersen to teach kids that “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” gave rise to the worst romantic trope (out of the six I have chosen to write about). From this story, audiences end up learning that girls and boys who do not meet modern beauty standards will have a sudden Cinderella-style glow-up to become beautiful and, more importantly in these stories, desirable. 

Maybe the concept that women have more worth than their beauty would have been a novel concept for Shakespeare (á la The Taming of the Shrew), but it's an outdated and unattractive concept now. Perpetuating the idea that meeting the standard of beauty is the ticket to success in all facets of life is sad and tiring; it is certainly not a romantic concept in any context. 

5. Forbidden Love

I am of the belief that the Forbidden Love trope is highly overrated; it appeals to the sheer power of love and how it can overcome any social and physical bounds. While it is important for young children to learn that love is reliable and strong, Forbidden Love is dumb. Friends and family who clearly do not like the lover must be onto something and should always be heard out at the very least! Any audience member would see that the world is not against the couple–they are simply blinded by love (which is pretty romantic in and of itself). It comes down to good, practical advice: listen to your mom! 

4. The Love Triangle

An extremely popular trope among modern media (Twilight, The Hunger Games, The Great Gatsby), The Love Triangle refers to three people (usually two men and one woman) who are fighting to be the couple. It is naturally romantic to fight for your lover, and it can help people realize what qualities are important in a partner (Team Edward or Team Jacob?). The Love Triangle, however, lacks an inherently attractive quality about relationships: simplicity. Love Triangles are dramatic and exciting, but they are certainly not attractive to anyone who knows what a healthy relationship looks like. 

3. The Beauty and the Beast

Another Twilight favorite, the Beauty and the Beast trope inspired from Gabrielle-Suzanne Barbot de Villeneuve’s classic, is certainly romantic, but it’s not exciting. The appeal of the Beauty and the Beast trope comes from the special, unique attributes of the individual, and that there is no else in the world who could turn the beast into a prince. There is something innately special about that one person who transforms the other person into a better version of themselves; it also illustrates how a person’s looks shouldn’t be judged by the way they look. It is a wonderful representation of true love, while fighting the stereotype that the Ugly Duckling trope perpetuates. 

2. Enemies to Lovers 

It’s a classic for a reason. The Enemies to Lovers trope can be found in tales from Shakespeare (The Taming of the Shrew) to Austen (Pride and Prejudice) and is easily the most popular romantic trope. It has the appeal of Forbidden Love because it illustrates the strength and power of love, as it is able to change the course of the couple’s relationship from enemy to lover. But the trope lends itself to even more passion and excitement; there is an element of shock that comes with slowly realizing the feelings one enemy might have for the other. The Enemies to Lovers trope is more focused on the couple, rather than on any outside forces. Though it is also not simple, the drama is where the passion comes from. It is interesting and exciting, but I personally do not find it realistic; there are not many details of an Enemies to Lovers story that can be applied to real life. A bad first impression can ruin an image, and life is certainly not like Pride and Prejudice (unfortunately). 

1. Coming of Age/Friends to Lovers

From Chandler and Monica to Jim and Pam to Achilles and Patroclus: Friends to Lovers is the best trope. Both parties have loved and lost others, while growing up and seeing the other in every possible scenario. There are not many people in our lives who have known us since we were children; those people have seen us in almost every stage of life. Friends to Lovers grow up together and know each other in a much more profound way than anyone else knows them. The trope illustrates that both parties have the ability to live a healthy life without the other as a lover, but they choose to be with each other as lovers. This is much more poignant than Forbidden Love or the Love Triangle. That history with another person lends a much deeper intimacy than the other tropes do. Stories like Love, Rosie and Emma teach us to love and appreciate the people who know and care about us. 

While it might depend on the story being told, the tropes we use to tell our stories matter, especially to the way we think about love. The shows I have watched and the stories I have read as a child have shaped my idea of love. We should write stories using tropes that communicate the truth of relationships and how we should navigate our own. If these tropes contribute to the overall lens in which we perceive love, I think we ought to pay attention to which ones make our GoodReads wishlist. 

March 2022