Grief & Loss

What is grief?

Grief is a natural response to loss. It’s the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. The more significant the loss, the more intense your grief will be.

Reasons for grief may include:

Divorce or relationship break up
Loss of health
Losing a job
Loss of financial stability
A miscarriage
Retirement

Loss of a pet
Loss of a cherished dream
A loved one's serious illness
Loss of a friendship
Loss of safety after trauma
Selling the family home

Imprisonment
Pregnancy
Child leaving home
Family holidays
Loss of trust
Loss of approval

Loss of support
Failure to impress parents / fulfill parents' wish
Unemployment / difficulty finding employment
Difficult life experiences

Keep in mind: Everyone experiences grief differently and progress through the stages of grief at their own pace. Not everyone goes through each stage either.

Kubler - Ross Model (modified)

The initial model (5 stages) did not include the shock and testing phases. This model has been modified to include those stages (7 stages).

This may not happen in a linear fashion for some people. Some may go through shock, denial and anger and move back to denial. Grief in not a linear process. It's more of a spectrum.

Some argue that people never completely finish the grieving process and that people are always at some stage in the model.

Myths about grief:

"The pain will go away faster if you ignore it."

Ignoring your pain will only make it worse in the long run. Accepting it and working through it is necessary for true healing.

"Grieving should last about a year."

There is no specific time frame for grieving. How long it takes differs from person to person.

"It is important to be strong in the face of loss."

Feeling sad, frightened, or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. Crying doesn’t mean you are weak. You don’t need to “protect” your family or friends by putting on a brave front. Showing your true feelings can help them and you.

"If you don't cry, it means you are not sorry about the loss."

Crying is a normal response to sadness, but it’s not the only one. Those who don’t cry may feel the pain just as deeply as others. They may simply have other ways of showing it.

"Moving on with your life means forgetting your loss."

Moving on means you’ve accepted your loss—but that’s not the same as forgetting. You can move on with your life and keep the memory of someone or something you lost as an important part of you. In fact, as we move through life, these memories can become more and more integral to defining the people we are.