Teenagers

PREVENTIVE CARE

EMOTIONAL HEALTH

TCKs have the opportunity to be very emotionally healthy because they have the opportunity to experience such a wide range of emotions. Prioritize your teen's emotional health and give permission for your teen to experience a full range of acceptable emotions. 

• Model emotional processing and teach emotional vocabulary

  • • "A lot of people would feel ___________ in that situation"

• Ask questions to help your teen process their feelings

  • • "Can you tell me what makes that feel so hard?"

    • "What do you think about _________?"

    • "What do you think would happen if you let yourself feel ____________?"

    • "If this happened to a friend, how would they feel?"

IDENTITY DEVELOPMENT

Identity is a challenge for all teens and for all TCKs. We can help teens develop a strong sense of identity, including:

1. Self Awareness

   • • Having a good understanding of themselves helps them to become more confident and competent

     • Help teens to recognize 'healthy me' and 'unhealthy me'

     • Provide opportunities for them to explore and give words to their unique personality. How do they feel loved and accepted? 

2. Identity Anchor

   • • Help teens to identify their 'anchors' - the things about them that don't change, not matter where they are (values, beliefs, character)

     • Encourage teens to build relationships with people who have similar anchors, especially when repatriating. TCK teens can feel as if they are on the fringe, which can lead to relationships with people who are also on the fringe of society, but for unhealthy reasons.

3. Skills and Hobbies

   • • Foster skills and hobbies throughout their globally mobile life

     • Use these as healthy coping mechanisms

     • Sign up even if you will only be in a place a short time

SELF-REGULATION

Allow teens to regulate more independently, as they prepare for adulthood, stepping in when necessary. 

1. Parallel Regulation: invite your teen to join you as you do a regulating activity

• Exercise

• Rhythm (rocking chair, dance, music, walk)

• Art

• Mindfulness

2. Independence:  Find ways to allow your teen to experience increased independence, with consistent boundaries as well as locational (country-based) boundaries. If they don't have chances to push boundaries, they may do it later, experiencing a delayed adolescence in university. 

3. Coping skills: help your teen to identify the healthy and unhealthy coping skills they turn to when things are tough. These will likely be the coping skills they turn to as they get older. Gently point out unhealthy coping skills and foster healthy coping skills. 

TRANSITION PREPARATION

1. Expectations of future and self: Intentionally discuss your teen's expectations of the future together with them. Expectations can be subconscious and based on our upbringing and experience.

• What are their goals for post-secondary study or work?

• What is realistic?

• What is the process to getting there?

2. Transitions: work through the transition and repatriation process intentionally

• Say good goodbyes

• Allow the teen to have input into family decisions and oppportunity for choices

• Don't blame expressed grief on hormones; take it seriously

• Encourage debriefing and grief processing

Source: Lauren Wells, 'Parenting Teenaged TCKs' webinar, TCK Training

SIGNS OF TOXIC STRESS

When teenagers experience frequent, severe, or prolonged stress, they can reach toxic stress levels - "the read zone". When we notice red zone symptoms, we need take a stance of curiosity to determine and alleviate the source of the stress. Signs of toxic levels of stress include:

• Unhealthy coping habits (over or under eating, video games, reading as escapism)

• Self harm

• Nervous habits developing/increasing

• Lack of ability to learn

• Social anxiety

• Lack of emotional regulation ("attitude")

• Symptoms of depression or anxiety

Source: Lauren Wells, 'Parenting Teenage TCKS' webinar, TCK Training