Repeat

In the basement of the high school there is a dark, dingy room that is accessible only once a year. The building in which it resides is crowded since it is the only high school in the area. It is a small room, full of some new neuroscience equipment, a stool, and an exam table—items that bring the past here. While the woman in a white lab coat works on a student, there is a line of anxious teenagers waiting in the hall. 

In the hall, just outside the room, Breanna is sitting next in line, twirling her raven hair around her finger and unknowingly shaking her leg. She looks at the students seated next to her, each looking as nervous as she feels. Her boyfriend Brian is sitting beside her and takes her free hand in his. He gives it a slight squeeze causing her leg to slow down. She meets his loving ocean gaze, but Lucas Wright, the guy sitting two seats down from them, distracts her with the devilish twinkle in his eyes and smug smirk gracing his bowed lips. She feels her cheeks heat up and quickly looks down at her lap, silently wishing Brian could make her feel this way. 

When she hears the buzzing of the machines fade away, she knows she will soon take the place of the student in the room. When the door opens, a young man she doesn’t know exits with a large grin on his face. Surely that is a good sign. As she watches him walk down the hallway, the southern woman appears at the entrance and places a gentle hand on Breanna’s shoulder. 

“I’m ready when you are,” she says before retreating into the room once more and taking her comforting touch with her. Breanna takes a deep breath and stands. Brian releases her hand, but gives her a reassuring smile. 

Once she is inside, the woman closes the door and gestures for Breanna to sit on the exam table sitting in the center of the small room. As she walks by, Breanna sees the woman’s name stitched on her lab coat—Dr. Nancy Shaw. At least someone who went through med school is the one digging through her memories. 

“Now, I need you to lie back and place your hands by your sides,” says the doctor. She moves swiftly around the room as she talks with a tissue soaked in alcohol in hand to sanitize the equipment. “The process is pretty simple and the most pain you’ll feel from me is small prick from the needle with the sedative.” Breanna nods in understanding. Once the equipment is sanitized, the doctor places two electrodes on Breanna’s temples, one on each side, and does the same on her neck directly beneath her ears. Finally, the doctor reaches for the needle filled with sedative and takes Breanna’s outstretched arm in her other hand. Breanna winces as the needle pierces her skin, but as the doctor promised she feels no other pain. 

As the sedative slowly takes effect, Breanna thinks back on everything they were taught in class about the procedure. They learned that the idea of looking back on people’s past lives is fairly new, and the procedure is only four years old. Their teacher also told them that the government decided that people could only undergo the procedure once, because one man who viewed his past lives monthly went insane and committed suicide. They were informed that their grade level, high school seniors, was chosen to be the recipient of the procedure each year because it was believed that they could put the information to use in the best way—avoiding their previous lives’ mistakes. The school even had seniors from the previous year explain how the procedure opened their minds regarding the future. Most importantly, they were ensured that the procedure was completely safe. Of course, none of this information settles Breanna’s nerves as the sedative takes full effect and she slips into unconsciousness. 

* * *

Breanna’s eyes open and take in a beautiful canopy of emerald leaves above her. She smiles and digs her hands into the grass beneath her. A small bluebird flies overhead bringing a pop of color to the green and brown of the forest surrounding her. She turns her head to the left and is surprised to see a man lying beside her with his arms folded beneath his head. When he turns to look at her, she gasps. When a senior from the previous year told her that even if the face, eyes, voice, and body are different she would be able to tell who the people around her were, she refused to believe it. But, those gorgeous amber eyes are undoubtedly the vessel of Lucas’ soul.

“My dear, Eloise, what is wrong? You were smiling but a moment ago, and now worry dances across your face.” His strong British accent would leave the modern Breanna fumbling for words to say, but this body is used to it. 

“What if he finds us? I cannot bear to lose you, Johnathon.” Johnathon rolls onto his side and smiles at her. 

“Do not fret,” he whispers, then takes her hand and graces it with a quick kiss. “If your husband finds us, we will deal with it. I love you, and that is all that matters.” 

“He will kill you, and then me for being an adulterer. And who knows what he will do to my son if believes he is not his. He is only three, and even though he looks so much like his father, I doubt Winston will be able to see past his rage.” Tears are streaming down her face and her breathing is becoming heavier, but she continues, “I may not love my husband, but my son deserves to live a long life and inherit what is due to him.” 

Johnathon does not say anything. Instead, he cups her cheek in his hand and brings his lips down to hers. Although it is not her body, Breanna can feel everything. She feels the electricity coursing through her veins from his touch, the heat rising to her cheeks under his loving gaze, and the love that is evident between the two. Everything she has never felt with Brian. However, the moment is over far too quickly because they hear a horse’s hooves hitting the ground. Johnathon jumps to his feet, then takes her hand to help her up. 

Before they can run into the forest to escape, her husband bursts into the clearing atop his brown mustang. When she looks into his eyes Breanna again sees someone, or at least a soul, she recognizes—Brian. The man dismounts his steed, and although he is smaller in stature than Johnathon his puffed-out chest and pulled back shoulders show he clearly holds more power. Against her wishes, Breanna feels her body bow its head in submission to the man before her. His gaze tightens and his mouth sets into a straight, unmoving line when he looks at her. When he moves past her to Johnathon, she looks up and sees that Johnathon is not bowing down as he should. Instead, he is standing straight with his shoulders pushed back and chest puffed out. 

“I take you into my home, give you a job, and treat you far better than another man of my station would treat a man of yours and this is how you repay me!” Winston bellows. His right hand forms a fist and rushes toward Johnathon’s face landing with a low crack, sending Johnathon to the ground. “You bed my wife and think there will be no consequences!” Winston yells as he kicks him twice in the ribs, each time eliciting a painful cry from Johnathon and an anguished scream from Breanna. Then, he pulls a dagger and leans down. 

Breanna rushes forward and grabs Winston’s arm. He spins around and forcefully grabs her hand and yanks it off him. Then he throws her to the ground. She lands on her hand, and feels the bone break. “I’ll deal with you later, whore,” Winston bellows. Unable to get up fast enough, Breanna must watch as Winston thrusts the dagger into Johnathon’s chest three times before turning toward her with the bloody knife. 

He points the knife at her and says, “If you do not obey and submit to me from now on, this knife will be in your chest.” With that he mounts his horse and rides out of the clearing, and Breanna remains on the ground, cradling her wrist with tears streaming from her eyes. 

Then she blinks. 

* * *

When Breanna opens her eyes and notices she is no longer in the forest, she hopes that she is back home, but quickly realizes she has entered another life. She had been told that most people only experience one past life, most often the most emotionally charged one. Others may feel lucky to see another of their lives, but after witnessing the brutal murder of man she loved in a past life who has the soul of the man feels drawn to in her current life, Breanna just wants to be done. 

She looks around the small house she is in. In front of her is a table with half kneaded dough and ingredients strewn across it. She looks down at her hands and notices they are covered with flour and chunks of dough. She reaches for a towel, and as she is wiping the white powder from her hands, the door opens and she hears the heavy stomping of boots on the rickety floor. Before she has the chance to turn around, she feels two hands on her hips and rough stubble scratch her earlobe as the person whispers, “I sure am glad to see you, Betsey.” 

She turns suddenly in his arms and pushes him off. In the dark brown eyes of the man before her, Breanna recognizes Lucas, but has no time react as her body opens its mouth to speak. “Jacob, what are you doing here? If my overseer, or worse my master, finds you, you’ll be flogged. We need permission to marry across plantations. You know this.” She paused, then another thought occurred to her. “How are you even here? Please don’t tell me you ran away.” 

“I didn’t run away, crazy woman. My master had a letter that needed to be delivered to yours and sent me. I just wanted to see you before leaving.” 

She breaths a sigh of relief and attempts to contain the tears that are threatening to spill over, but she feels them spill over and trail down her cheeks anyway. “You can’t scare me like that Jacob Warren!” She scolds and smacks him with the towel. He jumps back and bursts into a fit of deep laughter that is too contagious to not join in. 

Once they manage to stop laughing they sit down and Jacob says, “I have an audience with my master tomorrow. If he agrees, I will ask for a day of leave so that we can ask your master together.” The corners of her mouth pull into a smile and her head bobs up and down in agreement, but she cannot stop worry from clouding her mind. Jacob reaches to take her hand in his, then asks, “What’s wrong?” 

“I’m worried about what my master’s son will do if he finds out. He’s been trying to force himself on me and I keep refusing, but each time I do he becomes more violent.”

“If both our masters agree to the marriage, there is nothing he can do. Please don’t let it worry your pretty little head. I have to return, but God willing, I’ll be back soon.” 

A few days passed, each bringing a more forceful advance from the master’s son that she barely gets out of. During these advances she recognizes Brian in the master’s son’s eyes. When Jacob shows up with a letter explaining his master’s agreement to the marriage, relief washes over her. That same day they ask for an audience with her master and ask his permission to marry. He agrees, but as they are leaving the manor she hears someone come down the steps a few moments after them. Then, she hears the cocking of a pistol and before she can react a loud gunshot rings out and Jacob falls to the ground. She turns around and meets the eyes of his murderer—the master’s son. 

He glares at her and says, “If I cannot have you, no one can.” Then, another shot rings out, she feels a sharp sting in her chest, and she collapses next to Jacob. 

* * *

This time, when Breanna opens her eyes, she knows she is back in her own body because she can hear the low hum of the machines around her once more. She sits up before the doctor has the chance to come over and rips the electrodes from her temples and neck. The doctor looks worried, but does not say anything. She just takes the electrodes from Breanna’s hand. 

When the doctor moves to place the electrodes on a table by one of the machines Breanna asks, “How long was I out?” 

“Only fifteen minutes. It was a bit longer than most, but your vital signs were fine so I saw no reason to pull you out.”

Breanna’s eyes widen and she says, “Only fifteen minutes?!” 

“The doctor gives a reassuring smile and responds, “Yes. It tends to feel like much longer. That is completely normal.” 

Breanna nods slowly in agreement and slides off the exam table. The doctor holds the door open for her, and she enters the hallway to find everything as she left it. The only difference is her perception of those around her. When she looks at Brian she can no longer see her loving boyfriend, only the evil soul who has kept her from the man she loves during at least two lives, but probably many more. And, when her eyes meet Lucas’ she is overwhelmed by the warmth that floods her body. She only hopes that, if he sees a past life with her, he will feel the same way after his procedure.

Breanna leaves the dank basement and exits the school to wait for Lucas on a bench in the courtyard. An hour passes before she sees him come through the double doors. His eyes scan the courtyard, eventually landing on her. When he sees her, his eyes light up and he rushes toward her. She stands to meet him, dropping her backpack on the ground in the process. He throws his down as well and pulls her into his arms. He smiles at her, then presses his lips passionately against hers. She feels the same electric spark that coursed between Eloise and Johnathon, and that feeling tells her she is right where she belongs. 

When they break apart she whispers, “Promise me that no one will ever keep us apart again.” 

He presses his lips against her forehead and responds, “I promise.” 

The next day, the two enter school with their fingers interlocked, believing everything will be okay. Then, during their lunch hour, panic envelopes the school. Breanna overhears people saying that someone made it past security with a gun and is shooting anyone in his or her way. No one knows who the shooter is and causing everyone to mistrust their closest friends. Students and teachers are running to the closest exit, with some being overtaken and knocked down by the crowds. She has seen news stories about these situations before, but Breanna never expected to be someone in such a horrible situation. 

Lucas grabs Breanna’s hand and pulls her toward the cafeteria exit. She hopes they can make it out in time; she isn’t ready to lose him again. But, as they are rushing out of the double-doors with a hoard of students, Brian stops them and pulls them back into the cafeteria. Breanna’s heartbeat is racing as flashes of  Lucas’ past lives being murdered over and over again flash across her mind. Her worst fears are realized when Brian pulls a gun from beneath his jacket, revealing himself to be the shooter. First, he takes out Lucas. Then, he turns the gun on Breanna and shoots. 

As she lies dying, Breanna reaches for Lucas’ hand which is already going cold, and wonders if they are doomed to repeat this cycle in all of their coming lives. 

About the Author

Sierra Tufts-Sicard is a freshman English major in the Creative Writing Concentration and a Professional Writing minor. In her free time, she enjoys reading and writing fantasy works.