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Tips for Parents
How can parents best support students in grades 10-12?
How can parents best support students in grades 10-12?
While teenagers crave independence, parents can still offer their support and guidance in a number of ways:
Stick to a schedule. Establish a daily routine with them to emphasize that schoolwork remains a priority. Set clear expectations for when schoolwork is to be completed and when preferred activities will become available. For example, you and your child might agree that they can play video games after 5 pm if all daily assignments are finished by then.
Set up an effective workspace. Help your adolescent set up the materials they need for remote learning. This includes the proper technology, such as a laptop or tablet, as well as a quiet, distraction-free part of the home. Headphones can be useful to minimize external noise. Help them determine how they will be keeping track of assignments, due dates and exams, such as in a planner or electronic calendar.
Support executive functioning. Discuss with your adolescent what your level of engagement will be throughout the remote learning period. Your student may need reminders to start assignments, complete work on time, break larger tasks down into smaller parts or develop efficient study skills. Stress that the practical skills teens are learning in school now (planning ahead, meeting deadlines) will help them succeed in college and the work world.
Set clear boundaries. When it comes to homework, offer support and guidance, answer questions, help explain instructions and review final work as needed. But resist the urge to provide adolescents with the correct answers or complete assignments on their behalf. What is most beneficial to teens is teaching and modeling organizational and problem-solving skills to facilitate a level of independence. Above all, offer encouragement as they, too, are adapting to this novel and unique environment.
Build independence. When you can, provide your teenager with just enough support that they can master the task at hand. Then, reduce support gradually. If your teen wants you to stop reminding them about doing their work, agree that you will not provide any reminders as long as they show you that they completed their work each day. If they can manage this for a while, gradually decrease the number of days you check their work.
What’s the best schedule for students in grades 10-12?
What’s the best schedule for students in grades 10-12?
First off, know that there’s no right answer here — it’s important to be realistic about what you and your family can manage right now, and that likely won’t be sticking to a full schedule every day. Work with your adolescent to create a realistic schedule for getting work done in specific, though somewhat flexible, time frames. Consider potential factors that may interfere with efficiently completing work (for instance, sharing a laptop with a sibling) and identify alternative solutions.
It’s also important for teens to have regular periods of time in which they can socialize with their peers. These hangouts can be incorporated into their schedules (maybe at lunch time, for instance) to ensure that they get plenty of time to connect with friends and classmates.
Lastly, providing a consistent and nurturing environment is important for teenage development. This includes fostering healthy habits for sleep, nutrition, exercise, and self-care. Teens need 8 to 10 hours of sleep per night. It is also recommended that teens get about 30 minutes of exercise 3 to 5 days per week while eating a balanced diet of fruits, vegetables, whole grains and protein.
🧠 Understanding Teen Mental Health
🧠 Understanding Teen Mental Health
Common Mental Health Challenges in Teens:
Anxiety and stress
Depression
ADHD or learning differences
Eating disorders
Substance use
Self-harm or suicidal thoughts
📘 Tip: Know the signs: sudden mood changes, withdrawal, drop in grades, changes in sleep/eating, or loss of interest in activities.
🗣️ Communication & Connection
🗣️ Communication & Connection
What Helps:
What Helps:
Ask open-ended questions (e.g., “How are things really going?”)
Listen without judgment or rushing to fix
Normalize emotions (stress, sadness, frustration)
Respect privacy, but keep communication open
📘 Tip: Try talking during low-pressure times (e.g., while driving or doing dishes) rather than “sit-down talks.”
What are some ways to address challenges with students in grades 10-12?
What are some ways to address challenges with students in grades 10-12?
Right now, even adolescents who are typically on top of their work may be struggling to manage their academic demands without the usual support of their teachers and their regular schedules. As a result, your teen may appear more irritable and less motivated, but this may be because they are feeling overwhelmed or demoralized. It is typical for adolescents to resist adult guidance, but in this situation they may need more support from you. Here are some are ways that you can support your teen during these challenging times:
Take a cooperative stance. Your adolescent will be more likely to accept guidance if you approach them in a way that promotes open communication and negotiation. Allow them to make choices about how they will fulfill their responsibilities and offer them advice on how they can succeed. This does not mean that you have to relinquish your authority as a parent, but allowing them to be involved in the decision-making process communicates respect for their ideas and need for autonomy.
Observe their strengths. While your adolescent may be struggling in some areas, the current circumstances may also bring out strengths that you didn’t know they had. Take every opportunity to let them know that you notice these strengths and that you appreciate their efforts, however big or small.
Take their concerns seriously. Remember that what may seem trivial to you could mean the world to your teen. They may be anxious about maintaining friendships or worrying about their future. Don’t downplay the importance of these concerns to make your teen feel better. Instead, take time to hear out their concerns and give validating statements such as, “I know you are anxious about losing your friends, and I understand how much that is weighing on you.”
Recalibrate your expectations. It is important to be realistic about how much your child can accomplish. Don’t assume that if your teen is not doing something that they used to do well it’s because they don’t want to. Sit with them and learn about what’s not going well and what they are having trouble with. Aim to give just enough support for them to be successful and guide them to generate their own solutions to problems.
Recognize and avoid recurring arguments. While you can expect some conflict with your teen, try to avoid recurring arguments about the same problem. Arguing about the same thing signals that you are expecting your teen to do something that is too difficult for them or that they are strongly opposed to doing. If the task is too difficult for them, work with your teen to break the task down to more manageable sub-tasks. When a teen is simply averse to doing something that is not difficult for them, involve them in a conversation about how they may overcome their discomfort, and reward them when you see that they are taking small actions towards the task, like sitting down at their desk to start their homework.
🧩 Routine, Sleep, and Nutrition
🧩 Routine, Sleep, and Nutrition
Encourage consistent bedtimes (8–10 hrs of sleep)
Provide nutritious meals (low sugar, protein-rich)
Promote physical activity and fresh air
Help them create balanced routines with downtime
📘 Tip: Model healthy habits yourself. Teens often mirror what they see, not what they’re told.
🌐 When and How to Get Help
🌐 When and How to Get Help
Steps for Parents:
Steps for Parents:
Start with their pediatrician for screenings or referrals.
Check school resources – counselors, psychologists, or social workers.
Look into therapy – individual, family, or group therapy.
Explore crisis support if needed (see Emergency Resource page).
Talking to Teens
General Principles for Talking to Teens
General Principles for Talking to Teens
✅ DO:
✅ DO:
Be present without distractions: Give them your full attention (no phones, no multitasking).
Ask open-ended questions: Encourage more than “yes” or “no” responses.
Validate their emotions: You don’t have to agree to show you understand.
Keep your cool: Stay calm even if their words or tone are intense.
Pick the right time: Avoid talking when they’re exhausted, overwhelmed, or in the middle of something.
Use non-verbal connection: Sometimes sitting side by side (e.g., while driving or walking) works better than face-to-face.
🗣️ What to say to build connection
🗣️ What to say to build connection
Opening up a conversation
“How’s school feeling lately—not just grades, but the whole vibe?”
“What’s something you wish adults understood about being a teen?”
When you notice something is off
“You’ve seemed a little off—what’s going on? No pressure to talk, just know I’m here.”
When they share something hard
“Thank you for telling me. That takes guts.”
“That sounds really tough—do you want help figuring it out, or do you just want me to listen?”
Reassurance & support
“I may not have the perfect answer, but I’m not going anywhere.”
“You don’t have to go through this alone.”
Encouraging reflection
“What’s been helping you feel better lately?”
“If you could change one thing about school/home/friends, what would it be?”
❌ What to Avoid
❌ What to Avoid
“You’re overreacting.”
Dismisses their feelings and breaks trust.
“When I was your age…”
Can feel like comparison, not support.
“Because I said so.”
Shuts down dialogue—use explanations instead.
“You should just…”
Giving unsolicited advice can feel invalidating.
“Everything’s fine.”
Minimizes issues they feel are big.
💬 Tips for Tough Conversations
💬 Tips for Tough Conversations
Talking about Mental Health or Self-Harm:
Talking about Mental Health or Self-Harm:
Use calm, nonjudgmental language:
“I care about you, and I’ve noticed some things that concern me. Can we talk about it?”Be specific but gentle:
“I saw the marks on your arm. I’m not mad—I’m worried. How long has this been going on?”Offer options:
“We can talk to someone together. Would you prefer a school counselor, a therapist, or another trusted adult?”
Talking about Anxiety/Stress:
Talking about Anxiety/Stress:
Normalize it:
“A lot of people feel overwhelmed, especially with school and everything else going on. What part feels the hardest right now?”Empower them:
“What’s one thing we can change that might make this week easier?”
Talking about Social Media/Screen Use:
Talking about Social Media/Screen Use:
Be curious, not controlling:
“What’s your favorite thing to do online? What stresses you out about it?”Collaborate on boundaries:
“How can we make a plan for screen time that feels fair but keeps you balanced?”
🧭 Talking to Your Teen About Grief & Loss
🧭 Talking to Your Teen About Grief & Loss
Talking to your teen about grief and loss can be incredibly difficult—but it’s also one of the most important conversations you can have. Teens grieve differently than younger children or adults, and they often feel misunderstood or isolated in their emotions. Here's a guide to help you support them in a compassionate, grounded way:
✅ DO:
✅ DO:
Be honest and age-appropriate: Teens appreciate the truth and can usually handle more than you think.
Acknowledge your own grief: This shows that grief is normal and valid for everyone.
Be available—repeatedly: Teens may not want to talk when you do, but they’ll remember you offered.
Respect their way of grieving: Some teens cry, others make jokes, some shut down—all are normal.
Offer choices: “Do you want to talk now, or later?” or “Would you like to talk to me or someone else?”
❌ Avoid:
❌ Avoid:
Rushing them to "move on"
Saying “I know exactly how you feel” (instead, say: “I can only imagine how hard this is.”)
Minimizing (“At least they lived a long life” or “It’s part of life”)
🗣️ What to Say
🗣️ What to Say
Openers:
Openers:
“I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m here whenever you want to talk.”
“What do you miss the most about them?”
“There’s no right way to feel. What’s it like for you right now?”
Reassurance:
Reassurance:
“It’s okay to cry. It’s also okay not to.”
“You’re not alone in this. I’m with you.”
“Grief isn’t something to fix—it’s something we go through together.”
🧠 Common Teen Reactions to Loss
🧠 Common Teen Reactions to Loss
Anger
Lashing out, irritability, blaming others or themselves
Withdrawal
Isolating from friends/family, staying in room, silence
Guilt
“I should have said something…” or “It’s my fault…”
Distraction-seeking
Diving into school, sports, screens to avoid feelings
Physical symptoms
Fatigue, headaches, stomachaches
📘 Tip: These are normal grief responses—not signs of disrespect, laziness, or disinterest.
🧰 Tools & Resources to Support
🧰 Tools & Resources to Support
Coping Tools:
Coping Tools:
Journaling or writing letters to the person who died
Creating a memory box or playlist
Physical activity (walks, sports, yoga)
Art or music expression
Talking to friends or support groups
Resources
The National Child Traumatic Stress Network has developed resources to help children, families, and communities navigate what they are seeing and hearing, acknowledge their feelings, and find ways to cope together. These resources include:
Helping Teens with Traumatic Grief: Tips for Caregivers (En Español)
Helping School-Age Children with Traumatic Grief: Tips for Caregivers (En Español)
Helping Young Children with Traumatic Grief: Tips for Caregivers (En Español)
Helping Youth After Community Trauma: Tips for Educators (En Español)
Once I Was Very Very Scared – children’s book for young children
I Don’t Know How to Address Worries About My Child’s Safety at School (webinar)
Pause-Reset-Nourish (PRN) to Promote Wellbeing (En Español) (for responders)
👩👧 Parent & Caregiver Support
👩👧 Parent & Caregiver Support
Family Support Organization of Hunterdon, Somerset & Warren Counties
Phone: 908-223-1191
Services: Offers support and advocacy for families of children with emotional, behavioral, or mental health challenges.
Mom2Mom Helpline
1-877-914-MOM2 (6662) (24/7)
Provides peer support for mothers of children with special needs.Worker2Worker
1-855-327-7482
A confidential helpline offering peer-counseling support for DCPP staff.Family Helpline (Parents Anonymous)
1-800-THE-KIDS (843-5437) (24/7)
Supports parents dealing with stress or family challenges.
📚 Recommended Reading for Parents
📚 Recommended Reading for Parents
"The Teenage Brain" by Frances E. Jensen
"Untangled" by Lisa Damour
"How to Talk So Teens Will Listen & Listen So Teens Will Talk" by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish
"Brainstorm" by Dr. Daniel Siegel
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Anxiety in the Classroom is an online resource center for school personnel, students, and their families.
Anxiety in the Classroom is an online resource center for school personnel, students, and their families.
This website provides useful information, resources, and materials about anxiety and OCD as they relate to the school setting. In addition, it offers specific tools for teachers, administrators, and other school personnel who may work with students with anxiety and/or OCD. Parents and students can also find tools and information to help them advocate for school accommodations, as well as to educate their teachers and classmates about OCD and anxiety.
This section of Anxiety in the Classroom includes resources for parents/guardians of youth with anxiety/OCD. Whether you want to learn more about anxiety/OCD or become an effective advocate for your child in school, Anxiety in the Classroom can serve as a useful tool for you!
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