On Overcoming Self Doubt.

by Peter Y. Woo, 2/2001

    When I switched from being a software consultant into a professor, it was not easy. I was eager to teach, but the students complained of me going too fast, and of my Chinese accent. One professor of Business Dept. had even suggested that some one should come and listen to my lectures, see whether I can be helped. I was teaching business-calculus to his students. My own boss, Dr Thurber, was very patient, and he kept encouraging me. After 5 years, from 1988 to 1963, finally a large class of Calculus 3 students came, with 10+ lively chatting and laughing girls. I liked them because they encourage each other to excellence, with friendly competitions. They liked me, because I told them funny stories of how mathematicians lived, and how Newton discovered the laws of Astronomy and Physics. Since then in their evaluation of my performance, ouf of the 20+ items, in several items I would score higher than university average, such as "The instructor does know the teaching material", "The instructor imparts enthusiasm and motivation."

    However, even now, they still grade me way below university average in items such as "The instructor is organized in his materials", "The instructor does not hurry up and cram in a lot of things near the end of semester". That is OK. I don't want to tell them at the beginning of the semester which chapter and homework I shall be at on each day. I want them to come and face me each day, like apprentices. I hate absenteeism.

    The way to get out of earth-shaking self-doubt is: Don't need to please everybody. If one-third of the students love you, the other one-third so-so, and the other one-third don't like you because they are lazy, that is good enough. If everybody likes you, it might because you are not teaching too hard.

    They stopped complaining of my Chinese accent only after 6 or more years. I learned one technique: move my lips to articulate every syllable. A word which I got them to laugh at me is "arbitrarily". I carefully pronounce it as 5 syllables, ar-bit-tra-ril-ly. Most Chinese Americans would say ar-bit-tril-ly. I don't want the American boys and girls think we Chinese are coolies working in Chinatown, hence sloppy with English pronunciation, so I made sure I pronounce all the s and t, in horrible words like "a straight stretched string".

    Another way to get rid of self-doubt is this: so often when we are not confident, we speak softly, sloppily. So I must make sure I know the lesson materials well. Then whether I am sure or not, I must speak slowly, with few words, but loudly and clearly. If I made a mistake, I can say sorry afterwards. The students really like it better, and I usually thank them when they point out mistakes or inconsistencies on my writing on the board. Sometimes I would stretch my hand and say "I really don't know much about this, but I promise to get you a reply next time."

    A good experience: At my Calculus 3 class Fall 1987, after a mid-term test, there was a commotion in my class. They don't like their grades. They don't like my accent, and I don't understand their questions too well. I tried to diffuse, delay, but they kept pressing on me. One girl said she made the same mistake as another girl, but why did I deduct 5 points from her and yet only 3 points from the other. Finally the Lord led me into a new strategy. I stretched out my hand and said, I am teaching here part-time. After this morning class I rush back to work in my computer job in industry, in Norwalk. I cannot be consistent in all my grades. I also grade things by the British method: impressionistic. I look at your problem. Is it a perfect and excellent work? Or pretty good, or just passable? That determines whether it is A or B or C. Out of 20 points for the problem, if A, I give 17 to 20 points. If B, I give 14 to 16 points. If C I give 10 to 13 points. 10 points is pass. I don't give D's. If you fail, I shall be generous, and sometimes give you 6 even 8 points out of 20, depending on your effort. So I don't go about the nitty gritty problem of deducting how much grade for each mistake. After that they got quiet down. They began to show signs of respect for me afterwards. Most Americans are like that. They want to test your limit. When you finally blow your top, and tell them that's it, then amazingly, instead of hating you they begin to like you, because you have shown your colors, and have drawn the line of your tolerance. For us Chinese, once we blow our temper, we feel bad, and the students would turn off their faces from you for ever. Such is not America, I found out to my great relief.