My Last Boyfriend

That’s my last boyfriend’s picture on my phone

I guess I should delete it now. I own

Some cool retouching software I could use

To take him out of every pic I choose. 

I do like how I look in these three shots

The crop-top was a choice — I know, right? Hot. 

He always wore his hair with all that curl

And laughed off every look from other girls. 

I’ll say that much for him — he wouldn’t cheat

And once he said I made him feel complete.

I think that’s what I was impressed by first,

The way he’d share — I knew his best and worst: 

The days when other friends had made him sad

And every bit of trivia he had.

… But, like, he gave all that to others too

And sometimes I would wonder what he’d do

If I got higher scores than him or beat

Him to an answer, handling that defeat

Was not his strong suit. Yeah, you’re missing out

If you’re never observed the “nerd bro pout.” 

And maybe he could share too much? Unclear

How much he ever knew about the years

I spent before I met him — I suspect

He thought that I’d just not existed yet

As though I was his fucking raison d’être

Like I could be his muse, and he the maître. 

Was I a person? Or was I a prize

And treasured for what I could realize

He liked my art — so long as what I made

Would never make him jealous, feel upstaged

So there I was — an ego-stroking tool

And kissing him, then feeling like a fool

For wondering, what better love than this?

If this one’s real, then why’d I feel dismissed

Or put back in my place when I would try

To be for him more than admiring eyes

And rapt, attentive ears. Talk, unaware

of the extent to which I didn’t care.

—But now that’s over. It’s been three months, four

And I’m the pixie dreamgirl trope no more. 

And I can bitch to folks like you I trust

And be myself — and honey, that’s enough.

About the Authors

Julianna Reidell is a sophomore majoring in English (Creative Writing Concentration) and French/Francophone Studies. She primarily writes poetry, satire, and short fiction, though she has yet to relinquish her childhood dream of publishing a novel. She loves working with the behind-the-scenes details of a literary magazine and engaging with the amazing work of fellow Arcadia students through Quiddity. In her spare time, she can be found bent over reading material ranging from Shakespearean tragedies to middle-grade dragon fantasy, as well as making highly specific parodies of said reading material.