Parent Support
How to help your child with mental health
Having a child with a mental health condition can be a challenge, but there are ways to help make things easier. Begin by taking notice of your children’s moods, behaviors and emotions. Early intervention is critical because mental health conditions often get worse without treatment. Check out the list of Common Warning Signs to be aware of.
Many conditions are cyclical and periods of strong symptoms may come and go. Symptoms aren’t visible all the time. Children may also hide certain symptoms by saying and doing what they believe is expected of them.
Educate yourself
You should educate yourself as much as possible about your child’s mental health condition.
Work with your child
Remain respectful and understanding of your child’s feelings even if everything seems to be working against you. Avoid getting angry at them for behaviors that are not under their control. This does not mean you can’t set limits or impose discipline. What it does mean is that you must set your expectations in consideration of your child’s mental health.
Be accepting
Although it can be hard to accept, people who develop mental health conditions may never be the same as they were before. Expecting the same standards of behavior from prior to the onset of their mental health condition will only cause frustration and stress for everyone.
Work through conflict together
Listen to your teen’s views and try to sort out conflict calmly. Remember: everyone gets stressed! It is also important to not discuss issues while you are angry. It is alright to walk away, take a breath and calm down - then talk to your teen.
Encourage them to share their feelings
Look for ways to check in with your teen. Ask them how their day has been and what they have been doing. Remind them that you are there for them, no matter what, and that you want to hear how they are feeling and what they are thinking. A few simple words of encouragement can help them feel comfortable sharing their feelings with you.
It is important to acknowledge and understand emotions they might be experiencing, even if it feels uncomfortable. When they open up to you, you can respond with “I understand”, “it sounds like a difficult situation” or “that makes sense”. It can be easy to notice the things your teen is doing that you do not like. But also try to notice and praise them for something they are doing well — even something simple like cleaning up after themselves.
Be honest and transparent with your teen
You can let them know that you are experiencing extra stress as well. Showing them how you deal with your own difficult feelings can help them know their feelings are okay.
Take care of yourself
While it is your responsibility to care for and support your child, it is also your responsibility to take care of yourself. You may have to adjust your priorities or your lifestyle, but you should avoid letting the challenges posed by your child’s mental health condition make you neglect other important parts of your life. Showing self-care is also a good way of modelling the practice to your teen.
If you are needing some mental health support check out the list of 24/7 Supports to get connected to community agencies.
If a teen admits to dating violence:
Be open and honest
It's important to connect with young people by being open and honest about your own teenage and adult experiences. It encourages teens to feel safe and comfortable opening up about what's going on with them at school, at home, or if someone is hurting them emotionally and/or physically in a relationship.
Encourage asking for support and advice
Teenagers want to be able to ask a caregiver or adult they trust for advice when they feel like they need it. However, many times they feel like adults are afraid to talk about relationships with them because they want to protect them from experiencing hurt or suffering.
Don't tell teens "You're too young to date"
When you tell young people that they're too young to date, that not only keeps them from asking you for support and guidance when they have relationships problems, they then feel like they have to hide that they're in a relationship. Teens are more likely to share what's going on with them when their age isn't treated as a negative factor.
Let them know you are there for them
Most likely as a teenager you experienced a tough time or two, so you know how important it can be to have an adult say: "I support you, I love you, and I'll be there for you. " The more adults and caregivers that a teen has, the less likely they are to experience feelings of isolation and loneliness during challenging times. Teens without adult support systems often use isolation to protect themselves from rejection or pain, especially after dealing with a traumatic event like a breakup. Increased isolation in teens also raises the risk of depression.
Talk about consent
A lot of parents talk to their kids about sex, but do not include conversations related to consent or how to have a healthy relationship. When adults and parents are more intentional about teaching young people about healthy relationships and consent, they are empowered to make informed decisions about themselves and their lives overall.
If a teen admits to taking drugs or drinking alcohol:
Strategies for starting the conversation:
Be prepared for the conversation and choose your timing carefully.
Express concern but avoid judgement or confrontation.
Communicate that change is possible.
Let them know you are available to talk again in the future.
Don't overreact
Parents shouldn’t overreact if their teen comes clean about using drugs or drinking. Overreacting or lashing out can prevent a teen from opening up about their experience. Getting teens to talk is important in determining if their drug/alcohol use was a one-time thing or if it’s becoming a problem.
Ultimately, talking with a child about drug and alcohol use is about trying to find common ground to build a connection. Your goal is not to criticize your child’s behavior, but to help them recognize that there is a direct link between substance abuse and negative consequences, such as problems in school, difficulty learning, loss of friends, or loss of a part-time job.
Additional Resources
Von Steuben Parent/Guardian Teen Mental Health Supports
Check out a presentation that focuses on Von Steuben student voices regarding mental health needs. Also learn what mental health supports are provided at the school.
Information and guides in English & Spanish on 30 topics related to mental health, including anxiety, drugs and alcohol, screen time, and self-esteem.
A series of free videos and print resources in English & Spanish related to mental health. Topics include understanding your feelings, relaxation skills, and how to manage intense emotions.
