Character Profile:
The nurse is the string that ties Juliet and Lady Capulet together, and is a secondary motherly figure to Juliet. She seems to be the only one that has a true care for Juliet without any malicious intentions or harmful repercussions. This all stems from the loss that Nurse has suffered earlier in her life, so she has this real agency to protect Juliet. Nurse lost her child when she was young and her husband, her only family - so her being so close with Juliet and the Capulets is her only chance to have that family love and affection. Her and Juliet have an unbreakable bond, due to Nurse practically raising Juliet, breastfeeding her and teaching her to walk. Another really interesting aspect to Nurse’s character is she is of a lower class but is so highly regarded and trusted by the Capulets, who are of a very high class and dismiss the Montague’s who Nurse isn’t far from. It’s interesting to think if the nurse realises this and how she’s accepted into a high class society just because she provides for them. Nurse almost has a transactional relationship with the Capulet’s apart from Juliet, as that’s the only thing that really seems hers.
She is highly talkative and is very assured of herself, and will always put Juliet before herself. Nurse is also a key communicator between Romeo and Juliet, so she is trustful and reliable. At moments she is also comedic as she is so ahead of herself and gets excited very quickly, and ends up humiliating herself.For most of the play she is very high energy and a bundle of positivity, however I do think there are many elements where she is hesitant and resentful. At moments she does have a lack of understanding for Juliet’s love for Romeo as they have different outlooks, which is evident in their conversations. But this doesn’t really stop Nurse, she tries to understand Juliet, something that Lady Capulet does.
It’s also interesting to ever think if there is ever a ‘rivalry’ between Nurse and Lady Capulet. How nurse is much more of a maternal figure to Juliet than Lady Capulet is, this is really prevalent in my monologue as Nurse discusses how she breastfed Juliet. Nurse doesn’t purposefully make Lady Capulet jealous, but I think she is aware. And makes excuses for Lady Capulet so she doesn’t feel bad that she missed out on so much of Juliet’s childhood. I’m also considering if Nurse is aware of Lady Capulet’s envy and how she reacts to that. I don’t think Nurse is oblivious to it, but she serves Lady Capulet so everything she does has to be to her benefit. She is, as I stated, a very bold character, but there are still moments in the play where her actions are conditioned by the Capulet’s opinions. The Nurse is ultimately subject to the whims of society. Her social position places her in the serving class — she is not empowered to create change around her. Her maternal instinct toward Juliet buoys her to aid Juliet in marrying Romeo; however, when Capulet becomes enraged, the Nurse retreats quickly into submission and urges Juliet to forget Romeo.
Act 1 Scene 3:
The scene is pre-ball and the scene revolves around the discussion of marriage and Juliet’s life. Lady Capulet tells Nurse to call Juliet to discuss Paris and his involvement. Lady Capulet dismisses Nurse, but calls her back and before Lady Capulet even gets the chance to talk about Paris, the marriage and the ball - Nurse descends into a monologue about Juliet’s childhood and tells a story of how an uncomprehending Juliet became an innocent accomplice to a sexual joke. Nurse in this scene is quite oblivious to the seriousness of the conversation but I think it puts Juliet at ease as Nurse’s presence comforts her. Which is probably why Lady Capulet calls for the Nurse to come back as she knows Nurse has this ability to connect with Juliet that she doesn’t have. This scene perfectly captures how over excited and energetic she is but also how much more involved she is in Juliet’s life than Lady Capulet. So Lady Capulet telling Nurse to stop is her realising how much more Nurse was involved than her. As Nurse’s constant objective is to serve, she stops, but then retells the story briefly again. She sometimes gets carried away with stories about Juliet, but I think that stems from how much affection she has for her and how connected they are.
The monologue:
The monologue is a story that Nurse is retelling from Juliet’s childhood and how it has been eleven years since Juliet stopped breastfeeding and how Juliet became part of a joke. In this monologue Nurse refers to many things in her past that aren’t no longer with her. So there are elements of sadness in this monologue, but she almost glosses over it as the Nurse never likes to focus on herself, just who she is serving. Despite Nurse going on a massive tangent there are still moments where she still ‘serves.’ That is something I want to play with despite Nurse is so highly regarded by the Capulets she still serves them, and that will always be her main priority. There are also elements of reminiscence from Nurse, how she is realising Juliet is growing up and will soon no longer need her as much as she does now. And Nurse also mentions her husband and child which we don’t really hear of in the play and it adds a personal and sombre layer to the monologue but she brushes over her daughter's death quickly. This could be interpreted in many ways which is what I’m going to play around with.
Whenever starting a Shakespeare monologue I always look at a translated version just so I fully get to grips with what I’m actually saying, as sometimes it’s a bit difficult to see your character’s intentions. But also look at constants, vowels, punctuation and the pentameter as that gives clues to what emotions the character is feeling. Traditionally Nurse is a very over-excited character who is very all over the place, however I wanted to play her more subtly, still having moments of exclamation like on ‘On Lammas Eve at night shall she be fourteen’ and lines where she is thrilled for Juliet. But the reason why I will take a slightly subtle approach, as I think Nurse has an element of sadness towards Juliet growing up and realising a lot of things happened 11 years ago, and is in disbelief. Vocally, Nurse is well spoken but at times speaks really fast as she gets so overexcited, so I will vary in pace when performing. On particular lines where she is particularly excited I inflect on particular words, so the pitch goes higher. There are definitely peaks and valleys of pitch in this speech. What’s also interesting in this speech is she speaks as other people whilst telling the story so at those points I will alter my voice or direct the speech elsewhere.
There is also a slight hesitation in Nurse’s voice when telling the story as it’s very embarrassing for Juliet in front of her Mother. Physically, Nurse is quite stationary as it still isn’t really her home, at the end of day she still serves the Capulets so she doesn’t move as elaborate as she speaks. But she still makes grand hand gestures to portray how excited she is. If she does move around a lot, she would realise and almost apologies and stand back in her ‘box’ so to say. As Nurse’s undenying purpose in life is to serve the Capulets, she always needs to appear perfectly and never have any cracks, hence why she brushes over her daughter’s death and goes back to talking about Juliet. This is also shown through her body language she has this eager aura about her, saying that she’s always offering to help. So her posture is very straight and her body language is very open. Also this is very early on in the text so cracks are only starting to subtly show in the household, and everything seems exciting and happy.
Why I chose this monologue:
I chose this monologue as I wanted a challenge of revisiting a classical monologue and the Nurse was what I immediately thought of when I started reading the character of Nelly from Wuthering Heights. Nelly and Nurse have many parallels especially in their job and role of the play. The monologue has a re-telling of a story element, which is the sole purpose of Nelly’s character as she tells the story of Cathy and Heathcliff to Lockwood and is the main driving force of the narrative. Nelly jumps in and out of telling the story and being in the story which is what Nurse does in this monologue retelling what her husband said to Juliet. This monologue captures the life of being a maid/servant to a family of high class, and replacing an absent mother figure, that is what Nelly is to Cathy as Nurse is to Juliet. There are such great parallels between Wuthering Heights and Romeo and Juliet. Nelly and Nurse are both found caring for others and have reasonable and sensible outlooks on life when advising people. The monologue showcases how Juliet grew up with Nurse, and likewise in Wuthering Heights Cathy grew up with Nelly. The monologue is very nurturing and has a motherly element to it, which is prevalent in the way Nelly approaches Cathy. Nelly and Nurse both devote their lives to these families and risk a lot to support them, and sometimes their judgment is clouded by love. Though Nelly and Nurse both have flaws and get stuck in situations if they stood their ground, endings of the play - however due to the status and class of them standing their ground would have resulted in completely different endings. Both Nurse and Nelly affect so much of the action in the play as people trust them with so many of their decisions. So doing Nurse’s monologue for the audition of Nelly was an immediate must as their character parallels are undeniable.
I also chose to do a Shakespeare monologue as I previously really struggled with Shakespeare and iambic pentameter so this is a chance for me to revisit it and break down the barriers I put up after losing confidence last time I did Shakespeare. So revisiting Shakespeare has allowed me to build up my confidence for it but also work on what I didn’t quite meet last time, so I’m constantly evaluating and making progress.
Originally Wuthering Heights was a novel written by Emily Brontë in 1847 and got little to none critical praise, or in fact any praise at all. Victorian society weren’t so accepting of harsh realities of the character’s and their way of life. It’s one of the only novels from the time that provides us modern audiences a look into time then and has a significance importance of looking at what women, class and society was like then. What’s important to remember yes times change but the emotions we feel as people stays the same that’s why it’s so important to hold onto these classical texts and adapt them to modern day. As the play is an adaptation of novel, I would draw similarities between the novel and play for Nelly’s characterisation as well as figures from Emily Brontë’s life. Her life had a great impact on the novel and the character’s experiences in the novel so that is another interesting element to consider. The play will be set in modern day but taken in certain aspects of life from when the original text is written will be interesting to explore, and to see if much has changed. Also taking in current political events, as it’s set in modern day, and how that will affect the character’s just like what political events would have affected the characters in 1800s. There is such great depth and history to this play, it allows you as an actor to really dive into the character’s intentions and why they behave, as a lot of the way they behave is up to class and social status conditioned by the people above.
Within the first few pages of the play I was already immediately thinking how I could play Nelly and the dynamics of the characters. Wuthering Heights is a one of the first of its kind combining romance and gothic connotations in the Novel. When first written Bronte wrote a complex novel with leading female characters, a thing that at the time was strange, especially in the way she portrayed them. This adaptation highlights all the key aspects of the novel and presents it perfectly on stage, but what made me more drawn to this play is how it’s going to be set in modern day. Adapting classic texts into something for a modern audience shows just how timeless this text is but also how problems back then still translate to modern day. But there’s more to it than that I think, the play perfectly captures love and lust and it’s complications within, and the prejudices that come when forming relationships.
The play’s structure is also really interesting how it’s made up of flashbacks and is back and forth from present day to past. This staging wise gives a lot to play with in terms of how we differentiate between the two. Reinventing classic characters into modern day is very interesting and especially with characters such as Nelly, as we don’t necessarily have servants and maids now so it will be interesting to establish Nelly’s place in a modern day world. It’s also interesting to explore what elements from 19th century England we can bring into the modern day production.
There are many characters in the play, this means the characters all have different relations with each other and they all act differently around each other for their own benefit or their status. The play is filled with themes such as jealousy and revenge so the way the characters relationships evolve is really interesting and says a lot about their true intentions throughout the play.
Nelly is the narrator of the play and it’s debated if she is a reliable narrator for the story of what happens to Cathy and Heathcliff and everything that surrounds them. She is a motherly figure to Cathy but also to others in the play and finds herself tangled up in the life of the upper middle class. She is a nurturing presence in the play but also acts differently around different character’s in the play. Nelly’s attitude towards different characters in Wuthering Heights is really interesting especially how she diverts from speaking to Lockwood and then being in the story. So it would be interesting to explore the contrasts and different character dynamics she has. Nelly is all seeing and all knowing in the play as she sees everything that happens at Wuthering Heights, without her there wouldn’t be a play. Nelly almost violates the trust that the two opposing households have provided her with, as she tells their story to a man she has never met before as just pure gossip. So can Nelly really be that nurturing and reliable as she is regarded as, if she spills the family’s secrets? Yes, Nelly is the main narrator and source of information, but she still relies on other characters for some of her information, it almost turns into a game of Chinese Whispers. She arguably has a bias to particular characters, and is incredibly flawed. Additionally, Nelly possibly finds the drama rather entertaining, which could be why she is so involved constantly.
Considering all of this, there is a lot that I want to experiment with Nelly in terms of her intentions and her true objective. Switching between the past and the present is also fascinating as she has obviously changed over the years since everything happened and how character wise has she evolved and showing that contrast. Also experimenting with her different attitudes towards different people and her bias. This role for me would be a challenge as I’m used to playing character’s that are exaggerated and are usually of opposite gender. The play strikes me as one with majority naturalistic elements and I have recently mainly done non-naturalistic projects. Nelly has a lot of subtly to her, which allows space for me to explore her vocally and physically in a way I haven’t done with a character before.
Character Profile:
Anna is 18 and her whole life has been filled with doctor appointments, medication prescriptions, arguments with her mum and trying to come to terms with the labels doctor’s have given her mental illness. Anna has a real fear of these labels and how they defy her, especially as her mum only sees her as ill or broken - a rather two dimensional view of her daughter. Anna really wants independence at times when that has what caused her issues, but she also has a extreme lack of trust for people around her due to her mum. Anna’s mother has conditioned a lot her behaviours in the play, due to her childhood and their relations then. Anna is quite stubborn and is shown in her sessions and conversations with Vivienne, but she is very wrapped up in her thoughts and often forgets the purposes of some conversations as she so wrapped up in her mind. Anna has a really big urge to get ‘better’ so she gets ahead of herself and begins to spiral, which almost sends her backwards. Anna also evidently finds building relationships between people quite difficult due to how her relationship with her Mother has been formed over time. She is also running after a ‘normal’ life which clouds the way she sees life and herself. Anna creates this ‘ideal’ life in her head and whilst thinking about it begins to overthink and spiral into a breakdown. She constantly refers to her past and the stories she’s written, she has the inability to live in the present and focus on the true reality of life as it scares her to admit she needs help. This even evident in the monologue, she refers to herself in third person and can only speak through stories as she has such a disconnect from herself. Evidently she also has inner conflict with herself, a constant battle which has repercussions on everyone around her and her judgement is clouded. She’s rather irrational and a lot of her actions are cries out for help, which her mum fails to understand and notice. Anna speaks a lot of her thoughts out loud as it seems to make her understand herself better. In the monologue, her thoughts are very sporadic as she shifts from one topic to another and speaks about things that only seem to make sense to her.
The Scene and The Monologue:
The scene is situated towards the end of the play, and Anna has ‘cut off’ two people in her life Oliver and Vivienne and also is off her medication. The scene starts with Renee frantically looking for Anna, implying that she gets heavily concerned when Anna doesn’t respond to her name immediately. Anna is writing again, frantically and sporadically and isn’t focusing on anything else other than her writing. She begins to speak to her mum about it and then mentions the main characters name and its meaning. Anna’s monologue begins her explaining her story and its summary whilst dropping hints that the story really is about her. She makes little references to her mum and their relationship throughout. Her telling the story from a third person perspective almost lets her accept what her life is like but also recognise the harsh realities of it. There is also evidence of inner conflict throughout her monologue and we hear her thoughts out loud - and how it is affected by her mothers actions. Her thoughts are quite sporadic and we see this when she speaks about the repercussions of taking the medications and how it made her feel. And gradually throughout the monologue it becomes more and more personal and easier to see that this is actually about her. It’s also interesting to consider that this towards the end of the play, so the audience will also be able to realise that this is about her. This monologue is quite cathartic for Anna as she is reflecting on her past, however it does cause her to descend into a breakdown and her judgment begins to cloud again. The beginning of the monologue she is quite animated as it still radiates some story elements and this animated and excitement element dies down throughout the monologue as she slowly comes to the conclusion that it’s about her and her mum. The constant use of ‘Right?’ and ‘Yeah?’ is Anna trying to confront her mother through story as that is the only way she can and the only way for her mum to understand. But at the end of the monologue, there isn’t a realisation for Renee that her actions have had a deep impact on Anna, she just brushes past it and focuses on the fact Anna said ‘I have to go now.’ The fact that the only way Anna feels comfortable communicating with Renee is through story really shows the broken nature of their relationship and their inability to communicate.
Anna is a very animated character, so I will use hand gestures and quiet animated movements when exclaiming, however this will die down throughout the monologue as it begins to be more confrontational towards her mother and the monologue begins to get more and more personal. The pacing also goes in hand with this, as she speaks really fast then goes back down into the reality of the situation. Just like she jumps in and out of story to reality. There are a few words and phrases in the text which I will emphasise on as they hint towards the story being about her and essentially calling out for help and understanding from her mum. In particular when she changes from third person to ‘I’m’ that is the turning point of the monologue when Renee will realise it isn’t fictional. She also indirectly questions her mother and tires to get her to realise, on these words I will put an emphasis on and leave a pause after leaving space for Renne to answer back but she doesn’t as she has this inability to understand her daughter.
When Anna begins talking about the effect of the medication, I will pick up the pace as she begins to spiral and transcend into her life and how she truly feels. Picking up the pace will show how she is getting more and more anxious and further ‘down the rabbit hole’. Though I have experimented with slowing down the pace and showing Anna coming to the realisation of her life and how it has really had an impact on her. In terms of movement Anna is quite all over the place is getting more and more flustered, physically she touches her arms quite a lot and the back of her neck as her anxiety throughout the monologue builds. She also does this when she goes into a panic attack later in the scene, so physically the monologue is building up to the panic attack that happens soon. The ‘beat’ at the end and the line ‘i have to go now’ I have struggled with as it’s quite sudden, but it also takes her a while to realise and process what she has just said, then goes away. When rehearsing this monologue, I’ve naturally looked to floor at some points, however there is a sense of anger in this monologue, that would drive Anna to make direct eye contact with her mother, to really come across how she is feeling.
Why I chose this monologue?
I chose this monologue, as the topics in this play I quite personal to me and sometimes doing a personal monologue can add that extra connection to a character. I did a monologue from this play in term 1 voice last year and the play and character has stuck with me since. So I revisited the play and this monologue stood out to me as it was much more daring than the one I did last year. It also was interesting to do to see how I’ve changed and improved when approaching the character, and to see if i few the character in the same way as I did a year ago. The monologue also excites me in a weird way and I have a fun time performing it, which sometimes I lose as I want to pick a monologue that will ‘look good’ or whatever that means. And so that monologue becomes blatantly obvious that I’m ‘performing.’ Me having a connection the monologue also enables me to find more elements of truth and honesty when performing it, however when performing I’ve sometimes performed as myself - which almost defeats the purpose but also at the same time really helps. Why I also chose to do this monologue as Anna really takes the audience on a journey through her mind, and the text has this ability to translate exactly how she is feeling, and trying to perform this seemed like a really interesting challenge of delving into a complex adolescence mind.
It’s also quite a challenging monologue in terms of how sporadic it is and I would naturally have the urge to speed up the pace, which I naturally do in monologues due to nerves and is just a bad habit. The monologue has a lot of versatility and a range of emotions - but the overriding theme for me in this monologue is the inner conflict Anna has. This relates to a lot of the characters in Judas Iscariot, as they are on the battlefield between morals and beliefs. However, this monologue isn’t for anyone in specific in Judas as I wanted to do one monologue specific to a character (Nurse for Nelly) and one monologue that I just simply enjoy performing and feel confident in.
The Last Days of Judas Iscariot
The Last Days of Judas Iscariot is a dark comedy that undergoes the prosecution of Judas Iscariot. Set in a courtroom it enraptures the audience as they fixated in this one room as we see witnesses come and go whilst lawyers interrogate them. The play is made up of a series of flashbacks. The setting of the play is at the in between of heaven and hell, a purgatory - creating a debate from the beginning of the text. It is described as an expressionistic fantasy but I think there is a lot of truth to the story in terms of honesty, trust and morals. The lawyers are joined by well-known religious and historical figures who provide testimonies, makes the play rather timeless. What really stood out to me was the individualism of the characters, and they are written with character and not just how they are referred to in the bible or from their past. The characters have been re-imagined for a modern audience which provides the actor with freedom and space to experiment with the characteristics displayed in the text but also from biblical knowledge. The character’s in this play are every full and rich, and are quite a challenge to conquer die to large volumes of text - I have never played character’s like this before with large chunks of text so it would be great to explore how to make it engaging and keep the pace going when having such a long monologue. The play also has a very large cast and most character’s appear then don’t return, so it’s a challenge to makes sure your character doesn’t get lost among all the others. Another interesting aspect of the play is how funny it is and how cleverly comedy is woven into the characters to make a jest out of the situations. The comedy also stems from the character relations particularly among the lawyers. The lawyer character’s are particular interesting as they are the only characters without a specific historical and biblical background but they still guide the play and are the main responsibility for the pacing.
The concept of the play is what has really drawn me to it as it isn’t set in specific time in history and it’s quite ambiguous, just like the purpose of the story and the plot. Yes, the play is about Judas and his betrayal but it’s much wider than that and cleverly it’s left up to the audience to decide. It’s a dialogue heavy play which is challenging for me as majority of projects I’ve been apart have been movement based, so too heavily rely on the words and dialogue will be challenging but in the best way.
Why and How my monologues contrast...
My monologues are contrasting for obvious and less obvious meanings. Evidently one is a classical shakespearean text and the other is a contemporary play. There is a harsh contrast in the character’s intentions throughout the monologues. Anna’s intention is to seek for help and to try and get a grasp of her mother who won’t understand but Nurse’s intention is showcase her love and affection for Juliet whilst also serving the Capulets. What ties in with the contrasts of their intentions is the placement of these monologues in the plays. Anna’s monologue is from the end of the text and Nurses monologue is from the beginning. Character’s drastically change over the course of text and most begin in a positive aspect. Vocally they contrast due to the character’s difference in age and upbringing. In particular the tone in their voice, Anna has quite a lot of anger mixed with amusement in her tone, but then transitions to resentment and reflection. But with Nurse it’s the opposite, she has small pockets of resentment for Juliet growing up and losing Susan and her husband, but it’s mainly filled with joy that Nurse vicariously experiences through Juliet. Anna’s is also much more confrontational and Nurse is just sharing a joyful story from Juliet’s childhood. There are similarities in the storytelling aspect, but in the similarities, differences are found when it come to these two monologues. Physically they both contrast as Nurse stays in her place and will always resort back to that particular stance if she gets too excited, but Anna has this real ownership of the space that Nurse simply will never have as it’s the Capulet’s home not hers. Anna from the beginning of the scene dominates the space and that is seen through her physicality, as she wants her mum to know that she is the issue, not Anna. A major contrast between the two is Nurse never really speaks about herself unless it relates to Juliet, however Anna is constantly talking about herself and her life - that makes her sound quite egotistical and maybe she is, but her mother is a major contributing factor to this. But Nurse is so inherently selfless due to her role in life, it makes Anna seem rather self-absorbed if you put them side by side. In terms of their characterisation Nurse and Anna contrast, as Nurse always very quickly brushes over the somber moments in life and the things that had happened to her, but Anna delves into those moments and feelings almost to the point she can’t find her way out. And because of this I’m able to show a variety of emotion in both but also the approach to particular emotions that the two characters have. The two monologues are contrasting but also compliment each other, in way what one doesn’t have the other does. And they also showcase two different approaches to life and how the character’s deal with what comes their way.
Monologues I didn't chose and Why:
Philoctetes - Paradise By Kae Tempest
It’s just emptiness! Emptiness at the expense of emptiness to increase emptiness for the pursuit of emptiness and you can see it in everyone’s eyes.
Our country is nothing more than a cradle for tyranny.
In her cities, the mean-spirited coward gains the world, and integrity is punished with despair.
You want me to go and fight?
Unholy, unhumble, unaware, unappreciative, unthankful, unkind, undone.
Too selfish.
Emptiness and echoes.
Even if we do go back and save the day, the mess just deepend and worsens, and we end up fooling ourselves into fascism, out of fascism, back into fascism under a different name, into genocide, out of genocide under a different name and into the most damaging era of existance propped up by grandiose concepts that have no real worth and false economies built on manufactured insecurity, anxiety and illness and the rampant opppresion of people based soley on skin colour which has carved a welt into the fabric of the world that will not be healed as long as it can be ignored.
I’ve seen it, I drank the black water that gathers in the vines, I got the visions - all the heroes to the superficial nothing-life, living into the blindness for so long that they succumb to the blindness and enjoy the blindness and enjoy the blindness and imagine themselves to be full of integrity.
I’ve seen the future.
There is no grace in death, people live forever, bloated on their hatred, screaming out to close the borders, stockpile the medication, trading pixelated sexual flavours with other people’s avatars.
I’ve seen it.
I drank the black water.
There is no glory in our country to fight for.
Our country is Hell.
And the terrified, distracted, just-getting-on-with-it, I’m-not-to-blame-so-don’t-ask-me-to-change people are the demons who serve in her furnace.
This monologue I was really leaning towards as it was quite perfect for the themes of Judas Iscariot and really showcased a lot of the same emotions characters in the play were experiencing. But when rehearsing it I struggled to have a complete connection to it, and also I think it was too far out of range. It’s quite an intimidating monologue and I think that scared me. When I first saw this monologue performed at the National Theatre I knew immediately that I wanted to do it at some point but I think I scared myself out of doing this monologue. However, playing character’s that are of opposite gender and very far from who I am is what I usually go for as I drastically change vocally and physically. But I wanted to challenge myself with something more subtle and naturalistic and this monologue was almost ‘too much’. I also think the character was too old for my playing age and also a role that was quite ambitious vocally and physically. And to put it simply when rehearsing it just didn’t ‘feel right’ and I struggled to accept that as I loved the monologue so much and the writing - but I will definitely be revisiting this monologue.
Mary - Low Level Panic By Clare McIntyre
Why did he have to choose our bin? I mean why don’t people leave me alone? Why do they have to include me in their horrible, messy lives? I don’t want to look at that stuff. I don’t want to think about it. I don’t want to get involved. It’s got nothing to do with me has it? What’s it got to do with me? I don’t want to listen to those two opposite rowing either. Why don’t they shut the window if they want to have a row? Why don’t they shut the window when they’re having sex and when they’re hitting each other and screaming?
Why don’t people keep themselves to themselves? Why can’t they keep their gross, messy, ugly lives private? What are you meant to do on a lovely sunny day? Sit hiding under the bedclothes? How do you get a bit of peace? All I wanted to do was sit in the garden and daydream in the sun for a while. Is that such a lot to ask for? I can’t bear listening to that stuff. I don’t want to hear it. It’s got nothing to do with me: all their worry about money and how much they hate each other. What’s it got to do with me? I can’t make head or tail of any of it and it’s such a lovely day for England we should all be out there having fun.
I get so bloody confused. I didn’t know I was doing any damage. I didn’t plan to set fire to it. I was just sitting there watching this cigarette burn. I couldn’t smoke it with all that going on. All I could do was sit there and try not to listen, and try not to think about it and try not to try and make sense of it and try to daydream about a quiet life in the sun. But they won’t let me. They interfere all the time. Why me? Why my dustbin? Why my garden? Why doesn’t it all just disappear and leave me alone?
This monologue was rejected from very early on in the process and it was between this play and The Almighty sometimes, as I wanted to something contemporary and something more classical. I just didn’t have the same personal connection to the character of Mary as I did for Anna. I also didn’t like the repeated questioning throughout as it got repetitive and tedious to performs and I found myself staying in the same tone throughout when rehearsing it. I also didn’t feel like it related to any of the character’s and plays that I’m auditioning for so it also lacked that connection there. The character’s age was a bit far out of my playing age and was talking about stuff I couldn’t relate to because of my age. I also didn't think it was challenging enough and was quite an ‘average’ monologue. I wanted to do something that would challenge me vocally and physically, which I felt this monologue didn’t do.