Prepared to Meet God

Last month I was blessed with an experience lasting a few days, facing the possibility of death in perhaps a matter of months. 

The first thing we did after leaving the doctor's office was to pray in the car. We prayed that whatever days I have ahead, I would be enabled to live ever more fully and actively for God. And that I would be spared of much physical suffering. 

During those days I had many thoughts. There were feelings of sadness, that I might depart ahead of my grieving parents, and not see our silver anniversary. God has blessed me with a most loving, sensitive wife all these years. It seemed that God finally wanted me to come home via the path of cancer, instead of an accident or martyrdom. However, there also were happy thoughts, that I can have a reunion with folks I know on the other shore, such as Miss Hitchcock, my own grandmother, some uncles and aunts that I love. Of course there will be Fook Kong and Greg. Death is like a trip to a better land, and loved ones here soon will see me there in a matter of years. 

Things of this world suddenly lose all their significance, such as sports, diet, making money. me live such place on earth today, and knowing Jesus Christ Himself makes me happier than 90% of in today and none I should be grateful to God for letting I am living in a most affluent the world. I told my mother over the phone, that I have lived a life full of blessings and gifts and love, SO I have no regrets. Some people may regret, not having served the Lord more, but I have none. God wanted more of my love and attitude before Him, rather than the amount of my Christian activities. I did not bargain with God, that if He give me more years, I would go into full-time ministry, etc. etc. I think that would be intellectually dishonest to myself, and spiritually too shallow a thing to contemplate. 

Then I thought about what to do in my remaining months. I can write a book on my life, which has been unusually full of blessings. I wanted to write a book explaining my Christian values and beliefs for my non-Christian friends and relatives. own harmonizations and variations on my favorite Christian hymns. Not to gain any reward when I get to heaven, but really these are things that have real values and permanence. 

In times like these, personal relations with my loved ones become very precious and valuable. Every minute seems so valuable. Memories of childhood days with my loving parents became vivid. Mentally I began to enjoy reliving those teenage days. I fancied what would I like to do in heaven: I will be playing heart-warming hymns on the piano with many, many variations of styles and moods. 

There were some spiritual debts to be paid. I had to review my recent manner of living, working feverishly at a maddening pace, all for what? God focused me once more on matters of personal holiness and self-discipline. When Pastor Lin laid hands on and prayed for me, I felt that was a very sacred moment in my life, as if I was being ordained for some future ministry for God. It is a great honor to kneel there in front of the whole congregation. 

Many of you prayed for me. I don't know how to thank you for all that. I wonder whether it would have been better to direct some of these powerful prayers on other spiritual needs. The Cal State Long Christian wife Gloria while she fasted and pleaded for hours before God for my life. I felt like being Lazarus while she was Mary. The trial was more painful for her. My two girls showed me love in their special ways, all too sacred to tell.