Shifting Tides

There is a chill in the air tonight. Nathan had given me his jacket before going back inside to grab another beer but I could still feel goosebumps rising to the surface of my spine. On average, The Hamptons were a crisp 49° in March but this year it was a high of 54°. My fellow spring breakers and I were glad to be blessed with such warm temperatures. With the added warmth of bonfires and addictive substances, jackets weren’t a necessity for all of us. Also, our hotel suite is being kept at a steady 70 degrees. We are staying at one of the plentiful beachfront chains known as Braxton Hotels that lined the entirety of the East Coast. Thomas Braxton always hosted parties during spring break at one of his family’s hotels. The patio door behind me is still open from Nathan’s departure. Inside, I could see him standing near the beer table talking to some of his friends. I pull his jacket closer and stare out at the ocean. There are people sitting in the sand warming up by the bonfire as they plunge needles into their veins. Most of the party is too busy being subject to the mild tingling brought on by alcohol consummation and the warm sensation that followed the ingestion of opioids and other happy pills or powders to be concerned about the weather.  

Closer to the patio another table sits filled with varying types of alcohol. Each type in a neat line with the labels facing out. As I look over the alcohol table, I could see Caroline making her way back up the beach towards me. Caroline Wickham loves to call herself my better half even though we both don’t truly believe her anymore when she says it. We may have been better friends in another lifetime but here we could only spend time together under the influence of something. She’s a sweet girl when intoxicated but I know firsthand that she can be deadly when she mixes her liquor and drugs. I see her shoving an orange bottle back into her lime clutch when she steps onto the patio. 

“I just want one more shot,” she says. 

“Of what?” I ask. 

“Surprise me.” 

She had been doing vodka shots for most of the night. I pour another one of those filling the shot glass halfway. Caroline doesn’t complain and drowns the liquor. She sets the glass upside on the table. 

“I have something for you.” Caroline reaches for my right hand and presses a white oval into my palm. “I know it’s a bad night, try to forget.” 

This is her way of being a good friend. She knows about my sister Cordelia and she remembered that today was the anniversary of her death. The moment between us is lost when Thomas calls her name. He is illuminated by the orange flames as are his handful of test subjects prepared to try his new drug mix. 

“You’re the best,” she tells me before going back down to the fire. 

I turn my back to her and examine the pill. It’s from one of my prescription bottles. A few years ago, I nabbed my first notepad of prescription slips from my step-father. Lucky for me, he saved time by signing the first few slips. With some practice, I learned to forge his signature and fill out the slips in handwriting similar to his. I refill Caroline’s discarded shot glass with tonic water before placing the small pill on my tongue. It goes down easily. Both the act of taking the pill and drowning the shot are proof that practice really does make perfect.  

From the patio, I see Caroline kneeling in front of a table pushing white powder into a line. While my best friend is snorting powdered happiness off of a glass table with a Benjamin, I top off my plastic champagne flute. I use a bottle of tequila that is almost empty and a bit of orange juice for balance. Sunrises were my sister’s favorite drink. At first, I drank them because it was the only drink I knew how to make but now they served as a reminder of Cordelia. She died when I was twelve. Six years ago to the date. Normally, I would’ve been kneeling beside Caroline but I couldn’t bring myself to do anything but drink to my sister’s memory. She could’ve been standing right here on the night she died surrounded by people who only pretended to be her friends, exactly like I am now. 

Cordelia used to be the best bartender during parties. She was happiest messing around with different drinks determined to create the perfect balance of alcohol and juice. She liked the party life and our mother only encouraged her to follow her mixologist dreams. Our dad never liked it much. Their fighting started with her sneaking in and out of the house at all hours and covering up the smell of alcohol and weed. As her antics worsened, the fighting increased. Then she was gone and so was he. 

The feeling of hands on my waistline breaks my train of thought and I’m further distracted by his chapped lips kissing their way to the back of my neck. 

“Nathan,” I sigh.

Nathan Alcott has been my boyfriend for the last eight months. We meet briefly last year during spring break but it was only long enough for my boyfriend at the time, Samuel Howard, to punch Nathan’s nose in a drunken haze, me to quickly apologized, and rush Sam out of the room. Before the end of the spring semester, Caroline reintroduced us and we’ve been together ever since.

“Alexandria.” He spins me around in his arms so we can look at each other. “It has been days since I saw you last.” 

“Don’t be dramatic, you’ve only been gone for twenty minutes and we spent all of last night together.” My fingers fiddle with his top button. “You didn’t forget, did you? I thought it was special.”

He smiles in response. Nathan’s mother used to be a model until she fell in love with a photographer of one of her calendar shoots. She still dresses like she’s walking down a runway every day but Nathan was never one to take after her fashion choices. He always keeps his style simplistic but he still manages to draw the eyes of every female when he walks into a room. Today’s choice was a light blue button-up, black jeans, and that perfect, dimpled smile. He reaches over me to toss his beer bottle into the faded blue recycling bin. I wanted to say something about how quickly he seemed to be drowning his beers but I keep it to myself. He shouldn’t be drinking so much, he can be very angry when drunk. 

“Can I interest you in a sunrise?” I hold up my orange and yellow mixture. 

“You know I prefer beer.” 

“I’m only trying to change your outlook on mixed drinks.” 

Nathan takes a swig of my drink and fake gags. “Nope, still gross.” 

A blur of blonde passes us and for a second I think about shouting Cordelia’s name but I don’t. It doesn’t make sense. She wouldn’t be at this party, she can’t be here. The blonde hair is the platinum dye job belonging to Tiffany Clayton. 

“Nate, can you spare your girl for a second?” she asks. 

He refuses to look at Tiffany but does as she asks. Nathan releases me and says he’s going to talk to some people. I assume he’ll also be grabbing another beer.  

“I’m glad it’s working out for you,” Tiffany says. “I thought after what happened, you’d ditch him.” 

Apparently ‘some people’ meant Caroline as the two of them were now chatting by the fire. Tiffany sees my gaze has followed Nathan’s movements.  

“You’re brave to still be friends with Caroline, I personally would’ve dropped her. After all, she had as much to do with it as he did.” 

“What do you need, Tiff?” I ask, attempting to end our conversation.

“I was just wondering if you’d mix me something.” She smiles. “Your sister, I hear, was really good at it.” 

“She was,” I agree. “What can I get you?” 

“Gin and tonic, I’m watching my calorie intake.” 

Like most of Thomas’s parties, the liquor table is extremely organized. Not only is it color coordinated but the bottles have been alphabetized and arranged by how much liquid is in each bottle. I grab the last of the tonic water and a half-empty bottle of gin. 

“You know, my mom just got remarried.” 

“Did she?” 

This wasn’t a surprise. Tiffany’s mom moved from one marriage to the next like Tiffany moved from one substance to the next. 

“Yeah, just a week ago. She made me her only bridesmaid.” 

I add a lime wedge to the edge of her glass. “Here.” 

She raises the glass and shouts over the music. “Who wants to go skinny dipping?” There’s a chorus of yeses. “I say Alexandria is the first one in!” 

More yelling.  

“No.” I shake my head. 

“Come on, it’ll be fun.” 

“I said no.” Tiffany pulls on my arm. 

“Tough shit, I said you’re the first one in.”

People begin stripping off their layers and throwing clothing onto the sand dunes. I remove my shoes and Tiffany covers them when she tosses her dress over her head. 

“I’ll unzip you,” Tiffany offers but I turn away. “What’s your problem?’ 

“I’m not going in.” 

“This again? People are waiting.” I stand in protest. “Fine, go in with your clothes on.” 

She pulls me to the water and the wet sand is cool beneath my feet. I haven’t tasted salty sea air for years. We stopped going to the beach after Cordelia’s body washed up on the shoreline. Tiffany looks at me as if to say ‘Well, we’re waiting.’ Looking over my shoulder, I see the line of people behind us ready to race into the waves once I dive in. Cordelia didn’t hesitate. She was the first one in the water. No one helped her undress. My hands reach to unzip my dress and I toss the thin material to Tiffany. I step forward, the salt water stings my skin. My body burns as I submerge myself. 

There are no distinct sounds under the water. Occasional shouts from the beach are easily muffled by the ocean. I block out the distorted conversations from the shore. Without the distractions that the party atmosphere created, I can think. My eyes start to sting from the salt but I’m not ready to surface yet so I close them. An image of a nineteen year old Cordelia appears on my eyelids. Her straight blonde hair flows around her head. She is so close that I can see my reflection in her hazel eyes. I open my eyes expecting her to be right in front of me but she isn’t. There is only the sea.

The waves force my body forward; it pushes me towards the shoreline. I release air bubbles but it’s too dark to see them rising to the surface. I’m afraid of running out of air. Should’ve taken a deeper breath before going under. I wonder if Cordelia ran out of breath or if she simply got lost amongst the waves. My throat is closing, constricting my airway. I need to breathe but if I do water will rush in. Then my head hits open air and there are cries of victory from the beach. People are throwing themselves into the waves, Tiffany swims to my side.

“See, you lived.”

I don’t answer her instead I move away unwilling to make unnecessary conversation. There was no time for talking when my body was craving more oxygen. We are far enough into the ocean that my feet don’t touch the sand below. I need to get back to where I can stand. I have to start swimming back to shore, the only thing more important than oxygen is having my feet back on the ground. I need to be out of the water. 

“You don’t want to stay and swim?” she calls after me. 

People are yelling about a sandbar but their voices don’t carry well over the ocean crashing against the shore. 

“I’m going back!” I shout at her.

I turn my back to Tiffany once more but she still manages to have her voice heard. 

“Good idea, you don’t want to be too much like your sister.” I watch as she dunks her head under a wave.  

I take more deep breaths. Not for the oxygen but to calm myself. If I breathe out in time with the waves I can get my heart to stop beating so quickly. My body is still being pushed forward by waves. The droplets of water running down my limbs are as powerful as the ocean’s current. When I cross my arms I can feel the raised skin of goosebumps. I don’t feel cold, I feel like throwing up. I don’t realize I’m shaking until Nathan grabs my hand.

“You’re shivering.” His voice sounds so far away. “We need to get you inside.” 

He guides me into the hotel through the patio door that no one bothered to close. Nathan tells me to sit down while he grabs me some towels. Everyone is still in the water so no one is in the hotel except the two of us. I can hear his footsteps on the tile floor. When he returns with two towels, I realize both are for me because he is completely dry. He never even made it into the water. I guess once he saw me going back inside, he grabbed his discarded shirt and led me back. I feel Nathan staring at me, I squeeze my eyes shut blocking him out. 

Cordelia’s floating body appears behind my eyelids. 

“Are you okay?” Nathan asks, wrapping a towel around me. 

I shake my head trying to escape Cordelia. Nathan takes the motion as my answer. 

“What happened back there?” 

The waves pushed her forward, she was only moving because of the current. She rose to the surface closing in on the shoreline. The sand was hot beneath my bare feet. Her body was carefully removed from the waves by three men dressed in medical uniforms. They tried to not drag her but the sand clung to her legs and feet. Sand found its way into her hair and onto her cheeks. At the funeral, I would tell my mom that they missed some grains of sand from under her neck. Mother would say I was seeing things but I wasn’t. Her eyes must have been deceiving her. On the beach, my mother squeezed my shoulder as we watched the men load Cordelia’s body into their vehicle. I turned away from my sister’s body and stared up at my mother’s puffy eyes. I thought we were going to the hospital. They were going to save her. We went straight home after seeing them take Cordelia away. My parents were making hundreds of phone calls answering people’s questions and accepting their deepest sorrows. None of my questions went answered. As her sister, didn’t I have the right to know what happened? 

I sat on Cordelia’s queen sized bed. My feet dangling over the edge. Her walls were filled with photos. She was smiling in every single one. There was no expression on her face at the beach that day. I tried to imagine what was to come but all I could think about was not crying. If my parents weren’t going to tell me anything then I have to come up with some answers myself. By the time I recalled the events of the last few hours, I only knew one thing for certain. My time as a sister had come to an end. 

“You didn’t go in?” I ask more than say.

“After I saw your face when you were getting out of the water, I was more concerned about you than looking cool.” Nathan shrugs. “Are you warming up? Do you need another towel?” 

“I’m fine.” 

We only get a few minutes alone before people starting coming out of the water. I stand up to towel dry my hair some more. I hadn’t noticed my dress sitting on the edge of the sofa. Nathan must have thrown it over the sofa’s arm before getting the towels. I slip it back over my head in one motion. 

“I’m going back out,” I tell Nathan.

He stands up and zips the back of my dress. 

“We can stay inside if you want.” 

“I want a drink.” 

Once I reach the patio, I see Tiffany accepting a towel from Thomas. She is already by the fire with a drink in her hand. She must’ve gotten out shortly after me because her hair is almost completely dry. Nathan is close behind me. 

“I’ll make you a sunrise,” he says. 

It was still fairly dark outside, we wouldn’t be expecting the sun for another hour or two. I wondered how long we would have until early joggers started running along the beach. They surely wouldn’t appreciate being stopped by a group of underage drunks and druggies. Nathan hands me my drink. I take three large shallows and finish it. 

“Thanks.” 

I put the glass down and move my fingers through my hair. As I start to twist my hair into a braid, he points Caroline out to me. She’s still dripping wet from her swim but doesn’t seem to mind that her dress fits like a second skin. 

“Is she flirting with Braxton?” Nathan questions. 

“Probably not.” 

The two of us stand on the patio watching Caroline talk to Thomas. She is likely trying to convince him to offer her a discounted price on his drug mix. I heard this year he was experimenting with ketamine. She catches us watching and flicks her drying strawberry blonde hair over her shoulder. She winks and waves to us before diving back into conversation with him.

“Well, what do you think they’re talking about?”

“The fact that she is technically single right now and how vulnerable she is because of her alcohol intake,” I say. 

“It’s wrong to take advantage of a drunk and high girl.” Nathan frowns.

“Nothing is wrong if you have money,” I counter. “And Thomas Braxton has a lot of it.”  

The conversation between Thomas and Caroline ends with him passing her a package of his new mix. She probably promised him some sort of sexual favor which he could cash in whenever. Caroline puts it into her bag and makes her way towards us. She stops a few steps in front of me. Her dilated pupils are the only evidence of her earlier activities of snorting mysterious substances. I guess, she has gotten the behavior down so her parents don’t question her when she gets high at home.

“What are you talking about?” she asks. 

“Tiffany Clayton,” Nathan lies.

“Oh, did you hear? Her mom married up,” Caroline chimes in. 

She probably would say that my mother married up just like Tiffany’s mom. My biological father couldn’t handle Cordelia’s death so he left us. At least that’s the story my mother likes to tell people if they ask. 

“Apparently, her ex-husband found out that she was having an affair.” 

“So she married her manstress,” Nathan concludes. 

“Nope, but I bet she’s still seein’ him. Tiff’s latest step-daddy is in pharmaceuticals.” 

Caroline smiles at me like we share a secret. If she wants a comment from me, she isn’t getting one. She knew my drug habits were covered under my insurance. Thanks to my step-father’s doctor day job, I had no trouble picking up prescription pills at the nearby pharmacy. 

“Wouldn’t you be upset if your manstressing went to waste like that?” Nathan asks. 

“I’d feel a bit inadequate,” she answers. 

Nathan nudges Caroline’s bag. “Will you slide me some of his mix later?” 

“I would but then we’d both have to sleep with Braxton and I don’t like to share.” 

“You agreed to sleep with him?” Nathan sounds shocked. 

“Caroline, I thought you were over your rich boy phrase.” I try to sound disappointed but I’m really not that surprised. Caroline will do anything to get cheap drugs. 

Caroline and I weren’t people who threw money around. Both of us knew our parents would start to get suspicious if we dipped into our funds too often. 

“I thought so too but hey free drugs are free drugs. You definitely should’ve tried the mix, Alex. You would sleep with Braxton too to get that shit for free.” 

My boyfriend moves away to grab his drink. In those brief moments, Caroline manages to press another white pill into my hand. She smiles as I stuff it into my bra. I didn’t need it right now but I appreciated the thoughtfulness. Nathan turns back around and stands closer to me than before. He even wraps one of his arms around my waist. I look at his hand then to his face for an explanation. Not finding one in his expression, I match my gaze to Nathan’s to find his reasoning. He must have seen Tiffany approaching before Caroline or me. 

“Back to sleeping around in exchange for drugs?” Tiffany asks. 

“Never stopped,” Caroline replies. 

With a non-response from Caroline, she turns to Nathan in hopes to get him riled up. 

“I told your girl earlier that I was surprised you two were still dating,” Tiffany says, pouring some gin into her glass. “But I guess, if she wants, Braxton’s bed wouldn’t be too bad of an offer.” 

“Alexandria and I are indeed still together.” Nathan’s hands tighten around my waist, I feel the outline of his shirt buttons down my spine. “She is not going to sleep with anyone but me.” 

“But it’s cool if you don’t follow those rules right, Nate?” Tiffany smirks.

“What do you mean?” Nathan is playing with fire. 

The drugs must be kicking in. Tiffany and Caroline are no longer in a happy, go-lucky mood. 

“Drop it, Tiff,” Caroline warns. 

“He’s only going to it again,” Tiffany tells me, ignoring her. “That’s how cheating works, once a cheater always a cheater.”

“He’s standing right here,” Nathan says, waving to her. 

“I really don’t see a problem,” I tell her. “I forgave him and we’ve since moved passed it.”

“That’s noble of you.” She sighs. “He fucked another girl—your best friend no less—and you’re totally fine with it.” 

“We didn’t fuck, it was a kiss,” Nathan corrects her. 

Caroline makes eye contact with him. The memory of the two of them tangled in bed together was as fresh in her head as it was in mine. They should’ve gone to a hotel if they hadn’t wanted to be caught together. They really shouldn’t have been in Nathan’s bedroom if they didn’t want me to be the one to catch them. 

“I don’t remove clothes if it’s just kissing, Nate but Caroline and I are two very different girls.” 

“I don’t like what you’re insinuating,” 

“It’s not insinuating if it happened, Nathan,” I murmur. 

Maybe it’s because I finally spoke or she is satisfied with Nathan’s anger but Tiffany moved onto me. 

She reaches out and touches the end of my braid. “Cordelia was a good swimmer, wasn’t she?” 

My eyes are watery but I look straight at her. He tightens his arms again. “Fuck you!” 

“Already have, hon.” Tiffany makes her way down the beach but not before Caroline pulls on her arm.

She catches her balance. “What!”

Caroline rises her four-inch stiletto and brings it down onto the exposed skin of Tiffany’s foot. Her scream draws more attention than the arguing. “You bitch!” 

“No, Tiffany. You’re the bitch!” I break free of Nathan’s grip and push Caroline behind me. “I’m tired of this petty, high school shit. I don’t care who’s slept with you. I don’t even care that Nathan is among your many sexual partners. You need to stop bringing up that fact that Caroline and Nathan had sex because frankly, no one fucking cares what you have to say.” 

“We actually—”Nathan attempts to cut me off but I’m quick to silence him. 

“Nathan, why don’t you stay quiet. I’m talking now.” I take a breather before pushing forward. “I’m sick of you starting trouble. Your rumors are old news. Nathan’s a cheater. Caroline’s a drug abuser slash sex addict. You just can’t seem to lose the I’m-Better-Than-You look despite the fact that it’s been out of style for years. And everyone knows I’m just Cordelia’s replacement.” 

Tiffany just looks at me. There’s a circle of people around the two of us. No one says a word. We are all waiting to hear what Tiffany has to say back. Apparently, she doesn’t have anything to say to me. I said it all. She sips her drink as I walk away. 

“Alexandria!” 

I turn to face Tiffany. 

“You’re right,” she says. “You are your sister’s replacement.” 

I don’t say another word to her. Instead, I move towards the door, I didn’t need to be here anymore. And I didn’t want to be here either. The crowd is thick enough for me to have to push through in order to leave the hotel room. The cool early morning air hits my face immediately calming me down. Even from short distance between the hotel room and the end of the patio, I can block out the party and listen to the crashing of the waves. I control my breathing by inhaling and exhaling breathing in time with them. I slip off my shoes and walk down to the shoreline. As I get closer to the water, the sand becomes increasingly colder. Freezing saltwater pushes against my ankles tempting me to go back into the water. To have the same fate as my sister. 

This time I don’t pull my dress off. I walk into the water fully clothed without hesitation. It’s much easier to do something you’re afraid of for the second time than the first. I already knew what it felt like to be here. I had been pressured into going in but this time I went on my own accord. No one was watching. They were all too busy inside watching and waiting for another fight to break out. Maybe another fight would start. A chain reaction of arguments. More likely, the party had started up again with another round of drugs. 

When I was waist deep, I remembered that the pill that Caroline handed me is still safely tucked away. I reach into my dress and hold the white oval in my palm. I didn’t have a tequila sunrise to wash it down with but I swallow it along with a mouthful of saltwater. Another wave of calmness moved through my body. I couldn’t tell if the numbness I felt was due to the drug or the cold water. I was drawn to the horizon; I swam farther. Passed the point of crashing waves was still water. Nothing was moving. The ocean didn’t push me forward anymore. There was no need to go back to shore. Not anymore. 

“Alexandria!” She shouts. 

It wasn’t Tiffany’s voice calling my name but I heard her words repeat themselves again in my head. 

“You’re right, you are your sister’s replacement.” 

I may not be Cordelia but I tried my hardest to live up to her reputation. Mixing drinks, tight dresses, dating Nathan, even befriending Caroline all lead back to my sister. I had chosen to date a boy who resembled her first love. Caroline’s blonde head and hazel eyes easily matched Cordelia’s features. 

The horizon was beginning to turn to lighter colors. A sliver of pink and orange met the edge of the water. 

“Alex!” 

I look back to the beach. A blonde figure in white was yelling my name where the waves were crashing against the sand. She was stepping into the water. It only took a few moments for Caroline to reach me. 

“You shouldn’t swim alone.”

“I needed space.”

The sun is higher in the sky now. I can see the streaks of red in Caroline’s hair giving it the strawberry blonde color. 

“There were forty people around when Cordelia went into the water and she still didn’t make it out. If you insist on being in the water than I’m not going anywhere.”

“Okay,” I say. “You can stay.” 

I dunk my head and open my eyes under the water. Caroline does the same. She waves to me and grabs one of my hands. We come up for air together. 

“I bet I can hold my breath longer than you,” she challenges. 

We both go under at the same time, eyes closed. Caroline smiles and waves to me again. She closes her eyes before I do. It’s peaceful under the sea. No sounds expect our heartbeats. My eyes shut and I see Cordelia again. This time she is lying face down on the beach. I’m kneeling at her side, screaming at her to wake up. I want to see her eyes open. I shake her shoulder but she doesn’t move unless I touch her. My dad is tugging on my hand. He doesn’t want me to see my sister’s body. I’m breathing into his shirt, making wet spots from my tears. I reopen my eyes to forget the image of my dad. I haven’t seen him since a few months after the funeral. My parents were divorced quickly after Cordelia’s death. The two of them fell apart completely without her around. 

Caroline’s eyes are still shut. I see some of our air bubbles mixing together before popping when they reach the surface. Just like before the salt starts to burn, I close my eyes again. Cordelia’s body doesn’t appear this time. All I see is darkness. I grab Caroline’s wrist, I hope she knows this means I’m almost out of breath. I’m going to the surface. She squeezes back a little harder. I open my eyes. She’s floating in front of me then it’s dark again. It’s like the sun has decided to set before rising. There is nothing in front of me when I reach outward. I can’t tell how much time has passed but I feel someone pressing on my chest. Air fills my lungs even though I don’t inhale. The pressing continues until I cough up seawater. Hands help me sit up as I cough and breathe deeply. Caroline and I sit in the sand with our legs outstretched barely touching the waves.  

“You’re okay. Everything is okay,” Caroline tells me.  

My lungs need more oxygen. I take a deep breath again. 

“Just breathe,” she says. “In with the wave, out when it crashes.” 

I follow her directions and my breathing becomes normal again. She looks over to me. 

“When did you learn CPR?” I ask. 

“I was a lifeguard a few years ago when my parent’s company wasn’t doing too well, remember?” 

I don’t but I nod anyway. My thoughts go back to Cordelia. She looked so much like Caroline when I saw her under the water. She could’ve been the one waving to me instead of my best friend. 

“You couldn’t have saved her, you know?”

“You don’t know that.” 

“I do. You weren’t there that night. You couldn’t have stopped her from drinking. Cordelia would’ve gone into the water no matter what. There is no way a twelve year old could have pulled her out of the water and given her CPR.” 

I stay silent. Caroline had a point, nothing would’ve prevented Cordelia’s death. She could’ve been completely sober and still have drowned. 

“I miss her all the time.” 

“Of course you do. She’s your sister.” 

“Was,” I correct.

“Is,” Caroline says. “You don’t stop being sisters after death. You’ll always be a sister to her just like she’ll always be your older sister.” 

“How sober are you?” I ask. 

“I haven’t had anything since the mix of ketamine Thomas had me try.”

That was over two hours ago. Before the first confrontation with Tiffany, before I went skinny dipping, and before the fight with Tiffany.  

“I’m going to head back to the hotel,” Caroline says. “I need a drink after that.” 

I nod understanding that Caroline saving me from a near death experience wasn’t enough to get her to stop living her life the way she currently did. 

“Don’t go swimming, okay?” 

“I won’t,” I promise. 

I don’t watch her as she walks back to the suite. I know she’ll make it up the beach. She’ll probably tell everyone what just happened. Nathan may come rushing out to find me sitting in the sand. He might bring a couple of towels. Maybe he’ll bring me a drink. I could use one after that swim. I ring out my wet hair. My braid now contains grains of sand and a few short pieces of seaweed. With the small amount of daylight, I can see the pier not too far in the distance. The horizon still looks the same except the sky is now orange, yellow, and pink instead of black filled with tiny stars. I watch the sunrise without a drink in my hand. 

About the Author

Monica DiTomassi is the Co-Editor in Chief of Quiddity. She is an English major with a concentration in Creative Writing. She is also the President of the American Sign Language Club at Arcadia and a member of the English Honor Society, Sigma Tau Delta. After graduation, she hopes to work for an editing and publishing company and writing her own books. In her free time, she likes to read young adult fiction novels, write her own stories, and venture in Philadelphia on weekends. She also enjoys traveling aboard when possible and hanging out with friends.