Watch the Sunrise

There’s a few items on my bucket list so far. Like

Fall in love. 

I’m going to find out what love feels like

and I’m not gonna be that child of divorce 

who thinks I’ll never know real love 

because I think no one will ever fall in love with me 

because I don't feel worthy of being loved like that.

Loved for real.

I’m going to find out what that’s like

to love and be loved just as much.

For real.

Those three words are thrown around like they’re nothing

but whoever I fall in love with is going to be loved with 

everything I have. 

The furthest thing from nothing.

I know that. I know because

I’m not going to throw those three words around like they’re nothing

because those words mean something when it’s real

they hardly mean anything when it isn’t

because anyone can say they love someone

but real love is when you prove it. I know because 

I know that love may as well not exist at all if you say it without proving it

and I’m going to prove it

and I know that because I have so much love to give

and nowhere to put it.

So I’m going to fall in love 

and it’s going to be so worth it because it’s going to be real. 

Go to Pride. 

I’m going to wear every rainbow article of clothing I own

And I’m not going to let social anxiety have its way for one day

and I’m going to go to Pride 

real Pride

whether it be with the woman I’ve fallen in love with

yes, that’s what I said

the woman 

I’ve fallen in love with 

or my friends, however few I have 

but we’re going to be surrounded by people who have Pride, too

real Pride

and we’re going to be safe for one day

we’re going to be proud in public for one day

because for the longest time I was proud by myself

and I don’t wanna do that anymore. 

I was by myself

and I don’t wanna do that anymore. 

I’m tired of celebrating this beautiful part of me alone

and I don’t wanna do that anymore. 

So I’m going to go to Pride 

and I’m going to have so much fun 

and I’m going to celebrate this beautiful part of me

because I am so proud.

Stand in the ocean. 

I’m going to stand in an ocean where the water is bright blue

the most beautiful shade of blue that I’ve only seen in pictures 

but I know it exists in real life. 

And the water is so clean and crystal clear 

that I can see everything underneath the surface. 

The beach isn’t a tourist attraction. It’s practically a secret 

so other than my footprints that lead me to the water, 

the sand is warm and white and untouched 

and as far as I can see, no one else is there. 

I’m terrified of the ocean. 

But how could I be afraid of something 

so blue

and so clear 

and so secret. 

I won’t be afraid because 

I know something this beautiful and rare exists in real life. 

So I’m going to stand in the ocean 

and I’m going to feel more at peace than I’ve ever felt in my life

because in an ocean like that, how could I feel anything else.

Watch the sunrise. 

Well

hang on

wait a minute. 

I’ve done that one, actually.

I’ve found that there’s a catch to watching the sunrise. 

The catch is that watching the sunrise implies that you did it on purpose.

You slept the night before and woke up early 

before the sun.

You slept so that you could wake up.

But you almost didn’t. 

You made whoever watched that sunrise with you swear the night before to 

“Wake you no matter what” 

because you knew that the sunrise was going to be worth it. 

You almost slept through whoever it was, be it 

a partner, a sibling, a parent, a child, a friend

gently shaking you awake 

reminding you 

“If you fall back asleep, you’re going to miss the sunrise.” 

So you woke up 

and you were so happy that you did. 

Waking up was worth it.

Waking up was worth it because 

you basked in the quiet of the morning.

You got up before the rest of the world. 

You saw something so special, 

and the world was so quiet and fast asleep still 

and it almost felt like you had that sunrise all to yourself. 

You wanted to sit and watch as 

the stars disappeared 

and the sky turned purple and red and orange and yellow 

and eventually you saw the sun peek out from below the horizon. 

That’s what you fell asleep and woke up for. 

Watching the sunrise implies that you were so happy that you did.

Watching the sunrise implies that you knew it would be worth it. 

Watching the sunrise implies that you prepared to watch the sunrise. 

It implies that you prepared by waking up the day before.

By eating three times a day

getting dressed

brushing your teeth and your hair

washing your face

getting work done

cleaning your room

showering

falling asleep at the end of the day

waking up the next morning. 

You did all of those things the day before

you fell asleep the night before

you got up early the next morning 

you watched the sunrise

and it was worth it.

Doing all of those things the day before was worth it.

“Watch the sunrise” implies that I’ll prepare the night before. 

I’ll prepare by waking up the morning before.

I’ll know it’s going to be worth it.

But I don’t.

I don't wake up

because I don't go to sleep. 

I don't eat three times a day. 

I don't get dressed

brush my teeth or my hair 

wash my face

get work done

clean my room

shower

fall asleep at the end of the day

wake up the next morning.

I don’t do any of those things.

Why don’t I want to do any of those things?

I'm supposed to want to fall asleep at the end of the day. 

I'm supposed to want to wake up the next morning. 

I'm supposed to want to do all of the things that mean I'm alive. 

I'm supposed to see the point in being alive. 

I'm supposed to want to be alive. 

And I don’t do any of those things.

Why don’t I want to do any of those things?

I don’t want to do any of those things

but I’m still alive.

I still fall asleep 

and I still wake up

I’m still awake

I’m so tired

but I’m still alive

And awake.

I haven’t fallen in love.

I haven’t gone to Pride. 

And I haven’t stood in the ocean.

So I’m going to watch the sunrise.

About the Author

Mia Woo is currently a junior Ceramics major/Psychology minor, as well as the president of Arcadia's PRIDE club. An American-in-progress raised in Tokyo, Mia is just trying to figure out the world around her... which she'll write about once in a while through poetry. When her hands aren't covered in clay, that is.