This rehearsal process has been the most challenging one I have been a part of and has been a real journey of exploration and discovery. I was able to grow as an actor through Nelly and push myself in ways I didn’t think I could. The main challenge of this rehearsal process was to not be too self-critical of myself throughout the process. This is something I have struggled with in all processes I have been involved in. I was really able to deconstruct my self-beliefs this time and separate myself from the rehearsal room. I was successful in leaving my problems at the door and creating inner boundaries - which I usually really struggle with. But that's not to say I didn’t struggle, about one month before the show I really did throw myself in a cycle of self-criticism and self-doubt. I lost trust in myself and something I did have to rebuild but I was able to do it with the help of my peers and support from them. I wish I could’ve managed this better as I think I would’ve enjoyed some elements of the process better, and I wasn’t able to as I was being too self critical.
What I did do really well during this process but was still a challenge was setting emotional barriers between Nelly and I. Towards the end of the play I have to go to lengths emotionally, I was initially really worried about this as I didn’t think I would be able to set boundaries and perform it twice a day without it affecting my personal life. Ben and I held a lot of trust between us and knew that this was emotionally a challenging scene so we always checked in with each other before and after. We also knew not to push ourselves too hard and not to over rehearse it and this really helped me create those barriers. By setting these emotional barriers, in the show I was able to fully commit to the emotions Nelly is feeling and what she is experiencing. Doing this scene made me unlock so many hidden emotions that I felt Nelly had concealed the whole time she told the story. And particularly on the final show I found myself being able to answer many of the questions I had about Nelly and her motives.
From the beginning of the process we wanted to create a safe and brave space to rehearse in and this we most certainly achieved. I was never afraid to try new things and make bold choices because I knew my company would support me. I wasn't afraid to make mistakes as there would be more support than judgement. Group warm-ups really allowed us to also have this additional connection by starting the rehearsal together it creates this sense of inclusivity. If I could change something about the rehearsal process it would be that everyone would start rehearsal together more often. People did come in late quite often so the start to the rehearsal was staggered and disjointed with not everyone participating. By consistently having group warm-ups were everyone participates this would improve group focus in the rehearsal. Focus has been another part of the rehearsal process that could've been improved, particularly when the ensemble had to be at the back of stage. Often in rehearsal when the ensemble would have to be at the back of stage they would be talking or on their phones, this would distract those acting centre stage and not allow them to unlock their full potential. As a result of this also some of the ensemble didn't have much stamina on stage so when we did full runs they struggled to remain focused at the back of the stage and engaged. This did drastically improve in tech week and worked really well in the shows, but I think it would've made some rehearsals more productive. Lizzie, Tash and I however knew that we were going to need stamina on stage. So from the very start of the rehearsal process we made sure we would always be on stage, regardless if we have line or prop cues to build up that stamina and ability to stay in character. This was my first time doing a play as long as this one, so being on stage at all times in character was a challenge I was quite afraid of. But making that decision from the beginning was a great favour to myself, as by the end of the process I found it so easy to be on stage for a long period of time in character.
I knew that this was going to be an ambitious play so from the very beginning I made bold choices that would benefit me in the long run. One of these choices was starting to learn my Yorkshire accent from the very beginning of the process. From the very first rehearsal I started doing a Yorkshire accent, even if at the beginning it was a generic northern accent that went Scottish at times, but this was so helpful as my mouth was adjusting the vowels and how different dialects. So as I started from the beginning I was able to work on my accent for 3 months and really push myself with it. And in the end my accent was really strong and became a part of my characterisation, I couldn't think of doing my lines without a Yorkshire accent that's how ingrained it was. Another choice that I made from the very beginning of the rehearsal process was learning how to knit and crochet, as that is one of the tasks Nelly would've done and one that I could in modern times. Kitting and crocheting is something I did in every rehearsal whilst on stage. It is these small details that enhanced my characterisation, and as I learnt from the beginning of the process I was able to confidently knit on stage whilst saying my lines and keeping track of props. As i did have a worry that I would get too focused on my knitting on stage and miss a cue but I didn't as I was able to balance both.
The targets I will set myself for future projects is, once again, to not be to over critical and trust myself. I don't necessarily trust myself and my work and then hold myself back in rehearsal. This is something I am continuing to work on, but I did make large progress with it during this process, and that was down to support from the ensemble and my director. Something that I will take from this process into my future projects is to commit and make bold choices from the very start of the process. Starting my accent from the beginning was one of the best choices I made and has such a large impact on my performance. I also would encourage a cast trip on future productions as that cemented us as an ensemble drastically and our play truly wouldn't be the same without it.