Embedded Files
The Things Men Desperately Want In a Relationship
10 Things Men Want From A Woman
10 Things Men Want From A Woman
In this article you will learn:
Why women's magazines are wrong about what men look for and want in a woman, and how you can use this to your advantage.
What men find really attractive qualities in women - without understanding this, you don't understand why inner often is the deciding factor.
What you can do to appear smarter to a man.
Why Every Man Hates Drama (Hint: He can't help it.)
…and much more
I think you can guess the answer...
An attractive interior is extremely important to men. We don't often talk about it. But fair is fair: women don't often ask for it either. Except for me, because I'm a dating coach.
“ And when a woman brings this up, I often have to clear up misunderstandings. ”
You cannot build a palace until you have demolished the ugly apartment building that now stands on that spot.
Before a woman comes to me, she has been influencing it for years. By commercials. Television. And above all: women's magazines.
Normally I am at the front to agree when men are to blame. I mean, I think I'm great, but sometimes me and my fellow men do downright stupid things. But when it comes to what we look for in women for attractive qualities, I think most misunderstandings arise from women making assumptions. With women's magazines in front.
"These are full of tips on how to look better - and how this is going to help you "
And it makes sense that those magazines start on that. Their main sources of income are make-up ads that can be found around the page. If a woman is unsure about her success with men and you want to sell her something, tell her that this will help her outsmart her dream man.
But the reality is different. For men it is very simple in appearance: a six is enough. As long as you look good enough, we're fine with it. Because you can look nice from a distance, but if we get scared when you start talking to us, we still run fast.
To prevent you from chasing your dream man away by saying something to him that makes him want to climb a high tree, I have listed below the ten things that men find most important about your inner life. Some of them are recognizable feminine traits, some more surprising.
Thing 1: No man likes a grumpy ear
Thing 1: No man likes a grumpy ear
No, men are not exactly fond of a depressive dodo. Who does nothing but stare in the mirror, pick at her eyebrows and is disappointed that she doesn't look like the photo shopped anorexic client on the cover of the latest Cosmopolitan.
What we love is very simple: confident femininity. It is a very attractive property.
That means:
Show that you like a man and not be ashamed of it.
Happy to be a woman and happy with the cards dealt to you.
Feel good about yourself and be satisfied with who you are.
I remember meeting a female radio host after an interview
This woman was, to put it bluntly, not blessed with a very pretty appearance. She will probably be the first to joke that this is why she does radio and not TV. In any case, she was not nominated for a beauty award ...
… But this didn't matter to her.
She was cheerful, calm, and happy. You could tell from everything about her that she felt good about herself. Even though she may not have been pretty, she was happy. I saw how she looked at her boyfriend - and I'm no expert in this field, but he was once on a list of the best dressed men in the Netherlands - and I immediately understood why he had fallen for her. She might not be Mother's prettiest, but she had a hell of a look. As a result of her confidence and her satisfaction with who she was.
Thing 2: You don't use a man for validation
Thing 2: You don't use a man for validation
Every man has ever been in a relationship with a woman who did nothing but call or text him. Overloaded him with questions he couldn't handle at all. Using all kinds of excuses to contact him. And once every three days she started arguing because she had doubts whether he liked her enough.
Too many women are very insecure about their femininity and their personality. They are the opposite of what a man finds attractive, as you could read in Thing 1. And there is a very simple cause for this.
“ They seek confirmation from 1 man. ”
Some women have become vulnerable and insecure for whatever reason. When they get into a relationship with a nice man, they can hardly believe this.
Instead of talking openly and honestly about this - which is of course very difficult - they decide to solve this problem by checking every five minutes to see if the man is still there for them.
They want constant confirmation that they are attractive and wanted
And especially their boyfriend. Their desire to be liked is so strong that they seem desperate. Spoiler alert: men don't find this attractive.
The signal these women send out is, “ I have not been considered attractive in the past. I don't understand why you disagree with them. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. The pressure of her insecurity is transferred to him. And any right-minded man suits for this.
This is quite painful, as a woman who is already insecure can get a knock from the man who is leaving her. And I also understand that such uncertainty does not come out of the blue, and that often quite nasty things have preceded it. Fortunately, there is a fairly simple solution for this.
" Get confirmation from multiple points in your life "
Look. If you make other people responsible for how good you feel about yourself, you're going to have a hard time.
On the other hand, every person needs to be liked by other people. That is so healthy.
You want to create a middle ground where you enjoy the positive things other people think of you without having to ask for it.
For fun, go out dancing with friends and see how many men are lurking at you. Then see how many of them - and it's only a small part - can muster the guts to appeal to you.
If you have a sport that gives you a lot of satisfaction, try to get better at it
It's good for your self-confidence and you get rid of some tension.
Spend time with other women who support you. Get confirmation from the friends you have around you. That support you and don't pull you down.
Be grateful for the things you have accomplished today and the things you will do tomorrow. Realize that self-confidence cannot be talked into, but that you have to earn it. By working hard and gathering the right people around you. And not to be ashamed of who you are. Especially as a modern woman.
If you are not dependent on a man for your confirmation, this will release pressure. Giving him the opportunity to develop feelings for you at his own pace. Instead of you constantly checking with him if they are already there.
Thing 3: Be satisfied with yourself
Thing 3: Be satisfied with yourself
I mentioned in Thing 2 the insecure woman who needs constant confirmation.
But there is also the insecure woman who is constantly fighting.
These women falsely describe themselves as " strong, confident and independent ". They think men should be intimidated by them. In reality, men consider them smart and have no need to spend time with someone who is constantly fighting them.
Someone who continuously wants to achieve his happiness is terribly annoying to deal with, male or female. And if you just can't stop being smart, then a man simply won't find room to show that he likes you.
Suppose you tell a man you find him attractive, and he makes fun of this with a clever remark ...
Then you wouldn't feel comfortable either. The same goes for a man. The fact that he gives you attention and talks to you is quite something for him. It takes courage because his social status is related to how women judge him. If you then hang out with the clown and constantly argue with him, it feels to him as if you are playing with his ego. There is no gain for a man in this, except by running away from it. Which ultimately also happens.
If this is something you struggle with, try to be happy with who you are. Avoid arguing with men, and being unnecessarily smart. I know it takes courage, but try to enjoy your feminine side. The side that likes it when a strong man takes an interest in her.
Thing 4: Have an opinion
Thing 4: Have an opinion
This may sound contradictory to the previous Thing. But that's not it.
There is a difference between continuously discussing things that you do not find important, or giving your opinion calmly about things that you do find important.
Men want to know your taste. We find it interesting when we are attracted to you. When we go out to dinner with you, we want to know what you like. If you don't know, or it takes you just as long to make a choice until the kitchen is closed, then we'll get annoyed by you.
A woman without taste is completely uninteresting. The reason is simple. If you have no taste and you will find our " fun ", what does this mean then? Does it still matter how we work as a man or did we pass by by chance and you had nothing to do? It takes self-knowledge to know what you like. But this is something a man finds attractive. He wants a woman who makes conscious choices. So that he can feel good about himself. This makes it more fun to be around you.
I notice in my coaching practice that men who have a woman without an opinion do not actually respect her. This is also how it works with free-range farms. We go to bed with them, but there is not much respect to be found. So don't be afraid to tell us what you think.
Thing 5: Make us feel like we're doing it right
Thing 5: Make us feel like we're doing it right
When a man has a girlfriend, he wants to make her happy.
It's in his men's DNA to try that. He feels insecure if he fails to do so.
And if he doesn't know what your taste is, it will be very difficult to accomplish that mission.
Conversely, a man loves it when you reward him when he " does it well ". In this regard, we are like little dogs that need tight guidance. " This is fun, and this is not fun ." It makes a man feel confident in his abilities. That's good for his self-esteem. It gives his ego another boost.
So the next time your husband shows up with a bunch of roses - and you actually like this - subtly (or not so subtly) show him how much you appreciate it.
Thing 6: Have your own life
Thing 6: Have your own life
A woman who is only focused on her husband is going to annoy us.
She has nothing to talk about. She depends on him. She adds few new things to his life.
It is much more fun when she "does her own thing ". That way she has something to say at the end of the day. How her friends were. What she achieved today. Where she's going tomorrow.
It is the difference between: “ this woman has no life without me ” and “ this woman has a great life, maybe I can be part of that. ”
Thing 7: Make him work for you
Thing 7: Make him work for you
No, I'm not saying you should let him do the dishes for you tonight. Or that you have to let him vacuum the entire house before he gets a kiss. Also not that you play " hard to get " and ignore him, unless he jumps through a pair of hoops you set up like a submissive seal.
What I do mean is you let him make an effort that matches his level of interest in you. You also know that if you really like someone, you are naturally willing to put in a lot of effort for that person. But psychological research has shown that it also works the other way around: we value things that we have to work for.
What you want to prevent is that he likes you but loses interest because he has little effort to do for you. This is what can sometimes happen because men have a hunting instinct.
They are biologically programmed to make an effort first ...
… And then receive the reward in the form of a nice piece of meat. We find it easy to get our meat from the supermarket, in a container with cellophane, but it doesn't make us feel very masculine and attractive. While it is much more satisfying if we have shot the bear ourselves.
If he is interested, it is not bad at all not to respond to his messages for a day. This gives him the signal that you are not available 24/7. This fits with the image he already has of you: after all, he likes you and expects the rest of the world to find you fantastic too. This is reflected by the fact that you did not reply to him via WhatsApp for a while.
And this is just a simple example. You want to give him time to miss you and long for you. This is only possible if he does not see you every minute of the day, and sometimes there is some time in between. Or that you sometimes ask him something so that he can play the noble knight. It's the cliché of a man opening a jar of pickles for a woman. Sure you can usually do this yourself, but it makes men feel good if they can do it for you.
Thing 8: Respect his space
Thing 8: Respect his space
Every man wants to feel big and strong. But every man has his demons.
Suppose a man has problems. Then he is forced to deal with this in his own way and in his own time. He can only do this if his girlfriend is not panting on his neck.
It has nothing to do with the fact that he doesn't like you or that he doesn't appreciate your help. But how he works psychologically prevents him from accepting this help. See it like this. In the past, the men were responsible for protecting the tribe. Including the women. And if a hostile tribe was at the door, it was better if the women went into hiding as quickly as possible while the men made short work of the invaders. If a woman were to say, " I don't want to get involved ". Then this was totally inappropriate and she was pushed aside.
Fortunately, our safety is now guaranteed, for both men and women.
But it is still in the masculine nature to shield women from problems that we are. I hope you don't blame us too much. Because if you can accept that, then you are doing yourself and your friend a great favor.
The moment you try to help your boyfriend in times of stress, if only if he can't find his way, he will feel less like a man. He'll think, “ This woman doesn't think I can take good care of her. Who does she think she is? He experiences it as insulting and will quickly become defensive. So if you notice this, try taking a few deep breaths and don't try it again. If you guys are lost because he doesn't get along with the map, then so be it. Then it only takes ten minutes longer. Because I think your satisfaction in the relationship should be more important than whether you are ten minutes late, yes or no.
That being said:
If your husband is about to drive into a ravine, it is useful to point this out to him. But before anything else, when it comes to non-life threatening situations, it's appreciated by men if you don't get into their space.
And this also applies if he has something to do. Suppose his cat has died and he is very sad. He may then tend to isolate himself. Many women then think that this is their fault. That they have done something wrong. “ Why can't he express his emotions? But that is not the fault of those women. It's simple: his cat Poekie is dead and he simply needs the time to process this in himself. He can't use you for that. And when he can, he will come to you automatically. He has your number.
Thing 9: Kick as little drama as possible
Thing 9: Kick as little drama as possible
Look. Of course your mood changes from time to time. Are you having an off day, or are you a little sad? That makes sense.
But for us men this works very differently. We have two facial expressions. Happy and unhappy. There is another one in between, and that is the expression we walk with on our face 99% of the time. Very occasionally we are happy or unhappy, but that's about it. Our “ range ” of emotions is much smaller than yours. We understand that on a mental level. But when you go through a vast array of emotions in a few hours, we don't understand emotionally. We simply cannot follow it.
No, I am not going to say that you should just stop going through these emotions. That's not the problem either, although it helps if you can give a little text and explanation here and there so that a man understands you better. But there is one thing that turns men off enormously, which is strongly related to mood swings.
" Drama "
Drama is when a woman takes her mood swings out on a man, or makes him the direct object. An employee of mine said that his girlfriend always had doubts about the relationship when she had her period. Once he realized it always happened around her period, he could live with it. But before that he found it very irritating. It really came out of the blue for him, and his girlfriend almost forced him to make her feel better. Men don't mind if you fly in all directions, even if we don't understand much about it. But what we do find annoying is when we experience pressure as a result. We absolutely do not want that pressure.
One solution that is often mentioned is to be as positive as possible. Positivity is never wrong, but the nasty thing about mood swings is that they are difficult to control. You can't change that with positivity. The only thing to keep in mind is that sometimes it's better not to kick drama. Not to blame him. Dismissing strong emotions in other places and with other people than with a man you like. Anything to keep him out of the wind.
If you understand that it is stressful for a man - we are simply not built on it - then you understand why men avoid drama like the plague. Maybe you can help us by taking this into account.
Thing 10: Intelligence
Thing 10: Intelligence
You would almost forget about all those women's magazines. But men like it, an intelligent woman.
That doesn't mean you have to be the new Einstein, or have studied. But research shows that most relationships work best when participants have roughly equal IQs. With large differences it becomes a bit more difficult.
Let me illustrate this with the example of an acquaintance. He spent a while with a woman who was beautiful and who had a good time, but still broke up after a while. He was completely turned away from sometimes coming up with things that didn't seem very clever, to say the least. Or as he put it himself: “ I see no challenge in a woman who thinks Batman is based on a true story. ”
Ah, who am I kidding. It was not knowledge. It was me myself.
Of course you cannot really control how intelligent you are. But you can always do things to appear smarter and develop yourself further. Read books. Don't be afraid to voice your opinion. Try to learn from others. All of those things work to make sure you get the right connection.
Page updated
Google Sites
Report abuse