My Journey of Emotional Healing
Gloria Woo, 3/7/2012
1. Wholistic Healing class offered at Logos Evangelical Seminary: go with Jesus to the places of pain and hurts, let Him heal our emotional wounds.
I first attended this class in May, 2007. It teaches us to ask the Lord Jesus to go with us to those places of pain and hurts years ago and He would heal us of our emotional damage. Just as Jesus has told Mary and Martha to go to the tomb of Lazarus with Him in order to raise their brother from death, so Jesus also wants us to go with Him to our places of sorrow. Lazarus' empty tomb eventually becomes a symbol of God's grace, similarly our scars, after healing, become our symbol of God's grace. It's all because Jesus was with us this time.
So I began to tell God the incidents that caused me pains and hurts, like someone's critical and negative remarks, rejections and humiliations, etc. These brought me a lot of emotional damage over the years.
As I went to these places of hurt with Jesus, my heart was aching so much inside that I just cried and cried. But God seemed to give me an answer for every hurt. I was assured of my worth in Christ. He reminded me that He has a special purpose for me : Isaiah 43: 1 " ..Be not afraid, for I have redeemed you: I have called you by your name". " To be called by name" here means singled out for special honor, position, and function, (the Berkeley Version). I began to see my unique function and I worth something to Him. As for rejections, He showed me I was totally accepted by Him; "...I have chosen you and have not rejected you; fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God!" ( Isaiah 41: 9-10). So I was not rejected after all. I said that I chose to forgive the one who has hurt me just as God has forgiven all my trespasses. I felt a release from my long-embedded emotional baggage.
2. The Source of My Strength by Charles Stanley: the need to experience love and affection in a personal and tangible way, filling the chasm of emotional damage.
In his book Dr. Stanley reveals the process of getting healed of his emotional baggage. A deep inner ache filled his spirit for perfection and approval .Finally he met with four close friends and there he opened up his emotional damage to them since childhood. Then one of them said, " Charles, put your head on the table and close your eyes. I want you to envision your father picking you up in his arms and holding you. What do you feel?" He burst out crying and kept crying for a long time. Finally when he stopped crying, he said, " I feel warm, loved, secure. I feel good".
For the first time in his life, Dr. Stanley felt emotionally that God loved him. He had believed God loved him,. but he had never emotionally felt God loving him. Little by little he began to realize his true identity in Christ, that he was worth something to Him and that He loved him beyond measure. There was a chasm of damaged emotions--emotions so hurt and raw that he had been unable to experience the love of God without the help of others. He just needed to relax and feel the love of God.
Similarly I needed to experience the love of God. He reminded me that I had a very faithful servant Chan Yee who took care of me since birth for over twenty years, until I left home. She was a quiet lady with a kind heart. She always had my interests in mind and tended to my needs from her heart. She was very dear to me and I liked to be with her. When I left her for US, she was in much anguish of soul. She asked me when would I return to Hong Kong. I said I would return in a couple of years, but it turned out to be over ten years, during which I hardly got in touch with her. Now I regret it greatly. I really miss her sorely when I see the photo of her sad face at the airport when I left Hong Kong.
In recent years there was another elderly lady Rose who cared for me much. I was staying in her mobile home one night, when I entered her living room, I saw the big sofa was already covered with nice and warm bedding. When I was ready to sleep, she came over several times just to check on the night-light to make sure that it won't bother my eyes at all. What a happy evening! I felt so loved and being cared for, so at rest. At an instant I felt life was so beautiful! I had a sound sleep that night, waking up the next morning feeling refreshed. Suddenly all my responsibility was gone, gone far away from my shoulders. The warm memory of that one evening still lingers in my mind, always bringing so much joy and comfort to my soul.
The Lord has brought remedy to my sense of deprivation after my mother suddenly died when I was eleven. I didn't like to celebrate "Mother's Day" and one day it seemed God was talking to me, " Do you suppose that every mother is very close to their daughters, very understanding of their needs and temperaments? Not necessarily! Look, even though you don't have your birth mother, but I've given you some very good substitute mothers! They love you dearly, pray for you regularly!" Instantly I was enlightened! Yes it is true. These dear friends encouraged me, listened to my woes and helped me in my times of need. Also the Lord gives me a very caring and supportive younger sister who encourages me a lot.
I stayed with other families throughout my grade and high school years in order to go to one of the best English schools then. My own home was too far away. Many a time I didn't feel I belonged to their family. The Lord showed me this verse: "The Lord protects the immigrants or strangers and temporary residents. Immigrants, . . . without much protection. But they were under the special protection of God" (Psalm 146:9). It is so comforting to remember God's special protection during those years.
So God refreshed my memories of all the loving care from these people and they gave me such a good feeling, so therapeutic for me.
3. The Story of Joseph's life: look at circumstances from God's perspective, thus recognizing His special purpose in our life, being assured that we can be useful in His hand, and we are worth something to Him.
a) Joseph was victorious over his brothers' transgressions because he perceived God's purpose for his life. He said to them, "you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive." So Joseph was convinced of God's plan for his life: to save his whole family from starvation.
God showed me that He has a great mission for my life: to bring my family to a saving knowledge of Him. He gave me a great burden to pray for their salvation. .Finally God gave me a promise that He would have mercy on them, spare them and that they would be His (Malachi 317). So I discovered that I was worth something to God and that's a great step for being assured of my identity in Him. He gave me this verse, "For this momentary light affliction is producing for us an eternal glory far beyond all comparison." ( 2 Corinthians 4: 17). Now I have great hope when I think of the day when I'll see my whole family in Heaven, all eight of them. At present most of them are believers, glory to Him.
b) Even in hard times, God was with Joseph and gave him favors:
Both times when Joseph was at his Egyptian master's house and later in the prison, the Lord was with him and made him successful. God showed me over the years He has showered me with many blessings too. He has given me loving friends who really cared and prayed for me regularly. He has given me a very fulfilling and happy teaching job these thirty-some years. I have very good relationships with school Directors and students. He has given me a Godly husband, and both of us share the same life goals. I consider all these as God's favor for me. So I have to be grateful for His provisions instead of dwelling only on the problems. This change of mind is another step towards my emotional healing.
4. Conclusion: The final picture begins to appear, like a jigsaw puzzle every piece begins to fit together :
God used the Wholistic healing class five years ago to begin this process of healing. Then from the book "The Source of My Strength" I was reminded to trace the good times when I felt so loved and cared for. Next He used Joseph's life to teach me to look at things from God's perspective. He reminded me to look at God's favors and blessings in the midst of trials and difficulties. Every step has its place, everyone has his/her role. I humbly give my thanks to the Lord who cares for me. This has been a long journey, I pray that the Lord will continue to guide me further in this journey of healing.