Empathy & friendship
Friendship is born at that moment when one man says to another ‘What! You too? I thought that no one but myself…' ― C.S. Lewis
Self-absorption in all its forms kills empathy, let alone compassion. When we focus on ourselves, our world contracts as our problems and preoccupations loom large. But when we focus on others, our world expands. Our own problems drift to the periphery of the mind and so seem smaller, and we increase our capacity for connection - or compassionate action. ― Daniel Goleman, Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships
class activites
memory
This activity asks students to write various personal qualities on 2 matching cards (ex. race, ethnicity, religion, hair color, sexual orientation, hobbies, etc.).
Students then play a traditional memory match game (trying to find matches by turning over two cards at once until they find a match). They can only keep words that they feel describe themselves accurately.
This activity could launch a class discussion about the experience as a way to learn about one another. A list of debriefing questions is included.
Age range: 6th-12th grade
body sketchers
This activity asks students to trace their bodies (or draw outlines) and creatively fill their drawings with words, symbols, and images that they would use to describe themselves, including race, sexual orientation, ethnicity, country of origin, political leanings, religion, favorite music, etc.
A robust class discussion can follow, where students have a chance to look at similarities across the classroom of drawings, and share the elements they are most proud of. A list of debriefing questions is included.
Age range: 6th-12th grade
"the other" Journal entry
In this Google Doc unit from New Visions for Public Schools, students are asked to write a series of journal entries (or the larger assignment, a full narrative piece of writing) from the point of view of someone else.
This assignment would also pair well in settings where students have already established a journaling practice, as is referenced in the Mindfulness section of this website.
Age range: designed for 9th; appropriate/adaptable for 6-12th
thank you texts
This strategy is simple but it might a have significant positive social impact on your students. Students are asked to send a "thank-you" text message to a different person each afternoon. It can be as simple as "Thank you for being such a great friend."
This practice may build up more appreciation and positive affirmations for your students, which can help regulate their emotions on more difficult days. Studies also show that a practice of gratitude even improves physical health! There is another gratitude resource on the Mindfulness page of this site.
Alternate options include: gratitude journal entries, handwritten thank you cards, starting the week with students sharing stories with gratitude as a theme, or a gratitude "hall of fame" in your classroom, where students post pictures or stories about gratitude. Ideas from Mindfulness in the Classroom (Mussey).
Age range: 6th-12th grade
the love project
This activity makes the most sense in the context of a classroom, whether a homeroom or content area class. Students will complete 30 "acts of love" in an effort to change the culture on the campus or in their classroom. Start by modeling an act of love--like writing an encouraging note, sharing a story, or preparing a meal for someone. Ask students how it feels to be on the receiving end of that act. Brainstorm with your students to think of different activities they can complete.
Some examples: notice someone who needs academic help in a class and find time to help that person with his or her homework; make friends with someone who seems to need a friend, etc. Have students write about their experiences in daily journals and look for transformations at the end. Maybe you can celebrate and share with the entire school community!
From Mindfulness in the Classroom (Mussey, 2018)
Age range: 6th-12th grade
lemon activity
This lesson in stereotyping was used as a “kick-off” to a unit called “Citizenship Denied” which included a variety of sub-topics including The Civil Rights Movement in the US, Apartheid in South Africa, and The Holocaust in WW2 Europe, but it is adaptable. It was used with 8th grade students, but it can easily be adapted to both elementary and high school students. This lesson was written by The Anti-Defamation League of the B’Nai Brith, was adapted by Tina Yalen and accessed at Share My Lesson.com.
You need to create a (free) account to access these resources.
Age range: designed for 8th; adaptable/appropriate 6-12th
define "respect"
This activity encourages discussion around the word "respect," with the goal of students clarifying their own needs and those of their peers. This lesson uses the LGBTQ community as a focus, and was created as a Respect for All week activity. Teachers can use the lesson as is or adapt as fits their learning context. A list of discussion questions is included.
Age range: 6th-12th grade
"brave space" poem
The poem "Brave Space," by Mickey Scottbey Jones, might be helpful in setting norms for a trusting classroom environment. This may be especially relevant in a homeroom or advisory setting. Students can read the poem as a class and use it to guide a discussion about classroom norms and creating a brave space in their classroom.
Age range: 6th-12th grade
storycorps
One of the largest oral history projects of its kind, StoryCorps.org is a free online resource that houses more than 50,000 interviews from more than 80,000 participants, and supports the recording and uploading of interviews from other contributors.
Interviews are on a range of topics, from universals like love, friendship, and loyalty to historic events like 9/11 and the wars in Iraq, Afghanistan, and Vietnam. As one Common Sense Media reviewer described about the program, students "recall that they are not the only one that has been faced with a tough time and that, more than likely, there will be light on the other side of their circumstance."
Age range: 6th-12th
30 days of kindness Journal entries
This incredible site, Deep Kindness Journal, has 30 different Kindness Journal entry prompts (and videos which describe EACH writing assignment). This would be an ambitious undertaking for a class but very easy for a teacher to roll out--the creator, Houston Kraft, has laid everything out already! There are also free, downloadable worksheets that students can use to write their journal entries, if they don't want to use a dedicated notebook for this project.
looking for more?
The Start Empathy Toolkit is a freely downloadable book which contains the combined wisdom of dozens of teachers, organizations and practitioners. It includes tips and tools, lesson plans and, most importantly, insights that can help inform everything from how you design your classroom to your daily interactions with students and colleagues. Some exercises can be done in as little as two minutes, while others can take the form of months-long class projects, applied to a range of subjects. The site also has many related resources, including information for school district leaders and parents. Homeroom/advisory teachers, this may be your one-stop shop.
Another great place to look for resources on bullying or ostracism is FacingHistory.org. Their resources on Justice and Human Rights are linked here. There are many materials, including videos and articles which could help support class work or discussions.
library display ideas
Empathy and Friendship.pdfbook recommendations
Below are some books which were selected because of their thematic connection to the SEL skill of building empathy and developing friendships. They are divided into middle grades and high school books. For a full list of SEL-themed books, look at the Book Recommendations page. There is a linked spreadsheet version which includes much more information about each title, related resources, as well as my mode of selection.
empathy & friendship titles: middle grades
White Bird: A Wonder Story
by R.J. Palacio (2019)
In R. J. Palacio's bestselling collection of stories Auggie & Me, which expands on characters in Wonder, readers were introduced to Julian's grandmother, Grandmere. Here, Palacio makes her graphic novel debut with Grandmere's heartrending story: how she, a young Jewish girl, was hidden by a family in a Nazi-occupied French village during World War II; how the boy she and her classmates once shunned became her savior and best friend.
Sara's harrowing experience movingly demonstrates the power of kindness to change hearts, build bridges, and even save lives. As Grandmere tells Julian, "It always takes courage to be kind, but in those days, such kindness could cost you everything." With poignant symbolism and gorgeous artwork that brings Sara's story out of the past and cements it firmly in this moment in history, White Bird is sure to captivate anyone who was moved by the book Wonder or the blockbuster movie adaptation and its message.
The Science of Breakable Things
By Tae Keller (2018)
Eggs are breakable. Hope is not.
When Natalie's science teacher suggests that she enter an egg drop competition, Natalie thinks that this might be the perfect solution to all of her problems. There's prize money, and if she and her friends wins, then she can fly her botanist mother to see the miraculous Cobalt Blue Orchids--flowers that survive against impossible odds. Natalie's mother has been suffering from depression, and Natalie is sure that the flowers' magic will inspire her mom to love life again. Which means it's time for Natalie's friends to step up and show her that talking about a problem is like taking a plant out of a dark cupboard and giving it light. With their help, Natalie begins an uplifting journey to discover the science of hope, love, and miracles.
The Seventh Most Important Thing
by Shelley Pearsall (2015)
Arthur T. Owens grabbed a brick and hurled it at the trash picker. Arthur had his reasons, and the brick hit the Junk Man in the arm, not the head. But none of that matters to the judge--he is ready to send Arthur to juvie forever. Amazingly, it's the Junk Man himself who offers an alternative: 120 hours of community service ...working for him.
Arthur is given a rickety shopping cart and a list of the Seven Most Important Things: glass bottles, foil, cardboard, pieces of wood, lightbulbs, coffee cans, and mirrors. He can't believe it--is he really supposed to rummage through people's trash? But it isn't long before Arthur realizes there's more to the Junk Man than meets the eye, and the "trash" he's collecting is being transformed into something more precious than anyone could imagine...
empathy & friendship titles: high school
When the Ground is Hard
by Malla Nunn (2019)
Adele Joubert loves being one of the popular girls at Keziah Christian Academy. She knows the upcoming semester at school is going to be great with her best friend Delia at her side. Then Delia dumps her for a new girl with more money, and Adele is forced to share a room with Lottie, the school pariah, who doesn't pray and defies teachers' orders.
But as they share a copy of Jane Eyre, Lottie's gruff exterior and honesty grow on Adele, and Lottie learns to be a little sweeter. Together, they take on bullies and protect each other from the vindictive and prejudiced teachers. Then a boy goes missing on campus and Adele and Lottie must rely on each other to solve the mystery and maybe learn the true meaning of friendship.
The Way You Make Me Feel
by Maurene Goo (2018)
Clara Shin lives for pranks and disruption. When she takes one joke too far, her dad sentences her to a summer working on his food truck, the KoBra, alongside her uptight classmate Rose Carver. Not the carefree summer Clara had imagined. But maybe Rose isn't so bad. Maybe the boy named Hamlet (yes, Hamlet) crushing on her is pretty cute. Maybe Clara actually feels invested in her dad's business. What if taking this summer seriously means that Clara has to leave her old self behind? With Maurene Goo's signature warmth and humor, The Way You Make Me Feel is a relatable story of falling in love and finding yourself in the places you'd never thought to look.
Somebody Give This Heart a Pen
by Sophia Thakur (2020)
Be with yourself for a moment.
Be yourself for a moment.
Airplane mode everything but yourself for a moment.
From acclaimed performance poet Sophia Thakur comes a stirring collection of coming-of-age poems exploring issues of identity, difference, perseverance, relationships, fear, loss, and joy. From youth to school to family life to falling in love and falling back out again--the poems draw on the author's experience as a young mixed-race woman trying to make sense of a lonely and complicated world. With a strong narrative voice and emotional empathy, this is poetry that will resonate with all young people, whatever their background and whatever their dreams.