Living a Sound-Filled Life

How on earth was I supposed to drive 7 hours by myself? Plans had changed from a friend coming home with me for spring break. That meant that I had to drive from gray Upstate NY to slightly less gray Washington, DC all by myself. I knew I was more than capable of driving for that long of a period of time. I’d driven this specific trip several times. But those times were always with other people to keep me company. My problem wasn’t my capability as much as my fear of boredom, because my extroverted self always needs sound to hold onto. 

I always have sound around me, I honestly struggle to be content with silence unless I’m falling asleep. I thrive in the traffic of my mind. I usually have music or background noise while doing homework, music in every car ride (even if it’s less than 10 minutes), and a TV show or more music for mundane tasks. I sing in the shower, to myself, and I sing in my head all the time. I need sound as much as I need oxygen. This car ride would be a challenge because of the lack of other human presence in the car. Another person to keep the conversation flowing, the sound moving in my ears, and to receive energy from.

The night before this car ride I struggled to fall asleep because I was nervous I wouldn’t be able to stay alert during my drive the next morning. My father had offered several times to drive down with me, but I convinced him (and myself) that I could do it because my reason for not doing it alone was lame. Because I just wanted someone to talk to? Why on earthwould you make your father drive down to DC with you, and have him spend some crazy number of dollars on a flight home the exact same day? He would do it because he loves you and cares about your safety more than money. 

I ended up planning every hour of my trip to avoid being stuck in silence. 

Hour 1: Listen to Carmina Burana by Karl Orff for an upcoming audition I need to prepare for 

Hour 2. Listen to a couple of podcasts and then some music 

Hour 3: Call Grandma and Grandpa because they’ll be awake enough for good conversation 

Hour 4: Stop to grab lunch and then call Aunt Mary 

Hour 5: Call Alex (cousin currently stationed in Texas with the Navy) 

Hour 6: Check-in with parents 

Hour 7: Listen to country music so you’re relaxed while driving on arguably the worst interstate on the East Coast, 270 

Am I crazy for needing to plan my sound sources for my entire trip? Part of me starts to wonder, am I afraid of something other than silence? Silence itself doesn’t scare me, but maybe it makes me feel lonely. I also knew I would be coming home to an empty apartment, so that didn’t help either. Other people are almost always a part of my plans, I barely do anything alone. It’s exhausting to be alone for too long. I just get tired and mopey, and I just lose motivation. 

After my dramatic episode of overthinking, I got through the 7-hour car ride. My anticipated loneliness was not as I had thought it would be. It was honestly a little refreshing to take everything at my

own pace. I’m used to the militant “leave at 6 am sharp, no later, earlier if we can” from my father, but that morning I left at a warm and sunny 8 am. This might’ve been the first road trip I had been on where the sun was up before I left the house. I stopped twice, both were short breaks. I was motivated to get back to DC. I most definitely wasn’t as alone as I thought I would be. Every family member I talked to had asked me to let them know when I got back to the city safely, and my father called me more than three times to check in. At the end of the day, I was exhausted. But I felt loved, not lonely. 

Sometimes I feel like my yearning to always have sound and be around other people is a weakness, but then I remember that it has its strengths. I’m surrounded by so many people that I love and they love me in return. I find it easy to love others because there’s so much beauty in knowing many different people. On top of that, I’m going to be a music teacher. A career of sound. Every day will be filled with music and noise from hundreds of kids. I’m going to love it.

April 2025