Friendship
Developing Friendships
By the time kids hit upper elementary, they begin to realize their first major crisis: FRIENDSHIP.
This isn't just something that happens to our fourth and fifth graders. Believe it or not, research is beginning to show that by kindergarten many kids are testing the power of their influence and seeking connections with friends at any cost.
Meaning, as soon as they become aware there are other people in the world besides them, they start making decisions base don the sort of friends they want to attract.
Here are a few ways you can help your kids develop friendships
Help them develop self-confidence.
Widen the circle of people around them to include adults you trust
Ask questions about what is happening in their friendships
Don't freak out! Every Phase is new for your child and you as a parent, so there will be some bumps in the road.
Developing friendships is part of being a kid, and each one is learning as they go.
3 Types of Friendships
"Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies." - Aristotle
Aristotle also developed three types of friendship. The one he is speaking about in this quote is the the good friendship. The good friendship is the one that only comes along a few times in your lifetime. This is the person you value the most in all their strengths and weaknesses. It hosts all of the quality and depth that is possible in a friendship.
Friendships of utility are in existence because you are useful in some way towards the other person. This is the friend that you may count on to help you with your homework or teach you how to play basketball. These are types of friends that may come and go and are only related to what is happening in that time of your life. These can still make an impression and are needed for everyone. You just want to make sure you understand the purpose of this type of friendship.
Friendships of pleasure are the third type of friendship and these exist between you and those whose company you enjoy. This may be someone you do activities with or someone you do small chit-chat with and have a good joke. These do not get into the in-depth type of friendship as the good friendship and can be fleeting.
Helping your child understand different types of friendships will provide acceptance of the loss of friendships and being able to enjoy friendships in the moment. Friendships often come and go in life and it is important to remind your child that this may happen as well.
Dealing with Friendship Drama
Do:
Listen: this means giving your undivided attention to your child without providing a response or a solution to fix the problem. Validate their feelings by reflecting how you think they are feeling about the situation.
Ask Questions: Ask open ended questions that lead to more information. Remember that there is always two sides to every story and you are only receiving one side of that story. Learn as much information as you can so you can fully understand the scope of the situation. Examples include: "How did you feel when she said that?", "What happened next?", "What were you hoping would happen?"
Empathize: Find an emotion or a way to let your child know that you are listening. Sometimes children need help identifying their feelings. You can respond with, "That was not nice and must have hurt your feelings.", " I can tell this situation makes you (angry, frustrated, lonely, sad)."
Ask how you can help: Sometimes kids do not want advice or a solution to the problem. It is important for them to figure it out for themselves with your help and guidance. Asking if they'd like you to help, gives them that option and helps them feel a sense of control about the situation.
Brainstorm together: When providing help, ask questions that can lead your child to come up with their own solutions and guide them through the best decision to make.
Keep the Conversation Open: Friendships change rapidly and your child may need to talk about them often especially during middle school years when they are just beginning to rely on friendships heavily.
Talk regularly about Friendships.