Fear & Anxieties

Recognizing Fear and Anxiety:

Some signs that can develop include: headaches, stomachaches, backaches, difficulty relaxing, low energy, difficulty sleeping, muscle twitches. In the extreme, anxiety can lead to panic attacks, nightmares, and phobias. Anxiety also can take the form of avoidance, as children, and adults for that matter, like to avoid what they are afraid of. Keep in mind, recognizing fear and anxiety in high ability learners can sometimes be much more difficult than recognizing them in your other students. This is often because of a mindset of perfectionism that high ability learners often deal with as well; they are more likely to actively try and hide their fear or anxiety because of their desire to be seen as "perfect."

Tips/Suggestions:

AVOID SAYING, DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT—Understanding that gifted children will be anxious about events and issues you may find groundless, unreasonable or even ridiculous is key here. For you, the gifted child’s fear is unwarranted, but for her, it is very real and concerning. Telling a gifted child don’t worry trivializes her fear and can belittle the child who is struggling with anxiety. Saying don’t worry can humiliate her, cause her to feel bad about herself and make her feel her anxiety is yet another way she is very different from her same-age peers. You may also end up with a child who begins to worry about her worries—being anxious over her own anxiety. Acknowledging the fears of a gifted child, validating her concerns and showing empathy may help her work towards making peace with her fears.

DON’T HOLD THEM TO UNREASONABLE EXPECTATIONS—Gifted children most likely are already keenly aware of the need to follow the rules, comply with educational expectations and to excel in school. We don’t need to add to this acute awareness by holding unreasonably high expectations of our gifted children that may only be important to us as teachers and parents. Yet, what parent or teacher can help but visualize all the great successes a gifted child is capable of? But not all gifted children will attain success and happiness by achieving that assumed eminence. We should not feel anger or regret if our gifted child decides he doesn’t want to go to college or decides to quit piano even though he is a piano prodigy. We should only help him achieve what makes him happy and support him in his efforts to reach his own vision of success.

AVOID THREATENING WITH NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES—Naturally as parents and teachers of gifted students, we see the huge potential these children have, and sometimes, as in #2, we hold unreasonable expectations for our gifted children. When our gifted children do not fulfill our expectations, many adults tend to voice to our children the negative consequences of not reaching these expectations. Threatening a gifted child with future negative outcomes like, “you won’t get into college with those grades”, or “you are going to be embarrassed if you don’t make Honor Roll” can only compound their anxiety and actually propel them further away from attaining their success and happiness.

TALK WITH THEM ABOUT THEIR FEARS AND ANXIETIES - Sitting down with a gifted child and objectively parsing through her fears and worries may also help her examine what makes her anxious and gain some control of her fears and worries. If a gifted child’s anxiety is causing significant issues in her life, please seek the help of a mental health professional.

DISCUSS YOUR OWN FEARS WITH THEM - Sit down and share some fears you may have had and notice how kids are quick to recognize similar fears in their own lives. Some are eager to talk about one, and often others will say, “me too!” There’s something to discussing these over-inflated fears. It turns them from debilitating to simply silly. Of course, not all (or even most) students will feel comfortable talking about these fears, but just hearing that they’re not alone can be valuable. And remind kids that these fears can take many forms: fear of physical danger, social situations, or even disappointing others. The pattern is that we take an outcome that has a tiny chance of happening, and turn it into a certainty. But, if we let our brains turn “worst-case” into “very-likely,” we’ll eventually avoid all situations because of what might happen. Sometimes, we just have to tell our brains who’s boss.

MAKE SURE THEY HAVE TIME TO BE A CHILD

TRY TO BUILD IN BRAIN BREAKS DURING EXTENDED LEARNING TIMES - Whether at school, or work or practice at home, gifted students often need additional breaks because of their intense focus. Additional Breaks, such as a walk, time outside, a game, or drawing time, can be very beneficial.