Guilt

~ Harley ~

Harley trekked up to the back row of the bleachers, sitting down stiffly as she started to scan her eyes over the crowd. She knew everyone was staring at her, was turning to their friends without any subtlety at all as their eyes widened at seeing her in a social setting. 

She knew what they would say to each other, as if they all didn’t already know: that’s Harley Winter! Her brother, he’s the football player who died last month.

 She gripped the edges of her sleeves, sweat soaking into the fabric of her shirt, before zipping up her jacket and stuffing her hands into her pockets. It felt like everyone around her could see her heart beating against the skin of her chest, could feel the vibrations of her heartbeat through the bleachers’ seats. Her eyes darted from person to person, and she couldn’t do anything but suck in a shaky breath when she inevitably came up empty. 

She didn’t see Mrs. Morris anywhere. 

Harley was ready to scream. She’d passed Mrs. Morris between classes, had kept coming up with reasons to be in the hallways by the gym and the weight room, but Mrs. Morris had always been surrounded by the boys in her gym classes, and she had never even seemed to notice Harley’s increased presence. Harley wasn’t sure which one infuriated her more. She needed to talk to Mrs. Morris, and she needed absolute privacy to do so. She knew that Mrs. Morris or one of the other gym teachers usually refereed these games; Harley figured that afterwards, when Mrs. Morris was putting away the equipment, she could force her to talk one on one. 

This might be the worst idea Harley had ever had, and she knew it. But she had to ask Mrs. Morris, had to be able to look that woman in the face, tell her about the letter, and ask when it had happened, if she had known what Nate was planning to do. Harley didn’t think she had any great skills when it came to reading people, but she felt certain that once she repeated her brother’s words, once it became obvious that Harley knew everything, Mrs. Morris would have to give her an answer. With confidence she had no reason to feel, Harley was certain that she would be able to tell if Mrs. Morris was telling the truth. 

Harley had no delusions about what the cops would say if she gave them Nate’s letter: they would say it wasn’t connected to his supposedly accidental death, that he was lying, that he had obviously never meant for anyone to read the letter, that she was overreacting to what was probably regret over a typical teenage fantasy, that Mrs. Morris was squeaky clean and no one would believe her capable of doing anything to a student. 

“Harley! Hey.” 

She was pulled out of her thoughts by a familiar voice, and as she turned to see two members of the football team, her stomach dropped. Dominic Price was walking over, and she could feel panic starting to rise in her chest. He sat down next to her, and she forced a strained smile before turning to face him, watching as his cousin Chase went to sit with his friends. 

“Hey, Dom.” Chase was a senior like her, but Dom was a junior like Nate, and he’d been Nate’s best friend since elementary school. Dom had probably spent just as much time at her house as his own over the years—she couldn’t remember a time when he didn’t feel like part of her family. They’d seen each other almost every day since Nate’s death. He always came over to her house, and they’d complain about the other kids at school and their parents. They’d talked about Nate in a way no one else could have, because they had known him best. 

They’d suffered the funeral together, too, but she didn’t want him here for this. Harley had come to talk to Mrs. Morris, and she didn’t want Dom anywhere near that. They’d both loved Nate, but the knowledge she had now about his death was killing her: Dom was struggling enough, and he didn’t need to know what Harley knew. A part of Harley wished that she didn’t know what she knew.

Dom nudged her shoulder with his. “I didn’t know you were coming tonight,” he said. 

“I needed to get out of the house. They started talking about packing up his room a couple days ago.” Harley winced as soon as she said it. She hadn’t meant to, but Dom was the only person she could really talk to about Nate, and she’d been avoiding telling him. 

“What?! You didn’t let them, right?” Now Dom looked terrified, and even though he was only a year younger than her, Harley was struck by how young he looked. I wonder if that’s how Nate looked, before—Harley closed her eyes. Ever since she found Nate’s letter, she’d been trying to keep herself from wondering, from imaging, what it had been like for him. It was killing her not to know, but at the same time, Harley wasn’t sure she wanted to. She took a deep breath. 

“Of course not. We’ve been fighting about it all week. But after they brought it up, I did start to go through his desk and stuff. I pulled out some things my parents couldn’t see, or that he would’ve… would’ve wanted you to have. It’s hidden in my room now, so I can keep it, or you can come and get it sometime, if you want,” Harley explained, keeping her voice low. She didn’t really think anyone was listening, but you could never be too careful. 

“Thanks,” Dom responded, letting out a breath with obvious relief. 

Harley gave him a sympathetic smile that probably looked more like a grimace, but as she looked at the gym again, she saw a flash of red in the corner of her eye. Goosebumps erupted all over her skin, and her heart started pounding like it was ricocheting off her ribs. Harley could barely feel it. Her eyes were focused on Mrs. Morris: she was in the referee shirt, her red, curly hair tied back as she smiled and laughed at something one of the basketball boys was saying.

Harley didn’t realize her fists were clenched until she was startled by a sharp pain in her palm. She relaxed her hands, but her whole body felt simultaneously tense and wobbly, as if she’d just worked out for way too long. Harley took another deep breath, hoping that Dom didn’t notice. 

She just needed to get through this game, get away from Dom, and then she could corner Mrs. Morris. 

~ Chase ~

Chase sat down and leaned against the wall, wincing as the cinderblock scratched the backs of his arms. Jade was one of the smartest, most organized people he’d ever met, but she really couldn’t show up to things on time to save her life; Chase figured he had at least fifteen minutes before she got away from talking with the teachers and other students at the game. 

He’d never been more thankful, or more surprised, to see Harley Winter. 

She hadn’t shown up to school for two weeks after Nate died, and in the two weeks she’d been back, Chase couldn’t recall hearing her say a single thing. He couldn’t figure out why she had shown up to this game, when she was so clearly trying to avoid speaking to anyone at school. But then, it was the same with Dom.

His mom had told him to ask Dom if he wanted to come to the game, but Chase hadn’t thought that Dom would agree—he’d been counting on it, actually. Chase didn’t know if it was a fair comparison, but Dom had spent the last month just as gutted as Harley, and just as quiet. Not that Chase had tried all that hard to get anything out of him—the first time he saw Dom after Nate’s death was at the funeral, his chest painfully tight at the idea of seeing Nate’s body, and a weight in his stomach at the idea of seeing his cousin. Dom had never responded to Chase’s texts, but Chase knew he should have texted more, should have called. Chase was absolutely useless at that sort of thing, but his uncle—Dom’s dad—was an idiot, and Chase knew that Dom wasn’t going to talk to him about his grief. 

But at the funeral, Dom had made a beeline for Harley. He was glad Dom was talking to someone, even if his stomach squirmed uncomfortably at the thought that Chase should’ve been the one he was talking to. Worst of all, Chase was actually relieved. Dom and Harley had loved Nate in a way that none of his friends on the team ever could have, and Chase wouldn’t have been able to understand the depth of their grief anyway. He was an only child, but Nate and Dom had acted like brothers since they were little kids.

What do you say to someone who’s lost their best friend? Their brother? Chase knew he should have reached out to Harley, said something to her during the funeral, at least, but she was always receiving condolences. He wasn’t trying to reopen her wound the second she got a moment of peace from every other nosy idiot in their school—mostly kids who hadn’t even known Nate.

That’s what everyone else had been doing to Dom, before Harley came back to school. 

So, Chase hadn’t expected him to agree to come out tonight, and it had very nearly messed up his plans. Chase’s first stroke of luck was that Dom had driven by himself, so he wouldn’t need to come looking for Chase for a ride after the game. The second was that Harley had been there: Dom had ditched Chase to sit with her as soon as he saw her. 

Dom sitting with Harley meant that Chase could get up at the same time as everyone else in the crowd once the game ended, using the cover the group provided to sneak away into the hallway behind the gym. He had hurried past the door and windows to the weight room, nervous even though there was no one in sight, before slipping into one of the most unused rooms on this hall. It had once been a hallway to an older part of the school that was no longer in use, and so it was the perfect place to meet: Dom wouldn’t even know to check there, if he tried looking for Chase. Chase loved his cousin, but Dom wouldn’t understand why he was doing this, and Chase wasn’t sure he trusted Dom not to go running to Chase’s dad if he found out. Dom took football seriously too, but he wasn’t depending on scholarships to get him through college like Chase was. 

Chase couldn’t afford to make any mistakes now; especially not being caught meeting up with Jade. 

True to form, she slipped into the room fifteen minutes after him. “Sorry I’m late,” She said a little breathlessly. 

He grinned at her. “Fifteen minutes late is practically on time, for you.” 

“Fuck off,” she replied, without any heat to her words. “I had to talk to Mr. Miller—apparently the very foundations of the school district will fall apart if I can’t get more people to sign up to volunteer for the science night on Friday, at the elementary school.” 

“This is what you get for being all involved. No rest for the goody two-shoes’ of the world,” Chase said as he stood up. 

“Yeah, I’m a total saint,” she threw back with a smirk. “The role model all parents want for their children.” 

He laughed, but his amusement was cut short by the sound of someone flinging open a door. He whipped his head to the side, staring at the far door. It sounded like someone was close. Chase could feel his pulse starting to jump, rapidly climbing as he stood there like a deer in headlights. He could feel the rush of adrenaline through his limbs, goosebumps erupting in its wake as a voice—two voices—started to become louder and more defined. 

“Shit,” he breathed out, distantly aware that his hands were shaking. 

At hearing his voice, Jade tore her eyes away from the door and turned towards him. “Chase,” she whispered, her hand coming up to press on his arm. “Chase, calm down. I don’t think… some people are just arguing. I don’t think they know we’re here.” She was right, of course—the voices didn’t sound like they were near the door, or moving at all. He tried to breathe. 

“Yeah,” he managed to squeak out, his chest burning for an entirely different reason now that the danger seemed to have passed. He hated this feeling so much. Why could he be totally normal under so much pressure on the field, but start to hyperventilate at the idea of being caught? His pulse was still flying, his palms were still clammy, and his skin was still tingling. 

He took several deep breaths, trying (and probably failing) to hide the fact that he was matching his breaths to Jade’s in order to calm down. You haven’t even done anything wrong yet, he mentally berated himself. Jade threw him a half grin, half grimace expression in sympathy, but that made him feel even worse. 

What kind of idiot needs comfort from their drug dealer? 

Jade went to say something, but suddenly the voices burst into a higher volume—whoever had been arguing before was full-on fighting now. She got really still, and Chase couldn’t help but imagine her as a rabbit, ears twitching to take in the sounds of danger, before she darted off and pressed the side of her head against the far door. 

She was so nosy—but I guess she has to be, Chase thought as he stood there awkwardly, suddenly alone, his fight or flight reaction losing ground to a different, far more embarrassing feeling. That’s how she finds her customers; it’s how she found me. But this was always the second part of the problem, when it came to buying from Jade. He rubbed his arm where she’d touched him, and he shuffled over to the door. 

“Sorry,” she said when he entered her peripheral, ear still pressed to the door and completely remorseless. Noises always echoed in the back hallway when it was quiet. “I just wanted to see... I can’t quite hear what they’re saying.” She pulled away from the door slightly, unzipping her bag so she could start to rummage around for his stuff. 

“Oh, no, you’re fine,” Chase added quickly. “But I gotta say, I don’t know who’d be having a screaming match in the weight room right…” He trailed off as a male voice joined the fight, his brain scrambling because he knew that voice, even if he couldn’t make out the words. 

“What?” Jade asked, raising her eyebrows at him as he pressed his ear to the door too. 

“I… I know that guy’s voice, I… hang on, that’s Dom!” Chase said, just as the voices all stopped, and a thud sounded. 

Chase had no idea what was happening, but his stomach dropped. Something was very wrong. 

Chase flung open the door and took off down the short hallway, distantly aware that Jade was following him, but he felt out of control. He couldn’t form a single thought, his heart pounding so hard it felt like his brain was being knocked around. 

He skidded around the corner and burst into the weight room without really looking through the windows. Someone had hit one of the light switches, and the room was dimly lit and silent, but Chase couldn’t hear anything through the ringing in his ears. He stared at Dom and Harley; they were each breathing heavy, their eyes wide in stunned fear as they look back at him. Harley was in front of Dom, her hand reaching behind her to grip his wrist, as if she were protecting him from what was in front of them. He felt Jade bump into him as she came in through the doorway, but then she froze too. 

Mrs. Morris was slumped against the bottom of the weight rack, a pool of blood slowly growing beneath her. Strands of her hair were stuck to some of the weights on the first shelf of the rack, and Chase could see the shine of the blood smeared on the sharp edge of the 25 lb. weight. He felt bile rise in his throat. Mrs. Morris’s face wasn’t cut at all, but her eyes were open; open, and empty. She was dead. 

He felt Jade brush past him, wishing he could stop her but unable to speak as she kneeled down, and pressed her fingers against Mrs. Morris’s pulse. His dad had always brought case files home with him, and Chase had snuck a look at enough crime scene pictures to know what it looked like when a body was dead. 

Chase took a deep breath, clenching his hands into fists. His limbs felt leaden and impossible to move, like he’d had the wind knocked out of him. “Jade,” he said quietly, wishing she would move back, get away from Mrs. Morris—from the body. “Jade, she’s dead.” 

Jade stood suddenly, practically stumbling backwards. She finally looked at Harley and Dom, neither of whom had moved or said anything. She opened her mouth to speak, and Chase wanted to tell her no, wanted her to stop, because he knew what question she was going to ask.

“What happened?” 

~ Harley ~

Harley could feel Dom’s pulse flying from where her hand was gripping his wrist. She didn’t know why she’d felt compelled to pull him behind her like this—except that, really, she did. It was how she would hold onto Nate in a crowd, when they were younger. It was how she wished she had held onto him later in life, when they’d walked through these hallways together. But Nate wasn’t here anymore, and neither was the woman responsible. Dom was still here, and she would not let him be dragged down because of something she was responsible for. She tore her eyes away from Mrs. Morris’s body. 

Chase was looking in her direction, but he was looking past her, staring at Dom with a kind of stunned shock. Jade was looking at her—Jade had asked a question. What question had she asked? 

What happened?

Harley answered, feeling disconnected from the steady voice that came from her, “She killed him. She killed Nate. But I didn’t mean to push her so hard. It was an accident.” 

Chase didn’t move, but suddenly Jade stood and made to move towards the door, saying “we have to get help, we need to—” Harley didn’t let her finish. Maybe it was the fact that Jade had moved, physically, when the rest of them were so frozen, but like a chain reaction, once Jade moved, so did Harley. 

“No, wait—” She lunged forward and grabbed Jade’s arm, forcing Jade to spin around, and sending the bag hanging on her shoulder tumbling to the floor. 

Harley watched as several baggies of medical-looking equipment spilled out onto the floor, and without really thinking, she snatched two off the floor. Luckily, the movements had shocked her out of whatever trance she’d been in—when Chase and Jade had burst into the room, she’d been underwater, and everything had felt slow and measured. But now… now she could think again. 

What were they even doing here? Why were they together? Were they together? Harley glanced down at the baggie of vials she was holding, and the baggie of syringes—she had no idea what the words meant, but she knew enough about the world to fill in the blanks. 

These were steroids; in Jade’s possession, but obviously for the football player. 

Jade was breathing heavily, and Chase finally seemed knocked out of his daze, too. They had identical looks of terror written across their faces. “Are you his drug dealer?” Harley asked, raising her eyebrows in disbelief. Both of them flushed, looking at the other for assistance but finding equal fear. Harley glanced back at Dom; he hadn’t moved a muscle, was still staring at Mrs. Morris’s body. Yes—she could make this work. 

“Listen, I was telling the truth—it was an accident. I just wanted to talk to her about Nate, about what she did, but I got so… I freaked out, and I pushed her, and she fell. I didn’t mean for it to happen, but if we all leave now, if we don’t say anything to the police, no one ever has to know that you were selling drugs, and that you were buying.” 

Distantly, Harley knew she should be horrified at how naturally that had come to her, but she shoved it down, buried it underneath the pulsing ball of fury in her chest. All of this was that stupid, disgusting woman’s fault. But if Chase and Jade could just understand, if they could just go along with what she was asking, then all four of them would be okay. Dom wouldn’t have to answer any questions. Harley wouldn’t have to lie about Nate, about why she had even been in the weight room, and she wouldn’t have to put her parents through more than they’d already been through over the past month. They did not need to know what she knew. 

“But what… I don’t underst—what do you mean, about Nate?” Chase stuttered, but suddenly they could hear the rattle of the janitor’s cart in the gym. 

Shit.

Jade scrambled to grab the rest of the stuff that had spilled out of her bag, and with no better place to put them, Harley shoved the baggies she had grabbed into her bra. 

The rattle of the cart was getting closer.

“C’mon, lets go!” Harley hissed at the others as she grabbed Dom’s wrist to drag him along. “We can’t be found here!” 

Harley had no idea what Jade and Chase were thinking, but they followed her out the door as she sprinted down the hallway. She skidded to a stop near the end of the hallway, realizing, with a sinking feeling in her stomach, that she didn’t actually know where half these doors led. 

But then Jade was rushing forward, and they all followed her as she burst through one of the doors, leading them down a narrow staircase that eventually came out into the boys locker room. From there, they followed Jade through a few more hallways—that Harley had never even set foot in—until she finally led them out of a door near the back of the parking lot. 

Harley tried to force her breathing to even out as they walked around the corner of the building, but the parking lot was still full enough with cars, students, and parents that the four of them shouldn’t be noticed at all. She headed towards her car, but once she got there, Chase grabbed her arm. She whipped around to face him, letting go of Dom’s wrist. He stumbled towards her car. 

“What the hell, Harley?” 

“Don’t,” she said quietly, letting her words out slow, “cause a scene.”

“A scene? A scene? We just left a dead body. Oh, we are so fucked.” 

“Calm down,” Harley snapped. Jade had her hands on her head in an obvious sign of distress. 

Chase let her go, stumbling back a few paces. “What did you drag Dom into? You better tell me exactly what happened, right now, or I—God, my dad’s a detective, I can’t—” 

“Both of you, come here,” she said sharply, pulling Chase and Jade close to the car. “I will tell you what happened, I swear I will. I’ll tell you everything, just not right now! We can talk tomorrow, Chase, you can all come to my house tomorrow and we’ll talk about it, but we have to go now!” Harley said, feeling more frantic by the minute. 

“No, I—” 

Harley cut him off again. “Look at Dom! He can’t be here when the police get here.” Dom was squatting next to the car, fingers laced over the back of his neck like he was fighting off a breakdown. “Jade? You wanna be here when the police get here? What if they search your bag?”

Jade and Chase looked at each other helplessly, but Harley couldn’t even enjoy the relief that their acquiescence brought. 

“You can come to my house at noon tomorrow, okay? We’ll figure everything out then. But for the love of God, get out of here before the cops show up!” With that, Harley turned her attention back to Dom. 

“Dom?

“I’m good,” he breathed out, sounding like he had just run a mile. “I’m good. I am.”

“Yeah? Come on, I’ll drive you home.” 

He stood up slowly, as if he didn’t quite have control of his body yet—the same way that Nate had acted after he’d gotten his wisdom teeth out. “No, I can… my car’s here, I have to drive it back.” 

“You’re not driving like this.” 

“But the cops—” 

“We’ll come up with something to tell them, like you used to watch basketball with Nate and so the game made you too upset to drive home or something.” She finally got him over to the passenger side, but he still looked ready to argue. She hadn’t wanted to pull this card, not after what he’d just learned in such a traumatic way, but… they didn’t have time. She clasped a hand on the side of his neck, barely registering how sweaty his skin was. “Dominic Price, if you put me through another car accident, I’ll never forgive you.” 

It had the desired effect: Dom didn’t say another word in protest, and Harley’s stomach twisted with guilt. 

~~~

Harley didn’t get a minute of sleep. She paced endlessly around her room, her eyes glued to her phone screen, until Dom finally texted at her 11:45. 

My mom’s gonna drop me off in a minute, we just pulled onto your street.

Harley tore down the stairs, narrowly avoiding a collision with her mom at the bottom. 

She looked resigned to the chaos. “I assume Dom’s coming over again?”

“Yeah, and, uh… his cousin, you know Chase, he’s coming, and so is Jade.”

“I didn’t realize you were having a bunch of people over, I would’ve cleaned up a bit more.” 

“You said you wanted me to see my friends—my other, non-Dom friends—again.”

“I know, but you could’ve given me some notice!” 

“Oh my god, I’m sorry I forgot! We’re just going to hang out in my room for a bit, it’s literally not a big deal. Chase and Jade are gonna be here in a couple minutes,” Harley hissed at her mom, wincing at how unhinged she probably sounded, before opening the front door to let Dom in. 

He gave her mom a small wave before Harley was hurrying him up the stairs. Once they were safely in her room, she took a good look at him slouching against the foot of her bed. He looked awful, dark circles under his eyes making something in her chest ache. “You look… did you get any sleep last night?” 

“Did you?” He countered forcefully, and Harley physically recoiled at the anger in his voice, surprise and defensiveness forcing her into a stunned silence. She’d stared at her phone the entire night, waiting for a text or a call or a Facetime from him, knowing he must have so many questions. She hadn’t realized he was angry at her, had thought that he just needed time to process; but then, she wasn’t actually sure how much of the screaming match he’d heard, before he’d joined it. 

She couldn’t find her voice. “Dom, I didn’t—” 

“How long have you known? How do you know? Who else knows?” 

“No one else knows! I don’t know why Detective Winslow ruled it an accident, but he was wrong.” Harley had to force herself to inhale, focus on her breathing, but suddenly the ring of the doorbell cut through the air, and they both jumped. Harley could feel her heart pounding, her pulse through the roof as she scrambled back down the stairs. 

Chase and Jade looked as awkward and anxious as Harley felt when she opened the door and invited them in, with a voice that was a little too high-pitched to be normal. But she kept it together as she led them back to her room, where everyone ended up sitting on the floor. Jade was glancing between her and Dom, expectant and obviously waiting for the answers Harley had promised yesterday. Chase was muttering something to his cousin, but Dom stared resolutely at the floor, his arms crossed and hands clenched into fists. 

“I…” Harley trailed off, before taking another breath. “Thank you. For not going to the cops. I… I guess I don’t really know where to start.” That was a lie. She’d thought through a thousand variations of how to tell this story, without talking about specifics (when it came to the letter, or anything else), because she wouldn’t be able to get those words out. 

“You said she killed him,” Chase said, his voice unsteady. 

Harley cringed, remembering how blurting it out had seemed like the best plan last night, but here, in front of everyone, the words sounded so juvenile, so… petty, somehow, true as they were. She stared at the carpet; she couldn’t look at Dom when she told this story. “She… she didn’t crash the car. But she’s the reason he did. I know Detective Wi—I know they said it was an accident, but they were wrong. Earlier this week, my, uh, my parents started talking about packing up his room, so I went in there, and… I found a letter in his trash bin. He’d written it to me, and then he threw it away.”

She took another deep breath, kept her eyes rooted to the floor in front of her. “In the letter, he… he told me that Mrs. Morris… she… she assaulted him, and he couldn’t… he couldn’t… he couldn’t do it anymore. He drove his car into… he did it on purpose.” Harley’s stomach churned; she hadn’t said it out loud before, and now that she had, she thought she might throw up. “So I… I spent the last week trying to get her alone, but there were always students in her office, or she was in class, and I… I was so fucking stupid,” Harley breathed out, the end of her sentence catching in her throat and coming out all wobbly. No one said anything as she let out a few sobs, and she was grateful: it was embarrassing enough to cry in front of people she barely knew without them trying to comfort her, but she had to get through this. 

“It was so stupid, but I was so… I couldn’t handle seeing her every day, having to keep her crime a secret. It felt like I was helping her hide, but I couldn’t say anything to anyone, the cops wouldn’t have done shit, and not a single person would’ve believed me—believed Nate. I just wanted to talk to the one other person who knew what really happened to my brother, who knew why he did what he did. I know it sounds like a lie, but I did just want to talk to her. I’ve spent every day since he died so angry, so furious, I…” Harley paused to wipe the tears off her cheeks, swallowing thickly as she ran her hands through her hair. 

“I thought I could talk to her after the game, once everyone else was gone… she didn’t even deny that she… she tried to say that they’d been—” Harley had to take another breath; “—that they’d been having an affair, and I lost it. I started screaming at her, but I swear I didn’t know what… what I would do. What I could do. But I was just so—and Dom overheard us, and then he was yelling, and I was just so angry, I… I shoved her. I shoved her, and she fell, and her head hit one of the weights on the rack. I didn’t—it must’ve been the adrenaline or something, but I didn’t mean to… I swear it was an accident.”

Harley wiped her eyes again, her hands shaking, ignoring the looks of alarm on Chase and Jade’s faces. “It was an accident,” she repeated, “but she deserved it. And if we all agree to tell the cops that we don’t know what happened, that the four of us were talking after the game like everyone else, then went to our cars and drove home, then Nate will have justice, and we’ll all be safe.” Harley knew that statement sounded nice, but Chase and Jade knew that it was a thinly veiled threat. She didn’t want to make the threat, but she had to. She hadn’t been able to help Nate then, but she could do this now. She could protect his memory from what everyone would think, and would say. She could keep Dom safe from his dad. She could save her parents from so much pain and suffering. And, of course, she could save herself from the punishment that would inevitably follow being caught.

 No one spoke for a while, until Chase finally turned to her, and she could tell right away what he was thinking. 

He didn’t believe her. 

“But how do you know she… how do you know?” He asked, the restraint obvious in his voice, like a teacher or a parent trying to explain to a kid why their argument was flawed. 

“I know because he fucking told me, Chase. Are you actually calling Nate a liar, right now?” Harley’s heart was starting to beat faster, and she could feel the heat in her face as her cheeks started to get red. Chase was on the football team, but he’d never acted half as awful as most of the other guys on the team, and so he’d been decent friends with Nate, and he had never really said things that bothered her in class. That was the main reason Harley had been confident that this could work; she’d thought he was mature. But she couldn’t show him the letter, so what could she say?

“No! But obviously he didn’t even want you to read that letter; what if they were having an affair, and he was feeling guilty about it, or something? He wasn’t in a good… How could you possibly know his head was in the right place, that close to the accid—the car crash? He obviously wasn’t thinking straight!”

“You are unbelievable,” she snapped at Chase. “What, you wouldn’t mind screwing a teacher, so Nate must’ve been willing to? And then he lied about being sexually assaulted out of guilt? Are you really that much of a—”

“That’s not what I—” 

“Guys!” Jade hissed, looking at the door, and Harley remembered, with a wave of anxiety, that her parents were here. God, she hoped they didn’t hear anything. “Harley, can we… can we see the letter?” 

There it was. She’d vowed that she would not slip up about this, ever, but if she could just… without naming him… maybe that would be enough for them. “I can’t show you the letter,” she said firmly. 

Chase shook his head. “Harley, I know you think I’m being—it’s not like he had a girlfriend or anything, so how could we possibly know—”

Harley interrupted him, hoping to whatever deity might exist that this would not end up blowing up in either her or Dom’s face. 

“Nate was gay, Chase. He did not like girls like that.” 

She finally looked at Dom, and he was staring at her with a mixture of surprise and alarm. Chase glanced at Dom at the same time, and seemed to take his expression as evidence that he, too, was shocked at this revelation. 

“So there is no way he was having an… any type of relationship with his teacher—his female teacher. He was… there was a guy that he was seeing, and he talks about that guy in the letter, so I can’t show you; he deserves his privacy. But Nate said she hurt him, and I believe him. I thought that you would too.” Right as she said it, it occurred to Harley that that last sentence wasn’t really fair, but she was already resorting to blackmail. Was emotional manipulation that bad, in comparison to everything else she had caused and done over the past twenty-four hours?

“But,” Chase said shakily, “Harley, even if… you’re asking us to…” he turned to look at Dom. “Why aren’t you saying anything?” He demanded, and Harley’s heart plummeted. Dom could keep a secret better than just about everyone else she knew, but he was not a good liar when confronted directly. 

“What do you want me to say?” Dom mumbled, eyes on the floor. “She already told you what happened.” But he looked up to meet Chase’s eyes when he said, “I believe Nate, too. That bitch deserved to die, and no one should get in trouble for it.”

Harley gently cut in, the thumping in her chest lessening as Dom got through each sentence. “I know I’m asking you guys to lie to the police. I know I’m asking you to lie to your dad, Chase. But this way, Nate gets some kind of justice without any of the ridicule. If the police find out I shoved her, I’ll have to tell them why. Do you really want everyone talking about Nate like that? You know as well as I do that he’ll get called a liar, and an attention-seeker, and so much worse. Nobody will believe that young, pretty, married Mrs. Morris hurt a teenage boy.” 

“I know she didn’t crash the car,” Harley said, blinking back tears again, “but she might as well have—she’s responsible for his death. I’m responsible for hers, but it was an accident, and I won’t ever be in that situation again. If we can just get our stories straight about last night, and alibi each other, then we can all be fine, and no one ever has to know what any of us were doing in that hallway. You don’t tell on us, on me, and I won’t tell on you.” 

There was a long, agonizing pause, and Harley couldn’t help but watch Chase trying to process everything she’d just told him. She didn’t, however, know what to do about Jade. As soon as she had gotten home last night, Harley had taped the baggies she took from Jade to the underside of her bed. She didn’t know what to do with them, but she figured they were some kind of valuable collateral to one of them. Despite being in several classes together, Harley barely knew Jade, and she knew that Jade didn’t know Nate or Dom. Jade obviously had plenty to lose if Harley told the police that she was a drug dealer, but Jade didn’t have any reason to care about Nate, or Dom, the way that Chase did. Jade had been awfully quiet the whole time, too, but now she was… checking her phone?

“Listen,” Jade cut in, “I—we have to talk about this more, I don’t… but I need you to drop me back off at my house, Chase. I work today, I completely forgot, I have to change before my shift at two.” 

~ Jade~

Jade didn’t say anything as Harley walked them out of her house, as she got back into Chase’s truck. She and Chase had spent hours on the phone last night, trying to understand what they’d stumbled into, how Harley and Dom were involved, and what Harley could possibly have meant by she killed him. Jade didn’t really know Harley, and knew Dominic Price even less (she was pretty sure he was a grade below them, like Nate), but everyone knew that Nate Winter had been the only person involved in the accident that killed him. 

Neither of them had considered the possibility that Nate had been hurt like that. 

“Jade?” Chase asked. 

“Yeah?”

“Thanks, for not… just… thank you, for going along with this, for not going to the police. Yet.”

Jade snorted, but she didn’t even have the energy right now to be angry. “Harley didn’t give me much choice, did she? But I mean… I kind of understand where she’s coming from.” 

“What?” Chase snapped, obviously surprised at her tone. 

“I just—I had gym with Mrs. Morris last year, and my friends and I actually did notice… we all thought she was acting kind of flirty with some of the boys, but I never… I didn’t really think about it, until now.” Jade couldn’t get that memory out of her head, now, kept wondering how many other people had noticed and not said anything. But what could they have said? 

“That doesn’t change the fact that we could still get in trouble for not going to the police!”

“I know, but… I don’t know,” Jade said, resting her forehead against the palm of her hand. “But I feel like if Mrs. Morris did do something awful, then… we’re kind of justified in not going to cops.” There was another pause. “I don’t know. I think I’m also just looking for excuses not to interact with the police department.” She could be honest with herself about that, at least. Jade couldn’t tell if she believed Harley and Dom (and her own eyes, she supposed), or if she was just desperately clinging to a version of events that would make her feel better about helping cover up a… murder? Accident? She wasn’t sure. 

“I know,” Chase said, “but if the cops figure it out anyway, then we’ll get in trouble for covering for Harley, and for the other stuff, once she tells them.”

“But how would they find out, if we all give each other alibis like Harley said? I can’t—” Jade pressed her forehead against the window. “The cops are already suspicious of me.”

There was an uncomfortable pause. “You didn’t tell me that,” he said finally, sounding more offended than angry with her. 

“It’s not… they didn’t have anything on me, obviously, but someone must have told them my name when they were arrested, or interviewed, or something. I don’t want to give them a reason to… I would just really, rather not deal with the cops. Even if Harley is lying about something. Or, well, if Harley and Dom are lying. I still don’t understand why he was even there.”

Chase shook his head. Jade knew he had tried to call Dom last night, but Dom hadn’t responded at all. “I have to get him to talk to me somehow, but it doesn’t change the fact that I feel like we’re screwed either way.”

“I know,” she responded softly. “But do you believe her? About what Nate said Mrs. Morris did?”

“I don’t know,” he finally answered, hands gripping the steering wheel so tight that his knuckles shone white against the leather. “I just know that I don’t want her to rat us out. And I know that Dom is hiding something from me, and I don’t understand why he won’t talk to me at all.” 

“Well, is it true that Nate was gay?”

“I don’t know,” Chase responded quickly, but Jade didn’t understand why he suddenly sounded annoyed. 

“But weren’t you good friends with him? Did he ever date girls, or have crushes on girls?”

“I don’t know. I can’t remember if he ever said anything about girls, but I don’t think he ever said anything about guys either.”

Jade raised her eyebrows. “Well yeah, I mean, I wouldn’t have either if I was on your team.”

Chase didn’t say anything. She didn’t understand why he was suddenly clamming up—unlike some of the other people on the football team, he’d never given any indication that he had a problem with gay guys. But maybe he felt differently, when it was someone he had actually been friends with. But he hadn’t been Nate’s only friend—there was someone besides Harley who might know. 

“What about Dom?” She asked thoughtfully, after a pause. 

“What about him?” Chase snapped.

“What is wrong with you today?” She finally snapped back. “Wouldn’t Dom know who the boyfriend is? You can tell him that I would take that secret to my grave. I won’t out the guy, but I feel like we need to know. Because, I mean, if he’s—if he was gay, then Harley’s probably telling the truth, right? He wouldn’t have been with a female teacher.” 

“Maybe… I’m going to have to ask him, force him to actually sit down and talk to me, because something’s off with him and Harley and this whole thing, I just don’t know what.”

They were quiet for a moment, as Chase stopped in front of Jade’s house. She unbuckled her seatbelt, but turned towards him instead of the door. “And what, once you figure out if Dom’s really not involved, then you’ll tell your dad about Harley and risk both of our lives?”

Chase shook his head, but Jade wasn’t sure which part of the statement he was disagreeing with. “I won’t—I won’t do anything unless we decide on it. I promise. I don’t want any of us to have to deal with this.” 

Jade watched him drive away from her window, hoping desperately that he’d be able to lie to his dad—by omission, at the very least—when the time came for it. 

~Chase~

Chase’ brain felt like it was in pieces, and he’d never been less sure of what to do in his life. He probably shouldn’t have been driving, knew he was beyond distracted, but it would have been so weird to have his mom give him a ride when he had a license. She’d had to drive him around those first few days, after Nate’s accident, and that was an embarrassing part of his life that he’d rather not repeat. The first time he’d tried to drive after it happened, he’d pulled on his seatbelt, thought of Nate (who’d died in part because he wasn’t wearing one), and started crying. His parents had tried to comfort him, but he couldn’t get a single word out about Nate. 

He wondered if things like that happened to Harley or Dom, too. 

It felt naïve to take Harley at her word, when her word justified the murder she was trying to convince them to help her cover up. But it felt like he was something worse when he suggested that maybe Nate was lying. He hadn’t even really meant it, but he couldn’t reconcile the idea of Nate; happy, confident, funny Nate, with the idea of someone who’d been… by a teacher—by a female teacher. He couldn’t imagine Nate choosing to… to… to kill himself, rather than… but Harley was right. Who would have believed him if he’d tried to tell someone? Would any of the guys on the team have believed him? Would Chase have? Something twisted in his stomach, because, honestly, Chase wasn’t sure what he would have said. 

God knows that most of them had made a comment or ten about Mrs. Morris, especially when she first started working at the school. Most of the guys would probably have patted Nate on the back if they’d found out, acted like he was the coolest person on the team. Nate would’ve gotten laughed out of the locker room if he’d tried to tell them he hadn’t wanted it. But telling them why he didn’t want it would be an entirely different problem.  

What would Chase have said if Nate had told him he was gay?

Chase turned onto his street, letting out a string of curses when he saw his dad’s cruiser in the driveway. His dad had been at the school—the crime scene—all night, and Chase had hoped he’d be able to push this off a little longer. You’d think he’d be used to lying to his parents, but Chase hated the way it made him feel, and this lie, that he didn’t know anything about what happened last night, was so much bigger than the rest of his lies combined. 

“Hey,” Chase said quietly as he walked into the kitchen. His dad was sitting at the table with his partner, Detective Reilly. His dad smiled grimly at Chase before turning back to his conversation. Chase turned the corner to go upstairs, but before he knew it, he was frozen in place, listening as they had their discussion about the facts of the case. 

~Dom~

Dom stared at Chase, refusing to be the one to start the conversation. It was probably immature of him, but he didn’t care. After he and Harley had gone and picked up his truck from the school parking lot, he’d come right home, hoping that Chase was too busy today to talk to him. But Chase had showed up at his house anyway. Dom wanted to scream at him, wanted to yell—wanted to tell Chase that he needed some time to be alone, because he didn’t… he wasn’t… how do you ever get over knowing what he had found out the night before? 

He wanted to tell Chase the other thing, too, actually, but like usual, he didn’t say anything. Chase had never really seemed like he was on the same page as Dom’s dad was about it, but that wasn’t saying much. Dom’s dad could never seem to contain himself whenever the news or anybody else even mentioned people who were like th—like Nate, and… well, Chase had never said anything on the occasions he’d witnessed it. Not that Dom expected him to—God knows Dom would’ve never had the nerve—but it made it hard to figure out if Chase cared about that kind of thing, if he could keep those kind of secrets as well as he would have to. 

Chase took a deep breath, and finally spoke. “Dom, I need you to tell me what happened, how you ended up in the weight room, what Harley did.” 

“Or what? You’ll tell your dad?” Dom snapped, his face twisted into disdain as he looked at Chase. Distantly, he knew his anger wasn’t really at Chase, wasn’t even really related to what had happened last night. He was just so sick of all the secrets he had to hide, and so sick of having to hide them from Chase. Being able to talk about things honestly with Harley was one of the only reasons he was even remotely able to function right now, and he wanted to talk to Chase too. 

But Chase didn’t know any of that, and he responded with as much frustration as Dom felt. “What is wrong with you? Somebody is dead, Dom! This isn’t a joke. You two are asking me and Jade to be accomplices to a homicide, and you don’t think I deserve an explanation?” He took a breath before adding—in a much gentler tone—"I don’t want to do anything that will get you in trouble. I can tell you’re hiding things—are you trying to protect Harley or something?”

Dom glared at Chase with such a ferocity that Chase took a literal step back, obviously surprised at the level of his anger. Dom didn’t know how to let go of that anger—he was furious at Mrs. Morris, furious at Harley, and furious with himself for the things he’d done and the things he hadn’t, both before Nate had died and last night. 

“No, this isn’t a joke. It wasn’t a joke when Harley told you what happened to Nate—what that woman did to him.” Dom choked out the last part of the sentence as tears started leaking out of his eyes, and he brushed them away almost violently. 

Chase flinched, and a part of Dom was viciously happy—he’d been so angry he couldn’t speak, when Chase had questioned what Harley told them. He was angry with everything: his dad, the team, the school, all of them the kind of cliché, backward-thinking assholes that had forced Nate and h—forced Nate to wrestle with everything by himself. And, as much as this thought made Dom hate himself, want to crawl inside his own head and rip it out of his brain, he couldn’t help thinking that he was absolutely livid with Nate. 

Nate had suffered by himself, and hadn’t told Dom what had happened to him. Dom’s stomach twisted with a mixture of anger, guilt, and hurt so visceral he felt bowed over by the feeling of it every time he thought about Nate’s choices before he died. Had Nate thought Dom wouldn’t believe him? Had he thought Dom would be mad at him? Why hadn’t Nate told him what he was thinking about doing? He’d never know, and that was its own kind of torture. Nate had never given him the chance to react. Nate hadn’t given Harley the chance either. And then he went and did the worst thing he could’ve done to both of them. 

Dom wondered what Nate would think about what had happened last night, if he were still here. Would he care that she was dead? Would he be happy about it, or feel safer? Would he be upset? Dom wasn’t upset. Dom could still feel the fury pulsing underneath his skin, like he was carrying around a second heartbeat. He hadn’t known he could feel that much fury, or that much hatred, towards a person. 

Would Nate be angry at him, for letting Harley do what she had done—for not stopping her?

~Chase~

Chase didn’t know what to do—all he wanted was the truth, but Dom was so mad at him, and Chase understood why. He would give just about anything to go back to that moment, when Harley had told them, and react differently. Maybe it was a good thing that Dom had gone to Harley for emotional support first—Chase never knew what to say, and when he did speak, it was always the wrong thing. 

“Dom, I know Nate was like your brother, so I know you trust Harley, but whatever her interpretation of that letter is, it doesn’t change that what she did is so wildly illegal, and you could be—”

Dom cut him off, angry tears running down his face as he said, “I already told you, I read the letter and I believe him!” 

What? Chase stood there, stunned, and he tried to figure out why something about that declaration sounded off. 

I read the letter. Chase was 100% certain Dom had not said that at Harley’s house. 

He’d read the letter—the letter that Chase and Jade couldn’t read, because Harley didn’t want to reveal Nate’s secret boyfriend to anyone who didn’t already know. 

So, Jade must have been right: Dom did already know the guy. But it still didn’t seem right. 

Something heavy settled in Chase’s stomach. Harley had said it so matter-of-factly, at her house, that Nate was gay, and Chase had looked at Dom, because he’d expected to see shock on his face, too. He’d seen a lot of emotions on Dom’s face after Harley’s announcement: shock was there, and he’d seemed surprised, and alarmed. 

But thinking about it now… none of those reactions made sense if Dom already knew who the guy was. 

But they made sense if Dom was the guy. 

Chase felt his heart drop into his stomach. He was so, so stupid. His brain ran back through a hundred memories of the two of them together, and with hindsight he could see it, could see their feelings peeking around the edges of moments and reactions that he had always attributed to other things. 

“Oh, Dom,” Chase sighed. “You were dating Nate?”

Dom froze, his eyes wide as he stared at Chase. He was scared, Chase realized, but of course Chase knew why. Dom’s dad wasn’t exactly… quiet, when it came to his opinions about guys who were like that, about what kind of parents they must’ve had, or how they’d been raised. And those were the things he was willing to say in front of other people—God only knows what else he’d said in front of Dom. 

No wonder Dom would rather be at Harley’s house; Harley, who probably had known the whole time, who had stumbled through her explanation and justification of what had happened without ever indicating Dom’s involvement. Being around Harley was probably a lot easier for Dom than being around Chase or any of the other guys. Chase had never told any of the guys to shut up when they would say stupid, gross things about the guys at school who were… well, nobody would ever admit to that, but for some of them it was obvious. He wondered how Nate and Dom had felt, hearing that. He wondered if Dom knew that Chase wasn’t like that, that Chase didn’t think those things about him. 

There were so many things Chase wanted to say, but he thought he should probably start with the most important one. 

“I’m so sorry, Dom. I won’t tell anyone, I swear.”

Dom wiped at his eyes again. “He wasn’t having an affair with her.”

Chase nodded. “I know,” he answered softly, thinking of what he’d overheard his dad say. Harley wasn’t the only one there, when Mrs. Morris had died, who would have been angry enough to kill her. 

He had to call Jade, and talk to Harley. He wasn’t going to say a thing. 

~~~

Harley was sitting on the steps of her front porch when Chase pulled up to the curb. Neither of them said anything as he sat down next to her. They just sat like that for a while, before Chase started to talk. 

“I talked to Jade. Honestly, I think she was fine with pretending it never happened from the beginning. I don’t know why… I was the one who was worried, that we’d be caught helping you cover it up, and it would destroy everything.” 

“Are you still worried?” Harley asked in an even voice, staring straight ahead.

“No, I’m… I’m not going to say anything.”

“Even though you think Nate lied about what she did?”

“I—no. I believe you. I believe him.”

Chase kept looking forward, his eyes focused on the way the wind was blowing the grass across the street, but he could feel Harley’s eyes on him. He waited. 

She sighed. “Dom texted me; told me you figured it out.”

Ah, there it was, that flash of jealousy; Chase wondered how long she had known, but he hadn’t come here to ask her that. 

“I, uh, overheard my dad earlier. He… he said the school’s cameras haven’t worked for a decade, so we have nothing to worry about there. He has no clue this is all connected to Nate, either.”

There was another long pause before Harley spoke. “I’ve never done anything so stupid in my life. I mean, what could she have possibly said, what could I have been… expecting her to say, or to do, that would make anything better at all? Why did I think talking to her would help me? I don’t know. And you have to know I never meant for Dom to follow me—he shouldn’t have heard anything, and he shouldn’t have seen anything. I never wanted him to know. I was never going to tell him.” 

“Who did you tell?” Chase asked. 

“What?” 

“Who’d you tell, about what Morris did to Nate? Who else knows?” The less people who knew, the more sure the four of them could be that no one would connect the dots. 

“I didn’t tell anyone,” Harley finally said. 

“Oh.” Chase couldn’t quite pinpoint exactly why he was surprised, but he’d expected her to at least talk to one of her parents about it, or one of her friends. “Your parents didn’t know?” 

Harley snorted derisively. “My parents don’t know anything.”

“Oh.”

“What?” She asked in a flat voice, making it very clear that she didn’t appreciate his surprise at her irritation. 

“Nothing! I just… I don’t know, I guess I thought your parents seemed okay, y’know? It always seemed like you and Nate got along with them better than the rest of us get along with ours.” 

“They’re fine.” 

“Did they know about Nate and… Dom?” 

“Nobody knew that but me.” 

“… would that have been a problem, for them?” 

“Not like it would be for your uncle. They wouldn’t have kicked him out or anything like that.”

“Then why didn’t he tell them? Why don’t you tell them, now?”

“There’s a lot of ground between kicking out your kid over being gay, and being completely unbothered by it. I don’t really want to know where they fall.” 

“Sounds like you already kind of do.” 

“I don’t want to know for sure. And, I’d never do that to Dom. He’s like my li…” Harley physically cringed, but Chase knew what she had been about to say. He’s like my little brother. It did sound wrong, to hear her say that after she’d just lost her real brother, but Chase knew it was the truth. 

He knew that Harley loved Nate: she had confronted Mrs. Morris, and threatened him and Jade, all to defend and protect the memory of her brother. But he also knew that Harley loved Dom. And if Harley had a chance to protect both of them, to honor her brother by protecting someone else he cared about, Chase knew that she would take it. 

He had to ask. “Did Dom push her, Harley?”

“What?”

“My dad said the wound on the back of her head was so deep, that she was thrown against the weights so hard, that they’re looking for suspects that are adult men. All due respect, you have… no upper body strength.”

“I told you—it must have been the adrenaline, Chase, because I pushed her, and she just… her body fell so fast.” Harley said it perfectly, pausing in the right spots, making the right faces. But still, Chase wasn’t sure. Before all this, he would’ve believed her in an instant, with the emotion plain on her face. But he knew better, now… Harley was able to lie with the kind of skill and ease that he’d spent years trying—and failing—to master. 

“I know you loved Nate, Harley, and I know you love Dom. I don’t think you’d let him go to jail. But you know I love Dom too, and I would never tell anyone. I just want to know what actually happened. I just want the truth.”

“You have it. You might not like it, but you have it. I pushed her; I killed her. I just… what do you think it even matters?” Harley said patiently. 

Chase didn’t know how to respond to that. 

“Nate killed himself—and yet Mrs. Morris is still totally and completely responsible for his death,” Harley explained. “Say Dom had pushed her—I’m the one who didn’t go to the police, who forced the confrontation, who let it turn into a screaming match. I’m responsible no matter which version you believe, aren’t I?”

Chase narrowed his eyes at her, but she kept staring straight ahead. “I don’t think it works like that,” he said softly. 

“Lucky thing for you, then, that I pushed her, isn’t it?” Harley said with a sardonic grin, but it didn’t stay on her face long. “I wish I hadn’t put him through that. He should’ve never had to see that,” Harley added, her voice shaking. “You’ll help me make sure he’s okay, won’t you?”

Chase nodded. “Yeah, I will. I promise.”

About the Author

Natalie Bushey (she/her) is from Etters, PA. She is majoring in English with a Concentration in Creative Writing, and her minor is in Law and Public Policy. Natalie’s favorite genre to read is young adult fantasy, and she likes to write fiction—particularly fantasy and mystery.