What is the message?
Examples of Messages
There are some general categories of messages to consider as you try to identify the message.
"I want something."
When a student wants something, he may ask in ways that are not appropriate. Imagine the wailing child, "But I want to have my snack now."
"Make this go away."
Sometimes, the behavior is an attempt to avoid something. For example, the child might strike out in order to avoid the math worksheet you have asked him to do.
"I don't understand."
This category of messages includes social misunderstandings and communication misunderstandings. A child who misinterprets an adult's sarcastic reply "It's almost dinner so sure, have candy" is an example.
"I'm overwhelmed."
Students who are overwhelmed (even over things that they can usually do) may engage in behaviors that are challenging. They become inflexible and upset. An example might be a child who has been asked to clean his desk and has no idea how to get started.
"I want to be in charge!"
Trying to get control is another possible message the child is sending. Being in control may feel better for the child.
"I'm dysregulated."
Sensory dysregulation may be the message of some behaviors. The child is unable to establish self-regulation or stay self-regulated. Students who giggle uncontrollably might be in this group.
"I'm trying to play with you."
Sometimes children are trying to play. Their "talking back" or physical actions are intended to be a fun interaction with you. This is sort of a social misunderstanding about how to playfully engage appropriately.
"I'm hurt, sick, or tired."
Children who have missed a nap, didn't get enough sleep, or aren't feeling well can display difficult behaviors. This is similar to being overwhelmed.
Is it really just "attention-seeking" behavior?
Do you ever catch yourself or your team saying, “What do I do with her? She needs so much attention.” Or “He is just doing it for attention. Ignore him.”
Though people often start with the assumption that the behavior is 'attention-seeking,' it is usually not that simple! We've put this "message" in it's own section to deepen the discussion.
Everyone wants attention. Everyone seeks attention. Attention is a basic human need. Children seek attention because they need attention. "Seeking attention" is a legitimate message.
So, if you think the child is trying to get attention, you are right! But you need to go further. What is the child using misbehavior to get attention for? Is she looking to be seen and heard? Is she looking to connect with you? Is she trying to be in control of the situation?
