Redundancy and Conciseness

Note on Elements of Style. Disclaimer: The English language is a complex tool that is always evolving. The advice in Elements should be considered as general guidelines rather than absolute truth. Recall Orwell's 6th and final rule of writing in his essay "Politics and the English Language": "Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous."

The following is from Elements of Style

Whether it's a two-word quip or a 200-word bear, a sentence must be a lean, thinking machine. Here are some notes toward efficiency and conciseness in writing.

PRUNING THE REDUNDANT

Avoid saying the same thing twice.

• • Many uneducated citizens who have never attended school continue to vote for better schools.

A phrase that repeats itself—like "true fact," "twelve noon," "I saw it with my own eyes"—is sometimes called a pleonasm.

Redundant phrases are bad habits just waiting to take control of your writing. Beware of the following.

Reducing Clauses to Phrases, Phrases to Single Words

Be alert for clauses or phrases that can be pared to simpler, shorter constructions. The "which clause" can often be shortened to a simple adjective. (Be careful, however, not to lose some needed emphasis by over-pruning; the word "which," which is sometimes necessary [as it is in this sentence], is not evil.)

• • Smith College, which was founded in 1871, is the premier all-women's college in the United States.

  • Founded in 1871, Smith College is the premier all-women's college in the United States.

  • Citizens who knew what was going on voted him out of office.

  • Knowledgeable citizens voted him out of office.

  • Recommending that a student copy from another student's paper is not something he would recommend.

  • He wouldn't recommend that a student copy from another student's paper.

  • (Or "He would never tell a student to copy . . . .")

Phrases, too, can sometimes be trimmed, sometimes to a single word.

• • Unencumbered by a sense of responsibility, Jason left his wife with forty-nine kids and a can of beans.

  • Jasson irresponsibly left his wife with forty-nine kids and a can of beans.

  • (Or leave out the word altogether and let the act speak for itself.)

Avoiding Expletive Constructions

This sounds like something a politician has to learn to avoid, but, no, an expletive construction is a common device that often robs a sentence of energy before it gets a chance to do its work. Expletive constructions begin with there is/are or it is.

• • There are twenty-five students who have already expressed a desire to attend the program next summer. It is they and their parents who stand to gain the most by the government grant.

  • Twenty-five students have already expressed a desire to attend the program next summer. They and their parents stand to gain the most by the government grant.

Further information about expletive constructions is available on our page on The Verb "To Be".

Phrases You Can Omit

Be on the lookout for important sounding phrases that add nothing to the meaning of a sentence. Such phrases quickly put a reader on guard that the writer is trading in puffery; worse, they put a reader to sleep.

Many but not all of these unnecessary phrases have been taken from Quick Access: Reference for Writers by Lynn Quitman Troyka. Simon & Schuster: New York. 1995. The examples, however, are our own. No political inferences should be drawn from these examples; they are merely models of form.

Eliminating Clichés and Euphemisms

A cliché is an expression that was probably, once upon a time, an original and brilliant way of saying something. Imagine being the first person to say something as clever as "She fell head over heels in love" or "She's cool as a cucumber." Sadly, though, such expressions eventually lose their luster and become trite and even annoying. Writers who indulge in tired language are not being respectful to their readers, and writers return the compliment by losing attention and going on to something else.

It is particularly galling when a writer or speaker relies on tired language to the point of creating a hodge-podge of mixed clichés and assorted vegetables. A mayor of Austin, Texas, once announced, to everyone's bewilderment, "I wanted all my ducks in a row, so if we did get into a posture, we could pretty much slam-dunk this thing and put it to bed."

Here is a list of trite expressions to look for in your writing and speaking. Create your own list of clichés by listening for them on radio talk-shows and casual conversation. Watch television ads and the headlines of sports columnists to find clichés that writers are playing with, adapting the meaning of a hackneyed expression until it turns into something clever (or, sometimes, not so clever).

euphemism is a word or phrase that substitutes for language the speaker or writer feels is too blunt or somehow offensive. When people die, we say, instead, that they have "passed away" or "met their maker" or "gone to sleep." And, at the silly extreme, a garbage collector is a sanitation engineer, a janitor is a custodial engineer. What the writer must guard against is the tendency of euphemisms not only to shield readers from harsh reality but also to obfuscate meaning and truth. The military is especially guilty of this: bombing raids become surgical air-strikes and armies become peace-keeping forces. Good writing tells the truth and tells it plain.

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