My Grandfather Died

My grandfather died in the winter.

Fitting in ideas associated with ideas

But the winter had always been happy for me

Maybe it was because I never felt the bitter cold

I grew up in a place where the sun refused to set

Where it decided to shine 

And never changed its mind.

Winter felt like a calm summer

And summer felt like hellfire

But smelled of sunscreen and laughter

My grandfather died in the winter.

Winter was the time of gifts

for Christmas, 

For December 7th,

for Hanukkah, 

For December 16th,

for Kwanzaa,

For January 3rd, 

For death

We all receive gifts when someone dies:

More space on the train

More space in your brain

More things that you take

My grandfather’s death was given to me 

on my birthday, what a gift 

to have me 

Think of you every year 

I grow older

Not a month after your birthday

I’m thankful for what he gave me

I’m thankful for what I taught him

I’m happy I got to love him

Before he became incoherent

The family descended like flies on a carcass

Ripping apart the components of his life

Gripping at strings

Begging to hold on 

to all those memories

Trying to hold on to a man 

By stealing what once belonged to him

My grandfather died in the winter.

But the spring and summer he gave

Act to shelter one from the cold

Of the harshest winter unknown to me.