Wow, it is true that time speeds up with age. I am already a pre-junior, midway through my academic journey! It is amusing how my 5-year-old-self thought that a week of vacation was endless!
I began my sophomore year with a co-op at Infinera Corporation in Sunnyvale, CA - right in the heart of Silicon Valley! Despite my nerves about what lay ahead, I couldn't contain my excitement about working in the tech capital of the world. I was assigned a data-mining project to analyze ASIC cell libraries and, frankly speaking, it was quite challenging. From learning all about different types of ASIC cells and library syntaxes, to making sure that my code was not just functional but also efficient, I had a lot on my plate. Add to that a second project involving high-level chip-testing, and I found myself diving deep into research and learning - but I was thrilled to be doing real Silicon Valley engineering!
But I’m not complaining; in fact, this co-op was one of the most enriching experiences this year. I discovered both my strengths and weakness – I found out that I was good at visualizing and organizing code, and critical thinking but I lacked confidence and needed to be more outspoken. I also realized that I should start planning for the future. Of course, I’d pursue a career related to my major, but the field is vast, and I wanted to pick a concentration – something specific that I’d be really good at.
The following semester, I worked on two goals – one was to figure out what I wanted to do in the future and the second was to overcome my timid personality. Since my freshman year was fairly easy, I challenged myself to 19 credit hours and also worked part-time as a Teaching Assistant for the Engineering Design course at UC. Admittedly, this was quite the risk and it wasn’t just me who felt that I might be setting up myself for failure. But I’ve always believed that complacency leads to mediocrity (maybe I should add learning how to play basketball to the list of things I want to do next semester) and if I want to be really good at something I’d have to take on tougher challenges. And this decision definitely pushed me to my limits. Instead of trying to work on most projects by myself, I was forced to work in teams and divide the tasks and ask more questions during class. My job as TA also helped me become a much better communicator since I was interacting with a diverse group of students, with varying skills and backgrounds. Before I realized it, I’d grown more comfortable in expressing myself. In fact, during a discussion in one of my classes, I spoke up about my experiences in the US as an international student. I didn’t think much of it at first, but it wasn’t until my professor reached out to tell me that I had a powerful voice did I realized that I had improved, and could even aspire to make a strength out of one of my weaknesses! Taking higher-level mathematics classes rekindled my passion for numbers and analysis. That combined with my previous experience in data mining made me discover the appeal of a career in data science.
If I had to start over, I wouldn't choose to do anything differently. I’ve learned and grown so much over the past few semesters, but there’s much more in store for next year – I’ll be taking much more advanced classes, I’m the Treasurer for WiT and the Meetings Chair for IEEE@UC, I have honors experiences to plan and look forward to, I hope to go an exchange program or get involved in research on campus! I’ll also be completing a minor in Mathematics! And I have narrowed down a concentration for me to pursue - Data Science!
This year has been a difficult one.
My third year at UC started off strong. The newfound outspokenness and self-confidence allowed me to make many new friends. I was thriving in my classes while being actively involved in on-campus organizations as the Treasurer for WiT and the Meetings Chair for IEEE@UC. After two years at UC, I finally felt at peace with the massive change of moving across the world at 18. I had found my voice - no longer hesitating to speak up, share my opinions, or approaching others. With a successful first co-op at Infinera behind me, I was eager to return to California for another semester. Everything felt like it was falling into place. However, that comfort was short-lived.
What was supposed to be a 14-day extension of spring reading days turned into weeks, then months of government-mandated lockdown. It would be an understatement to say that 2020 didn't challenge me in overwhelmingly unprecedented ways. Words like quarantine, PPE, masks, pandemic, social distancing, flattening the curve, study/work from home, and travel ban became common vocabulary. But the addition of new words to the average person's lexicon was hardly a challenge when contrasted with the uncertainty that came with the COVID-19 pandemic. Uncertainty consumed every aspect of my life. My co-op at Infinera hung in limbo for over 8 weeks, grocery stores were running low on supply, classes moved online indefinitely stripped away almost everything I loved about college, and for a brief period of time, I was caught between two countries - unable to stay in America but mandated by my own to shelter in place.
What was even worse was watching people suffer and die, people I knew and cared about taking their last breath on a hospital bed alone with no one by their side. First, I lost my paternal grandmother, whom I hadn't seen since leaving India in 2018. Unable to go home for her funeral during the peak of travel bans and lockdowns, I tried to bury my grief in schoolwork, knowing that I couldn't change what had happened but could only control my future actions that would directly impact me and everyone I care about in the long term. When travel restrictions finally eased in late 2020, I returned home to India for two months, only to find an atmosphere of profound sadness; my uncle - the one person who was always there for me, encouraging me to achieve greater things in life and pursue the education of my dreams - had also passed away a few weeks prior to my arrival. My brilliant sister, despite her exceptional talents and achievements, had uncharacteristically slipped into pessimism about her college dreams and future - a stark contrast to her natural self-assured spirit. My younger sibling was just as morose.
Being the eldest of three siblings, I knew I had to step up. Despite my own sadness, I channeled my energy into supporting my family. I spent hours helping my sister rediscover her confidence and navigate college applications, while making time to sit with my younger sibling, helping with homework and offering the encouragement they both desperately needed. In those difficult moments, I found that being there for them gave me strength too. Upon returning to America, I moved into a small studio apartment off campus. My previous roommate had decided to wait out the pandemic in Jordan, and had found someone else to take over her lease. Unfortunately, our living arrangement quickly became strained. Our differences ranged from contrasting personal values to basic responsibilities. She regularly fell behind on rent, neglected her share of household duties, and would disrupt my online classes and co-op meetings with little to no regard. The tension made what was already a challenging time even more difficult.
Extrospectively, I found myself much more aware of the racial dynamics in America as I watched videos of a man being killed over an alleged counterfeit $20 bill instead of being granted fair trial. I saw my friends take sides - half of them posted up with banners and signs outside government buildings and marching on streets protesting human rights violations against African-Americans, while the other half villainizing them for "rioting". I watched Asian-Americans being murdered for "bringing the Kung-Flu virus to America". My university informed me that I had the right to protest as an international student but I questioned whether I had earned the right to take a stance on issues of a society that I had barely a part of. Yet the very nature of my identity - a brown skinned, Indian woman hailing from a Muslim family living in America - makes me a target of the same discrimination.
Despite all these struggles, I've taken steps toward rebuilding myself, starting with therapy. While it took three months to find a therapist I am in a better position to recover than I was before. I've also made strides to find healing in other ways - volunteering at the Clifton Center of Culture and Arts, where I help coordinate a series of outdoor concerts as pandemic restrictions are being lifted. Creating art with young children and local musicians has brought unexpected joy. Additionally, there have been moments of light - my sister was admitted to Duke University under the University Scholars Program, a full ride that will allow her to pursue her dreams. As I work on myself, the excitement of moving my sister into her dorm next fall feels like a step in my own healing process.
After facing my own solitary struggles through the previous year, I felt a bittersweet sense of pride in helping my sister move into her dorm. I bought her everything I hadn't known to buy for myself when I first arrived - the right supplies, clothes that would help her fit in better, and a camera to support her dream of becoming a producer. Being there for her felt like closing a circle - turning my past experience into strength for us both. Meanwhile, I too found a fresh start, moving into a new apartment with roommates who were better support system.
Just as things were beginning to settle, the second wave of COVID-19 hit India in August 2021, and my maternal grandmother ended up on life support, battling a host of COVID-related complications throughout Fall 2021. My grandma had practically raised me and was like a second mother to me. Watching from halfway across the world as my mother depleted her savings to cover the mounting hospital bills brought back that familiar feeling of helplessness. Fatigue from prolonged periods of grief (having already suffered two losses of close family in the months prior) worsened my mental health and caused my grades to plummet. I withdrew from several classes that I would've otherwise enjoyed and opted for a reduced workload while focusing my energy on making peace with everything that had happened in the past and was unfolding in the present through therapy.
Miraculously, by the start of 2022, she recovered just enough to no longer need life support. Though she was no longer the same - her mental and physical health had declined significantly - she was alive, and that was enough to give me strength. I found myself able to attempt the same courses again while balancing my remote co-op as a Firmware Engineer at Infinera. While my B/B- grades weren't nearly as good as my best work, they marked progress compared to the semester before.
The following semester, I travelled to San Jose, California for the second half of my double co-op rotation. In addition to serving as a period of rest and recovery, taking a step back during the Fall semester had allowed me to think briefly but more critically about other struggles that I experienced starting school in 2018. The hour long commute each way to work and back gave me more time to think about these issues in depth.
One of these issues was racism. Having witnessed the George Floyd protests leading up to Derek Chauvin's conviction, I felt motivated to educate myself more deeply about the history and politics of race in America. My previous knowledge was limited - nine pages in my 10th grade textbook which had condensed everything from Christopher Columbus' arrival in America through the Cold War into a single chapter.
Starting with the Portuguese enslavement of Africans in 1446, I studied the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade and the factors that caused it to flourish. I learned about the deliberate exclusion of Africans from Jefferson's Declaration of Independence, the American Civil War and its points of contention between the Union and Confederacy, the abolition of slavery, segregation and the Jim Crow era, and the Civil Rights Movement. I delved into the activism of leaders and change-makers like MLK, Malcolm X, Harriet Tubman, Rosa Parks, Jesse Owens, and John Lewis. My education extended to contemporary issues including the Black Lives Matter movement, gerrymandering, single-family zoning, voter suppression, police brutality, and the disproportionate incarceration rates affecting African Americans. I became much more cognizant of the systemic racism and injustice perpetuated against minorities in America.
This deepened understanding of systemic racism led me to reflect on my own experiences with racial identity and stereotyping. While my experiences were nowhere near as jarring as those of Breonna Taylor, or Tamir Rice, I began to contemplate the distinction between my actual and perceived identity. To many, I'm not just a person, but a list of labels associated with people from my background - non-resident alien, immigrant, foreigner, international student, not from America, Asian, Indian, woman of color, person of color, brown, spicy food, Taj Mahal, Cece from New Girl, Priyanka Chopra, Gandhi, Slumdog Millionaire, exotic, diversity, traditional, culture, different. Unfortunately, when these labels switch from flattering celebrity comparisons and quips, to those attacking someone's ethics, integrity, or intentions - diversity-hire, smells bad, smells like curry, ugly, least desired race, poverty, filth, pollution, cows, slums, bad roads, Apu from the Simpsons, call-centers, scammers, terrorists - they degrade one's personhood to harmful stereotypes. When perpetuated by those in positions of power, these dehumanizing labels become a part of the systemic racism machine, and in more severe cases, lead to tragedies.
In learning more about these issues, I started seeking potential solutions for the problem; education emerged as the best solution in my opinion. By teaching people about different cultures, helping them question their assumptions, and fostering meaingful discourse amonst students from differnet communities we can break down harmful stereotypes. When people learn accurate history and examine how media shapes our views, they can better understand and respect others as complete individuals, not just as labels. While education alone won't fix all the deep-rooted problems of racism, it's an important step toward building a society where everyone is treated with dignity and respect. This has motivated me to enroll in Dr. Sarah Stitlzein's seminar course - Save Our Schools! Education Controversy, and Change where I will learn about issues central to schools, engage with the local community to learn their perspectives, propose school reforms and test the validity of my theory of using Education as a tool to eradicate racism.
🎉 I DID IT! I GRADUATED 🎉
Looking back on my college journey, I'm struck by how the path I walked diverged so dramatically from the one I had mapped out as a freshman. Each year brought its own set of unexpected challenges and victories, ultimately shaping me in ways I could never have predicted. What began as a straightforward pursuit of knowledge evolved into a profound journey of self-discovery, resilience, and personal growth.
This year itself, threw some new challenges into the mix while the old ones lingered, but I found myself more resilient than ever in facing them head-on. I even took on an ambitious schedule of six rigorous courses in Fall 2022, in addition to my part-time job and surprised myself by earning a higher GPA than the previous semester. I didn't stop there - the following semester, I improved my academic performance even more, making it to the Dean's List.
Despite the hurdles I encountered during my college journey, I managed to crush many of my goals - all while solely supporting my education starting the summer after my freshman year through my co-op earnings and on-campus employment to take the financial burden off my family's shoulders. In fact, I graduated without student debt (not that I was eligible for any loans without a US cosigner) and completed my degree on time, despite how impossible that seemed just a year and a half ago.
Going beyond my Computer Science degree, I dove into a Mathematics minor and challenged myself with some of the most advanced courses available through my Undergraduate Certificate in Software Engineering (Intelligent Software Design Track). The five honors experiences I completed opened my eyes to social issues I'd never considered before, pushing me to explore well beyond my tech bubble.
One of my proudest achievements was landing five full-time co-ops at Infinera, and working on cutting edge semiconductor technology in the heart of Silicon Valley - something many CS students only dream about. I made the most of my time here by winning a the MHacks 13 Beta Hackathon and participating in several others, attending the prestigious Grace Hopper Conference (albeit virtually), and giving back to society through volunteering with various organizations. I also threw myself into campus life, serving as Meetings Chair for IEEE@UC and Treasurer for WiT, and even helped organize MakeUC@2020 hackathon. My senior design project allowed me to apply my learnings to an application that let users configure their unique definition of similarity when generating Spotify playlists.
I met some incredible people from all around the world and I explored so many new places.
I grew tremendously both personally and professionally.
I conquered my fear of public speaking, approaching people and learned how to appreciate my uniqueness.
I also managed to encourage my sister to take a chance at her future by applying to her dream school despite their highly selective admissions process. Plus, my savings not only allowed her to start her freshman year on solid footing but also have in-person support from family when she started her journey.
It's also true that there were several occasions when I fell during this journey. While a lot of the hardships I faced were things outside of my control, my response to them was 100% my responsibility. I faltered in several ways. I allowed my pessimism and anxiety to get the best of me. I neglected my friendships as well as myself, which eventually led to burnout and isolation. There's no doubt I should have handled things differently. However, it's also true that each time I fell, I picked myself up and built myself back up to the best of my abilities.
Compared to the naive but ambitious girl I was when I first started college, I have since then matured into a young woman who is much more aware of the harsh reality of life. I am not only more careful and planned, but I am also much better at taking care of myself. I've also become more selective of who I surround myself with. My hardships have instilled in me the kind of resilience I did not know I was capable of.
While it more or less all worked out in the end, I do carry some regrets about not getting involved in research beyond my coursework or experiencing the global perspective that a study abroad program would have offered.
Looking forward, I am hopeful to return to school someday for graduate education where I can pursue some of the opportunities I missed during my undergraduate years. For now, though, I'm excited to maintain the momentum of this recent upward trend in my life as I begin the next chapter of my journey, moving to St. Petersburg, Florida to start my first full-time role as a Software Development Engineer at Blue Innovations Group.