2021 JAN-May

The BEST Movies of 2020

Along with the rest of the world, cinema took a huge hit in 2020. One that the industry may never be able to fully recover from. When life as we knew it came to a screeching halt in March, movie production was put on hold. Highly anticipated movies across the board were pushed into 2021 and beyond as companies tried to plan ways to keep production moving. As a resident of Doylestown, PA, home of the greatest theater in the country (definitely not a bias), it pains me to think about the damage that this caused to business for movie theaters. Of course, safety must come first, but it almost moves me to tears when I think that my final days in the County Theater may already have passed. 

Furthermore, streaming sites are having a field day, as we are all stuck at home trying to pass the time. Brand new movies and shows from the safety of your own home gives the illusion that nothing is really that different in the movie world, when that couldn't be further from the truth. It has gotten to the point where almost every single company has some sort of a streaming service. Just to list the major ones, you can subscribe to; Netflix, Amazon Prime Video, AppleTV+, Hulu, Disney+, CBS All Access, HBO Max, Peacock, Starz, Showtime, and Epix Now. That's not even including the special add ons to various services like Shudder, ESPN, or Boomerang, that appeal to the interests of the individual. Now, I’m not a math guy but by my calculations, the total cost per month to own every single one of these services is $120. So basically, by the end of 2021 the cost of watching all of the new movies will be more than my student debt.

This is especially jarring when we hear that major companies like Warner Bros. plan to release all of their movies to these streaming sites on the same day as their theatrical release (if theaters open that is). We have already gotten a taste of this with movies like Mulan and Wonder Woman 1984, which many audiences have agreed were incredibly underwhelming. Is that a product of filming a movie during a global pandemic? Absolutely! However, that does not give movie fans like myself very much hope for the future of cinema. 

Christopher Nolan, the mastermind behind films like Interstellar, Inception, The Dark Knight Trilogy, and the most recent of his films, Tenet, has openly denounced Warner Bros. plan to move forward with HBO Max. In an interview with The Hollywood Reporter, Nolan explains, “Warner Bros. had an incredible machine for getting a filmmaker’s work out everywhere, both in theaters and in the home, and they are dismantling it as we speak. They don’t even understand what they’re losing. Their decision makes no economic sense, and even the most casual Wall Street investor can see the difference between disruption and dysfunction”. OUCH! This definitely doesn't give us very much hope for the future of incredible storytellers like Nolan who have built this platform to share their messages with us. That being said, Nolan closes the interview by stating, “But the reality is there was enormous success in 2019 and 2018 wasn't bad either. If you're asking where moviegoing is going, I think the long-term health of the movie business depends on people's desire to get together and experience a story together. And I don't see any signs that that's going anywhere anytime soon”. 

Even though we are all doing our own separate things and technically not allowed to experience a story while we are physically together, that does not mean that cinema is any less social than it was in 2019. A few of my close friends and I watched movies from our own homes and still discussed theories and what we loved about them the most (shoutout Jeremy). Yes, it is a very uncertain time in the world of film, as it is for pretty much everything in the world right now, but that does not mean that 2020 was any less of a year for art than the years prior. With all of that being said, here are my picks for the best movies of the dumpster fire from hell that was the year 2020.

1. I’m Thinking of Ending Things - Charlie Kaufman

Kaufman hits it out of the park yet again with this film starring Jessie Buckley, Jesse Plemons, Toni Colette, and David Thewlis. Audiences watch as a woman travels with her new boyfriend to meet his parents for the first time, or does she? In typical Kaufman fashion, the entire experience is anything but ordinary.

2. Sound of Metal - Darius Marder

I don't think there is a single scene in this film that Riz Ahmed is not present in, and for good reason; he brings forth an oscar-worthy performance in Mader’s latest project. Rubin (Ahmed) is a heavy metal drummer whose life hangs in limbo when he loses his hearing entirely.

3. His House - Remi Weekes

If you're looking for a good scare, this is the movie for you. Weekes tells a chilling story that expertly blends supernatural horror, real-life trauma, and the struggles of adjusting to a new home. Sope Dirisu and Wunmi Mosaku escape the harrowing scenes of war-torn South Sudan, only to hide the terrors that dwell within their refuge in London.

4. Soul - Pete Docter

Jamie Foxx and Tina Fey play the two leads of the latest instalment of Pixar’s “this will make you cry” campaign. Docter directs a fantastic film about chasing dreams and living life to the fullest. The animation is incredible and this one is a great pick for the whole family.

5. The Invisible Man - Leigh Whannell

You probably forgot this movie was released in 2020. I definitely did. This was the last movie I was able to see in theaters before the world went boom. Elizabeth Moss absolutely crushes her role in the psychological horror that puts a modern spin on the classic novel by H.G. Wells.

6. Da 5 Bloods - Spike Lee

Seeing the late Chadwick Boseman on screen in Spike Lee’s latest masterpiece makes this movie hurt a bit more than we all would have expected. Lee’s story of 4 Vietnam veterans returning to their hell to retrieve their friend’s remains beautifully captures the effects PTSD, greed, and war can have on families and friends. 

7. Vast of Night - Andrew Patterson

Sierra McCormick and Jake Horowitz star as two 1950s high school teens caught up in the news story of their lives. When a strange interference comes on the radio, they investigate, learning the secrets of their small town and the world as a whole.

8. Tenet - Christopher Nolan

Speaking of Christopher Nolan, he directed another fantastic sci-fi action film in 2020, starring John David Washington and Robert Pattinson. This mind-bending story has our agents running backwards and forwards in time trying to save the world from nuclear annihilation. There are many twists and turns, as per usual for a Nolan film.

9. Never Rarely Sometimes Always - Eliza Hittman

This heartbreaking tale of a forced loss of youth is directed by Eliza Hittman and stars Talia Ryder and Sidney Flanigan. When a Pennsylvania teen finds out about her unintended pregnancy she is met only with resistance. Her and her cousin show the beauty of friendship and empathy in their support-seeking journey to New York City.

Confessions and Advice from a Lonely 21-year-old

Before I begin my numbered confessions, I would like to preface with the fact that I know I’m not the only one alone and/or lonely during this time. It's a tough world out there and very easy to be lonely when the world feels off limits and daunting. That being said, here’s a lonely girl for your Valentine and post Valentine enjoyment. 

1. I’m a hopeless romantic:

I know shocker, I’m a hopeless romantic. I love love, from friends to lovers, enemies to lovers, strangers to lovers, insta-love, slow burn, and many more. Sign me up for all of that. This is a confession full of confessions really. A symptom of being both a hopeless romantic and a planner I have, in fact, been planning my Pinterest wedding since I was double digits. 

Now comes the advice, fear not if you too are a lonely hopeless romantic. There are always books, movies, shows, comics, imagination, etc. to satisfy the craving for romance. I’d start with a movie that you love that has good love in it, Howl’s Moving Castle, for example. When it comes to shows that have a quirky kind of love, I’d suggest watching BONDiNG on Netflix. The latter is a bit of an acquired taste and my second hand embarrassment definitely came out to play while watching it but I recommend it if you’re in serious need of a weird, hilarious, slightly uncomfortable, confrontational show about love, relationships, and letting yourself be who you are. 

2. I don’t really think I want to be in a relationship

That being said, I’ve never been in a relationship before. I think this is true for many reasons. The main one being: relationships are hard. They are work, time, and commitment, which are all things I’m only barely used to giving the relationship I have with myself. I’m already exhausted from that, so it would seem reasonable to assume that a relationship right now would be very difficult. 

“How would you know?” an ominous voice asks rather rudely from the back. Well I’m glad you asked, random person from the back. I know because I have friends that have been in relationships and I’ve talked to about my troubles and avoidance of relationships. 

My advice to you, whether you are cuffed or not is to appreciate the time you have with yourself and your friends. Take time for self care, appreciate the people around you, and live in the moment. 

3. I’m (one of) the one(s) who gives relationship advice

Buckle up kiddos, cause I’m the one giving your S.O. relationship advice. Okay,

I know I’m not the only one as well as I know that people make their own decisions. But I’d like to think, and there is evidence, that they listen to me. 

I don’t, for the life of me, know why the friends I have ask me for my two cents on relationships but I’d like to think it's for perspective. Since I’m fresh brained and nearly completely removed from the world of relationships I should have a good outside perspective. As one of my dear friends says “the coach doesn’t play the field”, which is some of the funniest and truest comments about the subject I’ve ever heard. 

My advice to anyone concerning this is I’m so proud. I’m proud of the people who seek advice from people like me for seeking an outside perspective. I’m proud for those of you like me who have the faintest clue from the media. I’m proud of everyone for being coaches and participants (not players because of the negative connotations). 

4. I’ve tried all the (non) traditional tricks of the trade

This is a little vulnerable for me to admit, which we all know I hate, but I asked for someone’s number the other week in person. This person was a stranger and you know what? I didn’t get rejected. At first, at least. But me and rejection are good friends: we cohabitate in space together honestly. I got a number and when I texted the number it was real. And then I was hit with the classic “let’s be friends” which is honestly the best I can hope for. 

Along with my traditional approach of asking a beautiful stranger for their number, I have tried all the dating apps (not the preferable method tbh), and even fell for good friends of mine. Friendships seem like they would be my best bet and I’m inclined to believe that if it ever happens for me, that’s how it’ll happen. So far I’m 0.5 for 3 on that one. The 0.5 is a long story for another day. If you want that long story feel free to dm me about it. 

My advice to those of you looking to explore the idea of dating apps, go for it, but I honestly think dating apps are a 1 in 1,000 case. Which is more likely than you think because I do know of about 2 couples that met off of dating apps (both Tinder if you’re wondering) that have been going years strong. But, like me, I’d bet friendship or perhaps even strangers at events are your best bet. 

5. Love scares me

I know I just went on and on about how I love love and all the things I’ve tried, but that stuff is scary. Like I told you I don’t want one because of the work but honestly I think I could do it if I wasn’t so deathly afraid of that. More than love, vulnerability scares me senseless. I love love in the sense of longing. Maybe I even like the idea of longing in stories. But me? No way. You’d probably have to pay me $100,000+ or be a fantastic person to get me to voluntarily be vulnerable with you. 

It’s not you really it's me. 

Advice: do you boo, the best I can do is say that and take your time. I’d also highly suggest watching the Brene Brown special The Call to Courage on Netflix because that helped me a lot. But, seriously, I’m still struggling to even chip at this issue. 

6. I’m sick of the traditional advice

And by traditional advice I mean the likely very true advice my happily cuffed

friends tell me. As in: “Love has to find you”, “it will come when you least expect it”, “you have to love yourself first”, “focus on you and it will come”, etc. I’m sick of it because I can’t control it. That’s my big issue with the universe I suppose. I would like to be in control of my environment. If only those books and webtoons that had genetic matches to soul mates were real… Honestly, I think I’d complain about that too. 

But hey! Traditional advice is so repetitive for a reason. Because it's true. I know, I hate it too. My coping mechanism has been to read romance and make a Pinterest board for every aspect of my life that hasn’t happened yet. I don’t have advice for this other than escapism my friend. Sorry about that.

7. If I were my friend I’d be sick of how much I talk about love

Honestly, I talk about love so much I could probably write a dissertation on it.

Now that’s an idea, I think I’ll look into it. Anywho, I really do talk about this a lot. That’s why I’ve written so much on the subject in the previous passages. Honestly, I’ve been holding myself back. I’m just sick of how this has been ingrained into my head to the point of becoming something I think about that affects me this much. It’s kind of terrifying. 

My biggest fear is that if I don’t talk about love, or the lack thereof, what else can I talk about? Myself? Give me a break! Have I mentioned my fear of vulnerability? Oh yeah, yes, I have. So, essentially, I’m afraid of talking about me, myself, and I, in full vulnerable truth to the people around me. Ew, sorry to overshare. 

Advice: if you feel the same way consider doing what I tell you I’m doing next or journal, I find it quite helpful. 

8. I’m giving up on the pursuit of romance until Easter (or the foreseeable future)

Oh, c’mon! My raised-Catholic butt can hardly refuse the need to give up something like this for a period around Lent. I’m letting the part of me that has unhealthy attachments to the idea of love die in favor of loving what I do have more. 

I have run this idea past a friend of mine, half joking of course because when am I ever fully serious unless it’s work? And you know what? She said I should! Can you believe that? Who would I be if not the lonely 21 year old? A human? Oh the horror! Basically I’m challenging myself to do what terrifies me and attempting to follow the advice that I’m so sick of. 

My advice: do whatever you want (within reason of course). Live your life. Love your life. Laugh your li- sorry I couldn’t help myself. Spend time with yourself. Learn to sit with yourself in silence (this is more for me really, even as I write this I’m listening to music to make sure the thoughts aren’t too invasive). 

Have fun! Live your life for yourself and not for the expectations put on you by society or your upbringing. Eat your favorite foods, clean your room, drink some water, and know that you have people around you because they want to be there. Have a fantastic Valentine’s day and year full of love! <3

The Nightmare Artist

While all of my friends and family members lie asleep in their beds, I peruse the internet through the night. I often find myself falling into little rabbit holes of weird stuff or stupid memes that arent funny, but my sleep deprivation forces me to laugh. However, every now and then, I stumble upon something different. Something chilling and horrific that gnaws at the inside of my brain until I am able to let it out. It’s happened before, and I know it will happen again. This time, it was Zdzisław Beksiński’s nihilistic and eerie art that revealed itself to me, and my mind hasn't been the same since.

While scrolling through YouTube, I found a video titled The Nightmare Artist and was immediately sucked into whatever horrors I was about to see. The creator of this video, Zane Whitener, told Beksiński’s story so beautifully that I was on the edge of my seat the entire time. After the video ended, the images of Beksiński’s work circled in my mind for days and I was unable to put these thoughts to rest. I did some more research and learned more about Beksiński. In a Daily Art Magazine article titled “The Dystopian Surrealism of Zdzisław Beksiński,” by Errika Gerakiti This is not any sort of typical art piece that you will talk about in your art classes or see on TV, this is something else. Something that after I share it with you, I hope will inspire you (or scare you) to think of life and death in an entirely new light. So, strap in! It’s going to be a bumpy ride.

Beksiński was a world renown artist, famous for his early photography, paintings, and eventually his digital imaging creations. All of these mediums allowed him to depict the human body in a dark, mysterious, and often disturbing way, which led to a lot of criticism. Beksiński was never one to appeal to the societal norms of art in any given time period and received consistent backlash throughout his entire career. His first controversial piece, titled Sadist’s Corset, is just a taste of the disturbing imagery to come in his later works:

It is in this time that he explores painting and the pieces that are most recognizable today are born. These pieces are known as “The Fantastics Series”, and they simply cannot be defined by any genre, style, or meaning. Beksiński paints hellish nightmares that imagine horrific landscapes that are truly disturbing. Still, the fractured depiction of the human body is present in these paintings, along with religious and surrealist imagery. However, in these paintings comes another layer of terror as we see hellish depictions of war, torture, and death. Beksiński has stated time and time again that these paintings have no meaning. They are all untitled in an attempt to further that idea. He believed that titles led to forcing interpretations of a given art piece and he wanted his work to be admired, not because of what Beksiński wants it to mean but because of the art itself and what the viewer takes from it. 

In an attempt to honor his wishes, I am not going to give a definite meaning or understanding of his work that I may have come to based on things I have read or seen about Beksiński. However, I do want to examine some things that appear very often throughout these paintings, and why they might be so prevalent.

Since Beksiński was born in Poland in 1929, it is no surprise that we see some horrific depictions of war in his art. There are often military helmets that are very similar to the helmets worn by the Nazis shown in his painting. In the first piece (below on the left), we see a large head that is barely human, lacking eyes and a nose, almost as if it is a skull. This head is wearing one of these helmets. The second piece shows a path to a lighter area that is blocked by mass amounts of helmeted creatures, some dead and some living. ALL of the bodies that are depicted are decrepit and deformed, creating terrifying imagery and complementing his hellish worlds.

Another incredibly interesting thing brought up in Whitener’s video is the very specific usage of the paint “Prussian blue”. When I think of Prussian blue, I think of Bob Ross talking about his happy little landscapes of friendship and love. Beksiński might not agree with his usage. In Beksiński’s work, Prussian blue is associated with characters that are commonly believed to be Death. The fascinating part is that the Prussian blue paint is named after the acid that is used to produce that blue color in paint. However, what many people dont know is that the acid used in this paint is also the acid used to create the pesticide Zyklon-B, notorious for it’s usage by the Nazi’s in gas chambers during WWII. Could Beksiński’s use of Prussian blue be symbolic of the death that Zyklon-B brought to his home country during WWII? Many seem to think so, I will let you decide that for yourself.

Beksiński is also known for showing the human body malnourished, and often groups of these figures are stuck together as if they are a single entity. This is common in almost every piece of his, sometimes with these clusters of bodies being devoured by a larger being. It goes even further sometimes, with these bodies coming together to form buildings and landmarks. The first one pictured below is a painting of what looks like Notre Dame built entirely out of flesh and limbs. This grotesque form of architecture is prevalent in “The Fantastics Series”, and quite frankly, it is these buildings that haunt me the most out of all that I have seen. There really is no way to explain these structures, they are harrowing in every aspect and they will certainly be etched into your minds, just as they were for me.

“The Fantastics Series” lasted until about the mid 1980s and has inspired hundreds of people to create surrealist or nihilistic images in their own work, just like Beksiński. Most notably, Guierrmo Del Toro credits Beksiński for inspiring him to create the world we see in Pan’s Labyrinth. It took a lot of time and effort, but Beksiński had gained the respect of the art world and was no longer criticised for his imagination. Instead, he was praised for it and opened up a whole new world of surrealism and nihilism in modern art. However, though his career had a happy ending, his life did not. In 1998, his wife Zofia died of cancer and only a year later in 1999, his son Tomasz committed suicide, leaving Beksiński alone with his art. He pushed on for a few more years until 2005, when Beksiński was stabbed 17 times by Robert Kupiec because he refused to give him a loan of what equates to about 100 U.S. dollars. Kupiec was the 19 year old son of Beksiński’s caretaker at the time, and when Beksiński refused to hand over the money, violence ensued. Kupiec was caught and sentenced to 25 years in prison. Beksiński was 75 years old when he met his tragic end at his own home in Warsaw, Poland.

Today, there is a museum in Beksiński’s hometown of Sanok, Poland dedicated to him and all of his artwork. Thousands of people visit every year to enter the mind of Zdzisław Beksiński and build their own meanings of his artwork, just as he would have wanted. His tragic end does not sit well with many, and his legacy will be widely felt through art in Poland, and throughout the world. There are far too many paintings and artwork from Beksiński for me to discuss in a single blog post. However, I encourage you to explore his work and find something that speaks to you, even if you are creeped out along the way. I will add a few of my favorite pieces (or the ones I found the creepiest) below. Beksiński’s art is not something that everyone is aware of, but once you have seen it there is simply no going back.

The Hatred is Real, But It's Not Poetry's Fault

The first of Quiddity’s two contests for the Spring 2021 semester has recently concluded and the winners were chosen. These two pieces discuss the theme of rebirth in different ways. In keeping with this topic, I want to touch on a “rebirth” I recently experienced.

Like a lot of students, I hated poetry throughout high school and my first two years of college. I didn’t want to tear a poem apart to look for the meaning. Why did every word have to mean something? And, don’t even get me started on meter and rhyme. Trying to write a Shakespearean sonnet in iambic pentameter was one of the most traumatic experiences of my high school life. However, none of these issues were poetry’s fault.

In high school, so much emphasis is placed on certain structures and “formulas” for writing poetry. This ruins any enjoyment a lot of people could find in reading and writing poetry. I, for one, did not know free verse poetry was a thing until college. I thought all poems had to rhyme and that meter was required to call something a poem. This could not be farther from the truth.

It might be a bit far-fetched to say I love poetry now, but I definitely don’t hate reading it anymore. I also find a lot of joy in writing poetry. I have always put a lot of planning into the works of fiction I write. Poetry, however, does not need planning. Due to this, writing poems has acted as a catharsis for me during the pandemic. Whenever negative emotions start to take over, I simply sit down and scribble a few lines of poetry.

I think a lot more people could benefit from writing or reading poetry if it was taught differently in schools. Poetry shouldn’t be a place where rules and analysis reign supreme. Instead, it should be a place for raw emotion.

My suggestion for anyone who hates poetry because of reasons similar to the ones I listed above is to find someone who does like poetry. Ask them to recommend a modern-day poet. I have nothing against classics; there is a certain place they hold in literary history. However, they can be hard to enjoy due to their flowery language and often strict structures. Break yourself into this world with new poets and—if you begin finding poetry enjoyable—pick up Poe, Dickinson, Frost, or Whitman at a later date.

A Change Is Gonna Come (Whether You Like It or Not)

Having a fear of success is something I never thought too much about, but as I’m completing my last semester at Arcadia, I frequently find myself overwhelmed by this exact fear. This apprehension is also mind-boggling because I want to make my family proud and I want to have a great career, but these accomplishments are synonymous with being in the spotlight. I don’t enjoy being the center of attention, but if I want to be successful, I have to embrace being in the spotlight, right? I’m starting to realize that preparing for a moment and actually being in that moment are two different things.

Becoming a part of the honors program, receiving props from professors and classmates on how much I’ve improved over four years, walking across the stage and graduating; these are amazing accomplishments, but each one of them gives me anxiety. This is what I’ve been striving for, this is what I want, but being in the actual moment is kind of weird, even a little scary. I imagine expecting parents must experience something similar. They throw a baby shower and decorate the nursery and pick out baby names out of the several baby naming books on the market. But then, as the last trimester comes around, they remember that their lives will never be the same. They’ll have someone who will rely on them for at least eighteen years and they will never be able to go back to what their lives were before. I’m not suggesting that the parents have any regrets, but it has to be a sobering experience to remember your life is about to change forever. That's how I’m feeling right now, all of these accomplishments are great but they remind me that my life is about to change.

I’ve read The Great Gatsby before, so I know that trying to hold onto the past is both impossible and detrimental. I also know I felt this way four years ago when I was graduating high school. The idea of going to college and stepping into the real world terrified me, but four years later I can say it has been an experience that changed my life for the better. And while this pandemic has been awful, it did expose me to different ways of staying connected with my friends.  Zoom is something I had never heard of before, but now it’s become a way to spend time with my friends outside the borders of school. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able embrace the spotlight or the idea of change completely, but I do know that I can adapt and discover new ways to find comfort in the unfamiliar.

Things You Never Knew about the United States Postal Service 

Recently, I’ve been doing a lot of research on the art of writing letters because it’s an important form of communication that I refuse to believe is dead. As part of my Honors Project, I’m trying to revive an interest in writing letters to friends and show people why it’s an important form of communication. During my deep dive on this topic, I found a 149-page pdf document that’s all about the history of the U. S. Postal Service, that anyone can access through the USPS website. While this isn’t exclusively about writing letters, it is about the system through which we send and receive letters. 

I have learned so many weird factoids about the history of our mail services due to this line of inquiry. Here are a few of my favorite things about the USPS, in no particular order:

1. The Postal Service was founded in 1775.

It’s true! The Postal Service was established on July 26th, 1775, by the Second Continental Congress. The Second Continental Congress didn’t propose the Declaration of Independence until July 2nd, 1776, and independence wasn’t declared until two days later on July 4th, which makes our Postal Service older than the United States of America. 

2. Mail slots and receptacles weren’t required until 1923. 

I’m not sure why this fact evoked the most visceral reaction out of me, but it did. Mail slots and receptacles seem important to the way our mail is delivered today, and it’s hard to imagine a time when people didn’t have those. Since mail was hand-delivered by carriers back then, if a person wasn’t home to receive the mail, carriers sometimes waited outside of homes for about 30 minutes to see if someone would return home. If not, the mail would go back into their satchel and it would stay there until the person was home to take the mail delivery. 

The idea of a mailman standing outside the house, waiting for 30 minutes to see if someone comes home is insane. Today, people can’t wait 30 minutes for takeout, let alone for someone to show up at their house so you can deliver their mail. 

3. Two U. S. Presidents served as Postmasters. 

President Abraham Lincoln served as Postmaster of New Salem, Illinois, in 1833. Lincoln delivered mail personally and often carried mail in his hat. Harry Truman was also a Postmaster, but very quickly gave the job to an assistant. 

4. The U. S. Postal Service tried suing a band called the Postal Service. 

Lead singer Ben Gibbard, who is also the lead singer of Death Cab for Cutie, must’ve been very surprised to receive a cease-and-desist letter from the United States Postal Service in August of 2003 for his band, the Postal Service. The USPS claimed the band infringed upon the trademarked name and would have to change the name if they wanted to continue being a band. 

The Postal Service worked out a deal with the USPS, however. The USPS could use their music and name to promote mailing services. As long as the band promoted the USPS, they would not be sued. The USPS sold their CDs on their website for a small profit and used their music and image in commercials and on billboards. 

5. Benjamin Franklin was the first Postmaster General. 

The Second Continental Congress, to which he served as a member of, appointed Franklin this job on July 26th, 1775. He was most likely given this job because of his Postmaster career to the British Crown Post prior. His job was to oversee all Post Office needs between Massachusetts and Georgia. 

6. To be an employee with the Postal Service, one must take an oath. 

Starting with Postmasters in 1860, USPS employees had to take the following oath: 

“I, ________, do swear/affirm that I will faithfully perform all the duties required of me, and abstain from everything forbidden by the laws in relation to the establishment of the Post Office and post roads within the United States. I do solemnly swear/affirm that I will support the Constitution of the United States.”

Over the years, this oath has grown to pertain more to the Constitution, and the protection of our information against all enemies:

“I, ________, do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any  mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter.”

7. During the Civil War, soldiers used traveling Post Offices to send and receive mail to loved ones. 

Wagons and makeshift tents were used as Post Offices so that soldiers could receive and send mail to loved ones. Writing letters during war kept up morale for soldiers. Many read and reread letters before going into battle, or when they felt lonely, so that they remembered what they had waiting for them back home. Soldiers often wrote letters before going into battle, and would fold these letters over the pocket above their heart, so that if a soldier died in battle, one last letter would be sent to their loved ones back home. 

8. Curbside mailboxes we all know and love were instituted in the 1930s. 

For city dwellers, curbside mailboxes became the convenience in the 1930s. It was easier to receive mail in the city that way, and it was easier for mail carriers to deliver mail so that they didn’t have to stand outside or keep postage for more than a day if someone wasn’t home. The growth of suburbanism in the 1950s increased curbside mailboxes exponentially and has been the go-to way of receiving mail since then because of its convenience. 

9. In the early-to-mid-1900s, you could mail order a house kit from Sears. 

This blew my mind. In the 1900s, Sears actually allowed customers to mail order a HOUSE. Reminiscent of the way one can go to the store and buy a gingerbread house to assemble on their own, Sears sold house kits that people could mail order and build on their own. The supplies would arrive, and people would have to build the house themselves or with the help of family and friends or hire carpenters. 

The reason Sears offered these house kits is because of an excess of building materials from their building materials department that up until 1908, when these house kits started selling, were unprofitable. Their Modern Homes program struggled during the Great Depression due to payment defaults, and ultimately stopped in the early 1940s. 

If the fact that you could order a house kit through mail order and through Sears doesn’t blow your mind, I don’t know what will. The early-to-mid-1900s were a weird time. 

10. ZIP Codes were established due to World War II and the creation of the computer.

During World War II, many U.S. Postal Service employees left their postal stations to serve as soldiers in the military during the war. Due to this, many inexperienced people had to step up to take their post. These people weren’t as knowledgeable about postal and delivery routes, so the Post Office Department implemented a zoning address system that helped these individuals deliver mail without confusion. Originally, this zoning system only included one or two numbers for the city and state. This system continued after the war due to the increasing mail volumes as American society grew and expanded in suburban and urban areas. 

The computer also added another layer of pressure onto the Postal Service, through the creation of a digital system that sent out bills, magazines, Social Security checks, etc.  The ZIP Code (which stands for Zoning Improvement Plan Code) was implemented in 1963 to help elevate the pressure to deliver so many different types of mail to so many people. 

The ZIP Code system also elevated pressure from clerks who had previously had to memorize thousands of names of Post Offices to sort mail into the right section, and also allowed for automatic mail processing through computerized systems so that people no longer had to be in charge of memorizing thousands of Postal Offices. 

Curious about what the 5 digits represent in a ZIP Code? The Post Office Department made a 14-minute video about the advancement of the ZIP Code in the mid-1960s that you can watch here: "Swingin' Six" ZIP Code Video. If you’re wondering why you’re watching a mail video that includes bunions and calluses, so am I, my friend. So am I. 

This information will probably never help you out there in the “real world” but if you ever decide to go on Jeopardy or play trivia games with your friends, this knowledge may come in handy. Just don’t ever mail your kids because I’m pretty sure that’s illegal now (or it should be). 

If Walls Could Talk 

The key was stuck. Which means I was stuck.

Story of my life.

 I couldn’t tell if this was a sick joke being played on me by some holier-than-thou being above or just the sad ironic truth.

I was stuck.

Stuck in a bad dream that recycles itself as soon as I open my eyes and scan the walls in my room that seems so soulless.

 No, not soulless. That would insinuate the posters of my idols didn’t keep me company when I am alone with my thoughts. It would insinuate that the art on my walls didn’t take my breath away when admiring their brush strokes. It would insinuate that there wasn’t a living breathing woman occupying the bed in the corner of the room for the last 20 years with her whole life tucked away in the books on the bookshelf, the music collection she thinks makes herself interesting, or the dirt-soaked Chuck Taylor’s that pride themselves on remembering each step she has taken on her walk-through life.

I am alive. I can’t ignore that.

I’m stuck and I’m alive. Is this what Purgatory feels like?

That itching sensation under my skin whenever I’m alone with my thoughts and I become too self-aware? The out of body experience that soon follows to escape the fear deep within me? Where are my posters then? Do they look away when I reach this state? The walls soaking up the scene in front of them, holding my secrets in the petals that curl and decay with each passing moment.

 Man, if these walls could talk….

They’ve developed their own heartbeat, its in rhythm with mine. Reminding me we are connected. I can’t leave. They’ve heard too much. They know too much. These 4 walls feel like a cage, cold to the touch. How can I escape? How do you escape a recurring dream?

You can’t.

And the single poster of Kurt Cobain. He hasn’t been here for long, but he stares holes into my head, judging me, watching my every move like he’s known me through all of my trials and tribulations. He knows more than he should. His spot on my wall gives him the perfect view into my life.

I wonder what he thinks of me? I often wonder if he likes his spot on the wall or does he feel prefer the wall on the other side of my room? Does he like the music I play? Does he read along with me in suspense when I bring a book to bed?

How many conversations do I have to have with myself before he answers back?

Then I remember he’s stuck. Stuck like the couple in the Starry Night Over the Rhône painting next to him.

Stuck like me.

Down a Dark Rabbit Hole

This is one of the most confusing and ambiguous films of all time, and it almost requires multiple viewings. However, that is the fun part! Every time you sit down to watch, you might come up with a different meaning of the film or find new clues that point to various theories. The reddit threads about this movie are insane, trust me. I don't plan on diving into the timeline theories or the alternative universe theories because that could go on far too long, but if you are interested in that, I recommend watching this YouTube video by LondonCityGirl.

Alongside Frank, there are scenes throughout the film that hide rabbits in the background, or put them right in front of our faces in small details that seem unimportant, but are definitely not. Some theories bring forward the idea that the rabbits are placed in scenes to represent the mindlessness that Donnie sees in society. He believes that many of his peers, friends, family, and especially authority figures are living meaningless and unexamined lives. For example, there are scenes with stuffed animal bunnies in the background while Donnie is talking with his family about his volatile behavior. He believes that he is chosen to save the world and since he has a purpose, the rest of society around him are mere rabbits, pawns in a larger game.

In a class discussion of the book, Donnie remarks, “I just don't see the point in crying over a dead rabbit. You know? Who never even feared death in the first place”. What he doesn't see at this moment is that this story is much more real than it seems. Eventually, even though Donnie struggles to love the world he is in, he does find love with Gretchen. In loving Gretchen, he begins to see the bigger picture, the parallels, and the choices ahead of him. He chooses to accept his fate as the hero and works to set things right before the world ends for his peers, especially Gretchen. 

This is truly the tip of the iceberg when it comes to theories and symbolism in this film. If you don't believe me, just look at the fact that I wrote over 1000 words about bunnies. I didn't even touch on all of the other incredible theories out there. Donnie Darko is a masterpiece, I very strongly recommend it to anyone who is looking for something to watch and think about for the rest of their lives. For now though, I hope you all don't see any six foot tall deformed rabbits in your dreams this weekend… If you do, you know who to call!

Jared’s Declassified College Survival Guide 

Okay, first things first, I do not want anyone to think that I see myself as some expert on all things college and that I have it all figured out. I don’t. In fact, I know several classmates who are on top of things way better than I am. Still as a soon-to-be-graduating Senior, I wanted to share some things that made college a little easier over these past four years. Also, I wanted an excuse to make a title like this, if you know, you know. So here it goes :

Tip #1 Get Involved in Campus Life

Even if you’re the most social of butterflies, college can be a lonely experience. Try to get involved in some extracurricular activities. There is an activities fair at the beginning of every semester and it’s a great way to get involved. You can also check out Arcadia’s KnightLife page, there is always some kind of event happening and you might just meet a friend who shares your same interests.

Tip # 2 Ask for Help When You Need It

It’s inevitable, there will be a course that will be a challenge for you, but there are tons of resources to help you. From the LRN to the Writing Center to your Professors; there are several people willing and happy to help. I do have to be honest, there've been a few times where I’ve seeked out help, but have ended up more confused than I was before. If that happens to you, don’t be discouraged, go to your classmates and see if you guys can help each other out. At the very least, you won’t feel like you’re struggling alone.

Tip # 3 Make Time for Self-care

College is rough. There are peaks in the semester where things are really intense. While getting a good grade is important, you also have to prioritize your mental health. Make sure to schedule some downtime for yourself where you can decompress. When I was on campus, I would do this by playing pool in the game room or hanging out with friends at The Chat. Now that we’re in the virtual world, it’s been a little rough , but I’ve discovered ways to spend time with friends from a distance thanks to platforms like Zoom and Discord. Plus, Arcadia always has some great de-stress activities that can be done remotely. 

Bonus Tip: Focus on Progress, Not Perfection

Let’s face it, there are going to be times where college becomes too much. You might get a bad grade on a test or feel like you’re the only one feeling alone (trust me, you’re not). In those moments, remember to focus on how far you’ve come and don’t ever be ashamed of making mistakes, that’s how you learn. Everything isn’t always going to be perfect and that’s okay; perfect is boring anyway.

I hope my advice is helpful to you, and if you have never watched Ned’s Declassified before, my biggest tip is for you to start binge-watching it right now!

Prior

The cold, wispy dregs of winter had been dissipating into a bright blue sky the day I was assigned to take photos in New York City. It was freezing but the sun shone down in a million rays of white, reflecting off of the thousands of skyscrapers, filling the alleys with a shine that did not quite fit. On February 22, 2020, there were barely signs of change, but there were enough to fill the air with a strange tenseness, one that made the days feel odd and dreamlike. Disease had yet to strike our big cities and smallest towns and the last imprints of normalcy--of security--were caught by my camera that sunny Saturday morning. 

I did just that. My camera stayed slung around my neck on its strap for the entirety of the trip, and most if not all of the photos were shot from way below eye level. It’s this reason that I know they are the most genuine I have ever taken. It’s also this reason that I can tell that these people felt it, too. They felt that tenseness I mentioned, and maybe the whole country felt the same thing, even if they didn’t consciously realize it. But I think there were pits in all our stomachs beginning in January, the pits turning to rocks in February and boulders in March. I bet if I’d done the same assignment in February of 2019, the faces would be different. The strangeness would be different. 

2020 sep-dec

A Message to Athletes: Don't Count Yourself Out

I am, and always will be, a proud member of the “hypest bench in the MAC”, and will stand by that title until an actual award is created. However, being a First-Team All-American Bench Player isn’t always as glamorous as it’s advertised to be. The position comes with its fair share of struggles, and my mental health was no exception to that. 

After a lackluster high school career, I didn’t know if I was actually capable of playing at the college level. So when I arrived on campus, and offseason workouts and pickup games started in full swing, all I had in my head was doubt.

These girls were all the best players on their high school team, what makes me think that I can compete with them?

Did Coach make a mistake recruiting me?

As practice started, my coaches and teammates all expressed their faith in me; everyone believed I could contribute positively to the team. I had been so desperately seeking their approval since I arrived, and thought this would be the turning point of my anxiety. Everything should have been resolved with their validation, but it wasn’t. My mind couldn't get past my imposter syndrome, I felt like I didn’t deserve the opportunity I was being given. I didn’t belong there. I felt like a fraud. 

I ended up starting my first college game against the 16th-ranked team in the country at the time. Let’s just say, it was not the best night of my life. My stat line went something along the lines of 6 turnovers, 3 personal fouls, and 0 points. My performance not only missed my standards, but the expectations of everyone around me. I had practically thrown away the best opportunity I had ever been given. 

I received texts afterwards like “tough game” or “yeah, you’ll do better next time”, and although they came from a good place, it caused my anxiety to worsen. I couldn’t sleep that night, all I could think of was the people I let down: my family, friends, teammates, coaches, everyone. There were upperclassmen that didn’t play and I had robbed them of their chance that night. I didn’t deserve to be there and my performance confirmed that feeling.

I convinced myself that eventually this would all just go away, and until then I was going to fake it until I started playing better. Unfortunately this was not the case, my anxiety and imposter syndrome grew worse until I was pulled from the starting lineup and encouraged to keep working until I got back to where I was. In that moment, all my doubt felt confirmed; my fake self confidence had finally caught up to me.

As I continued to ignore my mental health, I realized that I needed to figure out my new role on the team. I used finding my new role as a way to distract myself from my doubts and concerns. I just didn’t want to think about it, I was convinced that these feelings would eventually pass. This was just a phase, I’d get over it. 

Eventually I adopted the role as “hype man” and began my spot on “the hypeset bench in the MAC”. My new role excited me, but also further confirmed my anxiety about not deserving playing time. I was caught between wanting another opportunity and feeling like I didn’t deserve it. My imposter syndrome carried over to practice, I felt like I was holding my teammates back. I wasn’t able to push them at practice to be better and compete harder, they needed more from me, and I just wasn’t good enough to help them. It became harder for me to be a hype man when I could barely drag myself to practice. My days turned into “just get through it” and “try not to mess up too bad”. I didn’t deserve to play, I just wasn’t good enough. 

I then started to doubt and devalue my mental health struggles by comparing myself to my teammates.

I can’t talk about my mental health when my teammates physically can’t play because of injuries, that’s selfish of me. They would kill to be in my spot right now.

She just played the whole game yesterday and isn’t tired, I have no right to complain about practice.

It doesn’t matter if I’m having a bad day, I need to encourage everyone, that’s my role.

Again, I chose the tactic of avoiding my mental health problems until they fixed themselves, and just like before, this did not work. I went from starting my first college game to being the only bench player not to sub in. Why? Because I refused to acknowledge that my mental health had become a problem, and it caused my performance to suffer. I wanted so badly to be the person that helped everyone else feel confident, but felt selfish asking for/wanting the same in return. 

Now that I am willing to accept and acknowledge the mental health struggles I’ve had in athletics, I can confidently say that I am working towards bettering myself everyday. I have not fully figured out how to perfectly deal with my anxiety, and that is ok, but each day I move forward. 

Through all my experiences in athletics, I have come to the understanding that mental health doesn’t discriminate, no matter how many minutes per game you play. I’ve learned that in order to accept the belief that others have in me, I need to believe in myself first. I’ve been working on understanding that comparing and devaluing my mental health with others is not only harmful to me, but to them as well. Mental health struggles are not just a “phase”, and I’ve finally realized that in order for me to move forward, I need to prioritize having open and honest conversations about these issues. 

It’s been a long 10 year journey to get to this point, and I’m so thankful that I finally feel comfortable enough to share my story with others. Now that I have a platform and voice to share my experience, I want to express how important it is to acknowledge and work towards bettering your mental health- your problems are not a burden to others. So to all of my bench players out there that feel as though their mental health struggles aren’t important, remember they are! Be proud of yourself for how hard you work, and remember that some days you need someone to hype you up instead of the other way around. I see you and I’m here for you!

Arcadia Students, here are some helpful mental health resources:

Arcadia Counseling Services 

Heinz Hall, Ground Floor

215-572-2967

counselingservices@arcadia.edu

Off campus referrals from the Counseling Center: 

https://www.arcadia.edu/life-arcadia/campus-services/health-wellness-arcadia/counseling-services/referral-list

Check out The Hidden Opponent to find more information on fighting the mental health stigma in athletics culture!

Website: https://thehiddenopponent.com/ 

IG: @thehiddenopponent

Twitter: @hidden_opponent

Facebook: The Hidden Opponent

(There is a THO Facebook group for student athletes that you can request to join!)

How To: Integrate Reading Into Your Everyday Life + Book Reviews

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been dedicating most of my time recently to homework and not necessarily reading, at least not for fun. I recently discovered that I have a lot more fun reading when it is for me and nothing else. I have also taken up the opportunity to do this thing that brings me joy every day. So, now, I have a night routine of all the hygienic things, washing my face, brushing my teeth, etc. and reading a book. 

Although it is becoming increasingly difficult to put my book of choice down, no matter the choice, I thought I’d share some book reviews and include some advice for integrating reading into your everyday routine. Although some days I’m too exhausted to even read a sentence, I don’t beat myself up for it. 

Step 1: Find a book you really want to read

Finding a book you are anticipating is the key to getting yourself to pick up a book and read it. However, it is important not to build expectations too high. I often go into books with little knowledge and sometimes high ratings from outside sources I trust. 

Do it your own way, but make sure you don’t become too wrapped up in what other people are saying about a book until you’ve read it. 

Since it is October, Spooktober, Spooky Season, etc. I have been on the hunt for a read to scare me, but not make me sick. As someone who is more a fan of a thriller than horror and who has limited time to finish a book, I was on the lookout for something short but that would still send chills down my spine. I ended up watching a couple of YouTube videos and, on the recommendation of a friend, discovered I’m Thinking of Ending Things by Iain Reid. 

This book is so perfect for just when it becomes chilly during the spooky season particularly because it has a creepy, winter setting. It was so good that I finished it in two days, on top of the mountains of reading homework I had to push through. 

What this book does fantastically is making everything seem so real that you become wrapped up in it to the point that the twist comes as a genuine twist to any reader that encounters it. I’m sure that someone who is extremely talented in figuring out the ending of books may have the idea come into mind but reject it almost entirely with the story provided. I think Reid is skilled in this respect because this was his first fiction novel after writing two non-fiction books. 

Overall, I would highly recommend this for your spooky needs. 

Step 2: Reading instead of scrolling

I find that whenever I tell myself that I am too tired to read a book I end up scrolling through social media or on my phone for a longer period of time than I would have spent reading. So my advice for a second step is to replace the extra scrolling through your Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest, Reddit, etc. to try reading a book. This has helped me increase my reading and completion of books tremendously. 

Putting down your phone for just a little longer can be a life changing experience. Plus we usually use our phones to disappear and escape, a good book can be just as cathartic and even just as addicting without the harm to your eyes or the blue light waking you up late at night.

Speaking of putting the phone down for a great experience, the other book I would like to speak about is the one that I’m currently reading which is The Other Side of Lost by Jessi Kirby. This book is about a former Instagram influencer’s experience with grief and finding herself by hiking the John Muir Trail that her deceased cousin planned to do for their shared birthday.

This book is so refreshing, I often lose myself in the storyline as well as the descriptions of the California wilderness. I often find myself reading late into the night but I think tonight is the night I finish it but I can’t read for my next exciting book adventure.

Step 3: You have to want it

In order to integrate reading into your daily life, you must make time for it and the only way that most of us make time for anything or anyone is by wanting it or feeling a need to do so. I put reading everyday into the wanting it category because this is reading for enjoyment and maybe even learning but not learning you need to do. 

I highly encourage anyone to try to incorporate reading into their daily lives but it isn’t for everyone. Try to find a genre of book you like to read. Escape with fiction, fantastical or realistic, with non-fiction, outstanding or relatable. All I ask is that you try for even one day of your week and, if that works, up the ante. I hope this was helpful and you got an idea of what you want to do or read next!

Everywhere at the End of Time

Summer 2020 was a joke. I’m sure I speak for everyone when I say this. It was incredibly boring. However, by mid-June, I had a plan to spice it up a bit. I would begin searching for the absolute scariest movie of all time! I watched movie after movie for hours on end and very quickly watched every movie on all of the “Top 10 Scariest Movies of All Time” lists I could find on the internet. What a joke! Were these movies good? Yeah, of course, but were they actually “scary”? Definitely not. 

A few movies came close to getting me though! The pure shock value of Hereditary is very strong and I thought about that movie for weeks after watching. My mind has not forgotten the face of the Moonlight Man from Gerald's Game, so that’s definitely a step in the right direction. The visuals and film style of both The Blair Witch Project and The Taking of Deborah Logan chill me to the core, and I would probably say those two were the scariest ones I was able to find over the summer.

Of course, horror and fear are always subjective. What I find scary (or not) differs from person to person, and will ultimately shape how one interacts with horror as a genre. Since I went into each movie as that cocky teen who “isn’t scared of anything”, I was in more of a mindset to avoid any scares! 

So, my search continued.

A good friend of mine told me that since I’d watched every horror movie that I could find, I should try getting through the ones that “they” don't want you to find. These movies are the ones that you probably should just leave alone and not try to find, but I had an insatiable curiosity. I watched movies like The Human Centipede and Terrifier, which are essentially just gore fests and honestly I wasn't scared of them, just repulsed and sickened. Then my friend told me to watch The Serbian Film. I truly have no words for this movie. For lack of better words , this movie is fucked up. Even that doesn't fully capture how incredibly messed up it is. I think the writers must have just walked out of a satanic worship club meeting where they threw babies into a blender and laughed at their cries for help just before deciding this movie was a good idea. Still though, I was not scared, just disgusted. However, that was definitely the end of my journey into the banned movies that are floating around on the internet. They’re banned for a reason, just let them be.

So, my search continued.

I tell you all of this background information to establish myself as someone who doesn't scare easily. Which adds to the power of what I am about to share with you now. Late at night in mid-August, I was just getting myself off of the dark side of the internet and getting ready for bed when I stumbled upon “Everywhere at the End of Time” by The Caretaker, an instrumental album that I thought would be a nice little ambiance to get me ready for bed. As I’m sure you've guessed by now, it was not. Every single sound on this album was permanently etched into my brain, causing me to dread anything that sounds even remotely similar to it. It was here that I discovered a true harrowing fear. I had done it, I found what scared me, but at what cost?

“Everywhere at the End of Time” is a musical rendition and reflection upon specific symptoms that are key to the progression of Dementia in the brain. The Caretaker released this album in six different stages from 2016 to 2019, each one plunging deeper into the unknown and misunderstood phases of Dementia. To put it bluntly, this is a six-hour descent into the horrific loss of identity that victims of this mental disease experience before their inevitable deaths. It’s a beautifully melancholic piece of art that is truly, the scariest thing I have ever encountered in my life. As it progresses, the music becomes increasingly distorted until it is outright unintelligible, and then silence. A deafening silence. It is within this silence that the weight of what I had just experienced truly began to hit me. HARD! Each stage that was released has a different description by The Caretaker, which I don't think that I can convey as well as he has. For your own curiosity, here is what they have to say:

STAGE 1 - (A+B) 

Here we experience the first signs of memory loss. 

This stage is most like a beautiful daydream. 

The glory of old age and recollection. 

The last of the great days. 

STAGE 2 - (C+D) 

The second stage is the self realisation and awareness that something is wrong with a refusal to accept that. More effort is made to remember so memories can be more long form with a little more deterioration in quality. The overall personal mood is generally lower than the first stage and at a point before confusion starts setting in. 

STAGE 3 - (E+F) 

Here we are presented with some of the last coherent memories before confusion fully rolls in and the grey mists form and fade away. Finest moments have been remembered, the musical flow in places is more confused and tangled. As we progress some singular memories become more disturbed, isolated, broken and distant. These are the last embers of awareness before we enter the post awareness stages.

STAGE 4 - (G+H+I+J) 

Post-Awareness Stage 4 is where serenity and the ability to recall singular memories gives way to confusions and horror. It's the beginning of an eventual process where all memories begin to become more fluid through entanglements, repetition and rupture. 

STAGE 5 - (K+L+M+N) 

Post-Awareness Stage 5 confusions and horror. More extreme entanglements, repetition and rupture can give way to calmer moments. The unfamiliar may sound and feel familiar. Time is often spent only in the moment leading to isolation. 

STAGE 6 - (O+P+Q+R) 

Post-Awareness Stage 6 Is without description.

Each stage pushes further into the unknown and wrenches your heart further from your chest. It is terrifying. There is no other way to put it. Now, I’m sure most of you are thinking, “why didn’t you just turn it off?”, good question. I physically couldn’t. Somewhere between stage one and two I fell into a sleep state where I took the music with me into my subconscious. Word of advice, if you end up listening to this, DO NOT FALL ASLEEP! The subconscious mind is an incredibly powerful thing that we know very little about. By bringing this music into my mind as I slept, my subconscious tricked me into thinking that I was truly experiencing this tragic disease. I began to feel confused at what I was hearing. Was it something I had just heard? Am I dreaming? What am I hearing? What is going on? It all started to slip away. The distortions to the music inserted new pieces into my mind and removed ones that shaped who I was prior to experiencing these stages. Somewhere towards the end of stage five, the distorted sounds grew so loud that they freed me from my sleep state and I finally woke up. This is five hours into this experience. I opened my eyes and was unable to understand where I was and who I was. I knew nothing about myself. It was the scariest feeling I have ever had in my entire life and I never wish to feel anything like it ever again. Within a few minutes, my subconscious decided it had had enough of playing games with my mind and my memory came flooding back to me. I sat up in bed, paralyzed at the thought of what I had just been through over the course of five hours. Then, the silence. The silence that is anything but quiet. For another hour I sat and stared at my wall, listening to a piercing silence that tore my heart to shreds. I felt tears flow down my cheeks, but I could not feel the sadness. My mind was elsewhere. In fact, it was everywhere. Everywhere at the end of time.

I am unsure if this is a cautionary tale or some type of attempt to cope with the things that I have experienced within a short period of time. I guess that just like fear itself, it will be subjective as well. It may sound like a whole load of lies, but I promise you, this is real and that was a very real reaction to it. I truly wish I was making it up, and that I didn't have to think about this every time I hear a weird distorted noise or some fuzzy sounding, old-timey music. 

I cannot imagine the pain and suffering that one must go through by being a victim of Dementia for real. I experienced this for a few hours and I have been traumatized by it ever since, but I still have my memory and my identity intact. I am heartbroken at the thought of those who never come back from this, and my thoughts and prayers go out to all of those whose loved ones are pushing through this horrible disease as I am writing this. I am truly sorry. I hope that one day we will be able to create some type of cure for this, so family members can return to their loving families and all of those their mind left behind.

For now though, I will leave you all with one final thought. The mind is a powerful thing. Be sure to cherish every moment that you have with it, and most of all, be careful with it.

Coping in Quarantine: A Personal Account and Recommendation

Let me tell you a tale, about how multiple people I know, including myself, have been reacting to quarantine and how we’ve learned to cope.

When quarantine began, it was like a little vacation from everyday life and I thought “Surely this will end soon” and I don’t know what I meant by “soon” but that time has come and gone and here we are. I have had a lot of time to think, I suppose you could say.

In my thinking, I have discovered that the current state of the world is far too overwhelming for me at the moment and there are very few things I can do to cope. This post is to conjure up ideas for those of you who are feeling trapped, emotionally numb, hyper, and other emotions that I don’t feel I have the right words to describe. 

Throughout the course of this quarantine, I have dedicated myself to the arts as a means of escapism. This was working splendidly until, of course, I woke up one morning a few weeks ago and the only thought in my mind was “I need to run away right now.”

Now, I know that I’m not the only one who has felt that way in this time or, perhaps, in my lifetime. But, you see, this was a new sensation for me. I had never so vehemently felt the drive to be in the middle of wilderness, far away from anything I had ever grown to know. I felt a calling to live as a hermit in the woods stronger than I have ever felt before.

Now, we know I’m not in some remote wilderness, though a part of me still longs to be. So the question is “how did I cope?” And the answer is, I did a pseudo run away. Instead of going on vacation or going to someone’s house I went on a drive.

I know not many people have access to a car 24/7 or have a license but just GETTING OUT of the neighborhood I’m so accustomed to was a relief. This didn’t completely solve my issue though. Luckily, it was a Sunday when this occurred so I was free from the obligation to my education.

I went to the bookstore to quell the rest of my restlessness, particularly because I know that the mere presence of books I have no familiarity with is extremely calming. It makes me feel like I’m not the only one with ideas constantly circulating and not the only one thinking the way I do. The bookstore gives me a sense of community without being socially overwhelming. 

These days, I’m still trying to come up with more conventional ways to relieve myself of this need to run away. Currently, I am planning to study abroad next semester, if possible. That helps my situation but the escapism I need is often expressed through reading. 

I could escape through shows and movies but that usually makes me feel like a slave to the screen and after watching The Social Dilemma I want no part in that. 

That being said, I would like to offer recommendations for your entertainment and coping. Firstly, it is essential to practice self-care in times like this. I often do yoga and every night make sure to do a skin-care routine to check-in. For self-care I recommend drinking a glass of water, doing something you love to do, and journaling, just in a stream of consciousness manner can be helpful. 

I would also like to recommend watching The Social Dilemma, mainly because it can help remind you that, even though social media can connect us in times like these, it can also harm us greatly. Consider taking a break from social media or, at least, keeping electronics out of the bedroom after a certain time to regulate your sleep schedule.

Find something you love to do. It could be taking a walk around your neighborhood, reading a book, playing board games with your family, playing Among Us with your friends.

Turn to your comfort show, movie, book, etc. I have watched Pride and Prejudice, Mamma Mia, Mamma Mia 2, Maid Sama, The Phantom of the Opera, and The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl to do this. I’ve also reread a book series I read when I was a kid, though I choose not to list it because it gradually became more and more awful.

Try to find a book about traveling to find an escape, this helped me greatly when I was reading The Other Side of Lost by Jessi Kirby. 

I hope that this helps and, if you knew about these methods already, great minds think alike.

Holiday Homicide

The holiday season is finally upon us, and while most of us would love to just fast forward to New Years Eve and get the hell out of 2020, we still have almost two months left. However, that doesn't mean we can't enjoy these next two months. The holidays would be incomplete without the tradition of watching some of those famous movies we all know and love. Whether it’s The Grinch, Elf, Die Hard (which no matter what anyone says, is NOT a Christmas movie), or Home Alone, holiday movies never fail to bring families together and get everyone in the holiday spirit. But what if a movie we all know and love for it’s “wholesome” comedy, had a much sinister story? What if our favorite home defender, Kevin McCallister (Macauly Culkin), grew up to be the creative killer known as Jigsaw?

I know it’s an outrageous thought, but stay with me for a minute. I know that the kid’s name is Kevin McCallister and Jigsaw’s real name is John Kramer, and that might instantly turn you off from this theory. But, it’s impossible for me to ignore the similarities between the two characters. During the home invasion, Kevin loads his house up with a bunch of different traps that the burglars inevitably fall into and hurt themselves. Some of these traps are incredibly well thought out and honestly, pretty brutal, especially for a young kid (see the kerosine and blowtorch trap from Home Alone 2). These traps get more and more advanced with each film, and as Kevin gets older he has a deeper understanding of how the devices he creates work and the power they hold. This could very easily grow into something much more maniacal with the right sort of catalyst.

In the Saw series, John Kramer has a terminal illness and chooses to use his time left on Earth killing people (as you typically do). However, he chooses his victims carefully, only picking those who have taken their lives for granted and act carelessly. He then traps them in a room with various extremely deadly traps and a puzzle that--if the victim can figure out--will grant them their freedom. The goal is for the survivors (if there are any) to leave with a deeper appreciation for their lives, and that they understand that life can be taken from them in an instant, just like it was for Kramer. After a childhood of learning to expertly plan how to trick someone into falling into a trap, using their own human intuition and carelessness against them, it makes perfect sense for that same child to grow up and continue to use these skills. Like I said before, he would just need the right catalyst, and he got that when he was diagnosed with a terminal illness. Watching everyone around him take their lives for granted while he has a timer on his certainly could spawn a hatred of humanity. 

If we think about it, being left behind on a family vacation in itself is definitely heartbreaking. Now, throw in a home invasion attempt on top of that and you have the recipe for a traumatized child. To get through this traumatic event, Kevin finds his joy in the painied screams of the invaders. In the moment, the audience thinks, “Oh that’s great he is happy to be fighting off the criminals”, but after thinking about it further, he is laughing at the pain he is causing his victims. That’s messed up, even if they are criminals. Say the events of the Home Alone movies come and go and Kevin eventually gets over this pleasure he finds in inflicting pain. Then he gets diagnosed with cancer. Any tragic diagnosis like that is extremely traumatic, and could definitely bring back some of the trauma that he had escaped from his childhood. How did he cope with trauma before? Inflicting pain on others.

There is simply no way that Jigsaw sets up all of these elaborate and horrific puzzles and gets no pleasure out of it. I mean, he calls them games! He does all of this to force his victims to appreciate their lives? Yeah right, sounds like an attempt at justification to me. Jigsaw hurts people for the same reason that Kevin does, to cope with the trauma that they face in the only way that they know how. Pain.

After years of thought and reflection on his primitive childhood traps, Jigsaw is able to think up new ideas or methods of harming individuals. One in particular makes the idea of Kevin growing up to be Jigsaw almost irrefutable. In Home Alone, Kevin is afraid of the furnace because he thinks it will wake up and burn him to death. In Saw II, Jigsaw uses a furnace to burn someone to a crisp. Coincidence? I think not. Clearly, Jigsaw uses his own childhood fears as inspiration to create traps that will brutally kill his victims while also instilling a deep fear within them.

Of course, this is just a theory. However, it is one that I have a hard time finding fault with. It seems too coincidental to not be true, even if the directors had not planned it to be. Oh wait! James Wan, the director of the Saw films, weighed in on this theory in an interview with The Huffington Post. He explained, “It’s amazing. I should’ve known all along that Macaulay Culkin would grow up to be John Kramer. I think it’s awesome”. 

Are you convinced yet? No? Well, take a look at this comparison picture then. These features are so similar, that it’s incredibly hard to write off as nothing out of the ordinary. Frankly, I can’t unsee how similar they are, it’s almost as if they did it intentionally… Hmmmmmm...

Summer Project. Picasso for A Day

During the boring days over the summer due to the pandemic, I decided to paint the biggest wall of the living room where I live with a low budget. Having no clue where to begin, I started searching for painting process information. The information consists on which type of paint for indoor, and the colors that go along with. Two nights before the painting day, I saw a YouTube video where the person did a geometric wall painting. I said, “wait a minute. If this person can do that, I am capable as well.” A geometric wall painting is where people use tape and draw triangles or squares on the wall and use different colors to paint each triangle. Also, I thought that it is not common to see different colors in a living room. I have no knowledge about house decoration, but most people tend to use a single color like an Ivory or While. On July 13, I went to Walmart early in the morning to make sure that I would have the entire day to paint the entire wall. I chose red, blue and black. Aren’t those colors crazy? 

At the store, I was a little impatient and almost gave up. For some reason, the employee did not know how to operate the color mix machine. I was determined to do the wall as the video showed. After waiting more than half an hour, another person came to the machine and mixed the painting really well. I was so excited! 

After arriving home, we started to put the tape on the entire wall. Yes, I had to ask for help from one of my friends since it was harder than I had anticipated. We created the triangles and painted the wall with different colors. The results are amazing! I love it, but it was too much work. We finished painting around 9 P.M. The good thing was that we learned a new skill. It also demonstrated we can do anything if we have the conviction and the optimism.

The Ugly Truth About Reading as an English Major

If you aren’t an English major, grab a friend or someone you just know in passing that is. Now, ask them, “When was the last time you read for fun?” If you are an English major, you probably already know the little bit of embarrassment that edges in when you realize your answer is months ago. 

For a lot of English majors, reading is what first drew them toward the major. I always liked reading, but in the sixth grade, I went on a reading kick unlike any I had experienced before. I was reading one book a day, and on the weekends and in the Summer, I was reading until past midnight. This reading frenzy lasted well into high school. So, it was no surprise to anyone when I decided I wanted to be an English major. But, if you asked me to know what I like about reading, I’m not sure I’d have a convincing answer. 

From personal experience and conversations with friends, however, I’ve learned that the type of reading that makes someone want to be an English major rarely lasts long. When it comes down to it, being an English major means taking courses that ask you to read a lot of novels, short stories, and poems that you wouldn’t have chosen if you had the choice. And, you’re not likely to enjoy everything assigned. Just this semester, I’m in a class that has had a lot of required reading and I’ve liked most of the novels. There is just this one, though, that makes me feel like I’m slowly drowning in quicksand.  

However, being an English major shouldn’t be the end of enjoyable reading. Also, you shouldn’t try to push the reading of books you choose to Summer or Winter break. So, I have a challenge for anyone reading this; you don’t have to be an English major (classes can get anyone who enjoys reading into a rut no matter their major). 

Find a novel that has been collecting dust for way too long, or find a short story online that looks interesting if there’s nothing on your shelf. Now, pick a manageable goal. Maybe you read one chapter a day, or maybe only five pages a day. The purpose of this challenge isn’t to read a whole novel in a week. With finals coming up, that’s just unrealistic. It’s just about taking a few minutes each day (or every other day depending on your schedule) to relax with something other than social media.