Tools for Emotions

Below are five tools you can use to teach your child how to deal with various emotions. You may practice these for yourself and then also teach your child how to handle their emotions. When you see your child feeling a difficult emotion, name the emotion, and then help them see what they can do about it. Remember that they are the ones that choose if they want to continue to feel this way or if they want to change something about it. Ask them if they would like guidance on how to feel better before telling them what to do. Sometimes, we just need to feel that way until we are ready for the change. It might also be helpful to discuss how they were feeling after they have finished feeling that way and then ask if they'd like advice on how to deal with it better next time. Kids like to feel in control of something, emotions are one thing only they can control. So often times when we tell them how they should feel or what they should do, they are not ready to listen. This is why it is important to ask them if they'd like guidance rather than just telling them what to do.

  1. Reverse the Desire

When you or your child are feeling overwhelmed, challenged, or afraid, reverse that desire to give up and be defeated. Your thoughts can suck you down a worm hole of negative thoughts. When this happens, recognize that it is happening, then turn it around. Have courage to say to yourself, "Bring it on!" Take on the challenge, problem, obstacle, to overcome it. You can also say, "Obstacles make me stronger!" If we do not have challenges in our life, life would be too easy. We wouldn't understand the greatness of experiences without the challenges we need to face. Take the challenge and go after it because in the end, you will become stronger and better able to handle any difficulties that are thrown your way.

2. Active Love

Do you or your child get caught into a mental loop of replaying something you may have done wrong over and over again? Sometimes when we do not respond the way we would like, we tend to think about it over and over. It can cause us to get stuck in a place that we can not control because the past has already happened. There is no going back. Drop from your head and into your heart. Taking some deep breaths to leave your mind and go into feeling love for yourself. Letting go of the thoughts and feeling love resonate within you. Speak to your child about how to love themselves by reminding them of all the wonderful qualities they have within them.

3. Inner Authority

Your inner authority is your body's knowing or intelligence. Carry with you that person that is afraid, and have your inner guide, intuition, or whatever you'd like to call it, make the decision on what you should do. You can also teach your child that if they were you (an adult) what kind of decision would they decided in that situation? If they are fearful of making the wrong decision, what would they hear you tell them? This is their inner voice that knows what is the right thing for them to do. Guide them in the direction to listen to this in times of uncertainty.

4. Grateful Flow

Has your child been overwhelmed, depressed, stressed, or frustrated? Teach them gratitude! Everyday, I talk with my own children about what they are grateful for that particular day. There are so many positive things in our life that we don't see when we are so focused on the negative things happening in our life. To create this shift of focus helps us to overcome these feelings and begin to notice the things that are wonderful about life. I challenge you to ask your child everyday what they are thankful for and seek out opportunities to be grateful.

5. Jeopardy

Do you or your child have a hard time getting started or getting out of a funk? Listen to the jeopardy song in your head. Teach your child this song and how to play it in their mind or hum it with them. This can be a trigger to know there is a limited amount of time. We can dwell and stay stuck in whatever is happening, or we can choose to take action. What is the next action that needs to be taken? Ask your child what they can do to get out of their funk or get started in doing something. Then teach them to play this song or hum it in their mind and start doing whatever needs to be done.

Another tip is "BLAST OFF". If your child is not familiar with Jeopardy or this does not resonate with you, you can also try a count down. Say what action needs to be taken, even if it is just that you or your child need to get out of bed. Count down with "5, 4, 3, 2, 1, BLAST OFF!" As soon as you say blast off, that is your indication to take the action you need to do.